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Thread: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

  1. #1
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Hey - I have no problem with homosexuality...but this is funny.


    Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...


    1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
    gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
    and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
    and doing the Oprah diet.

    2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
    but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,
    has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
    be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come
    here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how
    you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus,
    you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
    nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
    sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
    pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training
    to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
    parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
    world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
    in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full
    aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe
    Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
    sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth,
    you've had a man there, too.

    6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
    of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
    ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember
    all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the
    Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can
    pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay.
    And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are
    faggadocious.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
    to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
    honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the
    time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
    hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the passenger
    seat.

    8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le
    Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
    with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
    above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
    SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to
    fags when they flame out too quickly
    Last edited by MojoJojo; 12-07-2004 at 07:29 AM.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    ok

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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    I would hope for quite a few of those qualities in my mate. I wouldn't think he was a homo.

  4. #4
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Mojo, the print was a bit small, so for those with any reading difficulties at all, let me summarize it in easy-to-read letters:


    If you're not a primitive, single-minded slob, you must be gay.


    Presented as a public service.

  5. #5
    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Zeno

    If you're not a primitive, single-minded slob, you must be gay.


    Presented as a public service.
    DAMMIT....why didnt someone tell me this earlier in life....everythign would be so much easier...and I'd be getting a lot more ass

  6. #6
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Holy crap...how much coffee did I have this morning? Clearly, not enough. My intent was to post a humorous piece of writing about the "typical" male attitude regarding male homosexuality.....in a site that is predominantly female.

    ...what a DUMBASS!

    NOTE: This was not sarcasm.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    I got the humor in this and was laughing my ass off because I recognized not only a few of my gay male friends in what you wrote, but a couple of my straight male friends too. Now I am going to be looking at them all shifty-eyed going "hmmm" and making them paranoid.

  8. #8
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Damn, Mojo, I didn't make it past the first qualification...guess I'll have to reassert my heterosexuality this week.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  9. #9
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    Damn, Mojo, I didn't make it past the first qualification...guess I'll have to reassert my heterosexuality this week.

    Yup...I had the same "problem".

    <grunt><scratch><fart>

    ....much better.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  10. #10
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    Could the script be any smaller, I would hafta get my reading glasses out...btw, my ex was 'borderline' gay...


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  11. #11
    Veteran Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    On a side note about the smaller text or CCPing stuff that has a different format, I have found a "trick" on here to fix that. When you hit post reply and you get your formatting bar above where you type, there is a button to the left of the font listing that looks like 2 A's with an X thru them. If you highlight the formatted text then click that, it removes all the formatting and matches it to the board default.

  12. #12
    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    I always thought if you spotted someone having sex with their same gender that they were gay, I guess I've been wrong all of these years! So if he has a cat, hot body, enjoys titanic, and sucks on lollipops he's gay? Sigh, All this confusion has finally gone away!


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gaydar - Danger Will Robinson!

    I was sweating my general tendency to avoid pissing in parking lots and my willingness to put non-fat milk in regular coffee.

    Otherwise, it seemed to vindicate my insufficiently washboardish abs, colorblind, life with a dog lifestyle.

    Now, I read that it's a joke.

    Oh well, I'll have to look for another test.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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