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Thread: Anger Management

  1. #1
    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Anger Management

    When you occasionally have a really bad day,
    and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on
    someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. It all
    started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone
    call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.


    A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is
    Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?"

    Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her
    phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled,
    "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said: "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me
    off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had
    better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    "Yes, it is."

    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out
    in front."

    "What's your name?"

    "My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.

    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    "I'm home every evening after five."

    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

    "Yes?"

    "Don, you're an asshole."

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem,
    I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them,
    it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.

    called Asshole #1.

    "Hello."

    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah," I said.

    "Stop calling me," he screamed.

    "Make me," I screamed back.

    "Who are you?" he demanded.

    "My name is Don Burgemeyer."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "I live at 1802 West 34th Street , ASSHOLE! It's a yellow house, with my black beemer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over there right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

    Then I called Asshole #2.

    "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello, asshole," I said... again, without hanging up.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"

    "Yeah, you'll what?" I said.

    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming Over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I
    was on my way home to kill my lover.

    Then I called Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going down on West 34th Street I
    quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

    NOW, I feel better.

    Anger management really works!


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



  2. #2
    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger Management

    Someone told me that one when I usta bartend. It's one of my fav. jokes. I'm gonna have to print it out so I can remember the whole thing. I am so bad at tellin jokes. Thanks Rose, seems everyone has been in a bad mood by the posts today, maybe this will cheer them up.


    OH LOOOOOOK!!!!! I'm finally a feature again. They stripped me of my title when they did the move thingy. Yay!!!!!

  3. #3
    Member Sweet Melissa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger Management

    Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. #4
    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger Management

    Rose somehow this doesn't surprise me in the very least. Although it is a creative way of dealing with assholes. Got any ideas for telemarketers?

  5. #5
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger Management

    Quote Originally Posted by RedZ28
    Rose somehow this doesn't surprise me in the very least. Although it is a creative way of dealing with assholes. Got any ideas for telemarketers?
    Yeah Red keep this in mind...I talked with someone who used to be a telemarketer and she told me something very interesting: they can't hang up on you! Now if you get incredibly creepy and hostile and obscene, sure, but as part of their job, they can't hang up on you. G'head and talk sports for a few hours, or ask for advice on something.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

  6. #6
    Senior Member janazoo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger Management

    LMAF this was great. I'm printing it out right now and emailing it to my friends.

    I have never heard this before.

    Good one rose You get the Gold Medal for Jokes today

  7. #7
    Member Casey-11's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger Management

    LOL Rose, that one is priceless.
    I have been searching for that one for years now.
    Thank you.

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