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Thread: How do dump longterm SO?

  1. #1
    Member LuLa's Avatar
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    Default How do dump longterm SO?

    Ok, it's like this. I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and 3 months. We met when I was a stripper and it was OK for a while. Then he got all jealous, blah blah blah and I quit. After months of working stupid blister causing, minimum wage paying, rush hour commute, asshole power trip boss jobs I went back (behind his back). After a couple of weeks of this I couldn't stand to lie to him, so I told him I want to go back to dancing. He said to choose between him and dancing, I chose dancing, The next day he calls, crying, apologizing for being selfish , yadda yadda yadda, and says he'll deal with it for a while. Now it's been almost a year since I've gone back and he gives me a guilt trip again. He says I told him it would only be for a few months, I'll get a real job, and all that crap. In reality, I plan on dancing for a while. I also want to travel to dance (to further cities, the US, Japan) and he can't comprehend why I would go somewhere far to do the same job. I am sick of this crap and I want to leave him.
    I don't want to have kids, a husband, a house in the suburbs, security, and a blue collar fucking job. He does.
    I also have been taken care of by a very good customer and I want to stay under his "employ" for much much longer. My boyfriend can't take care of me like my custy does, and the customer doesn't ask for sex or anything - he knows what time it is.
    My bf didn't even get me anything for my birthday (not even a card), and my custy got me a $4000 diamond.
    It's not all about money, but where I am in my life, money is more important than a realtionship. For my boyfriend it's the opposite. He has no motivation, drive, ambition, or plan for financial success. How can I be with a man like that especially when he won't support my work choice?
    If I tell him all this he'll say How come you've wasted a year of my life thinking this way?
    What can I say to that?
    Help! He doesn't make me happy and we want different things in life. How do I deliver a break up?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    I say you should just tell him everything that you have just posted here, except perhaps in nicer terms. Just let him know all of this. Things will work themselves out if you two are meant to be together.

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    I agree with RD.......Be honest, up front, and say what you feel


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    In the end, it doesn't matter what he thinks. You are doing him a favor by being honest and you are honoring yourself, as well. You are not responsible for his choices, feelings, or the way that he chooses to react to you telling him. You are responsible for your own stuff. I agree that you should phrase the above to him in the break-up convo...in more kind terms, however, what happened in the past doesn't matter. People's priorities can and do change. You are free to make whatever changes you want in life. You did not waste a year of his life. He stayed willingly...and now, at this point in time...the things that he wants in life no longer are in tune with what you want and so now is the time to go separate ways.

    It's hard...but, you need to remember that doing what is best for you, will, in the long run, be best for everyone involved.

  5. #5
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    If I were going to take a kick in the crotch like this, VG's method would be the preferrable option, since it's clean, sharp and definitive.

    Two cents.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    "I don't think we should see each other anymore"

    DUMP THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY!
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    So wait, he knew what you did and yet had no problem with what you had to do to make a living before and now he has a problem with it? You sound like an indepent thinking woman who deserves a man who is secure with the fact that you can separate your work life from your private life.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    Just tell him you need some time and space to think because " I think you do or you wouldnt be asking for advice " and if you feel that your life is better without him let him know and get on with your life .

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    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    wow, i have problems with my so we've been together for quite a while too, but i agree with the girls tell them what you just said.

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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    Quote Originally Posted by LuLa
    I am sick of this crap and I want to leave him.
    I don't want to have kids, a husband, a house in the suburbs, security, and a blue collar fucking job. He does.

    My bf didn't even get me anything for my birthday
    It's not all about money, but where I am in my life, money is more important than a realtionship. For my boyfriend it's the opposite. He has no motivation, drive, ambition, or plan for financial success. How can I be with a man like that especially when he won't support my work choice?
    He doesn't make me happy and we want different things in life.
    You answered your own question, didn't you?

    Too many dancers settle for guys that don't accept their choice of career/employment rather than waiting and only getting involved with guys who understand and accept their dancing.

    Hopefully you will be more careful who you get involved with in the future.

    I would never compare what a "sugar daddy" customer does for you to a person you really love, though. A persons immediate financial means has nothing to do with his worth as a good partner/husband, does it?

  11. #11
    Veteran Member stant's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    Quote Originally Posted by LuLa
    ...My bf didn't even get me anything for my birthday (not even a card)...
    I'd say (without knowing either of you) that this looks like a sign of his contempt for the relationship and his neediness to flip you off. I'm generally not one to give such a harsh opinion, but any man over the age of 13 that doesn't know how important a girlfriend's or spouse's birthday is to them has either never been in a relationship or doesn't want one. He's somehow convinced you that this is in any way about money. Southwest Airlines sends good customers computer automated birthday cards. Hell, spammers send birthday greetings.

    His game plan is to bait you into complaining about his contempt for your relationship by ignoring your birthday, then claim all you care about is money. Right. Passive-aggressive sheeottt like this drives me up the wall.

    I used to have a friend or two like this. You know, the ones that like to borrow money all the time... then "forget", so that you eventually bring it up....

    At some point its all just a bad debt right-off.

    Edit: ...just for the sake of irony, why not take advantage of the holiday tomorrow.....
    ---

    [Application for exception to anti-XY posting edict sent separately]
    Last edited by stant; 02-13-2005 at 09:37 AM.

  12. #12
    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    "We've grown apart and want different things."

    Nicest break-up line on Earth.

  13. #13
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: How do dump longterm SO?

    I just went through this a couple months ago with my SO who I was with for a couple years. He couldnt keep a job, got me nothing for b-day and X-Mas and I finally told him off. I He was a very kind, sweet guy but I got sick of the money issues. I got to a point where I kept a list on the fridge of what he owed me.. got to $7000... got so mad and irritated that I told him were over and he needs to leave. If youre done, youre done, he probably already knows this (my ex did). Just tell him YOU need to do what YOU need to do to make YOU happy. Has nothing to do with him... but sounds like it is time to move on. Good luck. And to tell ya, i am MUCH happier now.. much much much happier.

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