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Thread: personality makeover?

  1. #1
    mermaidnz
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    Default personality makeover?

    where/how can i get one?! lol

    i find im still too quiet, have no confidance when talking to people,and i feel kinda awkard, often have panic attacks due to public situations etc.im fine at work in a club i know, but as soon as i go to a regular club or another stip club, i act just like those weird shy scared guys that come into clubs....lol its really strange, i have social skills, im just afraid of being embarassed in public, and get really shy and timid, its like im a different person.i clam up,and if i dont know the person im talking to, i fret, get all hot and bothered, cant mutter a word.

    my best friend invited me to her birthday dinner thing,and i found an excuse not to go, cos i knew thed be people i dont know there. stupid aye? i constantly find ways NOT to meet new people outside work.

    lol its actually kinda weird.... but im thinking its gotta stop...

    im thinking maybe drama classes or something cos most drama students are really outgoing and bubbly,confidant etc...

    anyone else in a simillar situation?

  2. #2
    God/dess DancerWealth's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Toastmaster is a good place to start. You may also want to take a look at a Communications class at a local community college also. Many times people have a challenging time talking to other people because they don't know what to say or how to say it or they feel that by saying the wrong thing they'll look stupid which usually isn't the case anyway. Perhaps even getting some books on better communication may be a good way to go.

    The ORIGINAL Stripper Sales School
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  3. #3
    Veteran Member julzgulz's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Go for the drama, preferably a community theater and get your butt on stage and pretend to be someone your not! It's so much fun. I was shy as a child, but as soon as I found what being on stage did to me, I lost all shyness. Then when you go to work you will learn how to put on a show and be someone your not. Improv would help a lot too.

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    You may be suffering from a panic disorder which can easily be cured by anti- depressants. In many cases it is just a chemical imbalance.

  5. #5
    Featured Member Wwanderer's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Mer, didn't you feel shy, nervous, afraid of being embarassed in public, feel a lack of confidence and so forth when you first started dancing in strip clubs, first started giving private dances etc.? Certainly most dancers do, as newbies post very frequently on SW. If so, what techniques/tricks did you use to overcome those feeling in order to become a successful dancer? Maybe the same or similar ones would help you in the conventional social situations that are bothering you now.

    Most people who are completely at ease meeting new people and sociailizing at a party or in a bar would have a terribly hard time taking their clothes off on stage or hustling strangers for private dances, etc. If you have learned to do those things, it should at least give you confidence that you can also overcome your shyness and learn to sparkle in ordinary social situations too.

    -Ww
    "At this moment what more need we seek?
    As the Truth eternally reveals itself,
    This very place is the Lotus Land of Purity,
    This very body is the Body of the Buddha."
    - Zazen Wasan

  6. #6
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Rescue Remedy from Bach Flower Remedies

    Also remember that the only real opinion that matters is the one you have of yourself - therefore make it a good one Also remember that F E A R means False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear isn't real... it is "false evidence appearing real"... esp. in your case with how you think other people perceive you. You are assuming (making an "ass" out of the person and yourself by having the assumption) that people think negatively of you before you even give them a chance to make up their own mind.

    You would've learnt something about the "art" of small talk from working ... right? Just use that in everyday life.

    I was totally the same way before I started dancing. I was a total wall flower and hated going to parties where I didn't know anyone. I felt awful. It was one of the main reasons why I got into stripping.... and it has helped me ever since.

    My main problem now is that I'm so social and outgoing (extrovert behaviour) at work that I dislike doing extrovert type of activities outside of work.... hence the reason I'm on the 'net alot.

    Every now and again I'll enroll in a course or something to expose myself to more people.


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  7. #7
    Veteran Member Concubine's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    I have the same problem as you mermaidnz. I do not recommend medicating yourself! I was on a high dose of Prozac for almost 3 years. For me it kept weight on I didn't realize it was keeping on and it fogged my mind. Once I got off of it I became my true self again and was able to make non-fogged decisions for myself, plus drop the weight it was keeping on.

    Everyone has doubts about themselves and has fears. The only way to get over a fear is to face it head on and realize there is nothing to be afraid of..... I do realize this is easier said than done and I really should try to take my own advice more often haha. You do want to be a strong person right? Well KNOW that you are a strong person! Tell yourself you are strong and attractive and what you deserve. Remember that people want to like you so give them that chance. People do not want to hate. More negative or paranoid assumptions will be made upon you if you are closed off. Others will think you do not like them or that you have something to hide. Most people are very self centered, so if you make them feel important then they will associate that positive feeling with you and therefore like you.

  8. #8
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Quote Originally Posted by julzgulz
    Go for the drama, preferably a community theater and get your butt on stage and pretend to be someone your not! It's so much fun. I was shy as a child, but as soon as I found what being on stage did to me, I lost all shyness. Then when you go to work you will learn how to put on a show and be someone your not. Improv would help a lot too.
    hmmm but thats what work is like for me anyways....generally im a totally different person at work as at home/socially etc.at work i can be confidant etc ( except on an off night, when i crumble even on stage! lol)

    i dont think its a chemical imbalance,and i definatly dont wanna take anti-depressants. i think this is just some weird social behaviour i picked up when i first started high school.

    yeah , i do think negativly in general, and i usually have a shitty attitude anyways.

    i dont think its communication thats a problem, cos ive always had alot to talk about,( hell i ramble on here when ever i geta chance) my strongest subject was always english,languages and journalism ( although you cant tell it from my spelling and rush of words....i dont put in as much effort as i should)

    it seems to be more of a thing OUTSIDE work, i cant understand how to change it for the better. ive read books, but its one thing to read and take notes, and another to put it into practice!

    ok, ima gonna have to sort this one out me thinks...


    thanks heaps for the help i appreciate it immensly

  9. #9
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    [QUOTE=Concubine]
    More negative or paranoid assumptions will be made upon you if you are closed off. Others will think you do not like them or that you have something to hide. QUOTE]

    OMFG people tell me all the time!! when i first meet someone im REALLY super quiet, i guess im sussing them out or something, and i always get the comment later on " i thought you hated me when i first met you cos you never spoke and looked liek you were having a shitty time" lol

    i guess those that perseve with me on that,are the true friends anywasy!! lol

    i just wish i was more of a party girl type person you know all outgoing and popular,bubbly etc... isnt that what everyone wants tho?! heh

    ohh look im rambling again....

  10. #10
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Exclamation Re: personality makeover?

    Ah... I found it!

    Read this article. Once I read this article I said "That's me!" Maybe it applies to you as well? Okay it isn't totally 100% me however it does help explain why I seem anti-social in my time off after being so social at work. It did help me understand myself a little more and make me realise that I am somewhat an introvert.
    Last edited by GoldCoastGirl; 01-12-2005 at 05:36 AM. Reason: Because I can... (hehehehe)


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  11. #11
    Senior Member tearstearstears's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Mermaid, you could always try some therapy sessions. Cognative behavioural therapy can be very effective for eliminating negative thinking patterns and replacing them with positive ones. It just takes practice.

  12. #12
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl
    Ah... I found it!

    Read . Once I read this article I said "That's me!" Maybe it applies to you as well? Okay it isn't totally 100% me however it does help explain why I seem anti-social in my time off after being so social at work. It did help me understand myself a little more and make me realise that I am somewhat an introvert.
    LMFAO!! to a tee!! so im introvert, ok thats not so bad...i can deal with this...sure i can heh

    wow i cant believe how much that sounded like me. EVERYTHING except the bit about thinking before talking...lol

    thanks for that Gcg!

    now im gonna have to search for an introverts convertion to extrovert....id much rather be all social

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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    I didnt know they had cognitive behavioural therapy???? Sounds like something I might even try. Cuz I get that stuck-in-a-rut feeling and it bothers me like no other!!
    I need to read that article.....
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  14. #14
    kymchoon
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    I'm with DW on this one. Toastmasters are good, and it can be a lot of fun. Mind you, if you're in Tokyo at the moment, I don't know if you'll be able to find an appropriate one. They are geared more towards public speaking than anything else. Also active in Australia, to my knowledge. (Fun fact - on most anxiety studies, people rate a fear of public speaking higher than a fear of death) Hm, maybe I wouldn't recommend them for what you're talking about. Worth a think, though.

    However, they do a thing where they give you a topic, and give you ten seconds to think about it before making you give a 2-3 min speech on it. It teaches you to think on your feet in a hurry, and talk about pretty much anything. (I was absolutely terrified the first time - I was doing the course for work, they told us what they wanted us to do and I was like - WTF?!?!? )

    I'm also a very shy person, terrible at parties and meeting new people. Completely introverted. Left to my own devices I'll stay at home and read on a Saturday night. You know what I've figured out to be social while lessening the pressure on myself? Ask questions. Most people are happy to talk about themselves. And even if you're not saying anything, the simple fact that you're 'in' a conversation helps to loosen you up - gets you over that initial hump.

    Once they're talking, they'll say things that will either a) open up more opportunities for you to draw them out or b) talk about something that you find interesting, at which point you can take off yourself. And this whole time you're learning more about them, which makes them feel like less of a stranger, which makes them easier to talk to, etc, etc.

    The funny thing about this method is that you can get a reputation for being social, while saying very little at all. I've got a reputation for being very friendly and interested in everybody - simply because I'm too shy to yak at them myself!

    Where this doesn't work is when you get somebody who is either a) also shy, so you both end up sitting there in silence or b) asks you a bunch of questions before you can get them rolling about themself/their own thoughts, which puts you on the spot.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Desiree's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    I feel like a lot of the times I have the same problem. I always feel really intimidated by people who I think are going to judge me (like people I think are better looking than me and the customers at work). I found it was a real struggle to go up to these people and talk to them. I think a lot of this is because of the way I was treated in grade school and junior high - I was always the dorky girl that no one liked, and in my mind I still was that girl. I always assumed that people would think I was some kind of idiot for thinking I could talk to the pretty people or the popular people or whatever.

    Well at one point a mutual friend of mine introduced me to some of those "pretty people" who I always thought were too good for me in high school. We started chatting one of the girls told me that she thought I was a bitch, or that I thought I was too good for everyone because I always avoided talking to these people. I was just scared! In truth you never really know what everyone else is really thinking about you. You're only hurting yourself by avoiding these social situations just because you're scared.

    I've since learned that its more important to just force yourself to make those connections even if you are scared. People are really more concerned about how they look than how you look anyway. Everyone has these feelings and when u realize that everyone is on the same page in that way, you'll improve socially a great deal.

    Just my thoughts....

  16. #16
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    wow i was a dork at school too, and TOTALLY had issues with the "popular" group. lol

    thanks so much for all positivness, its great

    and its good to know theres other dancers out there thinking the same way yippeee!!

  17. #17
    Senior Member Fuschia's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Thanks for the article GCG! That is me, too! I think if more people understood introverts, less of us would get all negative about the extroverts! I've really been working on my small talk, because I SUCK at it. Who wants to talk total nonsense with people, just to fill the space? Guys always think I'm a bitch, which I can be, but really I'm just bad at talking to strangers.

    Fuschia

  18. #18
    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    I think drama is a great idea!! When I first started doing some drama, they have a lot of warm up and icebreaking exercises. They make you do some crazy stuff and after everyone has essentially embarrassed themselves in front of their peers, you do feel more at ease with everyone (well, you're all in the same boat, it's a nice bonding exercise). I know that sounds like it might put some people off, but it's a fabulous idea. And as for communication, you learn to do that in drama.

    Good luck with the communications thing, I hope you make some progress
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

  19. #19
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    i guess a lil update is needed now, i went out for dinner with my friend and about 20odd other people arghh i ended up being phsycally sick about 30min before hand lol but once i was there it wasnt so bad. uncomftable, but bearable. i didnt talk to many ppl tho...that was taking it a bit too far!

    afterwards, my bf and i were to meet up with his mates in a bar. WELL...nuh uh. couldnt do it!!! lol i stood just inside the door of the club, with all the boys, having a great lil panic attack
    felt like a bit of a dick, just being around all those kinda people, uh how to describe them? hmm pretentious,beautiful,rich ( looking at least) popular, etc im sure you get the picture.
    anyways, just felt too ugly and not cool enough to be there. lol

    i guess throwing myself in the deep end was a silly idea

  20. #20
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: personality makeover?

    Rescue Remedy from Bach Flower Remedies.

    Most chemists to stock BFRs esp. the Rescue Remedy. It would've helped calm you down and stop your panic attack. It really does work.


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