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Thread: New View on Sig. Others

  1. #1
    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default New View on Sig. Others

    I see so many threads on "What will my S.O. think?" and "How will they feel?"

    I am asked why a pretty, straight woman like myself doesn't have a boyfriend. I answer truthfully: Because I strip. The usual response is that I haven't found the right man who understands.

    Who says it's about the guy?

    I'm not okay being in a relationship. Me. It's about me and my choice. I am so sexed out at the end of my shift that I have no energy to pay attention to someone at home. I don't feel like calling anyone either. I'd rather sleep.

    I broke up with someone before I started stripping. He thought it was for the best because he couldn't "share" me like that. What about my long day at work? What about my feelings?

    I like being single. My libido is consumed on stage. I don't miss sex. I don't miss the drama. I have friends and family. I think I'm okay.

    Dating would be just a burden to me.

    The guy that I ditched, he requested before we broke up that I pay extra special attention to him so that he could feel secure with my stripping and the relationship. *rolls eyes* No. Fuck that. My feet hurt.

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    Member Dave in Phoenix's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    Yes many men are very immature and insecure.

    Our silly culture equates love with possessiveness and jealously which to me is the opposite of love.

    In my view a friend isn't a real friend if he/she isn't supportive and encouraging of what you choose to do. A friend should be more concerned about the real you, not just possessive of you body and not want you to do what you choose with it.

    But that is our immature, insecure culture.
    Dave in Phoenix
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  3. #3
    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizette
    The guy that I ditched, he requested before we broke up that I pay extra special attention to him so that he could feel secure with my stripping and the relationship. *rolls eyes* No. Fuck that. My feet hurt.
    Good for you Lizette!


  4. #4
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    I know of a number of instances here in the UK where dancer/customer friendships have become OTC friendships. There seems to be a tacit agreement on both sides that friendly is what it stays. They then go off for an evening out, etc., just for the pure fun of it.

    There's no hassle about the dancer's job, because being just friendly means there's no question of being possessive/jealous, etc. No question of libido, cos it's just friendly; no great commitment of time, cos the OTC meetings tend to be just a few times a month.

    Given that the dancer tends to set the ground rules in OTC friendships, I wonder if other dancers have Lizette's problem and have found that companionship without the complications of sex solve at least some of the problems associated with being a dancer and maintaining a SO?

    Phil W.

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    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    I have never personally had a OTC relationship but I cant imagine it would be without complications associated with sex.

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W
    companionship without the complications of sex solve at least some of the problems associated with being a dancer and maintaining a SO? Phil W.
    Maybe I misunderstood you?


  6. #6
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    Quote Originally Posted by Yea
    I have never personally had a OTC relationship but I cant imagine it would be without complications associated with sex.

    Maybe I misunderstood you?
    You didn't. I currently do exactly this with a couple of dancers. In one case there's a big difference in our ages, (I'm 47, she's 24), and we've kind of agreed that's too big a difference to bridge. In the other case the dancer extracted a firm promise that I'd behave myself, and it's a promise I've kept. The first relationship goes back 2 1/2 years, the second 18 months. The friendships are quite close.

    The idea of keeping things on a friendly basis took a bit of getting used to at the start, but it can actually be quite relaxing to go out for a drink, meal, film, etc just for the sheer fun of it. It doesn't make great demads on our time either - just a few days a month.

    Practical example: earlier today I was round one of the dancer's houses helping her with her studies - (she's putting herself through university). She said thanks by cooking me a nice meal.

    Keeping things on a friendly basis isn't a conventional viewpoint I guess, but it suits me and it suits the dancers involved.

    Phil W.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    Phil_W, I don’t believe there are too many men like you though I have to wonder, are you really not having sex for 2 ½ yrs? No offence but I find that hard to believe. If that is the case then that’s a great resolution for some single dancers. Irrelevant for me personally, I would have to really, really like the man in order to involve OTC time. Chemistry would play a large factor.


  8. #8
    Senior Member Izzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    I totally see where you're coming from Lizette, and it's awesome that you are independant and confident!

    I have a SO whom I love dearly, and actually I don't see him nearly enough! He really helps me deal with stressful days at work and makes me feel loved and special (important on a night with one too many rejections at work.)

    It's great though, that you've found what works for you. Don't feel pressure to be in a relationship, if you're happy single, then stay that way!


    there's beauty in the breakdown





  9. #9
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    I danced before I met my man, and he knew about it right away. But I did it on weekends in another city so it was out of sight out of mind for him. He hates it, and he won't move our relationship to the next step because of it, but he puts up w it as long as I don't talk about it too much.

    He doesn't like to see me upset and sexed out after a bad night of work. It hurts him to see me crying, my soul sucked out by one fuckstick who mistreated me. So I can't blame him for hating it, he wants to see me less unstable, although he totally knew from the get-go that I am completely insane, his words, LOL!

    No, I don't recommend starting a serious relationship when dancing full-time. Of course, I also think that ppl in their early 20's should date around in general, get a feel for things.......

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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    After one uneventful day my bf broke up with me I didnt have another BF the rest of the time I danced. Why? Because, no one would understand why I do what I do. So, I just didnt even bother. Second, I dont even know why Im dating now? I guess I just like having a few guys around to take care of things after that its all over.
    I dont think this time I wil have a bf b/c yea I do think they get in the way unless they truely are going to understand why I do what I do.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  11. #11
    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Re: New View on Sig. Others

    I hate that drained libido. It only comes back after a few days off work. Right now is like permanently on hold because staying at mum's house, sharing room with little sister. > Heheh. I'm glad I have my bf, he's just okay with me dancing. He doesn't feel possessive, or like "My Girlfriend, the O Exulted Stripper." He gets that it isn't easy money every day, but it lets us be comfortable. His family knows, so it's not a taboo thing. He cuddles me after a crappy day and comforts me. He doesn't say the wrong stupid things so many people do when they find out I'm a stripper - a friend of his, after hearing about my family being in foreign service, blah blah blah, was like "heheh, and now their daughter is a stripper."
    "I still have my name
    I still have my face
    I have not run away from home
    Doesn't seem so long
    If I now embrace
    Every single thing I've never known"

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