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Thread: Not Sure About This

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    Default Not Sure About This

    hello to all. i don't know if this is the right place, but here goes. my wife wants to start stripping. i am not sure if it is the right thing or not. I know she would make a lot of $, but i realy don't want her exposed to the dark side of the trade. I feel that one day down the road this is something that might haught her, and i don't want her to have to deal with that. I make a $70k per year, but yet we still have some bill. she wants to pay them off, by dancing for a few weeks out of town. I don't think she understands, everything that comes with a job like this. I don't think she would know how to react to the men that want what they want. I fear for her safety alot. she is very young looking, even if she is 28. what should i tell her she keeps asking me if she should do this.

    Also, she will not even give me a lap dance at our house, so when i asked how could you give one to someone else. she replied that she could if she a few drinks. that is one of my biggest fears, drinking at the clubs. i know some take it too far, and get them self in trouble.

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    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    I think you two need to discuss your marriage.

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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    Yes, I would have to agree that drinking too much on the job in any job is never a good idea. There are bad reprocustions b/c of drinking too much.

    Although, where she plans to dance is another thing. What she would be doing depends on her location.

    Are you here in the US? If, so what part....midwest, northeast etc..? This might help answer your question better.
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    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    Quote Originally Posted by NEWBIE'S HUBBY
    hello to all. i don't know if this is the right place, but here goes. my wife wants to start stripping. i am not sure if it is the right thing or not. I know she would make a lot of $, but i realy don't want her exposed to the dark side of the trade. I feel that one day down the road this is something that might haught her, and i don't want her to have to deal with that. I make a $70k per year, but yet we still have some bill. she wants to pay them off, by dancing for a few weeks out of town. I don't think she understands, everything that comes with a job like this. I don't think she would know how to react to the men that want what they want. I fear for her safety alot. she is very young looking, even if she is 28. what should i tell her she keeps asking me if she should do this.
    What, exactly, she might be "exposed to" will depend in large part on where it is she's looking at dancing, as the rules and/or level of contact, etc., differ not only between but, at least on occasion, even within various markets. That said, even if she encounters a "worse case scenario" type of situation, what's to prevent her from quitting if it's too extreme?

    As for safety, there's no denying that certain very real risks not usually associated with most other occupations do exist. However, by employing just a few basic safety measures those risks can largely be minimized - especially if she's dancing in a reasonably decent club.

    Quote Originally Posted by NEWBIE'S HUBBY
    Also, she will not even give me a lap dance at our house, so when i asked how could you give one to someone else. she replied that she could if she a few drinks. that is one of my biggest fears, drinking at the clubs. i know some take it too far, and get them self in trouble.
    IMHO, this, however, is a problem - for several reasons. First, your post indicates that she'll be dancing out of town, which presumably means driving some distance after work to get home... and math being the exact science it is, odds are it will catch up with her one way or another, sooner or later. And second, if she's drinking while she's at work, it'll be much more difficult for her to maintain the kind of awareness she should have of her surroundings, etc., that she'll need to have to minimize the safety risks that are causing you some measure of concern.


    In the end, if this is something she really wants to do, I'd suggest you try to find a way to come to terms with it and support her in her decision to give it a try. Run a few searches and you'll find that many of the dancers here are married, and many of the guys who frequent this site are either married to a dancer or have a SO who's a dancer. There's no inherent reason why it can't work - the only question is whether it can work within the context of the particular relationship you and your wife have. Good luck!
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
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    If there's one thing in my life these years have taught me,
    it's that you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.
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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    Quote Originally Posted by NEWBIE'S HUBBY
    ...she will not even give me a lap dance at our house, so when i asked how could you give one to someone else. she replied that she could if she a few drinks...
    This is that part that would scare me.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Senior Member amber88's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    Well some dancers need liquid courage...I don't and I don't think its a good thing. Yes..that is worrisome that she said that. It sounds strange..but I don't think that its wierd that she won't give you a lap dance at home...sometimes people can do things for strangers because they don't give a crap about what the strangers think about them or if they think we gave a bad dance...she might feel embarassed to give you a dance because she does not want to feel like she's doing it the wrong way. You are her man and what you think counts. Anyway..I'm not sure how things are between you sexually and I'm not prying..but there are many girls I know whom are shy with thier own man...but can be a completly different person in the strip club. Don't take that the wrong way...it's a job and it's acting in a form..a fantasy. I would let her speak more about her wanting to dance, LISTEN to her thoughts, and then you share your concerns. Just like you did here...you guys need to communicate..or things will haunt the both of you down the road. As for you worrying about the "Dark Side" of dancing..as long as she has a strong and healthy home life and she's a strong person she should be fine. Its not like they're serving cocaine on trays in the locker rooms. I don't want to sound mean...I just want you to know there are classy clubs and classy dancers out there who stay out of bad shit. If she treats it like a business then you don't have to worry..she will go to work and then come home. If I were you~ I would go and check out some clubs with her and see where she would feel comfortable dancing.. that's what my man did with me when I first started. It made us both feel better when we found a nice club. Good luck.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    I commend you for caring about your wife's safety. Too often it's just a case of jealousy with significant others. In this case you are truly concerned for her and that is very thoughtful.

    Quote Originally Posted by NEWBIE'S HUBBY
    I don't think she would know how to react to the men that want what they want.
    She can tell them she's married.

    Quote Originally Posted by NEWBIE'S HUBBY
    Also, she will not even give me a lap dance at our house, so when i asked how could you give one to someone else. she replied that she could if she a few drinks.
    I agree with Amber88. I think she doesn't want to do it with you because she associates that with intimacy (into-me-see ). She's shy because she values your opinion of her. I know I would die if my best guy friend saw me dancing even though he's already seen me undressed, because I care about his impression of "that type of thing". As for why she wouldn't just tell you this, I think it's inate and she doesn't even realize it, so she figures it's because she just not in that state of mind.

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    First, let me say...what a guy You are caring and it shows...because you came here to seek out advice. I am a happily married woman with two young kids and I just started dancing last week. I have been a stay at home mom for 3 years and my hubby has done a wonderful job of providing for us...but like you guys, we have some bills and things that we would like to take care of. I always said that I would do it if I became comfortable enough with my body after having 2 kids. My hubby always smiled and said...I'll believe it when I see it. So the time came and I asked him if he is really ok with it and he said yes, as long as I am. I appreciate his understanding and trust. I have a good head on my shoulders and would never get into things that would jepordize my marriage or kids. As for the liquer...sure, we would all be a little more comfortable with a few drinks in us, but like my club...drinking while working is a no-no.

    I suggest the two of you go to some clubs together until you both find one you think will work. Talk over all aspects of the job, and suggest she not try it out until she knows she'd be comfortable without the booze. My first day I worked for 4 hrs and brought home $260 after tip-outs. My hubby likes it even more now And I won't strip for him either. It's kind of the hidden rule...He knows what I'm doing at work, but doesn't REALLY want to know. I worry that if I strip for him...obviously in a more intimate way I would at work (he is my husband) then he would think that I get that intimate on the job. I don't...to me I am there for the money...not for the intamacy of another man. It's the frame of mind you take on is what makes the difference. Good luck to both of you. You should have her check out these boards. She may find out it's not what she wants...or that it is. There is so much helpful info here.

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    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    Hi, this is the wife. Sorry to butt in like this but you know there are 2 sides to every story.
    First of all let me say I would not give him a lapdance because when he asked me to do that for him i was sitting on the couch in a wifebeater shirt and a pair of sweatpants watching the lifetime channel with my dog in my lap and no makeup on. I hardly felt sexy. also, I want to get more comfortable and confident before I do that for him because YES I do value his opinion most of all. Not to mention it's hard to do a lapdance when there is no music ! so he is not telling all.

    Second, yes I do enjoy an occasional cocktail or glass of wine but in the last 10 years I have not been stumbling drunk or hardly even visibly drunk. The club scene puts me in a good mood and does make me want to have a drink or two , or sometimes before going out I like to have a drink while getting ready. It does help me lighten up and be a tad more sociable but I am hardly an alcoholic or belligerant individual. When I read the part about drinking I nearly cringed. I have seen a girl in a club who was sh9t faced and she could hardly stand. It is very unattractive.

    As far as my safety is concerned I'm just not scared. I am very independent and alert all the time.

    Thanks for the advice and sorry again for butting in, who is to say i could even get hired in a club or will even do it, it is just something I am thinking about doing over the summer for some xtra cash and to satisfy my curiosity. I have found myself BORED TO TEARS with run of the mill jobs and have not found the right thing yet. I don't want this to be a permenant thing, just something to do for a while to say I did it and to make some xtra cash. I dont think I will be "haunted" . I have never regretted anythign I have done in my life. Life is too short for that !
    thanks again

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    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default To BOTH of you.....

    Great to be part of a chat thread where a husband and wife communicate with each other....

    LOL.... sorry, just had to do that.

    To both of you -- there are good clubs and bad clubs. My THEN boyfriend (now husband) got me started in the biz at a great club with little danger. He was a bouncer. We've now gone on to other phases in our lives and don't regret a single minute of our lives back then. Pick a good club, and realize you're in the entertainment and fantasy biz, and keep your head together.

    A quick word about booze -- I love a drink (or three!) as much as the next girl. If it wasn't for Jose Quervo, I would never have made it on stage for my first amateur night! However, I QUICKLY learned that dancing after even ONE drink is a mistake. Dancing is hard physical work, and you're balancing on a stage on very high heels. If you approach it right, you're going to be in dynamite physical shape after just a few weeks of it, but be very careful.

    In any club, at any given time, about half the girls have real problems with something (boyfriend, husband, booze, drugs, the law, you name it!) and about half the girls have their acts together (college girls, happily married, other careers outside the club, kids, etc.)

    Good luck to both of you, and keep me posted, OK?

    Hugs,
    Susan

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    Veteran Member Cianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    It sounds like you are concerned about all the right things. The only thing I would be questionable about is why she can't give you a lapdance and yet she is considereing to do that for a living. In my opinion, lapdancing is quite close in contact and requires some nerve to do. At least that's how I felt the first few times. You definately know whether you will be able to do it over and over again within the first week. And liquid courage helps, but kind of backfires when you allow men to touch or cross boundries. Why doesn't she try dancing on stage first and see how that goes for her?

    Cianna

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    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    Quote Originally Posted by Cianna
    The only thing I would be questionable about is why she can't give you a lapdance and yet she is considereing to do that for a living.
    again the reason why I did not give him one that second was because the environment we were in (our house which was a wreck at the time) our pets were walking around everywhere, I was in mismatching sweats and had not shaved my legs in a couple of days. I was totally vedged out. I did not feel at all sexy. His opinion does matter and I don't want to give him one until I have done a couple on others. when it is a stranger, it is different, I don't know why. I would just feel silly with him at this point in time. I cannot put my hand on exactly WHY I just would. The dynamics of our relationship I guess. Others who have responded have said similar things about giving dances to their SO's so I guess it is not all that weird.

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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    *doesnt think its weird*

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    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    thnkx retired !

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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    I get VERY shy when I try to give a lap dance to my boyfriend....I think because I truly care what he thinks, and I dunno...it's just funny!!!! But I have NO problems giving lap dances to strangers......so you're not alone ;-)

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    Veteran Member Cianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Sure About This

    SthrnrnGrl77, I'm really sorry for that. I had no idea, I would probably feel the same way at the time. It is kind of different giving your SO a lapdance because you want it to be perfect. But if you can give lapdances to random men without it affecting you in any way then go for it!! You will make lots of money!!

    Cianna

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