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Thread: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I'm going to be breaking up with my girlfreind in the coming days.
    I'm kinda of reluctant to start dating again afterwards, because of my job as a dancer. How and when do you tell someone you are a dancer? Do Female dancers have it easier than males do, cause the average man is more accepting that a woman works as a dancer? Or do you have the same problems? What are some of the reactions you've gotten from people?
    Do you wait any specific time when it's someone special, so you don't scare them away right off the bat?

    My experience with most dancers is that they/we are stereotyped.
    The majority of us are nice and decent people but are cast aside because of our jobs (or the misperceptions of our jobs). So that makes for problems when you date someone new.

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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    It took me a long time to tell my then SO I was a dancer. I am one that dislikes stereotypes and felt that I wanted him to know me first before he started judging me. However, it can go in several ways you adopt such a method...

    a) they will feel upset that you couldn't trust them (''How could you think I would judge you?!'' is probably a reaction you might get).
    b)they'll start suspecting that if you could hide that, you're probably hiding other things, such as affairs
    c)or they'll be ok about it. Be prepared for lots of q's though and be honest

    I was lucky that I ended up with reaction C. However, after a while (among other things), he couldn't help throw in that I acted certain ways because I was a dancer, something which made my blood boil.

    I think that if you feel that the r'ship may get serious, be honest soon with them. I waited more than a year before I spilled the beans. However, if you start dating a girl which you know won't go anywhere with, you don't have to tell them anything. That's my opinion however.
    You are the envy
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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    I am one that dislikes stereotypes and felt that I wanted him to know me first before he started judging me.
    Excellent point!

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    I think that if you feel that the r'ship may get serious, be honest soon with them. I waited more than a year before I spilled the beans. However, if you start dating a girl which you know won't go anywhere with, you don't have to tell them anything. That's my opinion however.
    I agree. No need to go through all the questions, if you're not going to be serious.

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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Well, when I eventually told my then SO, I was very open and honest and told him at a time when I knew that we could discuss the issue for as long as needed. I also told him in private. I felt it was important to do this so he could react however he needed to without feeling uncomfortable.

    I tried not to make a big thing about it though. The bottom line is that I personally am not ashamed of my job and didn't want to give that impression. I just wanted him to understand why I waited, not because of shame but because I wanted to feel right about it. It wasn't like everyone knew except him, almost noone knew, so in fact he didn't feel like a mug for not guessing sooner coz he wasn't the only one in the dark. I know other people disagreed with my method, but it worked for me because it was for genuine reasons. I didn't want to feel undervalued in a r'ship because of my occupation and I cared enough about him to make sure that the whole thing felt right. I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve unless I know that that person is authentiv enough to look after it.

    Again, more of my . I just want to wish you luck with splitting with your GF. These things are never easy to do. But I hope that when you find your next special someone, that it won't be hard telling her about your stripping.
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I agree with your methods 100%. Maybe I wouldn't have waited a year

    But it all sounds right. I apreciate your open-ness. It's kind of a delicate balancing act. 1- making sure your needs are met 2- making sure the other person's needs are met 3- making sure nobody gets hurt 4- making sure there are no misconceptions. But yeah, I agree, timing is everything. To tell someone you like that you're a dancer right off the bat may scare the crap out of them, to wait too long may push them away. It's one of those things I'll have to play by ear, as all people are different and react differently.

    Well, if breaking up was easy to do, they wouldn't have written a song about it. I'll be alright, I always am.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Usually towards the end of the first date or on the second date. At whatever point I decide that I like a person and I'd like to see them more, I'll just say, "so... there's something I have to tell you..." Most people have been fine with it.

    My current gf knew before we went out, just from hints and stuff and because she had had a dancer roomate before.



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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I have always been very upfront about what I do with everyone. I believe that if a person is going to not like me because of my job then they are not the right type of person for me to date or be friends with.

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by LauraLove
    I have always been very upfront about what I do with everyone. I believe that if a person is going to not like me because of my job then they are not the right type of person for me to date or be friends with.
    Both you, Lena and Malibu are essentially saying the same thing. But it's just a difference of timing. I do agree that being upfront and honest is very important, but I also agree with Malibu that people will pre-judge you based on their pre-conceptions of dancers. What little a person you just met knows about you, the holes will be filled in by stereotypes.

    People will always pre-judge, no matter what you are or do. But the pre-judgement of dancers is almost always negative, even by people who are turned on by it.

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    Featured Member Katherine's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I personally don't like to wait too long because if they don't accept it, I don't want to deal with whatever feelings I have for the person. I also don't like to say so on the first date because when you tell someone this they'll think about it and want to talk about it, and I don't want to spend me first date with someone talking about my job. Third date is perfecto for me.

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katherine
    I personally don't like to wait too long because if they don't accept it, I don't want to deal with whatever feelings I have for the person. I also don't like to say so on the first date because when you tell someone this they'll think about it and want to talk about it, and I don't want to spend me first date with someone talking about my job. Third date is perfecto for me.
    Well, that makes sense too. Actually, everyone here does. I appreciate eveyone's open-ness. It's probably something most dancers have to think about.

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    Featured Member Muyaha's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    i'll usually tell them 1. i'm a professional student and 2. to pay the bills i'm a stripper. I'm too old to beat around the bush... so i just let the cat out the bag as soon as I can.

    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I do not believe in lying. I think that no more than 3 dates are perfect. Most men can't deal with us stripper girlfriends/wives without jealousy. I think honesty is a perfect way to start a relationship.

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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    But don't all the guys know anyway? I mean- they are customers first. Don't all dancers date their customers? Am I missing something?

    Yes, I am being sarcastic.

    As a non dancer guy-who has dated a dancer and who has dancer friends with BFs that have no idea... I would say that if you define yourself as a dancer- if it is your sole way of making money and you plan on doing it for a long time then you should let the guy know as soon as possible- it is part of who you are as any job is- and if he wants to judge or doesn't want to date a dancer you should know this as soon as you can. If you hide it form him in the hopes that the both of you get so attached that he won't care- thats a mistake.

    If dancing is an extra way of making money once in a while- and you only do it every so often (as a friend of mine does) then there is no reason to tell him (and she doesn't)

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    Veteran Member sexysunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I think tell them straight up, if they are going to stereotype you for being a dancer then why would you want them anyway? If they still want to date you after that, don't think its just because you're a dancer, they wanted to date you in the first place anyway didn't they? You'll be able to surprise them with your beautiful personality, great intelligence and sophisticated charm which we dancers aren't meant to have.
    SEXY SUNNY

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by sexysunny
    You'll be able to surprise them with your beautiful personality, great intelligence and sophisticated charm which we dancers aren't meant to have.
    WOW! It's like you know me!


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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I think it's much harder for a male dancer to inform a female who is not a dancer..whoah! Men have questions and jealousy... but I wouldn't want to be in the room when a woman went ape shit over it. That could be the ultimate slam to a non dancer womans ego.


    "Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." ....Tori Amos

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    Veteran Member devilsadvocate667's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by HolidayOnStage
    I think it's much harder for a male dancer to inform a female who is not a dancer..whoah! Men have questions and jealousy... but I wouldn't want to be in the room when a woman went ape shit over it. That could be the ultimate slam to a non dancer womans ego.
    Why do you think it's harder for a male dancer?

    BTW- I lliked your site. I think I audibly purred!


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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I think the right time is whenever the guy asks what I do for a living.

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    Veteran Member sexysunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by tiamaria
    I think the right time is whenever the guy asks what I do for a living.
    Ditto
    SEXY SUNNY

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by devilsadvocate667
    Both you, Lena and Malibu are essentially saying the same thing. But it's just a difference of timing. I do agree that being upfront and honest is very important, but I also agree with Malibu that people will pre-judge you based on their pre-conceptions of dancers. What little a person you just met knows about you, the holes will be filled in by stereotypes.

    People will always pre-judge, no matter what you are or do. But the pre-judgement of dancers is almost always negative, even by people who are turned on by it.
    IMO, the people who will prejudge me based on my job don't deserve my time. Period. I have no desire to spend days, weeks or months trying to show them what a nice person I am, only to have to wonder how they'll ultimiately react to the stripper bomb. I am extremely open about what I do and I figure I deserve to spend my time with people who won't prejudge me based solely on my job. I don't have a large circle of friends, and that's fine. Those I have know me well and are people I consider to be real friends.

    There are a few people in the world who can look past the job to see you for who you are. I prefer to stick with those. By letting people know up front, I eliminate most bs up front. I don't have to worry about spending time trying to show them what a nice person I am before telling them what my job is. If they will prejudge me, they can get stuffed as far as I'm concerned. If they are open-minded enough to realize it's just a job, then we can talk.



    But to answer one of your original questions, yeah, we girls have it just as rough as the guys. People automatically think we're sluts, whores, junkies, flakes, liars, sneaks, etc etc etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    On a somewhat different, although related subject, how about friends and family?

    I've found the "stereotype problem" manifests itself most severely when it comes to friends and family, especially if they have no personal experience to speak of insofar as knowing anyone who's ever worked in the business goes. In this regard, I've found that when I've been up-front about it, friends tend to "discount" the validity of the relationship, assuming it's based purely on sex and, as such, just a "passing thing," and relatives tend to go completely nuts! On the other hand, I've found that when I've waited for awhile and let everyone get to know her pretty well first, friends tend to be surprised but, after the initial shock, are OK... but relatives REALLY come unglued.

    Thoughts? Suggestions?
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
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    Veteran Member pimpy718's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    First of all baby, you are a dancer, not a prostitute. You're an exhibitionist-you take your clothes off for a living. I'm not sure if I'm understanding you (like the way you're asking-are you ashamed to tell people or afraid? etc.?) I could be all wrong, but for MY experience-I'll tell you I'm a dancer if
    1)It's going to financially benefit me in some way.
    2) I actually enjoy your company and don't feel uncomfortable telling you my business.

    I would NEVER want to deal with someone (because I did for 10 months) who couldn't accept me or what I do for a living. I don't think it's fair to be judged by people who are ignorant about the industry.

    As for parents and friends, it took me awhile to tell them, but my real friends didn't really care/change their opinion of me and my parents don't support the idea but it doesn't stop them from loving me.

    The one friend I had who was quick to point the finger and judge and be a bitch.......I dropped her and then hooked up with her ex a year and a half later. What does that tell u?

    .........It ain't easy being sleezy baby............
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    All my friends and most family know I'm a stripper. My mother doesn't know because I haven't had any contact with her since long before I started stripping. My grandparents don't know because frankly the generation gap is just too wide. They believe dancing, playing cards and drinking will send you straight to hell, and they were extremely upset at the mere thought of me living for a few months in Las Vegas - just the idea that I was living in a city that allowed open drinking and gambling was troublesome for them. I doubt they'd be ready in this lifetime to accept stripping as a legitimate and non life-threatening means of making of living, so I don't tell them how I make my money.

    Everyone else in my life knows, always have and always will. I can't put up with prejudiced (prejudging) people. I only make an exception for my grandparents because I know they would accept me no matter what, but knowledge of my stripping would just cause them too much unecessary worry and anxiety.

    ALL of my friends have always known. I told my family after 2 weeks.

    In sum, my attitude is: If you can't accept all of me, you can't have any of me.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Senior Member DesireTime's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I'm not a dancer, although I'm in an adult orientated job (cam shows).

    I've always told anyone who asked exactly what I do from the moment the question is posed, and since "what do you do for a living" usually comes up before I've even gone out with someone yet they know about it going in.

    Basically I do it for the reason already mentioned, if a guy is going to have a problem with it I don't want to waste his time or mine. Also I'm not ashamed of it, and beating around the bush about it makes it seem that way even if it's unintended.

    As far as family my Dad knows (and handled it remarkably well), although I don't go into explicit detail of what it involves. My Mom is deceased. The rest of my family don't know (that I'm aware of) only because my Dad prefers it that way and since it really doesn't matter to me (I'm an only child and not close to my extended family) I go with whatever he's more comfortable with.
    And you hunger for the time,
    Time to heal, desire time.
    And your earth moves beneath
    your own dream landscape...

    U2, "A Sort of Homecoming"

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    Veteran Member charlygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: When/how do you tell people you're dating that you're a dancer?

    I meet guys and they aask me what I do and I tell them. They either want to date me for who I am or they dont, its theiir choice, but then Im pretty confident that being a dancer isnt going to stop me rocking whatever mans world that chooses to have a relatioonship with me.
    What Mick Jaggers exx wife said is true, guys want a mixture of a wife, a ho, and an independent gogetter and I havent had any problems yet.
    If theire curious I tell them to come down to the club and see what its about. To all the girls who wont tell, you HAVE to know by now that your doing the coolest job on the planet. We're so hot they've got us up there on MTV on the artists videos doing our thing for the music videos. Were truly worthy.

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