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Thread: Morals and self esteem

  1. #1
    Newbie MissKitty's Avatar
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    Default Morals and self esteem

    This is something I struggle with from time to time, so I guessed that other dancers out there must deal with it too.


    It has to do with the whole morality thing... and where your job fits into your belief system. I, for instance, consider myself to be a fairly open minded woman. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, I'm pro-choice, I like to sit back with a joint once and a while, and I truly admire my coworkers when I see an awesome pole trick or a great hustle. But there's a little part of me, (quite possibly due to my Catholic uprbringing or my short, but crazy experience as a Jehovah's Witness) that feels so dirty... so guilty for using my sex appeal and my body as a means of making quick money. I did quite well in school, but dropped out of college in my junior year to get married. Now, at 26, I've been a stripper for nearly 2 years, and I can't help but wonder if I'm a horrible, immoral person headed straight to hell. I don't look at other dancers and see them in a bad light. I know that we have to work damn hard for our money, both physically and mentally. I don't judge anyone I meet as a coworker or customer, but when it comes all back down to me... It's instant condemnation. Let's face it, there are a lot of people out there who believe we are some of the worst kind.

    As a teenager, I was aware of my emerging sexuality, and completely uncomfortable with it. I would look at 'Playboy' magazines in awe...Those girls were so beautiful, showing off their nakedness. I used to pretend to pose fresh out of the shower at 17, imagining myself on the set of some exotic photo shoot. But I was painfully shy, and had yet to even kiss a boy in real life. Today, almost 10 years later, I have become quite skilled in my ability to seduce a man and empty his wallet. I've learned to be (mostly) comfortable in my body and embrace the curves I was given.

    So I guess my question is this...can any of you girls out there relate to my rambling? Do you feel sexy and empowered on one hand, but a little sleazy and bottom of the barrel on another? Does society's view of strippers have a hold on you, or can you just brush it off as garbage? My dad, who knows of my job, recently saw some expose on tv about dancers and is now assuming I'm a prostitute and a cocaine addict because of some crap on HBO. How do you cope with crap like that? Or the customer who speaks down towards you, like 'why are you doing this sleazy job'?

    Just some thoughts...

  2. #2
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    Me too.

    I was watching some movie the other night where Kirsten Dunst plays a girl stripping for the first time at the end and of course the club is sleazy and all the men are hollering and waving their bills with depraved grimaces on their faces.

    And she hates it but gets into it as the degradation climaxes.

    Then there's a shootout of course....

    But yeah, it all looked so creepy seeing it from an outside perspective. I don't feel that way when I am in the club making everyone happy and profiting........

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

    In other words, fuck 'em. I have serious doubts as to a customer's moral superiority if he frequents the same "sleazy" clubs in which I work. Either we're both sleazy and he's merely deluded as well, or neither are sleazy and he's an asshat. Simple logic.

    My family has known me for 26 years. If the mere fact of my job can change their twenty-six year opinion of me, then they didn't know me that well to begin with. Their loss and their problem.

    Society thinks a lot of fucktarded things. Thankfully, I'm a bit brighter than that. Man as an individual is an intelligent creature; humanity as a whole is as stupid and malleable as cattle.

    Hope this makes you feel better.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    oh Miss Kitty,,,,

    You are a very smart woman. You know why you feel this way. You have been conditioned through religion and society to think that what you are doing is wrong......

    and it IS NOT WRONG OR IMMORAL TO DANCE NAKED FOR MEN AND ENJOY IT!!!!!!!

    first of all, go to amazon.com and buy a book called the history of exotic dance. This will give you an excellent background on all the GODDESSSES that have danced naked for thousands of years

    Dancing women used to be sacred and celebrated. Then when God became a "man" about 4-5,000 years ago, men decided that women should be punished for being the innately sexual and POWERFUL beings that they are. Men are afraid of the power that a womans sexuality possesses, and they try to use us, and then make us feel guilty about it. Realize this FACT, and feel sympathy for these fearful men, not anger..

    Please realize that dancing naked and loving it is a wonderful thing, and nothing to be even remotely ashamed of. God has blessed us with beautiful bodies that we use to spread pleasure and joy to men that are so desperate to be next to a woman to feel that femenine energy.. it is a spiritual practice if you want to see it that way

    perception = reality

    anyone that tries to make you feel bad about yourself is only doing it to boost their own low self esteem. this is difficult to remember at all times, but it is the truth. that is why I urge women not to resent or hate men. Empathy is the key here.

    We women are here together on this forum and this planet to celebrate our sexuality and power, not to feel guilty about it. do some in depth reading about Venetian courtisans... and it will fascinate you. They were paid for sex, and they had a seperate rate for conversation. Many famous courtisans influanced the history of Europe profoundly.

    Good luck to you, and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you

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    Senior Member tearstearstears's Avatar
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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    Hey Katrine, do you remember what the name of that movie is called?

    Morals schmorals i say. If i'm already having premarital sex then taking my clothes off for money is certainly not going to make me feel immoral. Seriously, it's just a job and there are plenty of other jobs where people have questionable morals -take working in the tobacco industry for example. As long as you're a good, decent person and you're not hurting anyone else you should be ok with what you do. Stripping is so mainstream and acceptable now anyway.

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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    Miss Kitty, I have a lot of the same doubts that you have. I enjoy the work when I'm doing it, and I respect my coworkers and all the other brave, sexy ladies out there shaking what they've got to pay the bills, but sometimes I think about how devestated my mother would be if she knew what I'm doing, and it makes me feel bad. I hate that I have to keep my job so quiet among my friends because they would judge me--without meaning to, but I know that they would.

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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    "An' it harm none, do as thou wilt" -The Wiccan Rede

    Your ethical checklist

    1. Is what you do intentionally hurting anyone else?
    No. (Wo)men go to strip clubs with the intention of spending money to see exactly what they end up seeing. They're expected to leave happy.

    Meanwhile: Does society look down at pimps, who sell drugs and beat up women? Nope. Does society look down at the mafia, who "off" people daily and ruin lives? Nope. Media glamourizes both.

    2. Is what you do intentionally misleading?
    If you are misleading people, promising them one thing and giving them another after they've paid, then you should stop doing that.

    3. Do other groups of people face chastisement for the same action?
    Nope. There are social double standards. Frat boys on my campus strip down to g-strings for free during parties or shows, and they never have to face consequences. If the moral category of the action changes depending on who's doing it, guess what, it's probably not immoral.


    You don't need to justify stripping as long as it's making you happy.

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    Default Re: Morals and self esteem

    Quote Originally Posted by Ladybug
    sometimes I think about how devestated my mother would be if she knew what I'm doing, and it makes me feel bad. I hate that I have to keep my job so quiet among my friends because they would judge me--without meaning to, but I know that they would.
    I know what you mean. I haven't told anyone except for one guy friend, who didn't take it too well. not because I feel it's wrong, but because I don't know how they would feel about it. it's the same with other things I do. My mom and friends don't know I sleep naked now and then, and I wouldn't want them to know, but I don't feel it's immoral.

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