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Thread: Baby Troubles

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    Exclamation Baby Troubles

    Ok, question for you guys..I have been babysitting since I quit dancing. I sit for a 10 month old and a 2 month old, and then I watch my own little girl who is 20 months old. The mother of the 10 month old I have known since last march or april, sometime in there. She is a good mother, and the husband is a good father. BUT there's a catch..when the mother brings the baby over in the morning, she just lays the baby in the seat next to her. She doesnt even bother to put her in the carseat, which is wrong, even if it is only a 30 second drive or so. I am going to speak to her about that today, but the problem is I dont know how to come across doing it without the probability of her getting hostile about me telling her she is doing something obviously wrong. Also, I sat for her one Saturday night so she and her husband could go out and drink. They got in a fender bender, and both the husband and the wife were drunk. Well perhaps not completely drunk, but I know they shouldnt have been driving. They didnt get a breathalizer or anything like that, because the husband is a military police officer (like mine is) and he pulled out his badge before anything was said. So they come and get their daughter, and probably dont even strap her in the carseat then because it is such a short drive. The husband being an mp, he should know better. The mom doesnt even let me have the carseat during the day in case anything happens that I need to take her daughter to the doctor or I have an emergency. I know she is wrong, I just need to know how to tell her she is. Also..her daughter is 10 months old, as I said before. The grandmother watches her constantly, and I only get her maybe a few days a month. I think the grama holds her constantly and babies her all the time, because everytime she is here, she refuses to not be held, and she has to be held to go to sleep, and even then that doesnt work, and she just screams and screams and screams until she finally falls asleep. After letting her fall asleep 3 or 4 times in my arms and her waking up the minute I lay her down, I just let her cry. I cannot hold her constantly all day. And when I try to feed her or give her a bottle, she always turns her head away, and starts whining then because she doesnt want to eat for some reason. And when I change her diaper, it takes me at least a few minutes to change it because she fights it. What am I to do? I am going to tell her I cant watch her anymore, because I cant take a baby who wont behave, but what am I supposed to do while I have her? Rhiannon, your input would be greatly appreciated also if you see this.

  2. #2
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by RetiredDancer
    I am going to tell her I cant watch her anymore, because I cant take a baby who wont behave, but what am I supposed to do while I have her?
    This part kind of alarmed me. Most 10 month olds aren't "so spoiled" that they don't behave. I would tend to think that she's NOT getting that kind of attention at home, and thus when she knows she can "sorta" get it from you, she latches on. I completely understand how hard it must be, though, to have 3 children who are all around the same stage of development...you can only do so much. If you are going to continue to watch her...maybe get a sling for her (http://store.yahoo.com/thehiphuggeronline/shop.html)...it'll help your back, you can adjust it so that the baby is by you the entire time...and still be able to do whatever you need to do throughout the day without only having to do so with one hand. I used it for my daughter...and sometimes even now (she's almost 30 months) I can put her in the sling and she's good to go while I do my dishes or light cooking or cleaning. Sometimes kids just want to be held. So, if you are going to keep watching her...you may want to consider doing that. My daughter has also fallen asleep in the sling...I'd just pull the sling back up over her back so it would give her more suppot. You may also want to try putting her down with some soothing music and maybe with one of the other kids. Since she is only at your place a few times a month...she may feel uncomfortable as it's not her "normal" place of sleeping...perhaps try using the exact same blanket/teddy set every single time she comes over...to create a familiarity...

    As for the carseat fiasco: I would just tell the woman that the child needs to be in the car seat whenever she's in the car. If someone were to hit her on the way to your house (regardless that it takes 30 seconds) then there is no way that child will escape any injuries. Also, if that happens, she will open herself up to being ticketed, charged with child endangerment...and may possibly lose her child. I'd hate to say this, but you may want to consider calling this in yourself. It IS dangerous for the baby...and the sooner they experience the consequences BEFORE anything serious happens to the baby, the better.

    If you need the car seat...tell her that she absolutely MUST leave the car seat for you if she wants you to continue watching her. I watch a friends baby once a week...and she didn't want to give me the car seat at first, however, it was because she didn't know how to put the car seat back in properly (local police did it for her). So, I promised her that I would replace the seat for her every time...the proper way...and then it was no big issue.

    Good luck...and let us know how it goes!!

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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    I definitely will. Also, if I could say something to a proper authority without her running the risk of getting her child taken away, I would, but I don't want to be the reason someone gets their child taken away from them. I just dont want her getting defensive (its the type of person she is) over me saying shes doing something wrong (which she is) by not putting her child in the carseat. I can't imagine taking my child somewhere and not putting her in the carseat, even if it is right around the corner, and I don't know what makes her think that is ok. I will look into the slings, even suggest the mother might like to get one maybe. And as far as the diaper changing and feeding goes, I donno what could be wrong with her there. There is nothing I see physically wrong with her that would be making her refuse her food or fight her diaper change. I know some kids dont like their diaper changed period, but i dont know what to do to relieve the diaper changing time. And its so odd that she wont eat and doesnt eat a lot, because when my daughter was that age she was eating a bowl of baby cereal for breakfast, two large jars for lunch, and two large jars for dinner, plus formula and snacks all in between. I know all babies are different though.

  4. #4
    IACali
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    The carseat thing is extremely alarming to me, but you obviously are aware of that and feel the same way.

    As for the rest of your post, I'm a firm believer of attachment parenting, and so have very different views on most of those issues. I agree with Venus, 10 month olds can't be "spoiled". They're too young to "manipulate". They don't have the communication abilities to tell you what's wrong, they don't have the awareness to identify their own emotions, etc. If this baby wants to be held, by all means, hold her.

    Now I understand how impossible it seems to get things done. I second Venus' suggestion of a sling. The Maya Wrap worked wonders for me when my daughter was this age, she would even nap in it while I got dishes done or vacuumed or whatever. Also, if the baby can sit up on her own and has good head control, you may want to look into a back carry, like a rebozo or a podaegi (which I got for christmas and use with my 17 month old). The baby can be in conctact with you but completely out of your way. You can carry babies from newborn up to 35 lbs in most carriers.

    If the baby falls asleep with you on the couch, you could try easing her down next to you (so she's still touching you - the warmth and proximity may keep her from waking up) and then you can do some sitting down chores like folding the laundry or reading a book to the 20 month old.

    As far as feeding goes, most followers of the attachment parenting movement are avid breastfeeders, and don't even begin solids with their babies until they're a year old. As long as she's getting enough formula (which I assume she's on), there's no reason for you to worry about how much baby "food" she's eating.

    You may want to check out mothering.com for natural parenting tips, sounds like this baby would benefit from it. Also, a little more mainstream (mothering.com is too "extremist" for some people, although I love it) is babycenter.com, the attachment parenting board (under family life forums).

    Good luck and keep us posted!!

    love
    cali

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    Banned MissTaylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    My brother used to throw a fit when it came time to get dressed or change diapers. We just turned it in to a game and it worked. We'd act really excited that it was time to change diapers or clothing and he'd get in to it.

    Good luck honey....that's gotta be tough!

  6. #6
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Wow Sweetheart. Sounds like you definitely have your hands full, both with baby, and the parents. First of all, there is absolutely NO excuse for that baby not to be secured in her carseat, no matter how short the ride is. Accidents happen no matter how short the ride is. What's even scarier is that she puts the baby next to her, I'm assuming she's placed in the passenger seat, which is known pretty much as "The Death Seat". Young children should never, ever be put in the passenger seat, strapped into a carseat or not. There have been horrible stories of babies in their carseats getting decaptitated during an accident. Scary, but unfortunately, very true.

    When I lived in Virginia, they had these little cards (I'm not sure if they still do, I hope they do), that people could fill out when they saw children out of their carseats, or older children not wearing a seatbelt. You'd write the license plate number down on the card as well. They were handy when I worked at <gag> Burger King in Williamsburg. You'd be surprised how often we'd see little children, sometimes younger than even 1, crawling around all over the car. Anyway, after filling them out, you turned the cards into the police station, and they'd "flag" the license plate. Then, eventually they'd pull them over. They had the cards available at police stations, department stores, just about everywhere.

    If you don't want to speak to the mother directly (Which I really hope you can do), you can always call the police station anonymously. Just mention that you saw a woman driving with her baby in the passenger seat, without being restrained by her own seat, or a seat belt. Just give them her license plate number, and they'll handle it from there.

    I agree with what Cali and Venus have said. There is absolutely no way that a baby can get spoiled from being held. You can never hold them too much, in my opinion. They need that closeness. I've been like that with all 3 of my kids, and they've turned out alright, and still appreciate being held (even my oldest two, at 10 and 12!)

    I can completely understand how it can be aggravating for you though. You should be able to put her down, and not have to hold her constantly. Cali had a wonderful suggestion with the wrap. You just put her in that, and she hangs around with you all day, without putting any strain on your arms, leaving them free to do something else.

    Feeding.. Oy vey.. Unfortunately, all of my kids have been extremely picky eaters. Especially my youngest, who just turned 20 months old today. Sometimes she'll go the whole day without having the "complete" meals that we prepare for her, but she'll nibble throughout the day on other things that we keep out for her "cruising" appetite. Another thing that we try is if she doesn't eat her lunch right away, we'll put it aside and then sit her down with it about an hour later. By then, she's hungry and gobbles it right up.

    Is the baby walking yet, or at least mobile by crawling?

    We have never, ever been able to get the baby down for a nap. She decides when she wants to nap, or go to bed for the night. We have a huge body pillow that we keep on the living room floor, and when she decides she's ready, she'll go crash out right on it. Then again, she crashes there, but still sleeps in our bed. LOL.. One of these days, we'll get her to sleep in her own bed, hopefully before she's in a twin bed!

    So if she's mobile, you could always try the pillow in the middle of the floor. When she tires herself out, she'll crash. Sometimes they need to decide on their own. There's that old saying, that you don't put a baby on a schedule, she puts you on one. It's true, very true. LOL

    Diaper changes. Oh boy! Those are especially fun with active babies! My baby wasn't so bad when she was younger, but now she's made a game of her diaper changes. I start off by asking her "Do you do pee pees (or stinkies, depending on the situation)", She'll nod her head and say "Yeah", and then take off running! I chase her all around the house, through every room, before I finally catch her, both of us laughing hysterically by that time. She still moves around quite a bit, but she's gotten to that age where she can pretty much understand if I tell her to relax. She has her moments though, where she won't sit still for diaper changes, no matter what. She likes to pull her feet up to her mouth, and for some reason, she takes great pleasure in nibbling on her toes.. LOL


    Is an awesome site, and I've used it ever since I was pregnant with my youngest. It'll tell you all the developmental things that go along with their age, has tips on how to get them to eat, ideas on how to keep them entertained, and much more. I highly recommend the site.

    It really disturbs me that not only are the parents of this baby not putting her into a carseat, but they're also getting behind the wheel while under the influence, and with their "precious cargo" in the vehicle with them.

    Aye.. I don't know hon.. You definitely can't let her continue driving with the baby when she's not in a carseat. It's not safe, and something could end up happening to her. Like I said though, if you don't want to confront her directly, you can definitely call the police. You won't have to give them your name or anything.

    If you have any more concerns or questions, you know we're all here. There's a lot of "mommies" on the board, and we've all got our own methods that work for us. Something may end up sounding good enough for you to try with this little girl.

    Good Luck, and you can PM me at any time

    ~Hugs~
    Rhi

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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Well I just found out today that the baby has had a rash for 3 days, and they didnt tell me this, so they think that she might be sick, so they said they -might- take her to the doctor later. They did find it odd she wasnt eating, so the dad came and picked her up and took her home, without a carseat again, and the mom came home later around 2ish I think, and I just got off the phone with her and she says the baby woke up, had a bottle, still wont eat, feels a little warm but doesnt have a fever, so she'll take her to the dr if she gets any worse. Call me crazy, but if my kid acts sick I take her to the dr, not wait until she gets worse. So Ive had an odd day. I think it would be better for me to just tell the mom I wont be able to watch her, because i cant give her all the attention she needs. The mom breast fed her for the first two months I believe, but then switched to formula. She normally (the mom says) eats cereal in the morning, a medium sized jar for lunch, and another for dinner, with formula in between. So its odd shes not eating. Gee lets just wait until in the morning when she hasnt eaten at all the day before, eh? My my my.

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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Im thinking about calling from a payphone or something from offpost, but I really dont want it to get back around that I called the police. Maybe I will just try talking to her about it to begin with, then if she still doesnt listen or put the baby in her carseat, I will have to call them. I just cant believe she doesnt put her in the carseat. Makes me wonder where else she goes without strapping her in.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by RetiredDancer
    Well I just found out today that the baby has had a rash for 3 days, and they didnt tell me this, so they think that she might be sick, so they said they -might- take her to the doctor later. They did find it odd she wasnt eating, so the dad came and picked her up and took her home, without a carseat again, and the mom came home later around 2ish I think, and I just got off the phone with her and she says the baby woke up, had a bottle, still wont eat, feels a little warm but doesnt have a fever, so she'll take her to the dr if she gets any worse. Call me crazy, but if my kid acts sick I take her to the dr, not wait until she gets worse. So Ive had an odd day. I think it would be better for me to just tell the mom I wont be able to watch her, because i cant give her all the attention she needs. The mom breast fed her for the first two months I believe, but then switched to formula. She normally (the mom says) eats cereal in the morning, a medium sized jar for lunch, and another for dinner, with formula in between. So its odd shes not eating. Gee lets just wait until in the morning when she hasnt eaten at all the day before, eh? My my my.
    I would consider "pushing" for that baby to go to the doctor. Stupid people do stupid things, but it shouldn't affect the baby.

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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    I am planning on calling again tonight to see how the baby is, and if she says she still isnt feeling good, perhaps she could take her to the doctor. I know when my baby had a bad rash (it was from her shots and I didnt know) and I took her to the doctor, the took a urine sample with a cath and took blood. My poor little girl Hopefully they wont have to do it to their baby, but if they do I know its because its needed. Thank you all for your posts and advice

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    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    my son, who will be 10 next month, once had a rash we noticed when he was getting his bath in the morning. i called the doctor and made an appointment. 4 hours later we were in the ER. turns out he had a form of bacterial meningitis! he was in ICU for 4 days and then came home, completely unscathed. the docs said if we had waited it was very likely he would have died. bottom line, that baby needs to go to the doctor yesterday.

    i of course think the kid needs to be in a carseat but i think i would calmly talk to the mother about it before i considered calling the police.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

  12. #12
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by RetiredDancer
    I am planning on calling again tonight to see how the baby is, and if she says she still isnt feeling good, perhaps she could take her to the doctor. I know when my baby had a bad rash (it was from her shots and I didnt know) and I took her to the doctor, the took a urine sample with a cath and took blood. My poor little girl Hopefully they wont have to do it to their baby, but if they do I know its because its needed. Thank you all for your posts and advice
    Awww.. I know exactly how it is to go through seeing your baby have to suffer the torture of getting a catheter put in. Some months back, my daughter had a really high fever, and in order for them to make sure it wasn't a UTI or something, they had to take a sample from her that way. I really tried not to be in the room, while they were doing the blood tests, and the cath, but unfortunately I didn't wait long enough before going back into the room, and caught it right at the time when my husband was holding her down so they could cath her, and she was screaming and looking right at me the whole time. NOT something I ever want her to go through again.

    My daughter's never had a diaper rash (I'm such a dork about making sure she's dry and change her every hour, whether she needs it or not.. LOL), so we've lucked out that way. My Son was the only one that had that problem when he was very little. They even prescribed him Silvadine <sp> cream to clear it up, which works like a charm.

    I completel agree with you about the doctor visit. She should definitely get check out, even if it turns out to be nothing, at least they took her in. But the combination of the fever, loss of appetite, and rash could be something not so good. So she definitely needs to see a doctor. I remember when my Son was little, I had to actually fight with my (now ex) hubby because Matthew wasn't acting right. I just had a feeling something was wrong. By the time we got to the ER, Matt was vomiting blood. He didn't even have a cough prior to us bringing him in, he just wasn't acting like his normal happy self. He was about 8 months old at the time. After going through channels to get him seen, finally going to the OOD and he walked us into an exam room and told them to see my son (It was a military hospital, you know.. "Hurry up and Wait"), they found that he had RSV. He spent 3 days in the hospital.

    So, I've always taken my kids to be seen, no matter how little the problem seems to anyone else. I really really really hope that they take her in. The fact that they told you they "might" take her to to doctor really bothers me. If she's had the rash for 3 days, and hasn't been eating, she can get dehydrated. I hope they at least have the common sense to avoid that by making sure the baby's getting enough fluids.

    When you call them, and if you find that the baby still isn't well, I think you need to actually PUSH them to take her in. If they ignore that, not only are they idiots, but they'll also be ignoring something potentially serious that's going on with their daughter. They need to be cautious and pay attention to things like this, their daughter can't tell them what's wrong.

    If they still say that "maybe" they'll take her in, you should add that to your complaint about the carseat when you call the police. I don't know the entire situation, but the carseat thing alone is proving them neglectful. Just call the police from a phone that's not yours (like you said, a payphone out of the area), so they can't trace you. Even if they did though, they would have to keep the source anonymous unless you gave them your name.

    Please keep us updated. Now I'm even worried about this baby girl.
    ~Hugs~

    MrC, yikes! That's exactly what my ex husband and his wife lost their daughter to last year. They had brought her in with a fever of 106, stayed at the hospital for hours, only to have the doctors tell them that there was nothing more that they could do for her, because it was bacterial and had already begun to circulate through her system. Sickening, I know. So, they took her home, and she passed away during the night, sleeping right between them in their bed. She was just a couple months shy of her 4th birthday. After they did the autopsy, they found it was indeed Bacterial Meningitis.

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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    That is so sad..I simply cannot imagine anything like that happening to my child. My biological mother passed away in November, and I can't imagine what my grama went through. I wouldnt be able to handle it, I know. I love my little girl so MUCH! Well, I called this morning to see how the other little one was doing (tried to call last night, no answer), and the mom said the baby ate some cereal last night. I asked if she took her to the doctor, and she said no, and I mentioned I read that I had seen a post on a website where someone's little boy had a rash and it turned out to be bacterial menengitis, and all she said was, Oh don't tell me that. So what the hell!? Why would you not take your child to the doctor? I am definitely not watching her child again, not because of the baby, but because I can't deal with a mother who doesnt take her sick child to the hospital. It's not like it costs to take her, because hospital care is free in the military, so I dont know if she is just too lazy to drive to the hospital and wait or what. Anytime my kid needs to go to the doctor, she is dressed and out the door. I give a shit how long I have to wait, she needs to be seen. I get her shots on time, do what needs to be done with her, ya know? I got her a flu shot back in November (I think it was november), and I told the mom hey, they have flu shots now here on post and you can get your daughter one. Did she ever go get her one? No. I dont know what is wrong with people these days. And another thing that really pisses me off, is that HER child was SICK, and she brought her to MY HOME, around MY DAUGHTER, without telling me she had been sick. That is just straight up rude. Stay home with your kid if they are sick. I wouldnt. You dont fucking send them off to the sitters or school where there are other children. It feels like I am the only normal one here, suggesting the normal things. The parents do keep the child clean and keep her fed, but the carseat thing, and not taking her to the doctor, thats just a little much. I dont doubt their love for their child, but I do doubt their smarts.

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    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Most accidents happen a mile within the home!Tell this lady that your not comfortable not having a car seat and that she must have one for now on in order for you to babysit!Let her know,that you feel it's very dangerous for the baby,and tell her that you can't take the risk of being accountable the her childs life.I mean,come on,you have to say something to her!IMO I would give her a piece of my mind straight up first thing!There's plenty of other baby sitting jobs if she has a problem with you being concerned for the babies wellfare.

  15. #15
    IACali
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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    Aw, poor baby, she's lucky to have you in her life as such a loving and concerned caretaker.

    On a sidenote re: baby being "off" and parents not taking her to the doctor:

    My little one and I just got bumped off of our medical insurance a couple of months ago. This past week she had a fever, high around 103, low (after motrin kicked in) around 98.5. Not eating, but breastfeeding a ton. Waking fitfully all night. Super-clingy. I held on for a few days, thinking she just had a bug..... finally saturday I took her to the emergency room bc she woke up with a rash on most of her body (heat-induced from the fever, we figured out). Turns out the poor lil miss has ear infections in both of her ears. She's never had any ear infections thus far, so I had no idea. She wasn't grumpy, or tugging on her ears, or any other typical symptoms.

    Poor thing. Hope the lil one you care for gets to feeling better soon.

    love
    cali

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    Default Re: Baby Troubles

    I would definetely call the police. Ask to keep your name private or don't even give it to them. Also...in my opinion, I would call the military base and explain to them what the husband is doing (about the carseat thing) From the sounds of it...the parents aren't going to care what you or anyone else thinks or says about it. Maybe if it comes from work and he knows it is being taken seriously, he'll change his ways. (and get mom too also) I think most places like that are good about keeping your name quiet. My husband is a police officer and would never tolerate that. That is his biggest pet peeve...when he sees a kid with no carseat. We have a 2.5 yr old and a 9.5 mo. old. Also, giving tickets and such, as you know, is at the officers discression. Just because the one cop didn't give him the breathalizer, doesn't mean he won't eventually get caught by an officer who knows that others lives are in danger. Shame on him. I would definetely go to the authorities though...the life of a child is at stake here. Trying to talk to them yourself probably won't do much good. Good luck to you and call someone!

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