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Thread: i have no social skills

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    Default i have no social skills

    I AM NOT CAPABLE OF MAKING SMALL TALK.
    i seriously dont know how.
    i never got along with other kids at school or my family so i never really developed social skills. then i started stripping! i was comfortable being nude, was confident in my appearance, and had formal dance training so i thought it was a perfect job for me. i didnt realize there is so much customer interaction. at first the only dances i gave were to customers that asked ME for one while i collected my stage tips, then i got in the habit of just walking up to a guy, introducing myself, asking if he was having fun, and then asking for a dance. i think it only worked if a guy was going to get on anyway - but it didnt change anyones mind who just needed a little persuading.

    on this message board and by every woman ive worked with i keep hearing that you need to sit with customers and talk to them for "a while" before offering a private dance. but i dont know what to say!

    im 21 sitting with a 50 year old man and i cant find anything in common with him so i have a hard time talking to him - so he starts asking ME questions and i dont feel comfortable answering what i do on my time off or other personal information. i dont want them getting to know me - i just want to do my job well. after that there is lots of silence and then im usually picked on. drunks can be mean, and they usually just dig on me for the same deficiencey ive been picked on for having my whole life.

    does anyone have any advice or anything?

  2. #2
    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    All right, some of our regulars whine but the general ways I start conversing:
    Introduce yourself - if guy askes if that is your stage name or real name, start joking with him "oh, it's my stage name, what would you have as your stage name? Something like -insert pornstar name-, right?"
    How are you doing/how has your day been?
    Are you from around here? If so, did you grow up here? If not, where are you from? (If you're a traveling dancer and they're a native of the area, ask them about places to eat, local attractions, etc.)
    So what do you do for fun when not at strip clubs? (Say this with a laugh, you know they don't spend ALL their free time at strip clubs)
    Ask what industry they're in, even if you're pretty sure they're retired. Sometimes this sparks fun conversation, some people have neat jobs. Or jobs you can commiserate about - "MCI phone help? Do you ever get really irritating people that insist it is your fault they called Syria for five hours and now they have a large bill?"

    If you're not comfortable talking about your personal life, make one up.
    If you run out of things to say, or you have non-talkative guy, it is okay to just ask for a dance.
    "I still have my name
    I still have my face
    I have not run away from home
    Doesn't seem so long
    If I now embrace
    Every single thing I've never known"

  3. #3
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    I had no social skills at 20, either. Hated small talk. Had a retail job of sales and stocking and spent all my time stocking so I wouldn't have to meet people.

    It doesn't get better until you make it happen. It takes practice, but the more you do, the more you can do it. If you give up and say, "Forget it, I just can't talk to these guys," perhaps you were only two weeks away from starting to get comfortable after all. Keep at it.

    CrescentLuna's advice is excellent. People like to talk more than they like to listen. When you've got someone talking, the natural impulse is to supplant their stories with your own - don't do that. Instead, when they're talking, ask them questions that keep them yammering on about their own life. Look at them and listen to what they're saying. You'll be surprised how even shy guys can open up when they find a pretty girl is actually listening, looking at them, and interested in what they say.

    So you listen to different music and have different friends than the 50-year-olds. But there's still a wealth of experience in this world that you both can share. Movies? Places they've traveled? How do they get along with their parents or siblings? Isn't it amazing, or sad, or pleasing, what happened in the news lately or with the local sports team? (Notice that their marriage or job hasn't been mentioned yet.)

    To get to the destination (social skills), you have to start walking the path (socializing). Good luck.

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    Jay Z, you still have no social skills! hehehe

    But you are right. Customers in bars do not want to know your life story--they want someone to talk to them like they are important. If I had a beautiful woman sitting next to me and paying attention to me as if I mattered I would not care if she was telling me an entirely made up story.

    Dancers are illusionists. Customers want attention. The example of the slice of life story is ideal. Tell them about the trip to the grocery store ,or car troubles, or compuer problems. People dig on the shared experience. Ever wonder why people talk about the weaather so much? They can't think of anything else to say and everyone experiences it.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    One of the best ways to get past an issue is to bring it out in the front...sit down by your customer and say "Hi, I'm Ann Louise, how are you? ....blah blah..." and then when it gets to the uncomfortable moment say "You know, I have never been good at small talk....can you help me learn how to be better at it? How do YOU do it?"

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    I say talk about things that have happened to friends, but say it happened to you or to someone close to you. If it's a funny story it's not only fun to tell, but guys seem to enjoy the attention plus they think you seem outgoing.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    GREAT advice from all.

    But if all fails. Why not on you're night off go to the clubs (not were you work) and meet people, talk, laugh, watch other dancers, and buy a couple lap dances! I did this. Customer first kinda thing. You will get a better feel for the crowd with no pressure!

    When you are working remember you are that same woman! Fun, flirty, and think about the $$$. Simple chit chat can take a dancer far at times, since many dancers just seem to hang around waiting for customers anyway.

    You may have nothing in common with a 50 year old man...So you think, but at you're job you do! Laugh at jokes, or tell one, but him one drink. It all comes back to you in the end.

    The key is to open up to people. Hell, turn and say hi to the guy behind you at the store!

    Lotsa luck hun!

    Pamela

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    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    Ann_Louise, I bet you have social skills, you just don't know what to say to customers. When I first started dancing, I was in the same boat. I was shy and I didn't know what to say to customers because I felt like I couldn't possibly have anything in common with someone twice my age.

    I try to stay away from asking them if they're married, if they have kids, or what they do for a living. I'll only talk about these things if they bring it up first. I like to tell jokes (go on www.jokes.com, there's a ton of funny jokes on there), talk about cool places that I've visited and the stuff I did while I was there, ask them what kind of music they like to listen to, what TV shows they like to watch, and if they've seen any good movies lately. If I've seen a movie recently, then I'll talk about the movie and whether or not I liked it. Depending on how busy the club is, I'll chit chat for anywhere between one and three songs (and only three songs if the club is really dead), and then I'll say something along the lines of "Well, I know you came in here to have some fun tonight. You'd really like a lap dance right now, wouldn't you?" If they say no or maybe later, then I excuse myself and move on to the next customer.

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    Great advice here. Let me add my 2 cents. First of all, you DO have social skills, everyone does, but it sounds like you'd like to improve them. And guess what, you're in the perfect job to do so. View this as a real opportunity which will benefit you throughout your life.

    If you read a book on how to make small talk it will tell you to ask questions and get the other person talking. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. So find out whaqt interests the guy and get him talking about whatever interests him. Listen carefully so that you can ask another question about something he's just said whenever things start to slow down. (When in doubt ask "why?") The real secret to being a good conversationalist is to be a good listener. Add to that mix a nice smile and good eye contact and you've got it. And I bet you find that you really enjoy it once you get the hang of it. Practice whenever you can, it's an important life skill.
    Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL)

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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    hey Ann Louise. sometimes guys find it cute if the girl seems a little bit shy in person. You know, like Janet Jackson, she seems like she's not really a small talker either lol.
    Anyway, the obvious qs to ask besides the ones the other girls mentioned are "do you come here a lot/ have you been here before/you look a little familiar", "how was your holiday (i.e. Christmas)/weekend" and "are you having fun"
    fondl is right. guys like to impress girls and talk about their lives a lot of times, especially if they're rich. also if he's older, he probably wants to blend in with the younger crowd, so he'll probably try to get on *your* level, not the other way around.
    I would just start with people you GENUINELY want to talk to, like people who seem to have something in common with you, rather than forcing it. If not, then better to just say hi I'm X, nice to meet you and keep truckin than for the dude to think you're trying to "work" him.

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    Senior Member Lolita86's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    ask them what kind of girls they like, ask them if they want to see u naked, (or topless, depending on your club), talk about sex a lot, they seem to like that. Make up stories.

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    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    I like it when my favorite sits and talks for a while. It could be about anything. How are you? Did you have a good day? Are you having a good time tonight? Can I do anything for you? And if so inclined, caress the customer's arm or leg, whatever you are comfortable with.

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    Featured Member Veronika's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    All the advice so far is great. Being a good conversationalist is a learned skill and, sadly, it isn't even one most people actively hone. We in our industry find that it is essential, though.

    There are books on the topic that you can get at any bookstore but I'll share one more tidbit: I was reading the 1922 Emily Post (of all things, I know) and she says that good manners and good conversation require a lady (tee hee) to know at the very least what major sports teams are playing games that day and any little interesting current events in recent history (not political or religious but light topics). I was thinking "What old fashioned garbage!" But it really helps. Like really really. In the club and in every day life.

    Good Luck, you'll get the hang of it
    ~V~
    Currently dancing at the Men's Club of Reno, NV
    under the name of Veronica! I am a 2007 calendar girl for MCR, so message me if you want a calendar!

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    I wasnt a good people person either.. but ive been doing this for 2 years now... its a learn as you go kinda job.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    People like to talk about their jobsactually. Asking them "what type of industry do you work in" and men will start pouring at the mouth. That way you don't need to ask them specifically what they do.... If they seem uncomfortable, ask them about their hobbies, or any movies they've seen lately....

    Another thing I am still learning. Read the sports page every morning and ask them about sports. Men LOVE to look at pussy and talk about sports. Good luck!

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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    firstly, not being able to make small talk with a strange horny man while nude doesnt really qualify as "having no social skills".



    secondly, often small talk is something that is learned, rather than a natural talent. people can learn to make chit chat at cocktail parties, at networking events, etc. and you can learn how to make chit chat even with people you have nothing in common with.

    get a book on this from the library or a book store. youll learn a few rules and some catch all things to make decent small talk.



    good luck

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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    Quote Originally Posted by Lolita86
    ask them what kind of girls they like, ask them if they want to see u naked, (or topless, depending on your club), talk about sex a lot, they seem to like that. Make up stories.
    Oh yeah, make up stories about sex with your BF (or with his best friend) or what your GF did at a party. It works if you're trying to sell dances.
    Last edited by SportsWriter2; 01-06-2005 at 08:55 PM.

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    Senior Member Ashara's Avatar
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    Default Re: i have no social skills

    Quote Originally Posted by Ann_Louise
    I AM NOT CAPABLE OF MAKING SMALL TALK.
    i seriously dont know how.
    i never got along with other kids at school or my family so i never really developed social skills. then i started stripping! i was comfortable being nude, was confident in my appearance, and had formal dance training so i thought it was a perfect job for me. i didnt realize there is so much customer interaction. at first the only dances i gave were to customers that asked ME for one while i collected my stage tips, then i got in the habit of just walking up to a guy, introducing myself, asking if he was having fun, and then asking for a dance. i think it only worked if a guy was going to get on anyway - but it didnt change anyones mind who just needed a little persuading.

    on this message board and by every woman ive worked with i keep hearing that you need to sit with customers and talk to them for "a while" before offering a private dance. but i dont know what to say!

    im 21 sitting with a 50 year old man and i cant find anything in common with him so i have a hard time talking to him - so he starts asking ME questions and i dont feel comfortable answering what i do on my time off or other personal information. i dont want them getting to know me - i just want to do my job well. after that there is lots of silence and then im usually picked on. drunks can be mean, and they usually just dig on me for the same deficiencey ive been picked on for having my whole life.

    does anyone have any advice or anything?
    I've always found that most customers in strip clubs love to talk about themselves. Just get them to talk about themselves - their name, what they do, do they enjoy that, are they having a good night, etc. And smile and make sure you look interested, no matter what they're talking about. It's amazing how many conversation trees can come out of asking "so what do you do for work?"

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