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Thread: Want A Laugh? Read This!!

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    Member silver69's Avatar
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    Default Want A Laugh? Read This!!

    ROMANCE ARITHMETICSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancyOFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtimeSHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him alittle.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try toUnderstand her at all.LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot More willing to die.PROPENSITY TO CHANGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.DISCUSSION TECHNIQUEA woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH. PRINT IT OUT AND PUT IT IN THE DRESSING ROOM.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Want A Laugh? Read This!!

    I don't suppose you could make that into a list a little more readable by someone at 8:30AM with little coffee.........?
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Member silver69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Want A Laugh? Read This!!

    Sorry . . . . this is a better version

    ROMANCE ARITHMETICS
    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

    SHOPPING MATH
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    HAPPINESS
    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him alittle.
    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

    LONGEVITY
    Married men live longer than single men do,
    but married men are a lot More willing to die.

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
    They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


    SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH. PRINT IT OUT AND PUT IT IN THE DRESSING ROOM.

  4. #4
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Want A Laugh? Read This!!

    thank you .... and most excellent
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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