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Thread: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

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    Curious Guest
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    Default How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Hey everyone,

    I miss posting here..I have been pretty dormant for awhile due to the craziness of my own life. I'm actually going through the crazy emotions of falling in love, possibly for the first "real" time in my life. And I'm so excited. This guy is just..amazing. Gorgeous, smart, talented, sooo sensitive..how cliche huh? We're trying to deal with a few "issues" that are problems between us; we live across the country from one another. He lives in California,. I just moved to Florida. We see each other a few times a month, and are working on a move to be closer to one another. Well, I'll spare you the boring details and get right to the point; I fear he may be bisexual, and not telling me.

    Not that bisexuality is taboo or I judge people that are, but I wont lie; I dont think I would be comfortable with having a boyfriend who is.Would I always have to compete with other men? Would he secretely want to be with other men?

    In the beginning of our relationship, he would joke around with me and say how people do assume he is gay sometimes, that men will hit on him once in awhile. He claims it is because of his voice and his EXTREMELY outgoing personality.He is an actor and a musician and SUCH a people person. When I ask him what he thinks of this, he just sort of rolls his eyes and shrugs the "gay assumptions" off. But I have had my friends and family also come to me with the "is he bi?" question. They claim his "mannerisms" make them suspiscious. I deny it to the hilt. I reason with myself; he can t be bi. He is so turned onto me (and women in general), is in his 30's and claims to have slept with an amount up in the 30's, but says he has never been with man. "I don't like men. I don't like dick. I see nothing passionate or anything I want that has to do with a man..I want you."
    He was in a seven year relationship with some chick before he met me and she broke his heart. You can tell she fucked him over real good...The thing about this guy too, is he is SO honest and clear with expressing his intent/emotions/needs. He has told me some ugly things (not concerning sexuality) just because he is such an open, honest person..Everyone who meets him says, "hmm he seems like a very straightforward guy..very open..." So why am I doubting him when he tells me he is straight?
    (and yes, it is making me feel like a horrible person).
    These are the reasons why I think he might be bi. I KNOW they are stereotypical and maybe ridiculous..In fact, I hope to God that they are. Maybe I just need someone to tell me so...

    Like some of my family/friends say; his mannerisms. The way he speaks; lots of annunciation.. the man loves to shop more than I do, has male friends that are gay and has hung out at gay bars with them before, BUT asserts that he is more than confident about his sexuality so it doesnt bother him. Recently he told me that he kissed two boys (closed-mouth) at a work party, because it was a joke, they were goofing off, and he is an actor so...whatever. We got into a heated discussion about this and he became hurt that I would think he was bi.

    I am at a loss here..Could I just attribute these things to my own ignorance of actors/musicians/some people in general? Am I being presumptious and insecure? The guy swears he is not bi. Why would he lie? What would he gain?
    Has anyone ever gone through anything similar to this? What happened? Is dating a "closet" bi man really different from dating a regular guy? Obviously he knows he wants to be with me,,,maybe I should just suck it up and get past it. I am very confused and falling more for this guy every day.
    I'm so sorry for the long rant..but I dont know whether to push ahead, accept it and get over it, or end it while I am ahead. Are there and 100% ways to know if a man is bi-sexual??

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    Curious Guest
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    hmm dont know why I am coming up as "curious guest," I have been here for over a year and a half...I used to have a little toucan next to my name..dont know whats up with that

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    This is an interesting question.

    A lot of my male friends are gay/bisexual. My bisexual friends have dated a lot of women, and didn't tell the women about this 'other side' because they felt the woman would be turned off, etc. My best friend John is very bisexual.......He is the pink wearing, feathers, cosmo, queer eye guy. He has this cute accent, and is adorable.....Hell, I just love him. He dated this girl named Tiffani for a while. She had no idea he was bisexual. He never had lingering feelings for anyone else while he was with her at all. They lasted for two years.....He broke up with her because she was too demanding and insecure.

    I then have another friend named Ryan. He plays for the football team here (Forgive me, if you're reading this).....Every person in the world thinks he's gay, or bisexual. He is extremely 'woman like'....He's very emotional, etc. He wears designer clothes, gets his nails done, etc. He owns more shoes than I do.....(and I love shoes!). Every girl that approaches him thinks he's gay, or bisexual. He's straight as a board, really. He's had relationships where girls questioned his sexuality. They've even come to me and asked if he was gay....

    My point is that you'll never know....People claim to have a 'gay radar'...Most of that is bullshit. It can't hurt to ask. You said he's only been interested in females.

    To be honest...I'd love to have a 'femine boyfriend', I've always wanted another opinion on my shoes. Jk.

    Bisexual/homosexual/heterosexual men/women can be faithful.

    If you want a lasting relationship, Be honest and open.
    Last edited by RoseDelight; 12-16-2004 at 07:44 PM.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Why don't you just ask him?

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    If you have to question a man's sexuality, i.e., you're not sure if he's gay/bi, then he is.

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    If you have to question a man's sexuality, i.e., you're not sure if he's gay/bi, then he is.
    ^ I completely disagree.... as she said, much of her assumption that he is bi is based off of streotypical views of mannerisms, openess, sensivity, etc... and this is coming from a heterosexual guy who has been questioned of his own sexuality because he a) has gay friends, b) can be sensitive and c) defends the right to choose based off of love and not "physical necessity".

    All I can say is, who cares? It sounds like you have a great guy, and the only thing that you may be hung up on is whether he is bi or not... he says he is not, and if you love him or trust him, than that should be good enough... end of story. Some guys are just more nice, sensitive, artistic, etc. than others, but that doesn't mean he is gay or bi. some of us can actually be in touch with our feminine side ... and some of us can be confident enough in our own sexuality that we're not bothered by hanging out in gay bars, or with gay friends or defending any sexual preference for that matter.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    Bisexual/homosexual/heterosexual men/women can be faithful.

    If you want a lasting relationship, Be honest and open.
    Exactly

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Its funny this came up today....his name isn't Byron is it? (personal joke for those in Chat last night)


    Ask him...you should trust his answer...if you dont...then dont waste time in a relationship with him. Simple as that. If he is bi...so what. If he commits to you and you trust him then its good....if you dont trust him being commited to just you then once again dont waste time in a relationship. Simple as that

    Good luck

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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by tiamaria
    Why don't you just ask him?
    That works!

    But if all else fails...

    Give him the real failsafe test.

    Introduce him to your parents.


    If he hugs your mom in greetings,and french kisses your dad,thats all the proof your gonna need.

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Good question. I have dated a guy who i honestly thought was bi, or i'll give him bi-curious anyway. He was not into sex with me, but said i was beautiful, and still does not respond to my sexual advances......Flag went up a long time ago. He is going to be 31 and has hair down the middle of his back...I know some guys do and it's nice, but i figured it's time to cut it, he really looks like "queer bait." And that is sad. The way he looks, shorter hair would be very very sexy, he's too fem. looking.

    Pamela

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Kaila Nicole, congrats on falling in love. It is the best feeling in the world. I think I remember you from several months ago...did you work in New England? I wondered where you went. The site went through changes.....
    I had an boyfriend who seemed a little...gay. But, he never took up any opportunities to try it out, and when I asked him about it, he laughed it off in the kind of way a straight hetero guy would (crude joke...) and it never came up again.
    There are many people who never act on homosexual urges because the urges are not strong enough. They might seem "gay" but it's not really their nature.
    Ironically, some hetero males who react violently towards come-ons from gay males are closet gay. There's no easy explaination.
    My advice is to observe, and pick a good time to bring the topic up. Maybe he'll open up that way. Good luck.

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    Veteran Member piper_monroe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    If you have to question a man's sexuality, i.e., you're not sure if he's gay/bi, then he is.
    I am sorry but this is ridiculous. There are many men who display what are so called efeminate actions who are as straight as the day is long. I don't mean to rag on you but this is well documented in biology. Some men are just more predicated towards so called feminine behavior whether it be through their innunciations in speech or gesticulations with their hands or any other thing. Saying that someone is gay or bi simply because you "question" them isn't right on many levels but the most simply because what is "gay" or "bi" to us (straight people), is totally subjective. I personally have a friend who demonstrates efeminate behavoir but who only fancies women, even though he is often questioned as to his sexual preferences.

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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    maybe your man is metrosexual.

    although that doesn't explain the "joking" kisses.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    I dunno, I tend to think when you're in a relationship with someone and you have suspiscions, there's a reason. It could be your own insecurity or you could be seeing something truly significant. Since you've already asked and he's denied, and you still are suspiscious, there's really no way you can know unless it's true and you catch him in the act. Most likely you'll never know. It's clearly bothering you and IMO not likely to ever get resolved. You don't trust him already. Not a good way to build a relationship, and generally spells certain doom.

    As an aside, I heard a piece on NPR a couple months ago about the rise in numbers of women getting HIV from closet gay/bisexual men. Many of these men are married with kids and keep their 'other lives' totally secret. The piece emphasized that these men tended not to use condoms in their escapades, and it is medically accepted that unprotected anal sex is the easiest way to transmit HIV (more likely to have tears in skin and contact with blood), with unprotected vaginal sex being second. Sooooo, I think if I suspected my bf's sexual orientation I'd be worried about a bit more than whether I'd have to compete with other men for his attention.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Hey, I stand by it. If you are not sure if he's straight, then he's probably not. Why take a chance? You get married to the guy and then 10 years from now he finally realizes it himself and leaves you. I too am pretty sensitive, enjoy women's "stuff," and all of that, but I have never been mistaken as possibly gay. If other people are wondering if he's gay, well...

    But like someone else said, ask him. If not, you'll always wonder.

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    I've been mistaken as gay....so what?

    That means im probably gay?








    I'd say I'm 80% straight

    j/k ...I's not gay...i promise

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    j/k ...I's not gay...i promise
    Except for Jeter, right?

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    Except for Jeter, right?
    Well thats a given

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    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Stick a dildo in his ass and if he starts yelling out, "oh yes tom!" then you may have a problem... LOL...



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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    Its funny this came up today....his name isn't Byron is it? (personal joke for those in Chat last night)


    Ask him...you should trust his answer...if you dont...then dont waste time in a relationship with him. Simple as that. If he is bi...so what. If he commits to you and you trust him then its good....if you dont trust him being commited to just you then once again dont waste time in a relationship. Simple as that

    Good luck
    I found out that Byron wasn't gay....So for all you people that called him gay. He's just different....That's all.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Kaila,

    It just sounds like he's not really the type of man you want. He's too effeminate for your tastes. And there's no reason to whip yourself for feeling that way. It's just your animalistic preferences and to go against them is simply foolhardy. Don't try to be politically correct when it comes to mate selection. Go with your gut feeling and be comfortable with it.

    Also, you're feeling that he's lied to you when he's said he isn't gay. That doesn't speak well for your relationship and its future.

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Well you know what they say about Gut instinct, or womens intuition. It's around for a reason, maybe listen to it. If it just does not feel right......

    Question it with him, and watch for actions in the future.

    EDIT: Gut instinct...wtf is that, but you know what i mean. That good ole gut feeling.

    Pamela

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    I wish I was bi. Or maybe I don't. What would it be like wanting to have sex with EVERYONE you meet?

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    You want to have sex with men, Hyde? I might have a cute friend for you.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Mr. Hyde,

    Or the opposite could be just as true. As Barnard Manning once said...

    "I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."


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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I know if he is Bi, and what should I do?

    Pumpkin...that's a great point...lol...

    back to the rubber sheep sex doll...she never rejects me....heh

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