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Thread: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

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    Sad HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    How would you feel if you read the following e-mail between your bf and his best friend (keep in mind they visited a strip club the night before) - the dialog goes as follows (and bf got a lap dance):

    bf to friend: I can't stop thinking about that ass last night

    friend: yeah - that came up in the conversation today

    bf: she for and I gave her my card - I think Imay go back and see her

    friend: good call and good luck


    Dancers and non-dancers: what would YOU do? We JUST moved in together and aside from this incident - I have never had a reason to doubt him. Let me mention also that I am not the jealous type and I ENCOURAGE him to look and go to the clubs w/his friends - but this is too much - he's trying to ESTABLISH communication w/another woman.

    Please help a fellow women!

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    ???

    And due to this you think he's fucking her?

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    ???

    And due to this you think he's fucking her?
    I agree. I don't see anything there other than that he probably had a good LD.
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    I don't see where cheating happened, He sounds a little horny but that's about it.

    Just because he's 'communicating' with a stripper it doesn't mean anything is going to happen. We're not that easy, well.....Most of us.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    It's too much that he's trying to establish communication with another woman?

    You two need to sit down and define what "cheating" means in your relationship. It sounds like he found someone who gives a great lapdance, and he's going back for more. Kind of like when you find a great manicurist or masseuse and you keep using that person. Except that she's doing lap dances. Are you okay with him getting lapdances? Are you okay with him getting lapdances from the same person regularly? What if he also spends time talking to that person before he gets dances? OTOH, what if he fucked a random prostitute that he never saw again? Have you been to the club that he was at?

    Talk about these things. Figure out what your okay with, and make sure he knows, but don't be mad at him for enjoying lapdances if you encourage him to go to the club.



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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by lola8888
    How would you feel if you read the following e-mail between your bf and his best friend (keep in mind they visited a strip club the night before) - the dialog goes as follows (and bf got a lap dance):
    ... I would recommend that you don't read his email. Not to be rude, but frankly, it's none of your business.

    Let me mention also that I am not the jealous type and I ENCOURAGE him to look and go to the clubs w/his friends - but this is too much - he's trying to ESTABLISH communication w/another woman.
    I don't get it... you encourage him to go to the club with his friends, but get upset when he meets someone at the club? ... there's beautiful, nude women dancing at these clubs, and naturally, some sort of a connection will more than likely be made.... It sounds like you should probably mention to him, that in fact, you are not comfortable with him going to the clubs. Just because he may see her again, doesn't mean he is looking for another girlfriend, or want to have sex with her. She's probably a great dancer.... why shop around when you've got the tried and true?

    Just keep in mind that the women are there to make money. period. Not to have a relationship and not to have sex... without knowing more about him, he may just be playing out a harmless fantasy in his head.. nothing more. We all have fantasies, it's just how we go about acting out those fantasies that separates a good boyfriend from a cheating boyfriend.

    sorry... that's all I got. hope that helped a bit

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    ...and asking a guy not to like hot naked women is like asking him to lie to you...

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    It's very clear. He is lusting for her ass. Specifically her ass, it would seem. That does not imply in the slightest that he has cheated on you in any way shape or form. Even with the lust bit. Lust is controlled by a separate part of our brain that the whole "love" concept. People will continue to lust. Typically it is with men moreso than women (statistically speaking). It's neurological and there is nothing you can do to stop it...and there is no reason to.

    Why are you reading his email?
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    ... I would recommend that you don't read his email. Not to be rude, but frankly, it's none of your business.
    There it is. Exactly what I was going to say. If you don't trust him enough to stay out of his things, you shouldn't be with him. Plain and simple.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    You two need to sit down and define what "cheating" means in your relationship.
    Amen.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    I agree with what everyone said pretty much....

    Especially with Lena's advice of you needign to define what cheating is....and A_Guy's not reading his mail.

    BUT....i will say that I find it suspicious that he gave a a dancer his card. To me thats a little over the line. Its cool and all if he wants to go to sc's and what not....but honetsly i dont see the need to give anyone there your card. Just like he wouldnt give any random chick he met out somewhere else his card. Thats just how I would expect a relationship to work for me...but eveyone has different standards.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    AinNY - The voice of reason.

    I have no problem with my bf's going to sc's, but when they start passing out their business cards and shit and dwelling on "hot ass" to their buddies, I tend to get a bit insecure myself.

    It's true that most stripper's are just doing their job and nothing more, but what about the ones that do more? I think in this day and age, all is possible and both sides of the spectrum should be considered.

    As far as reading email is concerned, what is compelling you to read his personal mail? Is there a lack of trust that ignites your curiosity? If so, you should rethink your new move. Has he given you reason to believe he cheats on you? Then you shouldn't be with him.

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    BUT....i will say that I find it suspicious that he gave a a dancer his card. To me thats a little over the line. Its cool and all if he wants to go to sc's and what not....but honetsly i dont see the need to give anyone there your card. Just like he wouldnt give any random chick he met out somewhere else his card. Thats just how I would expect a relationship to work for me...but eveyone has different standards.
    I guess it's all in how you look at it.... handing out your business card doesn't necessarily indicate "cheating". if you've ever read the blue site, you'd know that most of the guys justify this as a business transaction - she provides a service and he provides the funds ... not all guys are the same, though. I don't know the guy, so I can't really determine his motive.

    Depending on why she's exactly reading his email, I'd be more pissed off with my SO if she invaded my privacy than if she handed out a business card... If he's never done anything in the past to indicate cheating, why is she doing this in the first place?

    that's just me though

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Ya know what? That dancer porobably has a SO at home, and doesn't want anything to do with a man she meets at work. Chances are, she wanted his card so she could call him up with her work schedule- so he could come to the club and buy more dances. Simple bidness......
    I propose a toast - to my self control.... I see you crawling, helpless, on the floor.......
    -Mark Sandman

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    I guess it's all in how you look at it.... handing out your business card doesn't necessarily indicate "cheating". if you've ever read the blue site, you'd know that most of the guys justify this as a business transaction - she provides a service and he provides the funds ... not all guys are the same, though. I don't know the guy, so I can't really determine his motive.

    Depending on why she's exactly reading his email, I'd be more pissed off with my SO if she invaded my privacy than if she handed out a business card... If he's never done anything in the past to indicate cheating, why is she doing this in the first place?

    that's just me though
    And most guys justify things with shit like that to make themselves feel better about the things they do.

    I understand....it could be nothing....but I just dont see the need for it. If I had a SO I wouldnt be giving my card/number out to other hot women....looking is one thing...getting a dance is one thing....its kept on a non-personal level....but establishing a "relationship" of whatever kind is another....Just how i feel...it could be nothing....but seems very strange in my mind.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    thanks to everyone for the input...as far as reading his e-mail - it was up on his screen when I went to use the computer, i'm not in the habit of invading anyone's privacy...i know what I need to do - when there is NO trust - there is nothing...can anyone recommend a good moving company in NYC?

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    And most guys justify things with shit like that to make themselves feel better about the things they do.

    I understand....it could be nothing....but I just dont see the need for it. If I had a SO I wouldnt be giving my card/number out to other hot women....looking is one thing...getting a dance is one thing....its kept on a non-personal level....but establishing a "relationship" of whatever kind is another....Just how i feel...it could be nothing....but seems very strange in my mind.
    true

    but I'm still stuck on the "I even encourage him to go to the clubs" part of her original post. Why do guys/girls go to strip clubs? A) To relax, B) look at beautiful people, C) to get a lapdance or D) have fun ... and some would say male/female bonding... whatever the reason, if you go because of B&C, and you truly enjoyed yourself, why not stick with the same girl? I'll admit, it does sound supicious, and I wouldn't do it if I were in his shoes, but who knows. Like Lena said, I think they need to sit down and define what "cheating" is in their relationship. Can he go to a SC but not get LD's? Can he go, but not talk to the dancers? lol... can he go, but can't look/touch/smell?

    It all comes down to one thing... communication.. She obviously is uncomfortable with his enjoyment, and he's obviously not telling her everything in regards to his visits.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by lola8888
    thanks to everyone for the input...as far as reading his e-mail - it was up on his screen when I went to use the computer, i'm not in the habit of invading anyone's privacy...i know what I need to do - when there is NO trust - there is nothing...can anyone recommend a good moving company in NYC?
    well.. that's too bad ... have you talked it over with him?

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by lola8888
    thanks to everyone for the input...as far as reading his e-mail - it was up on his screen when I went to use the computer, i'm not in the habit of invading anyone's privacy...i know what I need to do - when there is NO trust - there is nothing...can anyone recommend a good moving company in NYC?
    What part of NYC?

    How much do you have to move?

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    It all comes down to one thing... communication.. She obviously is uncomfortable with his enjoyment, and he's obviously not telling her everything in regards to his visits.
    Amen...I couldn't agree with you more....
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

    Do not taunt happy fun ball.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    it's one thing to encourage/be supportive with his visiting SC's, but I am NOT supportive of him establishing a relationship of ANY kind with a dancer. I have spoken with him and he denies giving her the card - he said he was trying to look good in front of his friends...sorry - but that to me is a pack of shit!

    Your thoughts boys?

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    what really sucks is how he is lying to you about giving her the business card. DOH!

    In all reality though, she will likely NEVER call him. Girls get offers and numbers every night he is just another schmuk in her eyes. But if he keeps going back and then lying to you about it, well then he truly is a jerk.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    He lied? Well, That's no good.

    You should punish him for lying, but cheating? That's a bit over the top. I doubt that stripper even remembers his face from Tom's face.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    You can always count on the the custies to encourage a dancer to break up a relationship no matter how thin the problem. Not a good source for relationship advice.

    Look again at what happened here:

    1) I'll assume you are both very young and this is your first living together relationship. For a young man this can be treated by his peer group by teasing over his being whipped, finished, etc.... Male peers, especially young ones tend to play on the insecurities of the others, insecurities you well know about.

    2) Why would he mention these things the following day, FROM HOME, if his mind was on her and concealing his potential tryst from you. He wouldn't.

    3) When a man says he "may" do something, it usually means he won't.

    He's insecure, and trying to show his buddy he's still a player. He's lying and his friend probably knows it. No doubt as soon as "friend" talks to another mutual friend he'll say, "BF is so whipped by his new hottie GF. He's trying to act like he's still a player, claiming he's after this stripper we saw at X club, RIGHT!" He probably is as nuts about you as ever, and has no intention of pursuing anyone else.

    Give him some time, at least a year. Then he'll start lying.

    Hey, we're not perfect.

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    Default Re: HELP! I think my bf cheated w/stripper

    Here's the twist - he's 38, I'm 34 - I look like a stripper - 5'7", 124 lbs, totally in shape - I'm a personal trainer; blonde hair, hazel eyes - often told I look like a "blonde" Cindy Crawford. He's no child. Our sex life is H O T - how many women want it 5x a day and will wake you up at 2am to suck your c***?


    How's that? Now you see why I am upset? I'm not a frump and we are not 26.

    Comments?

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