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Thread: What About Crushes?

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default What About Crushes?

    Okay, so the thread on cheating got me thinking about a related but somewhat different topic. That is, what do you do about crushes in your current relationship, where the crush is on someone else (i.e., not on your SO?) IMHO, little crushes on other people are almost unavoidable in a long-term relationship, no matter how devoted and in-love you happen to be. So what is the best and most appropriate way to deal with them? How do you deal with them personally? I'm not talking about crushes on movie stars or people who are "beyond reach," but real life crushes on people you know.

    Here's why I am interested. My wife and I are blessed with a wonderful, solid relationship--aside from being married we are best friends, and have been for the last 15 years. We know that the other person will occassionally have crushes on other people, and it doesn't bother us at all. We talk about it openly, and don't treat it as if there is anything to hide. Usually, it is so obvious when it happens to one of us that we tend to tease each other mercilessly about it , and we have never yet encouraged the other person not to interact with the object of his/her crush. We treat it as just part of life, and something to be embraced and enjoyed just like everything else. Sometimes, my wife has actually encouraged me to spend time with women who she knows I like. At the same time, we are both strictly monogamous--I have never cheated, nor been seriously tempted. I am sure she is the same.

    While this feels very comfortable to the two of us, I suspect that it may not be common to others. However, I'm not sure. Hence, the question--what happens in your relationship when you get a crush (little or big) on someone else? Do you share it with your SO? Do they mind? Do you feel guilty about it?

    Please share!
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

    Do not taunt happy fun ball.

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Interesting Question.

    Before my So...I dated several jealous/insecure men. I could never be THAT honest with them about my crushes here and there because they'd start going nuts. I remember dating a guy named Kevin. I told him about my huge George Clooney fixation. We were going to the movies one day to see Oceans 11. As soon as the movie came on....Kevin stood up out of his seat and said,"You knew he was going to be IN this movie, and the whole time you're going to be wanting him!".....My jaw dropped, and I thought he was kidding. But he was dead serious....He got up and stormed out.

    I broke up with him a day later.

    Back to the topic.

    My SO and I are very Open and Honest with each other about everything. I am not a jealous person and neither is he. I have tons of crushes, Dude. He has his and I am completely comfortable with it. He can trust me, and vice versa.

    I think it's cute to have a crush. It makes you smile, you get giggly, and it makes you feel good. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
    Last edited by RoseDelight; 01-04-2005 at 04:56 PM.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    My wife is also my best friend and we share everything...
    We both think a crush on someone is fine( Rose has one on both of us,lol), they can spice up the marriage with fantasy whatever....

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    I think it's cute to have a crush. It makes you smile, you get giggly, and it makes you feel good. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
    ^ Agreed 100%
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

    Do not taunt happy fun ball.

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    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Me and my hubby are completely honest with each other. I doesn't matter if I talk about a girl or a guy with a nice body. I think it helps to "spice" up our marriage.

    He knows I'm not going anywhere and I know he is not going anywhere.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Same here, Kryssy.

    I've never really had a "crush" on anyone, but I won't hesitate to say if I think someone is hot. It's good that the hubby doesn't take offense to it either, and he does the same when he thinks someone is attractive. I think it keeps things exciting, and in a way, healthy.

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    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    ^ Like Conan Rhiannon? LoL

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    ^Hehe.. Well, you caught me there! I have to admit that Hubby does get a little jealous of my Conan. He can't even be in the same room with me when I'm watching the show.. LOL

    ::le sigh::

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    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon
    ^Hehe.. Well, you caught me there! I have to admit that Hubby does get a little jealous of my Conan. He can't even be in the same room with me when I'm watching the show.. LOL

    ::le sigh::

    Conan The quick whit!is so funny,I am so happy hes going on earlier because I am addicted and stay up late every night!(Last nigths repeat)with gwenneth paltrow was hilarious!I liked when he just came out and said,Put a plug in em eh?Tonight Bda Pitts going to be on,Can't wait!
    Last edited by tiamaria; 01-05-2005 at 07:38 AM.

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    Veteran Member pimpy718's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    Interesting Question.

    Before my So...I dated several jealous/insecure men. I could never be THAT honest with them about my crushes here and there because they'd start going nuts. I remember dating a guy named Kevin. I told him about my huge George Clooney fixation. We were going to the movies one day to see Oceans 11. As soon as the movie came on....Kevin stood up out of his seat and said,"You knew he was going to be IN this movie, and the whole time you're going to be wanting him!".....My jaw dropped, and I thought he was kidding. But he was dead serious....He got up and stormed out.
    YOU KNEW HE WAS GOING TO BE IN THIS MOVIE!!! LMFAO, I know the feeling. Ex boyfriend was beefin when I told him how much I loved Al Pacino-he tried to compare it to me meeting him and how would I handle the situation and blah blah blah.........I feel u mami..........I really can't understand jealousy about celebs. Hey, I didn't care that he wanted to boink Beyonce? Geez.........


    Oh yeah, and to answer the question, DeepGreen-I admire the intamacy in your relationship and that you both have enough trust in each other for there not to be jealousy. Sounds like a VERY healthy and happy marriage .
    "You love my lady lumps."



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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by DeepGreen
    I'm not talking about crushes on movie stars or people who are "beyond reach," but real life crushes on people you know.
    And there's the rub. I don't often get a real life crush, but if I do, it's usually short lived and I generally keep it to myself. I'm afraid she'll feel insecure about it even though there's no reasonable basis for that. The "beyond reach" stars are no problem. We kid each other about that all the time, the most playful ribbing being about the ones we don't agree upon.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    I had a jealous GF who did the same thing- I told her how I loved a famous singer. (your typical celebrity crush) One night I happend to meet the singer and stupidly told my girlfriend. For weeks the GF wouldn't stop mentioning it. We finally broke up and I ended up going out with the singer.

    Ok, bad example.

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Blade
    My wife is also my best friend and we share everything...
    We both think a crush on someone is fine( Rose has one on both of us,lol), they can spice up the marriage with fantasy whatever....
    More so on Dea than on you.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    For me if i get a crush and it has happend once... i just keep doing my thing and ignore the feeling till it goes away then the true feelings for that person eventually come around..


    youll think that omg they are so hot and nice bla bla bla... but the more time passes you might realise your wrong and become very annoyed when they come around or you next see them. Im not a hasty person... but thats how i delt with them... they are cool to have just aslong as you can control yourself

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    Member Casey-11's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    I envy the relationship you have with your wife, Deep Green.
    Cheers.

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Casey-11
    I envy the relationship you have with your wife, Deep Green.
    Cheers.

    Awwww...shucks. Seriously, I do feel very lucky.... After all, who else but my wife would put up with me!!!!

    My wife gives me serious shit (in a teasing way) about all my crushes...but then she knows I would never do anything to hurt her... So my crushes will never go anywhere (...ahem...that is unless my wife were there too! )
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

    Do not taunt happy fun ball.

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    God/dess Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    I seem to be getting a lot more real life crushes lately. I've also got doubts about my relationship so it sort of weirds me out. I guess it's because I start asking myself am I with the right guy. And no, I don't mention it to him. I can't even bring myself to say I have doubts about the relationship. I just know that I don't seem to want to kiss him or have sex with him but I haven't lost my sex drive in general. I am not going to cheat on him but I feel guilty for even thinking what I think sometimes. I just haven't figured out if all relationships after a little period of time the physical thing just kind of will make me lose interest or it's just not right with him. This is the longest relationship I've had with someone and it's maybe been about a year and a half to two years. I have never been good with relationships so I dono't know what it's supposed to be like after you have been together this long. I'm so damn confused I need therapy. But yeah, I do get crushes. I'm sure I always will but if you're with the right guy/girl do they just not seem as tempting?

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bunny
    I just know that I don't seem to want to kiss him or have sex with him but I haven't lost my sex drive in general.
    Hmmm...that doesn't sound promising. I mean, we've been married for over ten years, and no, we don't have sex as often as we used to at the very beginning. However, we still love sex, and kiss/touch each other all the time. I would think that it would be hard to be in a relationship in which you had no interest in that with the guy...but then I guess everyone is different.

    I'm sure I always will but if you're with the right guy/girl do they just not seem as tempting?
    For me, crushes can be very tempting, but never even close to making me want to stray. If they get too strong I just laugh about it with my wife, she gives me shit about it, and then the crush slowly fades over time. It's fun in the meantime though. However, there is never any question that my heart is in my marriage...and I would never give that up for anything.
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

    Do not taunt happy fun ball.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    RD has some pathetic history with men...
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: What About Crushes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    RD has some pathetic history with men...
    More like she's had pathetic men with some history.

    -Ev

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