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Thread: How does stripping affect your sex life?

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    Veteran Member julzgulz's Avatar
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    Default How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I get so turned off by men at work, that I dont want to be close with my boyfriend. He's a horny 21 year old who thinks you have to have sex everyday. I told him it's because of what I deal with at work, and he thinks that I have t he ability to change that. So basically whenever he tries to make a move I throw him off me and get mad. Then he gets mad because I'm not the one making the moves. I basically told him that doing my job and dealing with men looking at me as just a sex object is hard. Then going home to his penis makes me feel that that's all the world see's me as. He keeps track of our sex days and then reminds me how many days it's been. I guess he doesn't know he's just making it worse by doing that.
    I'm hoping I'm not the only one who has this problem.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I've heard girls at work complain about similar things. Myself, I can't say that dancing has affected my view of men or sex.



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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Yes, it affects my sex drive. This is why its good to take a few days off, you'll get your mojo back!

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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I had the same exact problem with my last BF. Which is why I drop kicked his ass to the curb. The guy I'm with now is so much more understanding, and isn't an ass about it when we don't have sex. It used to piss me off so bad when he got angry that I wouldn't have sex with him... grrrr....
    I say dump the douchebag...
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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    Veteran Member slutty's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    it doesn't effect me at all
    the slutty one

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    It does sometime mess with your sex life. I agree with Kat, Take a few days off of work when you can. You also have to realize that these same scummy men that are toying with you at a strip club aren't your boyfriend. Your boyfriend cares/loves you. Talk to him about this though, and maybe he'll start to understand more.

    I give him props for being supportive about your dancing career. I am sure if you looked around the boards here, You'd probably notice how many "My boyfriend won't let me strip posts" there are.

    He doesn't understand completely what goes on, So help him out with that.

    Take care!


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    Veteran Member MisfitBunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    My boyfriend is definatly more hornier than me. I actually had more of as sex drive when I was dancing than now. I guess it's different with every woman.
    "And Bill, lamenting how you never see a positive drug story on the news..."Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration and that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and you are the imagination of yourself. Here's Tom with the weather...!"- Bill Hicks, The Greatest Comedian Ever!

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I don't typically comment in this section, and in fact don't read it much. But I'm going to comment, and if anyone feels it is inappropriate, please let me know immediately.

    What you are experiencing is pretty typical based on what I have read here...so congratulations - you're normal. What he is experiencing is also typical and normal...but his situation has nothing to do with your dancing, and is also not physiological. His situation is emotional.

    The "getting mad" thing can lead to problems. I doubt either of you are actually "angry" but rather you are responding to your emotional sensation of frustration and confusion...as is he. It is important for you for this relationship and any others that may occur that you investigate what you need in your life and specifically from him in order to move past this...or it will take a heavy toll.

    Try to remember...it is true that the customers view you as a sexual object....but that would happen if you were walking down the street. Your boyfriend, however, has an emotional attachment to you. He doesn't simply want to "fuck" you.... (yes, I am making some assumptions here)....but rather he feels a connection with you when you two share those moments.

    It might help, if he's willing, to tell him he needs to back off for a bit. Explain to him that it's not a rejection of him. That's why he feels frustrated. He feels he is suddenly not good enough for you. It's a touchy subject...with any luck, he'll be able to understand.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
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    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Stripping isn't really about sex for me, it's about performing. I feel like I'm acting sexy at work, not really being sexy, so I don't feel like I've depleted my sexual energy or anything. This is definately a subjective thing and has to do with everything about how you see the job to how much contact there is at your club.

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    Member Darcy Hawthorne's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I think that stripping probably makes my sex life better. When I'm dancing I'm getting a good work out and keeping active makes me feel good about my body and keeps my energy levels up. Also I think that getting dressed up in the heels, make-up, and costumes puts me in touch with my inner Goddess and makes me glad to be a woman. My confidence is boosted and I just feel better about myself in general when I'm dancing. And I've noticed a direct link between my self-esteem and my sex drive. When I feel good about me I'm more likely to want to get naked.
    Last edited by Darcy Hawthorne; 12-04-2004 at 08:36 PM. Reason: sp

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    Senior Member waikikamukau's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Can work either way, one girlfriend used to come home so worked up, I almost got thrown out of the room from being attacked. The other wouldn't come near me for days, or until she took a break from dancing.

    It is an individual thing, and you have to deal with it accordingly.

    Psssst, guess what....... you are human
    My last girl melted in the sun

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    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    My sex drive is very important to me,I guess you can say it keeps me alive,I happen to enjoy sex very much and I am not going to let that be affected by anyone,or any situation.It's all in your mind and your heart,nothing more nor less!

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Quote Originally Posted by tiamaria
    It's all in your mind and your heart,nothing more nor less!
    .......well.......some of it is in your pants....
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Heehee, I'm weird, when I'm crazy busy with work and school, no, I don't really feel like jumping my bf's bones as soon as I get home. A lot of the time I like to have sex with him before going to work, though. *Shrug*
    One thing I all but stopped liking was having my breasts/nipples played with - used to love it, now it feels weird most of time, too much time spent gently moving grabby hands away, then forcefully moving them away, then shifting into air dance mode because of it. same with sucking nipples, used to love, but too many "open-mouth bass"ers ruined that one. >.<
    "I still have my name
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    Veteran Member Concubine's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Well, I have lost a lot of my sex drive dancing. But that is a good thing since I was crazy sexual before. It is an outlit to express my sexuality. When I get home from a great night of work I usually feel confident and horny. But recently I haven't been able to cum.... Like for months! But I told my bf that I need more lovin' and less fu*king. Since he's been more considerate.... giving me head, massages, whorshiping my body, even kissing every toe and finger-tip I've been able to have an orgasm again and my sex drive has increased. I guess it's because I feel special and not just like a play-thing.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Too funny...sometimes my wife (who is not a dancer, btw) wants me to stop fucking around and get to the fucking faster.

    ....my life is just so damned rough.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Search Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    One wonders if there's a difference between dancers who took up stripping after linking up to their current guy and those who began dancing before developing their present relationship. In either case, is the guy intimidated by her dancing? Does he have an unrealistic expectation of her sex life, based solely upon what she does for a living? (As if stripping turns a girl into a sexual superwoman.) Just a few things to toss into the mix.

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    Veteran Member betterthaneden's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    i have been in your situation, so dont' worry! i posted something about it too, sometime over the summer. i wouldn't be horny and wouldn't be in the mood to do it at all, even if it was a night off. you have to figure out what works for you. sometimes more foreplay helps, it helps get you all worked up. or take some space from your boyfriend. don't worry, it does happen and it can get better.

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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I actually get more confidence in the bedroom because of my dancing on stage. I guess the type club I work in keeps guys from touching me or anything, so it isn't a total negative experience. When I see guys throwing money at me for things I do that I was afraid to do in the bedroom, it makes me feel good. I feel as if I have more power and can take control of things. If the job is getting to you, just look at it as a way to try new things out. It can help in the bedroom, but I realize the job has a different effect on individuals, so just hang in there. If your boyfriend can't deal with things, then he's not right for you at this point in time no matter how bad it sucks. But also if the job isn't worth the negative side effects it has in your life, then you might want to rethink the reasons behind the job....do you truely love it? are you afraid you won't have the talents or abilities to find a high paying job....cause if you think that, you're wrong, did you start it as a way to get out of debt quickly? if so, you may be out of debt and be able to find a job with similar pay or something and be happier even if you do have to cut back on things for a while.
    basically....i'm saying do what makes you happy....don't take on a job you don't like, and don't be afraid to venture out and try something new.

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    God/dess britneyireland's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Take this from a happily married woman: Men will always be horny. Get used to it. Their horniness not only pays (our) bills, but it can also lay the foundation for a solid relationship if you respect their biological urgings.

    I've dealt with this issue for the 5 1/2 years I've been dancing. The first two years of my career my sex drive was in overdrive. I felt sexy at the club and when I went home I unleashed it all on my boyfriend (who is now my husband) At the two year mark I started getting sick of guys and began turning him away most of the time. When I did "give in" I just couldn't get into it, and he felt unsatisified also.

    Luckily he's the most understanding stripper-husband ever and we went through some counseling and bought several of the "relationship help books". One really great book that put it all into perspective for me was "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Willard Harley. His website www.marriagebuilders.com has a good synopsis of his theories. Another one was "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Laura Schlessinger

    Nevertheless, EVERY relationship book had one similar theme: that sex to men is a NEED and we have to not only recognize it, but respect it as one of their emotional needs. In a survey, most men who are in a committed relationship responded that they felt closest to their partner after sex; and they ranked it their #1 emotional need.

    As soon as I changed my viewpoint of him just being a "horny guy" to him being "my husband who loves me and wants to feel close to me" our sex life got much better and my drive came back full force! I disagree that you should kick him to the curb if he is an otherwise decent, loving, and caring boyfriend. He may just be trying to tell you that it's been "3 days" or "5 days" since he felt close to you. You should also be aware that when a person feels deprived of an emotional need he/she begins to look elsewhere to meet that need.

    NOW, for a bit of an ironic twist. As soon as I began to understand all of this.....my sales went up at the club. Bear with me now, and think of this from the stripper's point of view. Men have an emotional need for sex. If they aren't getting it from their wife, their girlfriend, or their random hookup...what do they do? They go to the strip club...not necessarily for the sex act, but because they have an emotional need fulfilled. If you can provide that "new relationship energy" to your clients you will get them to come back again and again.

    Personal relationships aren't easy, especially ones that are worth keeping. As entertainers we must understand this, and actively overcome any sexual dysfunction we may experience through our job. How many happily married strippers do you know? I know of two others at my club, which is a pretty sad statistic for this industry.
    Rebecca Avalon







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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I know this is an older post dug out of the 3+ month fossil record, but there are some important points here.

    Kudos to the original poster for expressing to her bf the true source of the issue. In my experience, dancers that suffer from decreased sex drive or decreased intimacy from their work, they usually don't have the courage to be honest with their lovers concerning the true source. It's giving ammo to someone to add to a fire of 'quit your job' debates that may arise down the road.

    That being said- when any career is causing difficulty in a relationship, steps should be made (either partner) to try and rectify the problem. Warmth, closeness and physical intimacy should *always* be a part of a healthy, loving relationship. Behind any personal issues, unhappiness or selfishness, this concept is always deep down and understood at some level by everyone. When this is missing, something is drastically wrong. If the relationship or other person is truly important to you, you'll make steps to correct this a very high priority... even if the solution turns out to be letting the other person go once it is identified.

    More importantly, someone that is emotionally and physically healthy, the desire for intimacy and closeness should be present. When these are diminished or non-existent, it should be a major red flag that something is wrong in your life. You're not living a rewarding and impactful life if it is spent in some funk or illness that reduces your desire in this way. It's definately something you should be doing primarily for yourself first. This doesn't mean you should stop dancing- it simply means maybe your working too much/too often, need to take more breaks, pay a visit to the doctor, or should consider finding a good counselor to find out what's going wrong in your life.

    In this case, it sounds like it's maybe a simple case of projection. The ills of a working environment are being brought home and projected upon one's mate. Basically, your making your boyfriend pay for any rudeness or turn-off you feel with other men at your work. Or, it could also be just increased stress and anxiety stemmed from your job, thus reducing your enthusiasm for any degree of activity once you get home from work.

    Either way, the solution is a two-way street. A mate should be understanding and supportive during these periods, with the exception of elongated duration. If this has been going on for months without any pursuit of solution, it's understandable if he becomes a bit more pressuring. It's honestly an effort to salvage the relationship as a perpetual, expressed, longer term problem in said relationship that is understood by both partners, yet one isn't taking any steps to correct for themselves or the other partner is never a good sign.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland
    Nevertheless, EVERY relationship book had one similar theme: that sex to men is a NEED and we have to not only recognize it, but respect it as one of their emotional needs. In a survey, most men who are in a committed relationship responded that they felt closest to their partner after sex; and they ranked it their #1 emotional need.

    As soon as I changed my viewpoint of him just being a "horny guy" to him being "my husband who loves me and wants to feel close to me" our sex life got much better and my drive came back full force!
    Truer words have never been spoken. Thanks so much for the book/advice Britney.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Featured Member exotica17's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    What sex life? I'm married and have not had anything even close to a sex life in over 2 years. Husband either thinks I'm ugly or something else--why? I don't know--I can have anyone I want and lots of people think I'm pretty (I think I'm pretty). I just choose not to cheat on him, though. I would really like a divorce because of how this can affect my self-esteem in the long run, but I can't afford it right now. So I've just been sticking it out.

    My job cannot and does not affect the way I feel about sex or whatever, because I know that though most stripclub-goers are the same, they are not ALL the same. Take some time off, your sex drive will be back I'm sure.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    I'm mainly exposed to a touching environment with contact (main rule is "above the waist" however at my home club it is everywhere except inner thighs, pubic area, between the legs and too close to my bum crack).

    If I work alot of hours (not so much nights - it is the total time) then I do suffer from sensation (especially touch) over-dose (as such). Then I don't want to be touched even by my friends in a friendly way (ie tickling each other in a fun jovial way).

    As for sex, my libido is average. Then again I've decided to be abstiant (sp?) in re: sex. I'm now very picky with who I will share pleasure with... it is because I'm such a sex object at work. I feel I work best when I can actually exert some of my "horniness" as it makes everything seem more genuine/sincere..... and therefore the customers enjoy themselves (in re: LDs).

    I'm an emotional being and this business is emotional/mental as well as physical. Therefore I can have a crappy night emotionally/mentally.... and that will affect my sex drive.

    As for how I view sex and men.

    MEN: I see them as individuals -- I have long since "worked through" the 'man-hating' that some dancers tend to suffer. Some men are darlings, others are complete utter wankers... and then there is the rest of them who fall in between. None of them, just like myself, are perfect.

    SEX: For me personally it is something even more special now. I'm not willing to give it away so freely anymore (not that I was ever promiscious). I'm very picky with who I will share myself with in this manner (reason I've chosen abstinance). I value it more now. I don't want nor seek "empty" sex (aka "just a root").

    At the same time... just help alliviate your BFs confusion and frustrations. Make sure that he realises that you are not rejecting HIM you just have different wants and needs at that time (and tell him). Communication is key.

    At the same time, I think it is age related too. He might not realise right now that sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship. It should enhance a relationship not BE the relationship. If you can't be best friends as well as lovers.... then it won't last. Just tell him you need for him to be your best friend not a lover at that point. You still need, desire and want him... just in a different capacity.



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    Veteran Member toxicgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: How does stripping affect your sex life?

    it's killed my sex drive. like concubine, i use dancing as an outlet because even b4 i started dancing i didnt like sex but would have it cause i got horny. then i'd feel guilty and take a crapload of drugs and cut myself. i guess i feel that because i'm getting paid for what i do, i feel less guilty about being sexual. otc, i'm a defensive bitch when it comes to dating, flirting, etc.

    if i am assaulted at my work, i have issues and i get crazy. for example, one night i took a guy to vip and he shoved his tongue down my throat and slammed me on the floor and started pulling down his pants. i kicked him in the balls- HARD! i went to my then-bf's house after work that night. i made myself throw up and gargled with lots of scope. then i took a long boiling hot shower (i mean burn marks on me). it hurt when my bf complained about how i had woken him up and rolled over and would barely hug me. i didnt tell him what happened.

    dancing has made me see what assholes men are. most of them have not treated me right. i push most guys away. most guys think they can get away with more with me. they just dump shit on me. they make me feel very insignificant.

    examples:

    'well you dance, so i can go to a strip club, come home and brag about how hot all the girls were'
    yeah, that makes you happy, but what about my needs?

    'hmm. you're in that sexy outfit. maybe i can use you cause i'm bored/got out of a relationship and need a rebound/trashed/etc'
    not gonna happen...f*** off.

    'hey listen to all the crap my exs put me through for the next three hours! let me show you their pictures of how hot they were'
    sure, that'll be $300/hr please. cash up front.

    grrr....where's my play piercing needles?
    "RIP THE SYSTEM"

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