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Thread: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

  1. #1
    madmaxine
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    Default "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Last night my sister was telling me that I have deep seated anger issues and need counseling. The way she told me made me mad, so I looked pissed-off and assumed a defensive, angry posture.....of course, she had an expression of "I told you so.." (She's a Communications Major and is somewhat an authority on reading people's verbal/body language.)
    I told her that I have a right to be angry sometimes, I don't feel I need counseling, AND most of all, it's genetic- I'm like my grandpa. (He looked and acted like Hank's dad on "King of the Hill"- tiny angry eyes, short stature, rude....however, he lived to age 89, so I can't see where his anger hindered his life in any way. In fact, he impinged on others.)
    I'm not socially inappropriate (I don't want to get my ass kicked) I don't say rude things (manners) and I do my best every day to treat others well. So...where's the problem here? Is my sister trying to be helpful? Is there something I'm missing?

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    I think anger is an emotion that is very necessary for our well being. Its our way of venting and releasing "steam". However too much anger is not healthy, both my mother and sister have intense anger issues and married even angrier men. I really hate to be around them sometimes because there is never any peace. I am constantly telling them to go to the gym and release some of their agression.
    Maybe you should take your sister's advice and seek counseling. Go for one session and decide for yourself what path ,if any, you take.
    You might also want to spend more time at the gym. Weightlifting, tae-bo/kick boxing and boxing classes helped me through a very angry period in my life. Maybe its something you should consider.
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    People said once I should take anger management. I think if you have physical anger issues you should..but as long as you arent physically abusive or rude all the time, you're fine.

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    Veteran Member Sapphire's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    I sometimes find myself a very angry person. My husband thinks I overreact to things at times. But other times I am perfectly fine. Sometimes I find myself acting like my father (which let me tell you is not something I'm proud of. This is the guy who yelled when something was wrong, and punched a few holes in the wall). I tell myself that things that have been embedded in a person take time to change. I have progressively gotten better, less yelling. No punching holes in walls for me. But every once in a while I backslide. Something that has helped me a bit was to get a lot of things off my chest with my parents. Which was an all out battle. They thought my anger was unwarranted no matter how I explained my feelings. But in the end it did make me feel better. Okay, so enough of my ramble.

  5. #5
    242_fair
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    I've always been emotional if the setting calls for, but since dancing I've noticed that I'm getting a lot madder at smaller things... esp things that involve money (going psycho about an overcharge on my phone bill, for example). My own sister told me recently that I've become a 'rage-aholic', but I don't think this is actually a medical condition.

    I noticed that when I took a month off work in December, it wasn't nearly so bad.

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    Featured Member Muyaha's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Um... I think that if someone is acting out on their anger all the time such as constantly getting into physical fights or whatever they need anger management or therapy. Now if you aren't doing that and you are just on edge when you are around your sister which it kind of sounds like, but I'm just getting that from your post, then it's situational. I think everyone is allowed to show anger in a social okay way once in a while. A person has to sometimes but it's one of those things that has a thin line between being okay and being overboard. from your post it sounds more like frusteration that you were unable to show emotion than anger.

    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    If this anger thing interrupts normal life functions such as: dinner, at work, relationships, everyday living etc....then yea you might want to go for a session or two. Maybe, you sister sees something that you dont see. If you are slighty concerned about any of your anger and why it happens just go try it. The worst thing that they can say is your nuts? Which I dont think you are. Counseling is there to help you understand and help the things you do if anything at all.
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  8. #8
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    I've noticed that people that call the knee-jerk "anger problem" card often have the opposite problem of supressing their anger, which isn't good either.

    I read about a recent study that noted that people that physically lashed out their anger (hitting or throwing things, etc...) tended to be angrier for a longer period of time than people who gave themselves a "time-out", just kinda sat and ruminated for a while.

    Anyhow, most of us get angry at times, but as long as it doesn't interfere with your life adversely and you don't habitually hurt people (either verbally or physically) I wouldn't worry too much.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

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  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Anger is not a primary emotion. Anger always stems from another feeling, i.e. rejection, loss, pain etc.

    What i find funny (not ha ha funny) is that anger management actually teaches one how to be angry. Which may be good, because once you figure out (and you know) why you feel anger, you can learn to release it. However you chose, hit a few pillows, cry alone, keep a journal etc.

    But best let out you're feelings in private. I have written down feelings read them a few times and burned them. Watching them burn felt GOOD.

    We all have our own coping skills deep inside us. Some doctors want to put people who feel angry on antidepressants. I hear that is wrong, don't mask the feelings, let them out.
    And let them go. Also some people can be real downers, causing feelings of anger. Change the subject when they bring up YOU and how you SEEM to feel/act.

    You know how you feel, they do not.

    Good luck,

    Pamela

  10. #10
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    Last night my sister was telling me that I have deep seated anger issues .... the way she told me made me mad
    LOL.. You poor thing.

    I get so aggravated by those spinning double standards- sounds like your sister is one of them. It's like that whole Alcoholism catch-22, if you say you don't have a problem and have consumed one (1) beer in the last 365 days, you're an alcoholic. LOL.

    It's just like those that poke and poke and poke with "you have an anger problem!" to the point of making someone angry, then "Told you so!" Ugh!

    If I had a nickel for every woman (.. or past ex-gf's..) that were condemned by some as having an 'anger problem', I'd be a rich man right now. None of them sufferred from anything of the sort, but were all good, decent, giving, and compassionate individuals.

    One of the basic human needs after food/shelter is being heard or recognized. There are going to be people out there that are polar opposites to you in their beliefs or behaviors, and if they are also of a personality type that doesn't recognize or respect other's opinions (even if they disagree with them..), encounters with them are going to be aggravating. This is normal human behavior, and it's very well supported with personality type keying.

    I've found, the bottom line for self-discovery if you have an anger problem is to ask yourself a few questions:
    1) Are there some people in your life that when communicating or discussing things with them, you can go long periods of time without a heated argument errupting? Sort of an 80/20 percent rule of good/bad. Not talking good, conceptual debate here- but a nasty, name calling-style argument/fight.

    2) When you do become angry, what is the frustration level you exhibit? Do you become violent? Do you throw or break things? Do you ever hurt yourself OR others?

    3) How often are you unhappy or brooding? Do you find yourself alone and angry often?


    Many people are also Bipolar and mis-diagnosed as having anger problems, when it's simply a chemical imbalance that's easily corrected through meds. I doubt this is the case here though.

    It sounds more to me like you should just limit your contact with your sister and instead surround yourself with different kinds of people. Most of us have at least one family member that infuriates or aggravates us. We need to try to make the best of our exposure as they are family, but if your contact with them is fairly different than your contact with friends, I'm not seeing any kind of "problem".... plus more abrasive personality types can still be happy as long as it's not rooted in discontent or suffering... just talk to many Jersey or East Coasters hehe.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  11. #11
    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Heh, polecat, my ex once said the ultimate way to end an argument was to say "you get upset over everything!" and then when they say "I'm not upset" respond with "if you really weren't upset you wouldn't need to be proving it." If the person tries to respond, aha, they're getting upset over that comment, thereby proving arguer correct - so they just stop.

    I have definite anger issues, and have thought on and off about counseling it somehow. I hit things, I've had bruised knuckles for days from hitting stuff like the walls just that hard. I'm calmer these days, mostly because I'm not living with my brother who drives me insane. All the time. Every time I see him. My bf points out the absurdity and makes me laugh about it, but even my bf wanted to hit my brother once ['cause my brother was picking on my little sister, the baby of the family].
    Mostly I try to go off by myself and calm the hell down about it. It usually will go away on it's own. Hitting or throwing things, even things like pillows or balloons or something equally harmless, isn't healthy for me - it isn't satisfying enough so I move up to more destructive things. That's just kinda seconding what NinaDaisy mentioned.
    "I still have my name
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  12. #12
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    I don't have an anger problem, and the people that say i do are trying to get one over on me!!!!


    lol

  13. #13
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    but seriously.. it sounds like your sister was not being genuine about you having an "anger problem," more or less finding a creative way to put you down...
    If someone was genuinely concerned, there are no "I told you so looks!'

    People sometimes do that, the trick is to consider the source..

  14. #14
    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Well,I don't think you can go by what sisters say anyway,I am calm with everyone,but when it comes to my sister,forget about it!I am out of control,no doubt.But I would have some concern if it were coming from people other then sis.

  15. #15
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Baby, your sister knows you. And we don't. That you are looking here for someone who knows you pretty well, and whose opinion you seem to respect should tell you something. I don't know if you have anger issues - but generally when you poke around and hear something squeal, there is something to it. You know yourself better than anyone. Trust your own opinion about the quality of your life.

    By the way, is that you in your avatar?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  16. #16
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: "...I...Have Anger Issues?"

    Sister and I had a talk today..we jokingly decided, "Anger is a gift." (No, I didn't force her to... ; P ) Thankfully it's not a big deal, it was just something that came up in conversation.

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