View Poll Results: Was his comment as far out of line as I think it was?

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Thread: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

  1. #1
    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Last night, my DJ made a comment that I found extremely rude, but A) not sure if I'm overreacting, and B) what I should do next.

    My club has, at most, 4 Black dancers a night. Normally, there are only 2, but last night, four of us were in with three stages open. At one point during the night, the rotation worked out to where all three stages had black dancers on, myself included. Since the other three Black dancers hate my rock music (something we joke about amongst each other) and the fact that he never intentionally sets up stages where all open stages have one type (blondes, Latinas, etc..), I suggested he switch myself and a White brunette who likes R&B. Upon realizing that there were in fact three Black dancers coming up, he joked that he would call it the "Pick a Nigga" set. Actually, what he said was: "I'll call it the Pick a Ni...hee hee...probably shouldn't say that...how about the P.A.N. set?" and looked at me as though I should burst out with laughter.

    The night manager was standing next to him but either didn't hear, or chose to ignore it. I let both him & the DJ know it wasn't funny and I didn't appreciate it and started to walk off. The DJ said he was just joking and then proceeded to kiss my a&& and ended up changing the set.

    I didn't mention it to any other dancers, b/c not everyone (Black, White, and Latina included) is as rational as I try to be, and I didn't want to cause a commotion. But a part of me feels that I should have been more vocal in my disappointment in him. I also wonder what about me made him think it was okay to say such a thing...the managers & DJs know that in my former corporate life, one of the mngmt classes I helped facilitate was a diversity class, so they like to give me a hard time, but no one has ever been derogatory. They will also tease me about my past two boyfriends being White, so ethnicity has come up before, but again, never in a derogatory manner.. anyway, kinda venting, but also wondering if I should have done more.


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    Member Milion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    The comment was extremely rude and insensitive. It was a totally inappropriate comment and he didn't even have the sense that most racist people have to not say it in front of you. But at least now you know what type of person he is.

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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    From my experience with black people (my school was almost nothing but blackpeople, and I have grown up around them), the "nigga" word is a joke between them, something they call each other. Now if the dj is black as well, that might explain something, even though he didn't have to do that to the dancers on stage. It was an inappropriate comment for him to make. Men are odd people. They will crack jokes about stupid things, its just men messing around. Unfortunaltely we don't have their wry sense of humor *coughsarcasmcough* so we don't understand why they do the things they do. I would politely tell him I don't appreciate him saying things like that, especially broadcasting it over the club. If he does it again, then I would really lay into him.

  4. #4
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Is the DJ black too? I noticed that black guys will call each other that sometimes like RetiredDancer said. But no matter what, it was inappropriate for him to say that and he was out of line. You did the right thing by saying something to him.

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    I don't think he was trying to be cruel, he's just ignorant of how people feel about a comment like that. Racism is a hard battle to fight because of other's ignorance.
    At least he had the sense to realize his stupidity by apologizing (and kissing your butt.)
    I wouldn't pass on the news myself because it would just be worsening the problem. I'm glad you kept your cool while still sticking up for yourself and all the other dancers....
    Like they said on the Real World, "I think if I had the choice of choosing the last person in the world to mate with I would hope they would be a different race that way the world would be bi-racial."
    Until then I guess you have to fight the fight with as much dignity as you can muster.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    *Clarifications

    - he is White

    - he didn't say it over the mic - just to me. If he had said it over the mic, I don't think he would've been given early retirement.


  7. #7
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Well, glad he didn't ay it over the mic, that would have been EVIL...
    I kow a DJ that was banned from a club for making a joke in German over the mic, don't know exactly what he said, but a customer knew German and let a manager know what the translation was and boy was he in trouble!
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Well I would pull him into a private place if he does it again and straight up tell him to stop that mess. Then I would let mgt know.

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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst
    *Clarifications

    - he is White

    - he didn't say it over the mic - just to me. If he had said it over the mic, I don't think he would've been given early retirement.
    Bad judgement on his part , if he was black would you have felt the same rage about his comment ?

  10. #10
    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    Bad judgement on his part , if he was black would you have felt the same rage about his comment ?
    Who's enraged? I'm disappointed and upset as I stated in my post. And to answer your question, yes - even moreso, actually. I can't stand that word and if a Black man were to degrade three Black women by calling them "niggas", it would sting a helluva lot more. It pisses me off when anyone uses that word which is why most people know, don't say it around me.


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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    You go girl! I never understood why people use it anyway if it's degrading if only certain people say it... What about the mulattos?
    If you are half white and half black can you say it? Or only if you have a tan?
    Ah, the politics of slang.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    that dj would never again receive a tip from me, and he'd know the reason why.

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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Absolutely, positively un-fucking called for. I wouild have asked him when the red-neck
    set is on next. Fuck THAT!!
    Last edited by Cali_Tiffany; 01-29-2005 at 05:35 PM.

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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst
    Who's enraged? I'm disappointed and upset as I stated in my post. And to answer your question, yes - even moreso, actually. I can't stand that word and if a Black man were to degrade three Black women by calling them "niggas", it would sting a helluva lot more. It pisses me off when anyone uses that word which is why most people know, don't say it around me.
    Disappointed and upset sorry So you dont feel he was trully ,sorry do you think you could ever forgive him for that if in fact he seemed sincere in his apoligies ? I'm not on his side I am on yours honey

  15. #15
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    yea. absolutely F'N out of freaking line! I would have done something more if it was me.


    I don't know if my way would be the best way to handle it, but i always am one to stand up to that sort of thing.

  16. #16
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    i dont care who says it. Its uncalled for!

    NOW, black friends JOKING together .. still uncalled for, but much different.

  17. #17
    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Thanks for your comments, all.

    CuriousJ: I didn't think you were taking his side at all!! I just wanted to clarify that I"m not on the warpath - which a part of me feels like I should be I just got off the phone with my BF (a good-ole white country boy, lol) and he's more livid than I am.

    Tampa: LOL, I'm completely anti-drama. I would prefer to talk to him & the manager while not half naked, and make it crystal clear that as a person and as a professional, I don't condone that word - or any derogatory comment for that matter - and to not say it around me. But what if he HAS said it around other Black dancers and they are okay with it? Then, I have another issue to confront and that is, say it around them, but not around me? Like, why is it okay for them but not for me? And THEN what if the other Black dancers get upset? Again, most dancers I work with are not as calm as I am (this comes from working with crazy folks in a corporate setting) and will probably try to run him out there with under fire of spiked heels.

    If I were in a corporate setting, this would be an easy fix: confront the manager and go to HR. Done deal. However, there are different rules for strip clubs and while I WILL hand his ass to him in a plate if necessary, he could easily retaliate by being catty to me during my stages. I also worry about being too vocal, because then I get the ABW sterotype (Angry Black Woman) and then no one will listen to a thing I say. AARRGGHH!!!

    Again, I can't stand the word and have confronted people for saying it in different settings - even when used as a "hey sister/brutha/buddy" slang word. But how in the heck am I supposed to argue against using it when other people say it's okay???


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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    This is just proof that there is much underlying prejudice that is alive and well. Many white people deep down are uncomfortable with blacks. All of us that are black know that to be true.

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    Veteran Member myssi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    DJs say all kinds of offensive things, especially over the microphone. I guess the idea is to
    shock or whatever. I especially hate when they say offensive things about dancers on stage
    even when it is done in a mock-serious way. That's show biz I guess. This might be a good
    post for the DJ web board.

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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Totally out of line. I would never work with that DJ again. Not one more penny would be paid to an asshole like that !

  21. #21
    Veteran Member myssi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    I wish it were easy to pick and choose DJs. Unfortunately, if it is your night to work and the
    DJ happens to be one that's an insensitive jerk/bigot, what do you do? Most clubs will fine or fire
    you if you don't work your shift. Another problem is that your 'choice' if you did have one
    might be between jerk#1, jerk#2, or jerk#3... not much of a real choice.
    It's a paradox that DJ's are considered our boss because they tell us when to go on stage, etc.
    yet we each PAY THEM a tipout.

  22. #22
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Quote Originally Posted by myssi
    It's a paradox that DJ's are considered our boss because they tell us when to go on stage, etc.
    yet we each PAY THEM a tipout.


    and we get to see your BOOBIES ALL NIGHT!!!


    what a fuckin world huh????

    And people wondered why i did it so long!!!!

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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    Just wanted to add.....


    The guy was wrong imo,doesnt matter what color he is.
    Where most people in the club have a thick skin,saying something like that tends to start drama.
    I have seen a black dj say "nigga please"at a custy for a low tip over the mic and it didnt offend anyone that i could tell.
    He was out of line,you seem to have handled it well.I would let it go now.
    If he does it again,then start chit,rally the girls,get him removed.


    I do find it funny though,the very same females(nobody here) who would take offense at this kind of foul mouth,would be the first to request stage songs where guys are singing about hookers,ho's,smack that bitch up,i wanna fuck you like an animal,nigga this,nigga that,etc.

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    Member Maleena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    I agree that you handled the situation very well. This guy was an insensitive asshole. He seems like the type of person who doesn't think before he speaks, if he thinks at all. I would give him another talking to, just to let him know how it really made you feel, let him apologize again, and try to have a civil work relationship. Maybe he will see how upset you are, how well you handled it, and re-think his mindset. Doubtful, but it's worth a try.

  25. #25
    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inappropriate or No? (N-word)

    I would say it mostly just sounds like he's a total idiot, but his comments were definitely innappropriate.
    Last edited by merely_lurking; 01-30-2005 at 12:47 AM.
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