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Thread: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

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    Veteran Member bigteninch's Avatar
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    Default If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    really curious to find out what people think about how trust affects a relationship and how important it is.

    So the situation is this:

    You find out little things that tell you that your S/O is not telling you the truth about everything but their sexual loyalty. For instance, your S/O takes some paperwork of yours and denies it, but later admits to it. Another example might be that your S/O takes a business card of yours and copies down the information to somehow use for "business purposes" later, but tells you they never saw it - then you find the paper they wrote the stuff on because they were careless and dropped it.

    I need your help with this because this happened to me. I broke up with her, and now she calls a lot, stayed over on my birthday, sends cards, talks about getting a place together, etc. So my mind keeps drifting back to the past.

    would you do?

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Dude, just wait 'till she lies about paying the rent/mortgage and car payment on time. It's not hard to be honest.
    Trust your intuition.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    This is like when you were back in school where they taught you how to decipher "True or False" statements by telling you that if any part of the statement is false,then the whole statement is false.This situation is not completely Kosher,so I wouldn't go back to it.

    My $.02.
    Last edited by onlythebest; 12-24-2004 at 04:28 PM.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  4. #4
    Pamela
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Wow taking personal items? Not so sure i like that. But i have told the "little white lie" before only to find out it's much bigger to the other person. Lesson learned.

    It has to be you're call on this one. I prefer now to not say certain things, that way i wont tell a fib, but taking you're stuff? I don't know about that one. However when asked a question, i firmly believe in telling the truth.

    Pamela

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    End it. One lie becomes another, and another....

    I have to trust someone.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Kick her to the curb with her walking papers.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    I don't tolerate liars, so end it asap.

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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Hmmm...I've been in Pam's situation regarding white lies. Big mistake to make, espec to someone trusting you with their emotions.

    If this girl is a chronic liar, then you really should move on. She sounds like she's trying to stick with you without leaving you alone and trying to learn her lesson i.e. the reason why you left her in the first place. She's got to give you and herself time to think about why the relationship failed in the first place and if she's serious, what she can do to improve it/get your trust back. By jumping straight back into your life right away, she is obviously looking for the easy way to get back into your life without facing the reason for the relationship ending. Tell her you need space. I think it would help.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    I TOTALLY agree with everyone else...get rid of her asap! cut ALL ties with her, you'll be better off

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    Veteran Member pimpy718's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythebest
    This situation is not completely Kosher,so I wouldn't go back to it.

    My $.02.
    I'm gonna second what OTB said. If you really LOVE this person, then it might be worth talking about-like confronting the situation ("why u lie?") and talking about it. But if it's just kinda a halfass hookup/relationship-I'd let it go.
    "You love my lady lumps."



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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    My experience is that chronic liars don't improve. I've known several, dated three, and married one. Yeah, I know! Crappy batting average. You can never trust them. They will lie about the most stupid and insignificant things, such as lying to a supermarket clerk about why they're buying cookies. (I used to wonder if that was just to stay in practice) They don't recognize boundaries between their things and yours. They don't respect privacy. They constantly look for evidence that you are lying to (or cheating on) them. I guess they figure that if they're lying, that you must be, too. They assume that there is evidence to be found in your car, desk, planner, or computer. There's a new pointless arguement around every corner.

    I've begun to suspect it all has to do with a lot with insecurity (see, eventually I learn), but hook yourself up with one and suddenly it's like you spend your whole life walking on marbles and egg shells.

    So, do what you want, but I'd suggest running like hell.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    I feel the same way that Rose does on the subject. End it. Trust is the most important part of any relationship, in my opinion. If you can't trust them, you have nothing. I have no respect for liars, and zero tolerance for them.

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    God/dess Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Lying isn't good. I do not like to be lied to. I don't think you can have much trust if you can't even tell the truth about simple things.

    Dude, just wait 'till she lies about paying the rent/mortgage and car payment on time
    now I have a boyfriend who doesn't exactly LIE about paying bills on time but just can't seem to do it. He is driving in a car with a 5 month expired tag and no insurance. I told him last time I reminded him that it was the last time and I won't say it anymore. At least he doesn't lie about it but at the same time I gave him $250 one time since he was whining about how he owed his dad money and I don't think he sent any to him! That was the last time.

    I guess it's easy for me to tell you to trust your instincts and why would you want to be with someone like that but I'm going through doubts about my boyfriend but at the same time can't leave. Good luck with whatever you do though.

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    Veteran Member bigteninch's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Thank you all for taking the time to give me some insight from an another perspective. So many of the things I read struck chords with me, esp being reminded about the smaller lies she tells in insignificant situations with others. I had my guard up for a long time, but started to answer the phone calls again. I get the feeling from reading this that change is next to impossible without her doing some deep soul searching with the consequences of the lies she told to me by herself. I can see how it makes no sense to continue a relationship with someone who I don't trust. I am finding myself doubting her every word when she tells me things. A lot of the time it's excuses about this or that and don't directly relate to me, but that feeling of doubt I cannot shake. I really appreciate the post from pimpy718 because there is that history and love. After reading it, I think about how futile the past discussions about the lying have been. There was this one event that happened a couple years ago when she was working at a massage parlor. She was arrested. At that time she came up with most convoluted story about how the cop thought that when her and this other girl's, get this, descriptions are combined , it matched the description of the individual the cops were after. So we go into court in providence months later when she is at the final hearing, and the judge said she was pandering, she didn't disagree in court. So like a year goes by and I had told her some stuff about her lying and how I can't trust her. So one day she starts to talk about that case and says she LDed an undercover topless in that massage parlor. I don't even believe that story now. The real issue that happened before I asked her to leave was when I was dropping her off at a club where she did back rubs in worcester. I have dropped her off a hundred times before when she was dancing and almost every time a bouncer would walk her out with her pullman. So I had been dropping her off at this place like 20 times or so before. I stop right in front of the club, she usually walks in under the awning and opens the door and goes in. This time, she gets out (she has no bag or luggage cause she is not dancing. Well, there is this guy standing out front, and as she goes under the awning I start to pull away, but watch in the rear view to make sure she is okay. She stopped at the door, came back out from under the awning and started to walk towards the guy. I start to slow down, she sees meand starts to turn back towards the awning and door, and as I get half a block down the street she is now about 20 feet away from the door after making another change in direction. Now I am thinking "what is going on???" and I pull off the road and stop the car, thinking she might have forgotten something and was walking towards me. As she sees me stop, she does this little head toss and high step turn around and then heads into the club. I picked her up without incident, and she says soemthing so really lame that I can't even remember it now. I stopped at my friends store the next day, he was best man when i was married, and told him the whole story. It had affected me that much. I need to remember that. I need to be honest with her and tell her I don't trust her any longer and need to move on. Tonght when she called she was telling me that she was all alone and saying some garbage about darby, extras and stuff that made no sense but related to her previous dancing, and that her car was broken and she was going to have to spend the holiday alone with a couple of movies. She wanted me to drive out to the cape and stay with her. I told her I couldn't, dropped off my friend and came home and read the posts and thought awhile before posting.

    I really can't thank you enough for the time you took to read this. (i know - send money)

    Thank you all very much!

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    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    You know whats right and wrong,When it comes to relationships I will never be the one who tells someone what to do,It's your relationship,so follow your better judgement!I personally think that lying is preventing the flow of life,but that's my opinion.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Sorry, but the things they lied about were non-consequential...how do you know that this person is not lying about the major stuff?

    Kick 'er to the curb...she doesn't need walking papers.

    I know it's hard to walk out of a relationship...but you are going to be feeling like this for however long you choose to stay with her. It's not worth it. It's hard now, but imagine how hard it will be...after many more years and many more lies. Trust and respect yourself enough NOW to just walk away and don't go back.

    You can do it.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    In a new york minute.

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    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    I agree with everyone else-get rid of her! Why would you want to be with someone that you can't trust? If she lied about those things, then who knows what else she'll lie about.

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    Veteran Member pimpy718's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Quote Originally Posted by bigteninch
    I really appreciate the post from pimpy718 because there is that history and love.
    You're welcome, hun. It sounds like you really have feelings for this girl but from the post, her character seems very shady and negative. (She dragged you through a lot of bullshit-court hearings and her work drama-wtf?! and she lies?! Ewwwwww!) You don't need that. Have fun! Get laid, meet someone new! Merry christmas, happy new year!!
    "You love my lady lumps."



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    Veteran Member bigteninch's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    thanks everyone, and hope you had nice holidays.

    I decided that the feelings I have for her were worth another chance, so when she called and started talking about how we were meant for each other and stuff like that, I told her that there was an obstacle in our path.

    She started to talk about this guy who she claimed was stalking her since she returned from florida . That is a whole different story, but the short of it was they were friends and they would hang out once in a while, which I was always fine with. It turned unfortunate for her when she claims he took advantage of her. She also related his bullshit story of his aunt being a marshall and how he was checking me out and said i was cheating which is how he tried to "endear" himself with her. He was in prison a few times and possesses the charms that life brings, but either way, i was fine with that.

    So, I told her, no this is about more simple things, like when you were dropped off at work and decided to not go in the club, as i explained before. Now this is a club I had dropped her off at over 25 times before and she always went right in the front door under the awning without a second thought.

    So here is what she said. "I was confused" was her explaination. Supposedly being confused as to which door to go in... Now the best part of this story is (or the worst if your me), is she then says: "I was confused because I didn't have my contacts on and took Nyquil instead of Dayquil". About the time she started with "on jesus of nazareth...", i couldn't take it anymore and hung up on her after telling her i didn't want to hear her nazareth. She called like two more times, and I asked her not to call, and told her if that was her truth fine, but I still don't believe her.

    I think it was worth giving her one last chance to open up. The last time she was confronted, it took her a year before she finally told me something approaching the truth. Anyway, i keep hearing Silverback's words, and thinking about those little things... they add up

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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Sorry to hear about that. But as everyone else said, probably better to move on. If she can't tell you the honest truth, then don't be with her.

    Had almost the same thing happen with a good friend of mine. We went drinking one night with some friends, and just happened that one of the guys she thought was good looking showed up too. Didn't think much of it, because my friends husband was out of town. Welp...about 4 hours into the night, I had to go drain the 'little man'. Got back out, and she and this 'good looking guy' were gone. I think that I knew exactly what was going on, but I called her up on her Cell Phone. Called the first time....no answer...but the phone was on....kept ringing and ringing and ringing. I give it a few minutes.....call again. She tells me..."Oh...my nephew and some friends got thrown in jail and I need to go bail them out." I just said...Ok...and hung up the phone. Next day she calls, and told me this whole bullshit story about how she had to get her nephew out, and she didn't feel like coming back to the bar, etc etc etc. I pretty much said "Bye" and hung up the phone.

    About a week later, she wanted to go bowling. So I said...OK...and we went bowling with some other friends. She pulled me aside and said..."I need to tell you something. Remember that other night when I left early. Well...I was with that guy. We went to his house." I pretty much told her that I knew this... but wanted to see if she woulds say anything about it. She then gave me this whole sob story about how he loved her, was going to leave his other girlfriend for her, and he wanted to be with her. She continued on to say that she was going to leave her husband and get a divorce.

    Long story short....now...she is back with her Husband, because this 'good looking guy' punched her around for the second time, and she finally got smart and left him.

    I HATE it when people lie right to my face when I know what's going on....So I can feel your pain Big. Keep your chin up!
    I've heard that a good signiture sets you apart from everyone.
    Well......is this good enough???

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    If trust and honesty is important to you, then you already know the answer. This is not something that will change with her. Nuff said.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

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    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re:

    Quote Originally Posted by bigteninch
    If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it?
    LOL...mine wouldn't have to lie a LOT....just a little is all it takes!

  24. #24
    Member Casey-11's Avatar
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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    Quote Originally Posted by tiamaria
    ...I personally think that lying is preventing the flow of life,but that's my opinion.
    Wow!
    Well said.

    "Good and evil... there never is one without the other. When a man lies, he murders some part of the world."
    ~Merlin, from Excalibur.
    Last edited by Casey-11; 01-02-2005 at 02:10 PM.

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    Default Re: If your S.O. lied a lot, would you end it

    I would let her go....but I also have a soft spot. Shed have to prove her self in more ways than anyone can imagine. No one derserves to be treated like that- being lied to in all. Its sad really. Sneaking and lying never gets people anywhere....why do people do this and still expect to be with you? Be strong my friend if she wants back in your life make her jumps through hoops and if shes not willing then f-ck her...theres soooooo many other people.

    Plus, I think its better to be alone and stress-free than to with someone you dont trust and be miserable.

    Edit: if she cant come to terms with the way she is then how can she tell you the truth about ANYTHING later on in life. Tell her to fix her shit and comeback when she doesnt want to play games.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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