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Thread: ladies, i am freaking out

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    Sad ladies, i am freaking out! help plz!

    so i've been wanting to get back into dancing(i've danced before but for a total of like 2 or 3 days at 2 different clubs about 6 months ago) but the thing is, i hadn't planned to go back into it for a couple more months. i had been conditioning at the gym for a while and had planned to start again more towards the summer, but i just lost my regular job, so i figured, so what? i'll go back to dancing.i made a lot when i did it. so that was the plan. i took notes from the website, posted some questions, figured i'd be ok to go real soon. but money's getting kind of tight, and i'm eating popcorn for dinner. i wanted to wait until the end of the month, when the girl to customer ratio goes down because everybody's trying to pay their rent right now. (something i learned from the first club i worked in). but my bank account is saying i might have to start this weekend. ok, this is fine... i just have to get psyched up right? i thought i'd be fine, but when i went to the thrift store to get a long skirt or something to dance in, i suddenly felt so horrible. like i was whoring myself out. it made me remember why my stints at the other club only lasted a day. i thought, ok, this is just me being
    nervous. once i start trying on the clothes and stuff, i'll be fine. after all, i'm not whoring myself out! nobody's even allowed to touch me! but the feeling didn't go away and the more i looked over the clothes, the more i felt like i was betraying my body, selling it....like a prostitute. i remember, this is what made me stop before. but if i feel like that, then why do i have such good memories of all the fun i had at the club? why do i want to go back? why have i been trying for so many months to condition myself at the gym? i tried to push the feeling back, and was trying on my dress at home. i thought it'd be fun to model it for my boyfriend, but then my face just dropped when i thought about what he thought seeing me model a dress "for him" when he knew it was really all for a bunch of other guys. i thought "what a bad girlfriend i must be, showing him what all the other guys will get that's supposed to be all his.showing him what i plan on "giving" someone else,and how i will be displaying my body." he totally supports my decision to dance, and has never said anything like that to make me think he thinks like that.... i jsut felt like a whore. please don't get the wrong idea.. i know strippers are not prostitutes, i know the heavy lines drawn between the two and the strict rules and standards we hold ourselves , and other people, to, to keep this exact mentality from being applied to us. why do i feel so terrible? what's wrong with me? if i hate dancing, then why do i want to do it so bad? why do i spend so much time on this website soaking up as much info about the job as possible? why do i crave the whole scene so much? am i just nervous about starting so soon? should i ignore the feeling or forget about being a dancer period? sorry about all the jibber jabber and questions.. i think i'm just scared. from going back and reading my own post , it would appear to me that i may be having trouble separating my "stripper self" from my "girlfriend self" and my "real self".
    i have to wonder if this is something i am able to do, or maybe that's not it at all. how do i fix this? what's wrong with me? i know i can do this.. i've done it before. and i had fun. i'm just nervous....
    Last edited by dakota1; 01-27-2005 at 07:02 PM.

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    This is an issue with which I struggle as well. There are elements of the job that I love--getting to put on makeup and prance around and having guys want me and making more money in one night than I could make in 3 months of work study, but some parts of it make me feel really shitty. My club has a lot of gropers, even though it's theoretically no-contact, and they make me want to quit.

    If you feel as bad about it as it sounds like you do, you won't do yourself any favors by convincing yourself that you're OK with dancing. It's not for everyone. The money is tempting, but no amount of money is worth your self esteem and your ability to feel good about yourself. It sounds like you're having a lot more than a few nervous twinges.

    Could you try being a cocktail waitress at the club? That way, you're not exposing your body, but you can still make a whole bunch of money and be in that environment.

    If you'd like to talk more, PM me. Whatever you decide to do, good luck! It's a tough call.

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    The more we think about doing something the more we talk ourselves out of doing it.

    The longer you stand on the diving board the more scared you get. if someone pushes you in a few times and you finally get in the water it isn't so bad, is it.

    Just go to work and once you get around all the other dancers who are selling dances and performing on stage it will get in your blood. You're not around other dancers and it probably is holding you back.

    Are you exposed to people outside the club or were you raised in an environment that was ultra conservative? Was it ever drilled in your head that sex is dirty or bad?

    How do you feel about having a pretty enough face and a good enough body to be able to make money off your looks?

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    Member dakota1's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    lady bug thank you! tina, that may be it... i was homeschooled my entire life up until college, and my parents are SUPER conservative. i never got "the talk" and i didn't even know what an "erection" was until i was 17 and i had to ask my mom. talk about sheltered... and she does refer to strippers as "prostitutes." At one point, when i let her know i had an admiration for marilyn monroe, she refferred to her as a whore and asked why i would want to be like someone like that. :ally:: yes. how dare she show her granny panties in such a provacative way. that tramp. why, you could almost see her bellybutton. how lude. i thought i had avoided being a product of my upbringing.
    Last edited by dakota1; 01-27-2005 at 10:11 PM.

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    Veteran Member Miss_Eliza's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    Well you have some things to deal with. I think it would be a good idea to start a journal. Write all your negative thoughts and feelings about stripping. Think about were they come from. Who or what inforces or confirms those veiws. Think about your whole life. not just the present, growing up too.

    Then write all your positive thoughts and feelings. Were do they come from.
    how do these positive thoughts make you feel? are you feeling bad about enjoying dancing? Take your time and explore every aspect of your feelings.
    One good exersize is to write down the negative blurts about yourself as they come to mind.Then take them one by one and make them a positive statment.
    "I am too fat and I can't dance anyway" to "I am not fat and I am a good dancer" Then read the positive ones daily.

    And remember just because your wearing it at work dosen't mean that it isn't for your boyfriend. Just because someone eles is looking at it dosen't make it for them. they are just lucky enough to be there.
    My boyfriend has bought me all kinds of things for Valentines day and ext. I wear it for him we have great sex and if i wear it at work . then I think about him. I dance as if he was watching. I still wear stuff I have worked in at home for him. I just end up with nice things to think about at work.
    Life is a matter of perspective.
    You say psycho like it's a bad thing

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    Senior Member amber88's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    Honey, I understand we all have bills to pay. But dancing should not be a "last resort" to you. I mean if you want to dance because it fits your personality, you'd rather not work for other people, or if the flexible schedule attracts, or the money...then its for you. I remember long ago..on my very first night when I made $75 bucks, I was so down on myself and I thought that since I did not turn into a proffesional hustler that first night~how could I ever be sucessful, and then I remember my mind (which really was fear) started to trick me and I was thinking "what am I doing," "what if my family knew, what kind of girl am I for getting into this?" Shiiiit, after a good nights sleep and a day of chill'en I decided to go give it another shot and face my fears, realizing that sucsess does not happen overnight. I realized that I was shifting my fear to "what would everyone think of me" senarios. I'm so glad that I did not psych myself out.


    But for you,you need to decide if its just out of fear of actually going and doing it. But if you feel that dancing will make you feel dirty, or "whoring yourself out" then I don't know if its for you. I personally feel that I am a stronger, empowered, more mature woman since I started dancing. And I know this...I live my life for me...I love the people in my life, but I can't worry about what they think of me..if they are judging me..screw it! I don't need'em. I know I'm staying out of trouble, I don't do drugs, I don't need drinks before I go on stage (no offense to you ocassional drinkers) I go into work, and go home. So if you can do that...you'll be fine. But think about it and don't go there out of desperation. Go there when you're ready.

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    Member Veronica13's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    I feel your pain. I know exactly what you are going through with the parents thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm leading a double- life. Oh well. I just decided that I'm going to stop regretting that I am ME. Anyone who stands firm in their beliefs is bound to be criticized. However, I'm more likely to look down on someone who changes who they are to please anyone but themself. I'm not exactly sure about my theories but you have written quite a few lengthy threads, which leads me to believe you are a "thinker". Just curious, but are many of your thoughts contradictory, like you always feel torn?
    Veronica


    "Never compromise yourself. You're all you've got."
    -Janis Joplin

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    Member dakota1's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    good insight, veronica...i did notice that... it's weird but i think i start writing by saying what i think is the right thing to say, and usually start rambling until at the end i write what i really feel and yes, i have noticed they sometimes contradict, which confuses me because when i'm writing both opinions, i am convinced that both represent my thoughts...and only after i've written it do i look back and see that they are two different views or ideas... it IS like i'm two different people sometimes...and i'm always having to decide which one i want to be... it makes me sad that i can't seem to be both...

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    you guys have all given me a lot to think about and a lot of advice that really helps..thank you so much! i do feel a little better and i think i'll print this thread to read when i feel this way again i also read another good thread about mostly the same thing called morals and self esteem. it's nice to know i'm not the only one who feels this way and that everyone has their own way of quieting that crazy little voice. just because it's a little voice, doesn't mean it's your conscience! ...does it?

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    I think the challenge you are having is the same that stops the vast majority of people from ever really going for what they want...indecision. It sounds to me like you KNOW you want to do this, you just need to make a commitment to either do it, or don't do it. Indecision is something that winds up ruining a lot of things in people lives. If you look at the patterns of truly successful people, you'll see that they all tend to make decisions quickly. I work with some of the top personal development and success trainers in the world. One of my best friends happens to be one of them and he subscribes to the belief of "fail forward fast". Just get moving in the right direction and believe it or not, you'll wind up in a good place. You just have to get moving and stop living in the point of indecision.

    Think of it this way, let's say over the course of your life, you live 25% of it in a point of indecision about taking a step forward to anything...a new job, a new business, a new investment, anything. In that 25% of time in your life you were just able to make decisions more quickly, imagine how much more successful you would be in the end. It's a pretty dramaticly different ending if you stop and think about it. It seems to me that you've been doing your homework, you've been doing the prep work, so it seems to me that you really are going to do it. So the question is, are you now ready to take action and start going in a direction that's going to serve you? Only you can answer that question, and I can tell you that the longer you sit in a place of indecision (to whether you will, or will not become a dancer again) the longer you are going to go nowhere that will benefit you. Just food for thought.

    The ORIGINAL Stripper Sales School
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    Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    It might be a matter of self-acceptance with being able to separate yourself and leave the club at the club. I had no idea what I was doing when I first started out...didnt know a damn thing on how to be a stripper...kinda went out on a whim.
    I dont think your "whoring" yourself out...this is a job and it can take alot of you ...or not.

    I can relate as well with you...it was very hard for me to separate myself from it all. I felt like a stripper 24/7. I got to tired I lost who I was for a minute. And I do see stripping as some what of an addiction..not a serious one though. A place to go to make some fast cash is you hustle your ass....is what I think of it. Who cant resist fast money?
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    thanks everybody!! i am going to centerfolds with my roommate tonight to get the feel of the club again and talk to some of the dancers. i think i will know tonight what i will do.. more than likely i will be itching to get up on the stage and shake my booty....! it doesn't seem so bad to be able go and absorb the whole atmosphere without the pressure of knowing i'll have to perform that night..

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    you know, i think it IS just the tummy butterflies...it has to be! i'm super nervous about going to centerfold's tonight even though there's no chance i'll even be on the stage or anything...i'm jsut going to hang out... what's so scary about that? jeez, what's wrong with me that i'm nervous bout going to a stupid club just to hang out?

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    ok so i went in and management said i was hired on the spot and all i had to do was come in and tell them when i wanted to work!! sweet!!!! i didn't feel gross there either.. except when the girls wouldn't let me tip without a boobs-in-face- thank- you! i didn't feel dirty being there, but for some reason i was still really nervous to be there. i think it's what dancerwealth and tina said.. indecision and the anxiety of waiting. it really didn't seem like such a big deal if i suddenly just got up on stage and danced right then and there. i think i'll be fine...only time will tell....::crossed fingers::

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    In looking at your avatar, you seem to be a natural for this business. It's in your blood. The negative environment that you were raised in seems to be a mask for your true inner self.

    The farther you get away from the negativity that is stifling your open sexuality the more you will blossom in my opinion. You seem to be an open sexual being who has been forced into a closet lifestyle. Just like a gay person trying to live a heterosexual existence. It doesn't work out in the long run.

    We don't live for our family or for others we live for ourselves.

    Dancer Wealth gave you some good advice. You'll get nowhere in life straddling the fence.

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    Dakota, all of your posts have been soooo great! I'm just starting out myself, and have had the same contradictory feelings. Someday, you ought to write a book about your experience, and use your unique writing style. I think you've helped lots of wannabe's like me, so keep the posts coming! Love ya!

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    It sounded to me like you are a perfectionist. you're either someone who has never failed at anything or failed miserably at something and never stopped beating yourself up. why do I guess this? because you after maybe three days of work you were reading feverishly about "how to be a *star*" and there was some pressuresome advice in there. Also because you conditioned yourself at the gym for two months before setting foot back in a club, when I hear girls with 5 years under their belts who aren't anywhere near as toned casually saying "yeah I need to start this new diet...". It sounds to me like you felt that if you weren't the next Marilyn Monroe you were a cheap thrift store "whore".

    Most perfectionists suffer from indecision, because it's a matter of choosing between not doing something at all and having to do it perfectly. If you set the bar that high, the thought of trying to reach it will make you sick. Like shy people, perfectionists lack self-confidence, in their less than perfect selves.

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    As far as prostitution, sex for money is the same exchange, whether it's with hookers, escorts, strippers, models, pageant beauties, the girl sitting at the bar, the couple on their first date, I could go on like this. Look at the symbolism of a Western wedding! A diamond ring and a white dress people? No coincidence. And it's not always women, it can be two men, two women, or reversed. That's why I don't draw lines, it doesn't make logical sense if it's just relative to the individual. I don't feel I have to answer to anyone by saying "oh I'm a virgin I don't sleep with them, oh I don't even do that...." blah blah blah. I know who I am and how I treat others.


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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    vixen, thanx for the post... i had to think about that one for a minute...it is definitely an aspect of my nervousness. i am putting a lot on myself to be really good at this and i know i'm not. and without experience, i never will be. so i'm scared. i know i'm going to mess up a lot, and my dancing will look repetitive and labored for a while, my hustling skills are nil, no matter how many salebooks and salespeople i drill for info. more or less, i know i'm going to fail for a while, and no matter how much i try to prepare myself and make myself "good" before i even set foot on the stage again, i will still need to mess up long enough to gain the experience not to mess up. and the thought of failing a lot in front of a bunch of strangers who will see my naked body on a daily basis is mortifying. a look at my lifestyle will say that this is the best job for me right now and the only thing that will allow me the time and money to do what i need to do as an artist. they don't call us "starving artists" for nothing! i REALLY need to be good at this and i REALLY need it to work out for me. i didn't want it to be a last resort, and it's not. just the best resort. i am a perfectionist in my art, and i guess i never noticed, but i do apply it to my life as well. not a good idea, as i am the farthest thing from perfect that you will ever see. and i guess i do lack a lot of self confidence because i understand that i am a dork. i set the bar high, because i thought it would help me be better. your first post really hit home. i fail at stuff on a regular basis so i never even thought of myself holding that kind of standard. tina said something that i thought about too.. she said we don't live for our families and stuff. i don't kid myself. my mom is a very hard to please person and i know i spend a lot of my time trying to make her happy and proud of me. if she knew what i was doing, she would definitely limit the amount of time she spent around me. to like zilch. i don't want her to hate me. she already thinks i'm some horrible person because i have a tattoo on my tummy and it's close to my bikini line. i know i live for my mom's approval.

    lol knowing is half the battle. yeah i know it would make my life like a trillion times easier if i didn't care what she thought. but it's really tough, y'know? growing up the way i did, with mom being parent, teacher and only friend. homeschooled and all. it's scary to think about someone close to you not wanting to be around you anymore because you're doing something that makes you happy or something that you feel is something you need or really want to do. after all, for most of your life, mother knows what is best for you. it's hard to tell them that it's not like that anymore, and it's hard to tell yourself that too.
    Last edited by dakota1; 01-31-2005 at 05:17 PM.

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    thanks orenishi! i'll keep that in mind...!

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    Quote Originally Posted by dakota1
    i am putting a lot on myself to be really good at this and i know i'm not. and without experience, i never will be. so i'm scared. i know i'm going to mess up a lot, and my dancing will look repetitive and labored for a while, my hustling skills are nil, no matter how many salebooks and salespeople i drill for info. more or less, i know i'm going to fail for a while, and no matter how much i try to prepare myself and make myself "good" before i even set foot on the stage again, i will still need to mess up long enough to gain the experience not to mess up.
    First and foremost, this attitude needs to stop immediately. The programs you are thowing into your mind are nothing but negative, negative, negative. No wonder you're having such a challenging time with this! EVERYTHING begins in thought, so let's start from there and work to a better mental picture rather than paint on a bad canvas.

    All the little computer programs we run in our subconscious is what makes us do what we do. When we tell ourselves that we are fat and have a hard time losing weight, guess what happens? We have a hard time losing weight. Why? Because we keep telling our own subconscious mind that over and over again to the point where it believes it. Remember, everything begins in thought. If you want to lose weight, the program you want to run instead is that you are a skinny person with a few extra pounds, not a fat person trying to lose weight. There is a big difference, and what you throw out into the world is what you get back. When you throw out into the world that you are going to fail, that it's going to be tough, that you are not good at this, and you are going to mess up, why do you expect your results to be anything but this?

    Dakota, you need to change the way you are thinking about this and the attitude that you are projecting otherwise I will tell you right now, you'll have nothing but failure because you are doing such a great job at setting things up to fail. You need to believe that when you get back into this, that you're going to do awesome, that money will be easy to make and will come to you quickly and readily. That there is no reason to mess up because you KNOW you are the best. PERIOD. I don't mean that you should be just saying these things once in a while and hope you convince yourself of it. No. Rather you need to BELIEVE it to be true, and it will be true for you. It does all start with the small steps first though. You need to stop projecting to the outside world that you are going to have a difficult time at this, that you are going to mess up and you are going to fail for a while. Stop that first. Then start affirming to yourself that you are truly going to have success and that it's easy. By the time you hit the stage, you'll KNOW you are the best. Anything past that doesn't matter.

    There is a great line from The Matrix, "There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path."

    The ORIGINAL Stripper Sales School
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    Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    Well, DW is right as usual, and I'm taking his advice too.

    I think the difference between a stripper and an amateur is that strippers don't internalize. If an amateur doesn't do well it's because 'I suck'. If a stripper doesn't do well it's because 'it was a slow night' or 'I need to find another club'. If an amateur gets the cold shoulder it's because 'I'm boring'. If a stripper gets the cold shoulder it's because 'he's a jerk', or 'some men have something against strippers/all women'.

    I've noticed that much of what we see as flaws can also be played up as assets, because men like variety. I'm not short, I'm petite. I'm not quiet, I'm a good listener. Being the new girl can be a flaw or it can be an asset and which side you are taking projects out. I was self conscious about my hips, and didn't want to walk around with them showing unless on stage. I could just feel them on me. Then one day I just decided to go ahead and show them off. About two nights later a customer kept going on and on about how he loved my hips and bought dances to see me work my hips.

    I think that inner confidence in the product is usually what makes or breaks the hustle.

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    Member dakota1's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    dw and vixen, thank you for the advice! i wasn't sure what to do about it at first, i was super scared about my new audition i had today and almost didn't go in. when i read your post, and thought about it, i decided to take your advice. i wrote myself a letter about all my good qualities and why i knew i would pass th audition, and how the club should pass mine! i wrote that i was not a newbie, but already a really great dancer that just needed a few months experience under her garter belt, just for points. i'm already good, just wait till i get better! look out world! that attitude helped tons! i went in feeling good about myself and the "interview" went great. i didn't get to dance because when i set this up, the manager said we were only going to schedule my audition, so i didn't bring my stuff. anyways, i felt confident enough to do what i needed to do tonight, and tomorrow for the actual audition. honestly though, i think i will turn this club down because it just wasnt a "Dakota" club. too much selling of merchandise, fees out the wazoo, and a fine for just about everything. like a strip club for nazi's. and the girls didn't seem very personable...

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    HI, Dakota!

    I was raised in a conservative Catholic household, so I kind of know how you feel. The other girls are right, though. You have to accept yourself and and realize that, although your parents were doing their best to protect you from the big bad world out there, not all thier values and beliefs are valid for you. I have hand to make up my own values as I go along, trying to be true to myself and my faith at the same time. Here are some things I think about wehn the doubts get to me:

    1. God is good; therefore, God's creation is good. Human beings are created tin the image of the good God; therefore the traits that make us uniquely human (like sexuality) are also good. Hence, there is nothing wrong acknowledging your sexuality. And once you acknowledge it, you might as well show it off!

    2. By the same logic, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging and showing your body.

    3. Instead of guilt and shame, try practicing gratitude that you have such great looks and terrific sexuality that you can actaully earn a living doing something this much fun.

    4. Use some of the money you make to support a good cause you would not otherwise be able to support.

    5. And remember what I said when somebody asked me what Jesus would think of my job: "Jesus LOVED prostitutes [not that we are prostitutes, but I couldn't recall any biblica refences to dancing girls]. They were his friends, along with tax collectors, shepheards, and other dregs of society. He shamed no one for thier occupation, and niether should YOU!"

    Good luck in your new job. I think you will do great. From your avitar, it certainly loos as if you are a natural.

    Colleen

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    Default Re: ladies, i am freaking out

    I hate to make a dime store psychological analysis, but this sounds so much like a case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder that I feel compelled to mention the possibility that you might want to check it out. The "stream of conciousness" nature of your posts and the description of your thought patterns sound like the inside of my brain. Multiple channels of thought constantly yammering at 100 mph. Replaying discussions and consideration of various issues dozens of times. Daydreaming unproductively and yet capable of an ephiphany of creative thought, of thinking outside the box, and making associations that organized people are too conventional to comprehend. Yet very poor at fully sorting, organizing and prioritizing actions.

    It's a wonder I am functional at all with the chaos that is my brain. For some reason, whatever jobs I have chosen usually fit me so well that I'm confident in my skills at them and do fine in that environment. (It's the rest of my life that's overwhelming.) I overcome my weaknesses with "tricks" that offset them. (Example: setting deadlines for myself that only exist in my mind can counter procrastination. Such as setting a certain amount of "no's" to hear in a given time forces me to solicit customers.) Usually there's an existing structure to the work that I do well at, but there's room for creativity within that pattern. I'm best doing the same routine night after night, but only if each night has variables in it that prevent it from becoming boring.

    And see, my posts can go on forever like this one. I usually write them this long, then go back and cut, cut, cut because I'm off on a ramble and don't want to bore people to tears. I look at the majority of dancer posts and think, my God, why am I so long winded in comparison? Only some of the guys write this long.

    So what's my point? I wonder if you've considered if you have ADHD. Maybe you don't. If you do and it's strong, any advice to simply shut off the negative loop in your brain may not work so easily. Then you beat yourself up for not being able to control it with mere self determination. By that, I'm not suggesting it's impossible to control it, diminish it, love it while working around it, etc., but rather that it may take some insider knowledge to live well with it. There's medication available, but medicating is not necessarily essential to coping with it. Certainly, much of the advice given here is precisely what is effective if it is ADHD.

    But if will power and positive thinking alone don't do the trick, you may need to get to the source of where this is coming from, the root of the problem. Used in a positive way, as a tool to empower you to understand and embrace your strengths and work around your weaknesses without beating yourself up for them, a diagnosis like ADHD can help a person who fits the criteria. Used as an excuse for a person's bad, self-defeating or criminal behavior, the diagnosis abdicates personal control, blames outside sources and merely reinforces those behaviors. I don't beat myself up nearly as much when I realize I'm just wired this way, yet I can make productive decisions that capitalize on my strengths and diminish my weaknesses.

    And for those who wonder if ADHD really exists (giving a shout out here to Scientologists!), who cares? It's simply a name for and description of how I'm wired, and a way of dealing with it. Call it "dianetics" instead, and call me on the path to "clear," if you want. Oh, wait, that probably would be violating the copyright of a science fiction writer turned cult leader who has so much more credibility than the psychiatric industry. (Sorry, a bit of inside humor - emphasis on satire, but I'm sure to get sued for that bit of blasphemy.)

    Screw it. I am not going back and editing this one, or else I'll be hyperfocused on it all night.

    -Ev

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