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Thread: Living with a PIG with money???

  1. #1
    goldengrl69
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    Default Living with a PIG with money???

    Hey gurlz Ill try 2 make this as short as possible...Right now Im separated (its been 6 months of complete seperation) from my husband of 5 years.I ended up leaving him cuz he was never home (ie. staying gone all day and night and returning at 3 and 4 in morning , his uncle,cousin and friends would always say weird (ie.his cousins wife told me that one time my husband and hers went out ,picked up 2 lesbian girls and had sex in my car , I found out about this 1 month b4 we separated)things 2 make me believe he was cheating ) Also at the time I was pregnant with our 2nd kid.For the last 3 years I supported our family with my own buisness that he would help out sometimes.Well now he welds and makes $$40/hr or more and I dont work(just living off my savings until my body from pregnancy iz toned up.)He came to me a week ago begging and crying that he wants his family back and that he's so sorry 4 everything(wants marr. counseling.)He still denies the cheating,probably cuz I didnt catch the snake wit my own eyes)I no longer love him like I used 2 (love him as a friend and father of my kids)Now heres the good part Im thinking of going back 2 him because I live in Cali and my bills are 2k a month and I havent worked in 4 months (have a 4 month old)and am tired of living next 2 my nosy mother. Is it possible that I can strip with out the PIG oops I mean my hubbie finding out??He works out of town a lot, a month at a time. Im just feeling stressed by all these bills and seeing my savings vanish. But then again it took me a while 2 get used 2 not having him around and dont want 2 go through that hell again.Anyone been in a situation like this??

  2. #2
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    I have had a few friends that hid it from their parents and hubbies, who they lived with or near to. My parents don't know, but they live miles away.
    For one thing, you must always think positively, don't try to cover up something that wasn't asked about. Don't put ideas in someone's head. It's pyschology, if you make them think something is up, they will, but if you say nothing, it never happened..
    If he asks where you were then tell him you were out, keep some evidence of this in the car or with you ( a friend's # or the item you "bought") NEVER act guilty, YOU have nothing to hide.
    Never ever volunteer information without someone asking, this is vital!
    I think you can dance without him knowing if you have a back-up plan and don't make him think you were doing something behind his back.
    Good luck and best wishes....
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  3. #3
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    I hope some of that advice helps....... It sounds like a serious situation and I hope it didn't sound like I took it lightly, but you do need to be careful where you work. I am lucky thatI can always say, "it wasn't me" since a lot of the time I get "are you so and so?"
    Be cautious, but do what you think is right.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  4. #4
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Thanks for the advice Gypsy , I just have to work on not smiling when I lie Its always a dead give away to him.

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    lol, my bf is the same way, his eyes pop out.....
    the thing is.... you are NOT lieing (sp?)
    you are telling the truth always! You don't volunteer info, but if asked you offer information that fits the question, think of it that way!
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  6. #6
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    He asks where you were, well, that's asking what you were doing while he was away, he won't ask specifics ie, time! Just have some proof handy that coincides with the question.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  7. #7
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Doesn't this man pay any kind of child support/alimony? I know that you two are separated, but is he holding off on paying you anything until you either get back together or are completely divorced and he's forced by the courts to pay?

    My only question is not why are you considering going back to that unacceptable behavior (if it is, in fact, true), but why you are not demanding that he give you money towards your monthly bills?

  8. #8
    Veteran Member Katharine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    I was in this situation for longer then i'd like to admitt....


    I took my income tax money and hired an attorney.....

    my divorse is still in prosess, but i have hopes that he will have to pay....

    I thought of going back as well, so i could go to nursing school full time..
    and dance on week ends...

    but going back will only send the wrong message to my kids, myself and him.....

    why prolong the missery, when you know that you more then likly will not stay with him...

    he deserves happiness, and so do you and your kids....

    if you go back to him, you will only be robbing yourself of this potintail happiness with a deserving man....

    I took a very low cost apartment.....

    my van isn't the best, but it is paid for and runs fine ( this takes care of No car payments)

    I dont have the luxury of cable or sat alite...
    and I try to keep all my bills down to just rent and utilities.

    for now...... but im making it.... and so can you. mt kids are more proud of me...

    and when they get tired of his B.S. the come to mommies house.

    and the best reward is showing and proving to him, that you can do on your own. if he thinks you need him..... he will take advantage of a woman in distress.....

    my ex respects me just a little more.... not much, but some what more... cuz he knows I don't rely on him, or need him for anything... so he better be nice to me if he wants me to visit....

    the best part of visiting him now is..... I can leave any time I want.... or hang up on him... whenever I want... ( He knows I dont have to stick around to put up with any of his B.S.) . that is the only reason he is nicer to me.

    i imagine if i were back under his roof.... Life would be pure hell again... they don't change. the siuation can.if you make it happen... but they don't.


    money can not buy happiness, darling.
    Last edited by Katharine; 12-19-2004 at 06:47 PM.

  9. #9
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    I think you should stay on your own. But, if I was in your shoes, I would live with him again but just make him miserable to get back at him. This might blow up in your face and hurt your custody rights though, so talk to a lawyer soon.
    At least you caught him. He'll get his eventually. What a pig!

  10. #10
    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Quote Originally Posted by goldengrl69
    Now heres the good part Im thinking of going back 2 him because I live in Cali and my bills are 2k a month and I havent worked in 4 months (have a 4 month old)and am tired of living next 2 my nosy mother. Is it possible that I can strip with out the PIG oops I mean my hubbie finding out??
    Possible? Sure. Probable? No... especially if you're contemplating working on a fairly regular basis over any significant period of time. So, if you decide to risk it, you will need to "backstop" the hell out of everything, i.e., keep written records of EVERYTHING (when you work, when you're with the kids, who's keeping the kids when you're working, etc.), 'cause considering the ages of your children, the shit could really hit the fan if he finds out, files for divorce, and seeks custody! And IMHO, that's the most likely outcome here - so whatever else you do, please go see an attorney BEFORE you start dancing again.
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
    - Luke
    "Some men, you just can't reach...."
    - Boss, re Luke

    If there's one thing in my life these years have taught me,
    it's that you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.
    -Cowboy Junkies

  11. #11
    Veteran Member Katharine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Can a Man take away parental rights, if the mom is a dancer?

  12. #12
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    :::sitting on hands,trying not to respond to this thread:::::

  13. #13
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    I wouldn't go back to him and I'd do anything to avoid it. Also I'd file for divorce and NOT dance until it's finalized and custody is awarded. If you've got some savings you can stretch it alot further by getting a job, any job, for income. You don't necessarily have to dance right now. Staying with mom might be inconvenient but I bet it's better than living with a cheating bastard or possibly losing custody of the baby because of dancing.

    You can always dance later when the divorce is over and the heat dies down. And sue the fucker for child support!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  14. #14
    Banned LauraLove's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette
    I wouldn't go back to him and I'd do anything to avoid it. Also I'd file for divorce and NOT dance until it's finalized and custody is awarded. If you've got some savings you can stretch it alot further by getting a job, any job, for income. You don't necessarily have to dance right now. Staying with mom might be inconvenient but I bet it's better than living with a cheating bastard or possibly losing custody of the baby because of dancing.

    You can always dance later when the divorce is over and the heat dies down. And sue the fucker for child support!
    I am in full and total agreement with Bridgette's advice above.

    I am also sending some thoughts of support strength your way. Get away from this guy. You and your kids deserve better.

  15. #15
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Thanks for all the great advice.Im gonna go ahead and file for a divorce (something that I should have done a long time ago.) I truly believe he is a dog and just wants 2 get back with me because he's afraid that another man is gonna snatch me up and that he will lose me forever, which he already has.His whole explanation for his actions when I was pregnant was that he was not ready to settle down???? Hello???We have 2 kids together and have been married for 5 years.What a pathetic loser.I deserve better, by far.

  16. #16
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living with a PIG with money???

    Quote Originally Posted by Katharine
    Can a Man take away parental rights, if the mom is a dancer?
    Ehhh...that gets so complicated. The most important part of that equation (provided that the dancer is not an alchy/addict/abuser) is the judge. There are some judges that see dancing for what it is: a way for a mom to spend more time with her kids and make as much money as she can so she can do the "full-time day mommy" thing. There are other judges that think every dancer is the "hollywood" stereotypical dancer and wouldn't bat an eye making a judgement against the dancer.



    It's so important to really talk to a lawyer and get the low-down on the laws/judges in your district. And, remember, your case is only as good as your lawyer.

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