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Thread: A bear walks into a bar...

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    Default A bear walks into a bar...

    (stop me if ya heard it before)
    ..and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve bears here." The bear argues. "C'mon ! I just want a beer!' The bartender refuses again. The bear looks down the bar and sees a lady sitting at the end. He leans over and says to the bartender, "Look...If you don't give me a beer, I'm going to go over there and eat that woman!" The bartender just shrugs and says, "I'm sorry, but the policy is that we don't serve bears here. Do what you have to do." So the bear walks down to the end of the bar and promptly eats the woman. He comes back to the bartender and says "OK, you see that I mean business; now give me a beer!" The bartender replies, No, I'm sorry, we don't serve drug users here." The bear is puzzled. ""What do you mean, drug users? I don't use drugs!" Bartender replies "Well, you must be....that was a bar bitch you ate!"

    A ha ha ha. LOVE this one...sorry

  2. #2
    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    i dont get it

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    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    barbituate
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

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    Veteran Member Stipperella's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    huh

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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    Quote Originally Posted by MrChristopher
    barbituate
    ahhhhhh...... ok... now I get it

    "bar bitch you ate"

    lol... I give that joke a 3/10

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    that could be the worst joke ever....no offense

    i guess im not into drugs enough to get that one.








    Here's a bad joke that i like:


    Two muffins are in the oven...

    One muffin turns to other and says "Damn, its hot in here"

    The other muffin says "HOLY SHIT!....A TALKING MUFFIN!"

  7. #7
    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    A man walks into a bar - OUCH.


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    Featured Member showgirlschloe's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    oh my

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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    Bad jokes huh?



    Tables are not very easy to understand.

    Unless you're a short person.

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink.

    "Sorry." says the bartender. "We don't serve food here."

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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a porch?
    Matt.

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
    Bob.

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
    Russel.

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting in a hottub?
    Stew!

    What do you call a woman with only one leg?
    Ileen!

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs that goes water skiing?
    Skip!

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a ditch?
    Phi

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    How did the Pillsbury Doughboy die?

    A yeast infection!

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    How does a man on the moon cut his hair?


    Eclipse it!

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    you are the king of bad jokes....you win

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    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    a girl with no arms or legs on the grill?
    Patty!

    a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?
    Art!

    there's bajillions of those
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

  16. #16
    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    so...two baby seals walk into a club.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    you are the king of bad jokes....you win
    I didn't know we were in a competition.......


    in that case, you suck, I rule .


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    Veteran Member DJ_Duane's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    A tiger was walking through the jungle. He comes to a clearing and finds another tiger eating elephant crap and spitting it out.

    The first tiger watches for a few minutes as the second tiger eats elephant crap and spits it out. Eats more elephant crap and spits it out. etc. The first tiger cant figure-out what's going-on.

    Finally, the first tiger asks, "Hey! Why are you eating elephant crap and spitting it out???".

    The second tiger says, "Dude, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get that taste out of my mouth."


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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    "A magician was walking down the street when he turned into a restaurant."

    I've heard people mess up this elementary one like this....

    <<A magician was walking down the street when he went into a restaurant.>>

    Some people just have no sense of comedy.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    "There are three types of people in the world, those who understand mathematics and those who don't."
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    LMFAO @ this thread.

    Alright.. I got one.. I actually have 2, but I'm excluding one after thinking on it a bit. It's foul, I think.. LOL This one's tame (and very stupid).

    What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhino?

    Ellifino! (Hell-if-I-Know)

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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    I'm baaaaack...

    Here's my all-time fave short-stuipid-but-incredibly(sp?)-funny one:

    What did the fish say when in hit the wall?

    "Damn!"

    hee hee

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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    ok...here's a cheesy one...


    a man wakes up with an orange dick.
    he panics, and rushes to the doctor.
    he says "doctor, something is wrong! i woke up this morning and my dick was orange!"
    "orange?" the doc asks.
    "yes" the man says "and i don't know how it happened!"
    doc asks " well did you do anything out of the ordinary last night before you went to bed?"
    man replies "well shit, all i was doing was eating cheetos and watching porn"

    yes there are different variations of this one but its so damn funny. lol.

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    Default Re: A bear walks into a bar...

    a couple more i heard


    A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
    As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
    While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
    "No!" she shrieked, aghast.
    So, he dropped her.
    As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
    "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
    He dropped her, too.
    The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
    "Slut!" he said, and dropped her.


    *Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.
    "Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
    "Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
    "Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

    nothing like a good round of drinks to get me going

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