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Thread: This is going to sound so pathetic....

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    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Sad This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I am so melancholy today. I am starting to get depressed. If you have read any of my other posts, then you probably know that I love my wife but I am so unhappy and unsatisfied sexually. I do not want to divorce her and I do not want to cheat on her. I almost think that an emotional boost will help me out in the other department. I know that nobody likes a cry baby, but I thought that I would post to see if anyone is interested in making a new friend for a pen pal/chat friendship. I just need a new friend right now. Somone to talk to rather than spilling my guts on this board. I am totally harmless. I am 26 years old, handsome(i like to think anyway), funny, outgoing, and considerate. I am 6'3, 220, athletic, olive skin, with dark hair and brown eyes. (caucasion) I love being a man, but I am very in touch with my feminine side as well. I am very secure in my masculinity.

    This is a completely serious post. This is not a sympathy ploy. I do not just want you to feel sorry for me. If you want to get to know someone with a truly good heart, who is just trying to keep on doing the right thing, then I would love to get to know you. I promise that I am not a sourpuss very often. Just PM me your email addy or whatever.

    If your reply is only to be a jerk, then please just refrain.

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    Veteran Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Quote Originally Posted by Str82ThePoint
    but I thought that I would post to see if anyone is interested in making a new friend for a pen pal/chat friendship. I just need a new friend right now. Somone to talk to rather than spilling my guts on this board. I am totally harmless.
    Well, I am not a jerk, I am cranky and I think you need to be looking to your wife for this type of thing. Communication is the most important element of a relationship and if you dont feel you can communicate these issues with her, you are doing her a serious diservice by looking for it on here. Your wife should be your best friend first and foremost.


    Groovin'

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    The person you should be discussing your unhappiness with is your wife. She is "supposed" to be your best friend, and if you love her as much as you attest to on this site, then you need to bring it to her. She may be feeling the same, or may have some deeper problems. She may be sensing your unhappiness and feeding off it. You brought up the idea of a pen pal or chat buddy. If, for some reason, you have a hard time addressing the matter verbally with her, write HER a letter. Whatever the reason, she needs to be made aware that there is a serious problem. She may just be settling into the "housewife" lifestyle, and becoming complacent, therefore not realizing that there is a problem brewing. Get some help from a counselor if you're open to that, they can work wonders. I really hope everything works out for you guys. You seem like a good guy.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I've talked to you before when you PM'd me.....I don't mind listening and even communicating back and forth with you. It's always fun to make a new 'internet friend'....

    But as I told you before......I think you should talk to your wife. Maybe try counseling? A lot of couples go through marriage counseling. From everything you told me, I think there is a serious problem going on with her. As her husband, and as her best friend.....You should find out someway to help her get through it.

    I don't want you to find your answers in the wrong places and you know what I am talking about

    Communication helps a lot.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Believe it or not, I am already feeling a little better. I think I am friggin Bi-Polar or something. I have tried communication, more that I can ever tell here. She just doesn't feel like it. She is never in the mood and she doesn't know why. Thank you all for your kind words. Hopefully, I will not find solice in the wrong places. Thanks for that bit of advice Rose.

    I guess most people go through ruts. I guess I am just in one of those ruts now. I think I just dig it deeper rather than digging out. Hopefully things will get better.

    God I love how anonymous the internet is....

    Thank you all.

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    *Hugs* Hopefully it gets better soon!


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Best of luck to you buddy. You seem to genuinely love your marriage and wife. We should all be so lucky.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Join billions of other men all through history that got married (they were good enough sexually to marry or at least to knock up once?) and then later ended up feeling like life sucks cause the sexual chemistry isn't happening anymore. Look away if your easily offended.

    Let's be honest dude to dude. We pull this pathetic plea stuff around hot women (and dancers tend to be hot ) in hopes that maybe a PM session will turn into some sympathy will turn into some hot action. Okay, so dude to dude, I fully appreciate that life is pretty sucky without regular hot sex, but honestly man getting it (or help with lack of it) from dancers isn't the way.

    So here is what you do.

    First, let us assume your not just trying to score some secondary action on the side with a hot stripper. Talk is cheap. Talking to your wife about how your sexually unsatisfied isn't going to do jack. You need to take action. You need to turn up the heat in the bedroom. I don't know what your woman is into but whatever it is turn it up a notch. Something new everytime you have sex. If she is a real prude time to start introducing some hot stuff into your bedroom action. Videos, sex toys, kinky fantasies. Hell you could spend months having fun just turning her on to something new everynight. Your the man. It's okay to be a little aggressive and push the boundaries with your woman. Deep down she wants you to do to be the one to take the initiative and turn up the fire on your sex life.

    However if your really just looking for a reason to fuck a different woman then be honest about it. There are plenty of willing women out there.
    Last edited by xdamage; 01-17-2005 at 06:14 PM.

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    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I think you are just depressed because you are not getting enough blowjobs. I would alert your wife to your blowjob needs, and if she doesn't fulfill your needs, find another avenue to receive your alloted blowjobs. Blowjobs make everything better.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

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    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Quote Originally Posted by xdamage
    Let's be honest dude to dude. We pull this pathetic plea stuff around hot women (and dancers tend to be hot ) in hopes that maybe a PM session will turn into some sympathy will turn into some hot action. Okay, so dude to dude, I fully appreciate that life is pretty sucky without regular hot sex, but honestly man getting it (or help with lack of it) from dancers isn't the way.
    I will be perfectly honest with you. This was not in an attempt to get anything other than someone to talk to. Now does it help me to think that the person that I am talking to is a hot chick. For some reason, absolutely. Just like I learned more from my hot teachers than I did from the mean old witches. I am a man after all but I have no alterior motives. My reason is simple. Would I love to have sex with a stripper? 4 times a day and twice as much on Sunday. Would I go through with it if I had the chance? Not a chance. Since I am honest with myself about that fact up front, it is easier for me to relax and accept just a friendship or whatever. Why would I not go through with it? Because I really do love my wife and my life for that matter and I know that as soon as I blow my load, I would feel guilty. Not to mention that I have so much more to lose. So, I have the presence of mind to circumvent that before I get myself there. I guess a lot of men lack conscience. I have plenty of it for a couple of people.
    I'll wager that our sex life is not bad by average married for 7 years standards. But it is bad by porno standards. I guess I shouldn't be such a cry baby. The percentage of people who have a porno sex life and keep it is probably pretty small.
    I went home last night and I counted my blessings. If you ever get down, try that. Write them down. I promise, you will not only have more energy but you will be a happier person. It works!
    I still don't mind making new friends, but I am not nearly as unhappy as I was yesterday. Thanks to everyone.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I would definitely suggest having her go to counseling (along with yourself). Maybe marriage counseling is not what is best for you guys. Maybe it's individual counseling. Do you have a child/ren? Men very easily overlook how exhausting it can be to run around after a little one all day long, cook, clean, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes after doing that with no reprieve...it takes its toll...as exhaustion. Also, if she feels that you are not helping out enough with the child-rearing...she may be 'angry' about that. If you have kids...you need to send them to a grandparents for the weekend and then come home and help your wife relax...kind of like a vacation from motherhood...you may find that the sex-demon in her will find it's way out.

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I know from my own experiences in long term relationships that if the guy I am dating has hurt my trust, my feelings, or been mean in any way, that I will not "be in the mood" for sex. It is the absolute last thing I want to do is give myself freely to someone I am not likeing too much. Maybe you aren't being sensitive to her feelings. MAybe she doesn't trust you. I mean, if I found out my SO was on a stripper site trying to find someone to "talk to" I wouldn't exactly be thinking " wow, my guy is so awesome for looking for someone to give him advice about OUR problems" My advice to you is to go out of your way to show her that you appreciate and love her. Also that you are COMMITTED to her and only her. Women are sensitive beings, and we need to know that we are special. Go talk to your wife and quit looking for an ego stroke.

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    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Well, we have no kids but she does work hard. She is a 1st grade teacher and I think that the kids wear her out. I do try to show her how much I appreciate her. I will go home early and clean the house, do dishes, wash clothes, cook dinner, just to show her that I love her. And it does pay off with sex. But, it is the level of open-minded ness that I have a problem with, not the lack of sex, the lack of kinky sex . I know all of you are going to think that I am just some perv, which at this point is probably indefensible. This may be the wrong place to seek help only because the personality trait that makes you be able to do what you do also makes you open to a lot more things than your average woman, I think, maybe I am wrong there. I also think that it probably turns you off a lot because you do spend all night around a room full of, well, hard-ons.
    I don't think that we need counseling only because I know that the counselor will tell me that I am wrong for wanting to do things that she does not like. I just need something to open her up some. But like I already said today, I am not unhappy, I am just not as happy as I think I can be.

    You girls are super! I aplogize for underestimating you. Before I joined this site, I think that I did just that.

    Whatever happens, I love my wife. She is my whole life. I tell her that often. I try to show her. Thanks again.

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    Senior Member *EriKa*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    You had better hop your wife doesn't find out that you're posting on here.....and believe me, if she doesn't know allready, she will. Us girls notice alot more than you think. You need to talk to your wife...a relationship only happens when the people involved TALK!

    Riley Vaughn

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    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Where does this belief come from that we are not communicating? Maybe we have talked about it to no avail? Ever think of that? Now, I am grateful for everyone's help, but I am beginning to get upset with the COMMUNICATE line. I do communicate with her. I tell her every day how beautiful she is. We talk about our sex life and what could be different or better. She has figured out that when she dresses up, it really puts her in the mood. So, things are getting better.

    Just because I come on here and ask for help, I have NO idea WTF is going on in my relationship. NOT AT ALL, I just love her a lot and I wanted an outside opinion. Women eventually get sick of talking about why they aren't satsifying you in bed. Does wonders for the old self esteem. So instead of running back to her about it, I wanted to talk to someone else. THAT IS ALL.

    UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I relate to you, Str8, because I've been there. First of all I'm guessing that , like me , you suffer from what I've always called my winter blues but which has now been dignified with a fancy name (Seasonal Affective Disorder.) Personally I like "winter blues" better, it sounds less serious. I'm also guessing that your blues are being compounded by a case of middle age crisis, just like mine was. I'm also guessing that, like me, you've already tried talking to your wife many times about it and she doesn't get it. If I'm close to being right, read my posts on the TUSCL discussion board on depression (sorry for the length but I didn't know how else to say that stuff.) If what I wrote rings any bells for you at all and you'd like to chat, I'm here for you. And take your feelings seriously, they aren't going away until you do something about them. Maybe I can help.
    Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL)

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    Featured Member Wwanderer's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Quote Originally Posted by FONDL
    compounded by a case of middle age crisis, just like mine was
    Isn't 26, Str8's age, a bit young for a mid-life crisis??!

    But, more generally, FONDL's post and many of the other responses above illustrate a general "feature" of trying to get advice about personal problems on net forums: Unless you write a verrrrry long account of the details of your particular situation, of your own personality and that of whomever else is involved (and unless your readers are patient enough to take all that in), no one is going to have anywhere remotely close to enough info to give you relevant and useful advice. So, what usually happens...and what happened here, is that people project whatever few details you do give onto their own experiences (as FONDL does in the post I quoted) or onto those of someone they know or maybe onto something they read in a book or saw in a movie or TV show. In other words, they fill in all the missing information with assumptions/guesses, sometimes explicitly as FONDL does but also often implicitly as other respondents above do, based on whatever they know best. There is nothing wrong with such responses, really; it is the best anyone can do.

    However, imo, it then becomes a bit silly to complain that a lot of the comments or advice don't fit your actual situation. Just take any tidbits of wisdom that seem relevant and ignore those that do not. (And, to be clear, all of these comments are not particular to this thread; they apply just as much to lots of other SW threads. At any given moment, there are usually several of them active in various forums.)

    For example, based on this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Str82ThePoint
    I love my wife. She is my whole life. I tell her that often. I try to show her.
    I could guess that you might be pushing the relationship too hard, trying to make it too intense and all consuming etc, for your wife's comfort and inclinations (at least at this stage of her life); she may need too much of her energy and attention for something else in her life (e.g., her career or a problem in her family or...) to want to be your "whole life". If so, this may cause her (consciously or unconsciously) to push you away sexually or limit your sex life. I have seen such things happen, more than once, in relationships. Is that what is going on for you and your wife? I have no idea, but it is another possibility to either consider or ignore based on what you know and we don't.

    -Ww
    "At this moment what more need we seek?
    As the Truth eternally reveals itself,
    This very place is the Lotus Land of Purity,
    This very body is the Body of the Buddha."
    - Zazen Wasan

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    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    I think you hit the nail on the head in the first paragraph Wanderer.

    In the 3rd, you did exactly what you warned about in the first. You took a statement of mine and misunderstood the statement, "she is my whole life." I meant that to be a symbol of how much she means to me, not literally that I don't have anything else.

    So, this is going nowhere I guess....... Bottom line, I got married really young and I am suffering the side effects now. I didn't have enough life experiences to know what I really like. Now, I am put into a situation where I do not know if this is the right thing for me. It may be too good to give up, or there may be something out there that is much better for me. I can be like a lot of guys and F*** around on her. That is not the answer. What is? I don't know. I guess I should just shut the F up and be content right.... Millions of men would kill for what I have. And what I want, there are very few of.

    I once heard a saying, you show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I'll show you a man that's tired of F***ing her. Maybe that is more true than I could have ever believed.

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    Featured Member Wwanderer's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Quote Originally Posted by Str82ThePoint
    I think you hit the nail on the head in the first paragraph Wanderer. In the 3rd, you did exactly what you warned about in the first.
    Two w's in Wwanderer, please...I don't want to be mistaken for W!

    The 3rd paragraph was basically an illustration of my point, an example, as I intended to make clear but maybe did not.

    I got married really young
    And that implies a good chance that your wife also got married "really young"; one or both facts could easily be the root cause of your problems...or not, more assumptions.

    I can be like a lot of guys and F*** around on her.
    That indeed is a traditional solution, and it can work a lot better than "conventional wisdom" usually suggests, if done with maturity and sophistication. If strip clubs depend on sexually unsatisfied married men for much of their business, the same goes double or triple or more for prostitutes...just to mention one option for fulfilling unmet sexual desires without disrupting a marriage.

    -Ww
    "At this moment what more need we seek?
    As the Truth eternally reveals itself,
    This very place is the Lotus Land of Purity,
    This very body is the Body of the Buddha."
    - Zazen Wasan

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    Senior Member Miss_Sierra's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky
    Well, I am not a jerk, I am cranky and I think you need to be looking to your wife for this type of thing. Communication is the most important element of a relationship and if you dont feel you can communicate these issues with her, you are doing her a serious diservice by looking for it on here. Your wife should be your best friend first and foremost.

    What Cranky said.

  21. #21
    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    LOL.... Dude, I am not buying a whore, sorry...

  22. #22
    Pamela
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Well i have recieved several pm's from you. Not one was sexual. You are nice, and just explained who you are very well. If i seemed harsh about you and you're wife, i meant not to. I will chat with you if you are lonely again.

    I see no problem with chatting/venting.

    hugz,

    Pamela

  23. #23
    Member Str82ThePoint's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    My God, somone gets it... Thank you Pamela.

    Uhhh huhhhh huhhh .... My P-rofile says Member .... Uhhhh huhhhh huhhh
    Sorry, bad Beavis and Butthead joke.

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Ww, I competely agree with your point about giving advice without having nearly enough information, there's way too much of that on this board. And if you've read enough of my posts you'll find that I rarely if ever do that. If you read my earlier post here, you'll also discover that I didn't give any advice here either. What I tried to do was answer Str8's request for anyone interested in corresponding to say so. I also suggested he read a series of very lenghty posts that I made elsewhere to describe my own bout with depression to see if there are any similarities. At this point I have no idea whether there are or aren't, although whenever I hear of depression at this time of year I think SAD. And I agree that midlife crisis usually comes later in life (very late in my case) but not always. Anyway, having said all that, I take it very seriously when someone admits to depression and asks for help. Depression is a very serious condition - I know, I've been there. And I was shocked at how few people were interested in helping, most of my friends wanted no part of it.
    Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL)

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    Veteran Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is going to sound so pathetic....

    Quote Originally Posted by Str82ThePoint
    My God, somone gets it...
    I get it. I think what you two need to do is sit down and have a no-holds barred conversation about relationship expectations, dissapointments, things you like/dislike about each other, what wants and needs arent being met, etc... If you both arent happy, then get the hell out of the relationship.

    I get that tingly feeling on the back of my neck while reading your posts and usually that means something isnt right. Does she know you are on here doing this? Do you realize how embarassed she would be to know you are broadcasting this out there without coming to her first? Show her some respect by dedicating your time trying to work it out with her, not on a public forum.

    This is the classic "my wife doesnt understand me/satisfy me" spiel that has been discussed before.


    Groovin'

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