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Thread: SO suddenly not supportive

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    Member orenishi's Avatar
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    Angry SO suddenly not supportive

    OK, so I auditioned and got a job at a great club, was quite excited about it. Told my hubby how above-board and "corporate" the whole process was, and he seemed happy for me in the beginning. However, he went into a severe funk and it seems the cause of it was my new job and, being weak, I called the club back to let them know I couldn't go through with it b/c of my husband's objections.

    I still really, really want to dance, though. My husband seems hung up on his belief that he won't be able to tell anyone about my job (and I don't understand why this should even matter, anyway), and that since I have other skills (attorney) I needn't "resort" to this type of job.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to convince him it's OK for me to strip? I know taking him to a club might help, but I'm not sure he'd even step foot into one.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO suddenly not supportive

    If it's a no-contact club, be sure to stress that no one will be molesting you, and that you will not be rubbing all over strange men. Though the act of doing this means little or nothing to the vast majority of women in the business for more than a couple of months, it's a rare man that can handle the idea of the woman he loves doing it.

    Don't judge them too harshly, most women couldn't handle a male stripper boyfriend/husband grinding his d*ck in strange womens' laps, either.

    If it's a contact club, tell him it's like doing laundry, and that the vast majority of men make it about as interesting for the dancers. I sat and listened to my girlfriend tell a deluded customer on the phone, in a vain attempt to enlighten him, that she found lap dancing about as exciting as rubbing on the arm of a couch. He's still hung up on her, but hey, she tried...

    Focus on the stage dancing experience, this is where you get to be creative and express yourself. Tell him that's what you are all about.

    If he reads Stripperweb, for God's sake keep him out of StripClubJunkies, he will want to take a hammer to your customers' fingers and genitals after reading some of the posts in there, lol.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO suddenly not supportive

    If he reads Stripperweb, for God's sake keep him out of StripClubJunkies, he will want to take a hammer to your customers' fingers and genitals after reading some of the posts in there, lol.
    Sweet line!

    <S> DJ
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO suddenly not supportive

    Unfortunately your hubby's attitude toward stripping is extremely unlikely to change for the better. Most people have their opinions set about this sort of thing and can't, won't, have no interest in learning something new - especially if it might lead them to an alternate view.

    You might, however, try telling hubby that he doesn't HAVE to tell anyone anything about your job. It's not like it's anyone else's business. Of course that likely won't get you anywhere, since this sore spot (and any other) is just an excuse, something he throws out to try and reason with you, and not the real issue. The real issue is he's jealous and insecure about his wife stripping. Unfortunately, if this is truly something you desire, you may be in for a tough time ahead involving a choice between hubby and stripping. Sometimes it's a matter of which you value more: your relationship or your personal independence. Good luck

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO suddenly not supportive

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette
    The real issue is he's jealous and insecure about his wife stripping. Unfortunately, if this is truly something you desire, you may be in for a tough time ahead involving a choice between hubby and stripping. Sometimes it's a matter of which you value more: your relationship or your personal independence.
    My 7 year amazing dream relationship was doomed following 2 years of me dancing: I too changed his mind, over time he became very bitter, he was truly unhappy, he was hurt, but his wounds never healed.

    It’s natural and normal for any healthy man or woman to feel insecure, jealous, unconformable, and in dislike of their life partner doing this for a living. (except maybe NO contact, what are your state laws?)

    Is it independence you seek, to dance or money? What is important to you?


    To make him change his mind the above works. Also once you show him the money he might be impressed.. try giving him a few private dances.


    Good luck.


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    Member MaleDancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO suddenly not supportive

    I'd be interested to know what it is about dancing you want to do so badly if you have the capacity as an attorney to make a good living? My girlfriend is dancing to put me through law school right now, but she makes no qualms about looking forward to the day she never has to do it again after I start making the money. What is it you want out of this, since I was under the impression that if it wasn't for the money most if not all of the girls dancing would walk away from it tomorrow.

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    Member orenishi's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO suddenly not supportive

    I have the capacity to practice law, but not the passion. MaleDancer, I hope you find that the law is a rewarding career, but sadly, the odds are against you. I have been practicing for 3 years, and already 12 of my friends from school have gone inactive. As far as the money in law goes--it's a myth. Huge firms like Brobeck have gone under in the last two years, with their talented pool of lawyers scrambling for the scarce positions. Add that to the debt from student loans, and it's a bleak picture. I'm not saying that you need to run from law school--I am so very glad I went--just be sure to keep expectations in line with reality.

    As far as my wanting to strip, it has nothing to do with the money; fortunately for me, I was on scholarship at law school so I have no student loans to pay off. It has a lot to do with doing something outside the mainstream, and with wanting to get off the straight-and-narrow path I've followed my entire life. I'm very proud of my body, flaws and all, and like the idea of guys paying to chat me up as opposed to having endure whistles and such for free. It's just another challenge I'd like to experience--I have no delusions that this is a long-term career for me (especially as I'm now 36 yrs old!).

    Best of luck to you in law school! If you have any questions about it, please feel free to PM me. I've been through it all, and sometimes no one outside school can understand the stress you're under.

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