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Thread: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    "The innate difference between males and females is that males are born with D.N.A, and females are born with D.R.A.M.A." - Me


    I'm having a problem and am hoping to solicit some advice. I decided to come here because my friends are biased, and y'all seem to jump at the chance to give advice. Pardon if it's long, I'm apologizing in advance. Here's my new dilemma:


    I have a new g/f. Actually, she's the only g/f I've ever had. We've been together about a week. She's a cool chick, and the sex is bomb; HOWEVER, She has a problem accepting the things I do, but expects me to sit back and allow her to continue what she's doing. What I mean is: I like to go to my fave strip club about 1 or 2 times a month to get away from school and softball and unwind. No harm, no foul. It's just a place to escape and not have to worry about seeing people I know, or have any responsibilities (homework, practice) I have never done anything with the strippers besides talk, get dances from, and occassionally get a peck on the cheek or lips. SHE: is still "in love" with a friend of hers with whom she has had sex. She still goes and hangs out at the bar about 2 or 3 nights a week at which her "friend" bar-tends. She has told me that I have to accept the fact that she is still, and probably will always be in love with her, so I should just deal with it, and hope that one day she can love me like that. She jumps at the chance to tell me about their convo's and show me pics of them kissing, and showing me pics of her having sex with other people. Then she bitches at me because she asks me how my night at the club went and I tell her, and she gets pissed because she doesn't want to hear about a stripper being all over her g/f. WTF?? Do I stay in or bail out before feelings start to get thick?
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

  2. #2
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Well, baby, do you WANT a girlfriend who is still in love with somebody else? I mean, everything else seems kind of secondary.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Veteran Member ToriBaltimore's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    I agree with Jenny.............I say ...bail... Nothing good can come of this.

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    Featured Member The_Oceans's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Hey, men can be dramatic too [/offtopic]

    Seriously, if she told you she's still in love with her ex, I'd say let her go if/until she sorts her feelings out. She shouldn't be allowed to throw the double-standard card ("You have to do/be who I want but I don't have to do/be what you want"). Even if it's the best sex ever, you deserve to be treated better.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

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    Senior Member BrunetteBombshell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    I agree with everyone else...do you really want to be in a relationship knowing that you are second best, and probably always will be?...if her ex ever decides to get back together with her, she will leave you in a heartbeat and you know it...what is it that's making you even WANT to be in the relationship in the first place?

    ~*Now shorty, she in the club, she dancin' for dollars, she got a thing for that Gucci, that Fendi, that Prada, that BCBG, Burberry, Dolce & Gabbana, she's feeding fools fantasies, they pay her cause they want her*~

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    When we start to get intimate, she'll whisper things like "you know I'm not gong anywhere. You're the one I want to be with". Stuff like that. I guess I have this silly notion that I'm actually worth her heart. I'm starting to see less and less redeeming qualities. She gives me the double standard card a lot. I know it's not fair, and I think deserve to be treated right. The girl she is in(fatuated) love with is mostly straight. She's told my g/f that there will never be a relationship between them, and that there never was. They just messed around and my g/f got her feelings involved. The friend has a b/f. My g/f is just infatuated/obsessed with her. I don't want to be selfish, but I kind of want to be the lead guitar, not second fiddle.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    Featured Member showgirlschloe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Guys and Girls will whisper anything in your ear to get your pants off. It's all new and fresh right now, but it's not going to get any better, only worse. Next time she whispers that in you ear tell back that she can go somewhere if she wants. She's wasting your time when you could be single and find someone who really is in love with you and only you. Why live in the shadow of a exgirlfriend who isn't even gay. I know from your posts that you are a very smart, articulate, and funny woman, you deserve better than what you're getting from this girl.

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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    I've come between two girlfriends before and I'd say, she's still into the one chick and you're taking care of her needs for the time being. Save yourself the hassle and dump her.

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Bail

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    Featured Member The_Oceans's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    And that's why A is...well, A. Straight and to the point.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    The relationship is young and so are you. Continue to be honest and see where things go. Never hide your feelings. If you don't want to hear about the ex, tell your GF to shut the fuck up about that.

    It probably won't last but enjoy the positive moments for now.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    Senior Member PoisonKandi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    She doesn't seem like she has much regard for your relationship and wants to have things her way without giving much to the relationship.


    Even if she nevers hooks up with her ex do you really want to be second best when she becomes interested in the new flavor of the week?? If you aren't good enough to be her one and only now, you probably never will be. If the sex is good, play her game right back. Just don't get emotionally involved with her because you really deserve much better. I also don't believe ANYTHING that ANYBODY says prior to having sex. Judgement is often clouded and people will say/do anything to get what they want!!!! It doesnt matter whether it is a guy or a girl raging hormones will make a person do and say some crazy things! Best of luck to you!

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Um, I wouldn't have hung around with her long enough to post this. If she tells you she's in love with someone else, she is telling you she IS NOT and NEVER will be in love with you. She's using you. Tell her to piss off.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  14. #14
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    bail... Sweetie, she doesnt treat you like a lover. She sounds like a user.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Whether you stay or bail depends on how much you enjoy setting yourself up for pain and torture.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    Whether you stay or bail depends on how much you enjoy setting yourself up for pain and torture.
    I'm not one for either. I don't know if it's the embarrassment of being alone again, or the fear of feeling like I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship with that was holding me back from breaking things off. It got pretty hairy yesterday. Things are still pretty shaky between her and I. We're cooling off now. I think we're going to try the "friends first" thing. However, I think that is her code for "got what I wanted, slowly backing away now....." The title has been erased for the time being.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Quote Originally Posted by DSUsb19
    I'm not one for either. I don't know if it's the embarrassment of being alone again, or the fear of feeling like I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship with
    Fear of being alone and not being "good enough" to maintain a relationship led to my divorce...because I entered a marriage that I never should have entered.

    It took me a long time to realize that someone who is comfortable enough to be independent is, frankly, exceptionally attractive. My wife is an independent person. She does not "need" a man...she does not "need" me. I find that sexy...because it tells me that the reason she is with me is because she appreciates who I am and what she and I make as a couple.

    A failed relationship is not necessarily a reflection on you as a person. It is simply what happens when two roads go in different directions. It is what it is.

    I cannot say this enough - be who you are...and surround yourself with those people who enjoy who you are...not who they want you to be.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Men forget but never forgive
    Women forgive but never forget

  19. #19
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    2 words: HEAD GAMES.

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Agreed Pam. I just found out she had a 3-some last night...and I wasn't a participant. We're done. Now she's trying to work it out so we'll get back together. Really don't see that happening. I didn't think it would be so hard, but now, it's really difficult to imagine myself being intimate with her after knowing she slept with 2 other people right after me. Kind of stings a little.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Do her one last time and when your done give her the speech and if you dont like the answer , bail. ( I know , I know )

  22. #22
    kymchoon
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Sorry to hear you got burned - but at least it's coming now, instead of when you've had a chance to get really invested.

    I'd stay away from the 'friends' thing for the time being as well. Give yourself some distance so that you (and she) can figure out where you stand on each other.

    [For me, the whole 'immediately sleeping with other people' thing shows such a complete lack of respect and regard that I'd want nothing more to do with her on any level. But I'm a hardass sometimes, and I'm not you...]

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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    i was dating someone and was ( and still am in a way) crazy about her. However the only thing we fought about was she really wasn't interested. Said she loved me and all this crap and she was interested in me. Her actions never showed it. She went out with her friends all the time and would even tell me how this or that guy would occasionally hit on her. The point is i was too nice and let it go. It ruined the relationship because i let her do whatever she wanted. She felt (which is my fault) that she could do anything and i would put up with it.
    My point is that you can't lose yourself for someone else. It cant be i can do things but you can't. if you cared about eachother you would make some changes without giving up who you are. If she tells you that you have to deal with her being in love with someone else. Or feels you need to give thigns up and she doesnt. Its time to walk away. Find someone who you wont have those problems with. As much as i care and am crazy about this girl i know i could never be with her because she would never treat me the right way and i can easily find someone who will. Dont be someones option while they are your priority.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Ok, I've got 2 words: RESPECT YOURSELF.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Innate Difference BTW Females and Males

    Yah... sounds like she's using you... which can be cool but it sounds like you have more in mind.

    It also sounds like she's being totally honest/straight-up with you about everything. This is a big plus.

    You have to decide if you want to be in this relationship, as well as know that it will likely never amount to anything beyond what you have right now (her still lusting after an ex as well as wanting an open relationship with others..)

    If you're looking for someone to have a monogamous relationship with or someone to be 100% dedicated to you, she's not the one and likely never will be. On the other hand, if you just want someone to 'fling' with and enjoy good sex and the occasional light companionship, she sounds as good a candidate as anyone else.

    Oh, and her 'double-standards' about your practices are normal- even in normal, healthy open relationships. You have to stand-up to your activities in contrast to hers and this holds things in balance. A little cross-friction keeps emotions in check when in an open relationship- just as long as it stays 'little' and 'cross'... everyone is happy. It doesn't sound like you are looking for this though.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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