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Thread: You Might Be A New Englander If...

  1. #1
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Heh.. This was cute. Got it in my email this morning. I swear that more than half of those were written specifically about us in RI. lmfao.. Enjoy!!!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Jeff Foxworthy on New England


    If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in New England.

    If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in New England.

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in New England.

    If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in New England.

    If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in New England.

    If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in New England.

    If your town has more bars than churches, you might live in New England.

    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in New England.

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:

    1. "Vacation" means going South past New York City for the weekend.

    2. You measure distance in hours.

    3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

    4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

    5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

    6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

    7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

    8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife knows how to use them.

    9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

    10.Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

    11.You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

    12.You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

    13.Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

    14.You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

    15.Down South to you means Philadelphia.

    16.A brat is something you eat.

    17.Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.

    18.You go out for a fish fry every Friday.

    19.Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

    20 You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

    21.You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

    22.You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your New England friends.




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    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    And some more......



    you think crosswalks are for wimps.

    "Khakis" are something you start the car with.

    You think if someone's nice to you, they either want something or they are from out of town and probably lost.

    You know how to cross 4 lanes of traffic in 5 seconds.

    Anything past Worcester is "the middle of nowhere."

    You think it's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.

    You know that a yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through .... And that a red light means 2 more can.

    A Crown Victoria = undercover cop.

    The transportation system is know as the "T."... Subway is a fast food place.


    There are 24 Dunkin Donuts Shops within 15 minutes of your house.

    Yield signs are absolutely meaningless. It's every man for himself in the rotaries.

    You anticipate a 15 mile backup on weekends attempting to get to or return from Cape Cod over the Sagamore or Bourne bridges.

    You think of Rhode Island as the "deep South."

    You believe using a turn signal gives away your plan to the enemy.

    If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 or more different names.

    Someone has honked at you because you didn't peel out the second the light turned green.

    You've honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second the light turned green.

    All the potholes just add excitement to your driving experience.

    Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only if you feel like it.

    Six inches of snow is considered a "dusting."

    Three days of 90+ heat is definitely a "heat wave"..... and 63 degreeweather is "on the warm side."

    $15 to park is a bargain. So you walk two miles. Otherwise, it costs $12 an hour.

    You cringe every time you hear some actor/actress imitate the "Boston accent" on TV or in a movie. If you don't have it, you're never going to get it right....even if you were born here.

    You can go from one side of your hometown to the other and in less than 15 minutes and see at least 15 losers you graduated with doing the same exact thing they were doing the last time you saw them.

    At the ice cream shop, you call chocolate sprinkles "Jimmies."

    You call rubber bands "elastics", drinking fountains "bubblers", and soda pop "tonic." ,

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    LMFAO 8TJ.. Those are great!

    "Khakis" is one of my faves.. LOL

    I just remembered "Grinder" too. I remember when I was living in Arizona. We went into a sandwich place, and I ordered one. The girl behind the counter looked at me like I had 3 heads. I finally had to say.. "Okay, okay.. Give me a 'Sub'"

    Fluff is another thing that no one knows about in most places I've been.

    I know that we (RI and the rest of the NE) can't be the only ones in the world who refer to it as FLUFF? Say it ain't so!

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    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    When you watch "Family Guy" it makes you laugh because you can relate to the characters.

    You know that a quahog is a large clam.

    You know that "Pawtucket Patriot" is a fictional brewery based on a real Boston-based one.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Those are pretty accurate.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Rhia,
    By fluff are you referring to the activity performed on porn stars before filming to "get their attention"?

    It could not be the marshmellow stuff (aka Velveeta-marshmellows), cause everyone knows that.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Quote Originally Posted by montythegeek
    Rhia,
    By fluff are you referring to the activity performed on porn stars before filming to "get their attention"?

    It could not be the marshmellow stuff (aka Velveeta-marshmellows), cause everyone knows that.
    LOL no no, I am indeed referring to the latter, Sir Monty.

    I've lived in Illinois, Cuba (Gitmo), Virginia, and Arizona, and no one in or around there knew what the hell I was talking about.

    Oh, and when I lived in Illinois, you couldn't find coffee syrup anywhere! My ex monster-in-law had to bring a ton up with her for my ex hubby whenever she visited.

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    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Hahaha, the New Hampshire-raised bf isn't speaking to me anymore because "what... you people don't call them Jimmies?"

    He thought it was particularly funny listening to me read these with my southern accent. Heehee. His favorites were the one about the halloween costumes and the seasons.

    Rhia, I wasn't aware of Fluff until I moved to NY.
    "I still have my name
    I still have my face
    I have not run away from home
    Doesn't seem so long
    If I now embrace
    Every single thing I've never known"

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    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Well, it is 9 degress now, they are talking heavy snow tomorrow and I have had the flu for a week so I think I qualify as a New Englander. Anyway some more ways off telling....

    You know you are from New England if....

    60° F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.
    People in New England sunbathe.

    50° F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
    People in New England plant gardens.

    40° F: Italian & English cars won't start.
    People in New England drive with the windows down.

    32° F: Distilled water freezes.
    Maine's Moose head Lake's water gets thicker.

    20° F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
    People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

    15° F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
    People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.

    0° F: All the people in Miami die.
    New Englanders close the windows.

    10° below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico.
    The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.

    25° below zero: Hollywood disintegrates.
    People in New England get out their winter coats.

    40° below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air.
    People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.

    100° below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North
    Pole.
    New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."

    460° below zero: All atomic motion stops (absolute
    zero on the Kelvin scale).
    People in New England start saying, "cold 'nuff for ya?"

    500° below zero: Hell freezes over.
    The Yankees win back the World Series.

  10. #10
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    lmao rhiannon!! i love it!

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Hehehe Tampa.. Glad you liked it..

    8TJ, I love those too! You know, that storm is supposed to be hell. We went grocery shopping today because, well, we needed to go. It was PACKED. When we saw how busy it was, I asked the hubby "What day is it?", because I thought it was near the first of the month or something, and then he said "Well, it is supposed to snow pretty bad tomorrrow". Gah.. That must definitely be a New England thing as well though, whenever a major snow storm (or Summer storm, etc..) is announced, people flock to the grocery store and buy things whether they need them or not. LOL

    What bothered me most is that they used to have a self-checkout lane that was designated for over 20 items. Well, they went and changed it to 20 items or less, just like the rest of them. Blah. So we had to wait in a line that was wrapped around the store, with the baby who wasn't very happy about waiting around. LOL.

    We'll see how much snow we get. I seriously hope it's not as bad as they've said it will be. Weathermen, especially here in RI are so unreliable. The way it works normally though, is that whatever they forecast will either be the exact opposite, or it will be far worse then they project. LOL

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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    You might be from New England:

    When you go to the grocery store and Lobster is cheaper than Chicken.

    When you you give complete driving directions to a lost traveler and none of what you have given him include street signs.

    You watch the Vegan Californians move in next door and hear them complain about "How can anybody want to kill a cute defensless animal like a White Tail Deer"

    You then watch next year as the Vegan Californians don hunting gear, dear tags, and want to kill every single White Tail throughout the state because thier car has been totaled by a deer strikes several times, and thier award winning garden has been destroyed multiple times by the local herd.

    Your first legal drink is at 19 in Quebec.

    Your TV and radio reception is much better from Stations in Canada than from your own State.

    The only after school sport you know of is Ice Hockey.

    Go Patriots!!

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Quote Originally Posted by madgrad

    Go Patriots!!
    WOOT! Hell yeah!

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    God/dess Gia2608's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon
    Heh.. This was cute. Got it in my email this morning. I swear that more than half of those were written specifically about us in RI. lmfao.. Enjoy!!!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife knows how to use them.

    14.You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

    22.You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your New England friends.



    Uh Oh- I totally thought these were normal!!!! Chripy, at least I lost my accent.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    God/dess Gia2608's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    [QUOTE=madgrad]You might be from New England:



    When you you give complete driving directions to a lost traveler and none of what you have given him include street signs."

    You mean : Take a left at the big church and a right after Dunkin Donuts??


    P.S. Rhiannon- what club do you work at??- I'm coming up there soon.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: You Might Be A New Englander If...

    My favorite one is

    When you get directions like:

    "Go about 2 miles and take a left where the old Williams farm used to be" and you know exactly the intersection they mean

    Rhia

    Yeah I know what you mean about the weather and stores.My wife went to the store this morning becasue she had to, not because of the snow, and said it was a mess. For gods sake its 18 hours of snow, not a tsunami
    It is 2:30 now and it started snowing about an hour ago. Looking at the wx map it looks like RI is getting it now. It is coming down pretty hard but very light flakes. Started a fire in the fireplace and the girls are watching Mary Poppins. I have corn beef in the slow cooker so we are all set for the night. Now what should we (wife and I not the dogs) do next to that nice warm fire....after the kids go to up sleep .

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