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Thread: For the Not So Perfect Holiday Experience

  1. #1
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default For the Not So Perfect Holiday Experience

    Not everyone has a good Christmas experience. For those of you who have had to endure these types of things, I dedicate the following to you.....

    http://www.ilovewavs.com/Holidays/Xm...ght%20Live.wav

    Dysfunctional Family Christmas

    Dad.....Phil Hartman
    Mom.....Jan Hooks
    Son.....Dana Carvey
    Other Son.....Mike Myers
    Daughters.....Julia Sweeney and Victoria Jackson




    Announcer: It's that time of year, when families get together to reopen old feelings. And Silver Bell Records is proud to present a Dysfunctional Family Christmas. This is the album your family is sure to cherish for Christmases to come.

    [ SUPER: "Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)" ]

    Dad: [ singing ]
    "Christmastime, you force a smile
    Everyone is joining in the group denial
    Folks behaving infantile
    Family Christmastime."


    Announcer: Hit after dysfunctional hit. Songs like "The Almost Perfect Christmas":

    Female Chorus: "Dinner is perfect, the presents are perfect
    The tree and the parlors are perfect fun."


    Male Chorus: "Then your brother, yells at your mother."

    Altogether: "Christmas is ruined for everyone."

    Announcer: Get timeless hits like "Someday I'll Get Christmas Right", "I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays", "Peace On Earth? Where?", and "The Daughter Song":

    Female Chorus: "Presents and wrapping paper
    Ribbons and bows and all that stuff.
    Why do we even bother?
    Nothing we get you is good enough!"


    Announcer: And this country Christmas classic:

    [ SUPER: "Ballad of the Co-Dependent" ]

    Dad: "Every Christmas when you got drunk
    I told the children you were not drunk.
    And I said, "Tommy, you're not being bad,
    It's just Christmas makes your Mommy mad."


    Announcer: You'll get "Cant' You Let It Drop, It's Christmas", "What I Want You Can't Buy Me", "Fruitcake And Shame", and "Why Am I The Only One Who Knows What Christmas Really Means?" And many more.

    [ SUPER: "Why Am I Here? (The 'Pretty' Song)" ]

    Mom: "Underneath the mistletoe
    Is a 2x2 jingle bell world.
    And underneath all those extra pounds
    is a very pretty girl."


    [ SUPER: "Runny Funny Daddy" ]

    Kids: "Daddy's nose is red and runny
    Daddy's voice is rough and funny.
    Anmd the only words I can understand
    are 'God' and 'Damn' and 'Christmas'".


    Announcer: Just imagine - 24 timeless standards, including the classic "Carol Of Intimacy":

    Son: "Leave me alone! Please go away!
    I'm doing fine! Just get away!
    "Leave me alone! Please go away!
    I'm doing fine! Just get away!
    "Leave me alone! Please go away!
    I'm doing fine! Just get away!"


    [ SUPER: "DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS - $19.95 - 1-800-GET-HELP" ]

    Announcer: To order, call 1-800-GET-HELP tpday. Operators are standing by.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  2. #2
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    Default Re: For the Not So Perfect Holiday Experience

    Omg, I played that for my husband, too funny. My favorite was the Intamacy song.

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