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Thread: How do these people survive?

  1. #1
    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default How do these people survive?

    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
    have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
    nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

    I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the
    lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of
    those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between
    our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
    items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so
    she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you
    know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll
    buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She
    had no clue to what had just happened.

    A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
    pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,
    she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit
    card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you
    need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
    battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this
    remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
    there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

    Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she
    was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
    paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
    on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

    I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
    towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair
    and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the
    manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise
    control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

    My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of
    a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems
    with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
    branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

    Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
    colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

    A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
    take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants, the
    dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....Dispatcher: Rush him in to
    emergency!

    "Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid!"

  2. #2
    Pamela
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Guess all these people could have been female and blonde.

    Pamela

  3. #3
    Featured Member showgirlschloe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Those can't all be real. I'm worried about leaving the house now if there's that stupid of people around.

  4. #4
    Featured Member devilkitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    OMG I an't believe that lady gave peaticides to her kid. WTF. I am with Chloe on this one. I am also a little scared to leave the house.
    Aut Pax Aut Bellum
    Either Peace Or War

  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    They are not real. A dispatcher can not give medical advice i.e. meds over the phone. What they can do is ask if you know CPR amoung other questions about the patient, not give medical advice. Also a dispatcher wont tell you to rush a person to the ED. They call for an ambulance...Lol

    Pamela

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Reguardless whether or not they're real,it's still freakin' hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  7. #7
    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    I figure we should treat funny stories like a good boob job. Who cares if it's real, just enjoy.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Quote Originally Posted by Destiny
    I figure we should treat funny stories like a good boob job. Who cares if it's real, just enjoy.


    lol.... that's good. Do you mind if I use that??

  9. #9
    Featured Member Veronika's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    I really pray that none of those are real. OMG...

    but then, at the QFC grocery store at University Village in Seattle the fireplace actually has a sign that says "Caution: HOT!". Yes, really... so someone out there must be misfiring a neuron or three.
    Currently dancing at the Men's Club of Reno, NV
    under the name of Veronica! I am a 2007 calendar girl for MCR, so message me if you want a calendar!

  10. #10
    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    That's really funny, Thanks for sharing Redz!


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



  11. #11
    Veteran Member ksalerio's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Lol, thats great!!!! too funny

  12. #12
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    How do the survive? Existence of a welfare state.

    Think about it. Prior to the 20th century, you didn't have a broad social net to protect those too stupid to live. Now we do.

    And they say we've progressed as a species...
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Chani_Fremen's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    LOL. is this for real?
    ~*~ I must not fear. ~*~
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    ~*~ Only I will remain. ~*~

  14. #14
    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Most, if not all, are urban legends.

  15. #15
    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    speaking of mcdonalds, a friend and i went in and ordered food and the cashier (about 19-20) had short changed my friend, well she told him about it and he just shrugged his shoulders meaning umm, what do you want me to do about, she said to get the manager and a 24-25 yr old approached the counter (looked stoned) and was like acting like he couldn't open the register to give her the correct change, after all said and done she never got her change back!

  16. #16
    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Thought you all could use a good laugh. Maybe next time I'll have joke in the headline.

  17. #17
    Featured Member scorpio's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    what's even better is that the CDA (Central Dipshit Angency) a little known, covert offshoot of the CIA, reads the small town police blotters, mostly in Florida, and tracks these people down, then offers them jobs at the DMV, The Clerk of traffic courts office, and the other state and federal offices.


    ....and know you know. And knowing is half the battle.

  18. #18
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Heh.. These remind me of Bill Engvall's routine, "Here's Your Sign", saying that stupid people should just have to wear signs:


    THE STUPID SIGN

    Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

    It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

    A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

    I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

    Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

    We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

    I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...okay...no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

    I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about
    10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

    Anybody you know need a sign today?

    The next time someone says something stupid ask them where their sign is.

  19. #19
    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do these people survive?

    Brilliant, Rhi. It's too bad we couldn't actually get people to go along with this, or could we?

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