Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 42

Thread: Icky situation.....

  1. #1
    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    LA
    Posts
    2,982
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Icky situation.....

    One of my best friends is suppose to get married next month. She's very excited, and she's been planning this wedding for a year. I am excited for her, and yada yada...

    Recently her fiancee' took a 'bachelor trip' with his friends here. They all went out and had a great time. A friend came back and told me that they saw John off having sex with another girl. I am not one to listen to rumors, so I ignored.

    This morning I go over to his hotel room because we were suppose to go out for breakfast and I guess he had forgotten. As soon as I get to his room, I see a girl coming out of his bedroom and he kisses her. Same girl that my friend described to me earlier. He came up to me and asked me not to tell my friend because it'd hurt her, which it would.

    And he's also my friend.....

    He is going to continue cheating on her, He's admitted to me that he can't stay faithful but he loves her. She has no idea....She thinks she's marrying a faithful guy. I've had friends that cheat(ed) and I didn't say a darn word about it. It's not my concern.......But it worries me more because he admitted to me that he's not using protection with any of these women.

    She might not believe me, or get pissed off at me.

    Should I just mind my own business? Live and let live?


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



  2. #2
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    On a sweet muddy river.
    Posts
    6,399
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 78 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Tell her, and go with her to get HIV tested.

    Lena



  3. #3
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    1,391
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Cheating is never a victim-less crime and in this day and age, it means a lot more than simple pride or honor loss. It's a life-threatening behavior as he could contract HIV/Hep. C and pass it on to her unknowing.

    For this reason, I've always interfered with cheaters amongst those that I know. I've always felt it is negligent to allow the LIFE of someone I know go challenged without their knowledge. It's as negligent as standing by a covered pit of a 50' drop without warning those walking by...

    The way I've handled this is by having a discussion with the cheater. I tell them they are gambling with someone else's life and that's not something I can stand idly by and allow. I then give them a deadline from which they need to tell their mate else I will. This gives them the opportunity to confess themselves first, but if they fail in their duty, then I most certainly will.

    You friend- she could be dead inside 2 years from HIV, or rendered sterile and unable to ever have children due to his extra-marital activities. If it weren't for this fact, I'd be more than happy to let cheaters do their thing and not meddle into other people's relationships. But given STD's and fatal diseases from cheaters, it does change things dramatically.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  4. #4
    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Cleveland
    Posts
    2,188
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 13 Times in 11 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    If I had a besst friend that saw my SO cheating on me, knew that it would be ongoing, but didn't tell me.... I'd say to him "and you call me a friend?" . She's going to find out eventually, but maybe you can save her the heartache and money of marriage then a divorce.

    I'd tell her, and ditto to what Lena said.

  5. #5
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    I think I'd tell her. It's a no-win situation as the third party, but I don't think my conscience would let me keep quiet knowing what that asshole is doing. If he's cheating on her, lying to her, not using protection, HE DOES NOT LOVE HER. He only loves getting his dick wet and he doesn't give a damn what the consequences might be, for himself or for the woman he supposedly loves. Ugh.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  6. #6
    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    LA
    Posts
    2,982
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by polecat
    Cheating is never a victim-less crime and in this day and age, it means a lot more than simple pride or honor loss. It's a life-threatening behavior as he could contract HIV/Hep. C and pass it on to her unknowing.

    For this reason, I've always interfered with cheaters amongst those that I know. I've always felt it is negligent to allow the LIFE of someone I know go challenged without their knowledge. It's as negligent as standing by a covered pit of a 50' drop without warning those walking by...

    The way I've handled this is by having a discussion with the cheater. I tell them they are gambling with someone else's life and that's not something I can stand idly by and allow. I then give them a deadline from which they need to tell their mate else I will. This gives them the opportunity to confess themselves first, but if they fail in their duty, then I most certainly will.

    You friend- she could be dead inside 2 years from HIV, or rendered sterile and unable to ever have children due to his extra-marital activities. If it weren't for this fact, I'd be more than happy to let cheaters do their thing and not meddle into other people's relationships. But given STD's and fatal diseases from cheaters, it does change things dramatically.
    Normally I wouldn't say a darn thing about it, It's not my business. But I don't want her to one day wake up with HIV, or AIDs and then I realize,"Well if I would have spoken up...She might not have this"


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



  7. #7
    God/dess
    Joined
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Renaissance City
    Posts
    3,343
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    No-brainer, RD. Save your girlfriend's life. This guy is a potential killer. Even wearing a condom, he could pick up HSV-2, the prime genital herpes virus, and HPV-16, the prime cervical cancer virus. She has no idea what she's getting into in this marriage.

    She's going to find out sooner or later what's up and that you knew. Trust me, I've been in this situation a few times.

  8. #8
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Polecat, bravo. I love you man.
    My opinion: she'll hate you anyway if you say nothing and then he tells her you KNEW. Hell, I'd be angry. If she ends up with herpes or something worse? Voodoo curse mad!

  9. #9
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Ehhh...I say don't tell her. It'll just drive a wedge between you guys. Instead get pics of him with these other girls and mail them anonymously to her...even better is video tape. Then you are telling her without telling her. That's what I would do, though...

    And, not only are you saving her from STD's...you're saving them the money of separation and divorce.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Hollywood
    Posts
    88
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    STDs always seem like the worse case scenerio with cheaters- but don't forget Scott Peterson was a cheater. I don't want to trivialize anything, but you just never can tell how far someone will go with their cheating. It's best she find out as soon as possible.

  11. #11
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Monkey Land
    Posts
    4,794
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    It might be different if she were not your friend. But she is....and her safety should be important to you. That overrides any sort of "friendship code of honor" bullshit.

    What would you want her to do in the reverse situation? How much do you think it would hurt her to find out later that you knew and did nothing to protect her?

    ...and frankly, it's pretty shitty of him to ask you (knowing you are her friend) to help him out in this situation. Tell her what's up, and tell him to go find another patsy.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  12. #12
    Veteran Member pimpy718's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2004
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    425
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    Normally I wouldn't say a darn thing about it, It's not my business. But I don't want her to one day wake up with HIV, or AIDs and then I realize,"Well if I would have spoken up...She might not have this"
    I think you should mind your business. It's not your problem-they are your friends, they are getting married, but their problems are THEIR problems. Getting in the middle of their relationship is like walking in the middle of a war and telling people not to hurt you. You aren't responsible for what goes on in their relationship-that's them. And so what if you seen him kiss that girl in the mouth? That doesn't mean shit-your best friend chose this guy for herself-you didn't and if she's oblivious about being cheated on or banged in the head-that's her, NOT U. You're involving yourself when it's not your problem. Worry about yourself before anyone else 'cause I'm telling u mami, from my experience-DON'T GET INVOLVED.

    AND, how do u know he's having unprotected sex with these conquests? Is he that big of an idiot? Just curious and trying to help out babe that's all.
    "You love my lady lumps."



  13. #13
    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,318
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Everything happens for a reason,There was a reason that your friend forgot about breakfast,and you came along to see the girl leaving.Marriage is a ceramony for 2 people to unite as one.I believe he is too immature to be getting married and the girl he's marrying deserves more then what he has to offer her in the "faithful Department".You are friends with both of these people and it makes it hard for you to figure out what to do,but,You seen this for a reson,You should do her a favor,her heart is going to break sooner or later,You are probably doing her a huge favor by sparing her the torment of divorce and mistresses and kids that grt crushed.My sister is going through this all and she has lost her sparkle and sadly her spunk,Nothing is more painful then this,She has a better chance of being strong and getting through it now rather then down the road of a fake marriage.Good Luck!,You are in a tough spot,I know you feel as if you will be betraying them either way,but even if aids didn't exist,You will be saving the 2 of them as individuals...

  14. #14
    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    LA
    Posts
    2,982
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by pimpy718
    I think you should mind your business. It's not your problem-they are your friends, they are getting married, but their problems are THEIR problems. Getting in the middle of their relationship is like walking in the middle of a war and telling people not to hurt you. You aren't responsible for what goes on in their relationship-that's them. And so what if you seen him kiss that girl in the mouth? That doesn't mean shit-your best friend chose this guy for herself-you didn't and if she's oblivious about being cheated on or banged in the head-that's her, NOT U. You're involving yourself when it's not your problem. Worry about yourself before anyone else 'cause I'm telling u mami, from my experience-DON'T GET INVOLVED.

    AND, how do u know he's having unprotected sex with these conquests? Is he that big of an idiot? Just curious and trying to help out babe that's all.
    Thanks for the advice.

    I know he's having unprotected sex because he admitted to it. He didn't seemed bothered by the idea at all. He said that he disliked condoms and felt no need to wear them because the girls that he is cheating with are on birth control and supposedly 'clean'.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



  15. #15
    Banned Stringer's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    142
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    Thanks for the advice.

    I know he's having unprotected sex because he admitted to it. He didn't seemed bothered by the idea at all. He said that he disliked condoms and felt no need to wear them because the girls that he is cheating with are on birth control and supposedly 'clean'.
    How old is this guy? He sounds like an immature moron for so many reasons.

    Normally I would say to mind your own business and let the chips fall where they may in your friends' relationship. But his decision to tell you he likes to "go bareback" in all his affairs makes it a different story. I wouldn't hesitate to tell this girl about what her fiance is doing.

  16. #16
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    5,493
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked 50 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    One of my best friends is suppose to get married next month. She's very excited, and she's been planning this wedding for a year. I am excited for her, and yada yada...

    Recently her fiancee' took a 'bachelor trip' with his friends here. They all went out and had a great time. A friend came back and told me that they saw John off having sex with another girl. I am not one to listen to rumors, so I ignored.

    This morning I go over to his hotel room because we were suppose to go out for breakfast and I guess he had forgotten. As soon as I get to his room, I see a girl coming out of his bedroom and he kisses her. Same girl that my friend described to me earlier. He came up to me and asked me not to tell my friend because it'd hurt her, which it would.

    And he's also my friend.....

    He is going to continue cheating on her, He's admitted to me that he can't stay faithful but he loves her. She has no idea....She thinks she's marrying a faithful guy. I've had friends that cheat(ed) and I didn't say a darn word about it. It's not my concern.......But it worries me more because he admitted to me that he's not using protection with any of these women.

    She might not believe me, or get pissed off at me.

    Should I just mind my own business? Live and let live?
    Seems you are trying to weigh loyalty to friends to loyalty to what is right...

    There is one option, where it is loyalty to a friend AND is the right thing to do.

    You should warn him before you tell her.

  17. #17
    God/dess
    Joined
    May 2004
    Posts
    6,336
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    First of all, cheatings sucks.

    But second of all, not taking into consideration the safety and the lives of the people you supposedly love enough to marry is disgusting.

    IMHO, go to HIM first. Tell him that he needs to be the one to tell his fiancee first. If he refuses, then you obviously care more about your friend than he does. But in the event that he understands what a complete moron he is, and goes to his fiancee with the truth, then no one can be upset with you or make you seem to be the bad guy. (No matter what anyone says, it is the messenger who gets all the shit.)

    If I were your friend, I'd much rather find out now, from you than in 5 years when he and I am married and he gets his "girlfriend" preggers.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

  18. #18
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Temporary Lurkmode...
    Posts
    12,609
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 79 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    That is a hard place. You take the chance of telling her and her not believing you. I hope she believes you if you tell her. I say tell her though. You could possibly prevent her from getting some nasty disease. Youd be a great friend to her by telling her.
    And POO on him for telling you to keep a secret like that to yourself!! Hes not being a good friend to anyone...there goes that little brain taking over the big brain again. When will they learn that cheating never ends in happiness?

    I kinda like VG's advice as well taking some picture and all. That way she knows and she can do what she wants with the information. But, if you do want to tell her face to face you could risk loosing your friendship. You care for her deeply as a friend and want to see her happy and not sick with some looser husband....maybe she will see that.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  19. #19
    God/dess
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,352
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Sit him down and let him know either he tells her or you will this way he has an option and possibly it may save the relationship or not , the truth is for most guys we are not sorry until we get caught .

  20. #20
    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,318
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    I thought of telling you to give him the altermatem to tell her orelse you will,but,I keep thinking of movies where the person kills the person with the information,maybe I watch too many movies,be careful,If I were in your shoes rose I would be the one to tell her,and don't let this guy know your gonna tell her.

  21. #21
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    5,493
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked 50 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    Sit him down and let him know either he tells her or you will this way he has an option and possibly it may save the relationship or not , the truth is for most guys we are not sorry until we get caught .
    Whoa dude - this is not a guy thing - this is a "cheaters personality" thing.

    Cheaters come in both genders.

  22. #22
    Veteran Member HoneyHITZ's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    747
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    from reading your post RD, it looks like you already did go to the guy... anyways, i agree with those that said tell him he has to tell her or else... get proof, because shes going to be pissed when you tell her, and since you'll be the one in the room, it could get taken out on you.... good luck sweetie... and if you make him tell her, dont give him longer than a week... it only takes one intfected partner, one time, to get a disease...

  23. #23
    Veteran Member pimpy718's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2004
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    425
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    Thanks for the advice.

    I know he's having unprotected sex because he admitted to it. He didn't seemed bothered by the idea at all. He said that he disliked condoms and felt no need to wear them because the girls that he is cheating with are on birth control and supposedly 'clean'.
    EW, that's nasty. He's gross-thats mad unsanitary. Umm...I want to give u more advice but after you have disclosed this information, I think I'll have to pass on this and just say-eeeeeewwwwwww!
    "You love my lady lumps."



  24. #24
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    3,103
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    Better to learn prior to walking down the aisle than after.. much later.. what if they have kids? What if she gets sick? I speak from experience, I would have rather had my friends tell me what my ex was doing when he was doing it than to learn the way that I did.. You pick who you wish to remain friends with.. and quite honestly, this asshole doesn't sound friend worthy.. tell your friend, cut him loose.. She's going to be heartbroken, but you might just save her life and a huge attorney bill.


    [/URL]
    [/URL]



  25. #25
    Banned Blade's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    The Road To Hell
    Posts
    5,171
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Icky situation.....

    I say tell her, but stick to your plans to come to arizona, and bring your newly single girlfriend!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. I feel icky.
    By keira0304 in forum Body Business
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 08-24-2008, 06:49 AM
  2. icky question but i need help fast
    By Xiomara in forum Body Business
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-30-2007, 03:23 PM
  3. Icky Thump
    By mollyzmoon in forum Music Mix
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 08-01-2007, 08:03 PM
  4. What Should I Ask For Repayment? *Kind Of Icky*
    By sc0101 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 06-04-2007, 12:24 AM
  5. Rant: Icky Customer
    By Bella21 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-03-2006, 01:56 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •