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Thread: Ive been used?

  1. #1
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    Ive been used?

    Ok, perhaps someone can give me their opinion in this situation..as some of you know, I have been babysitting for a while now, a few months or so. I was babysitting two kids, one who is almost 11 months, one who is almost 3 months. The mother of the 11 month old, I believe, has used me, and is being a blatant bitch about it. Here goes, long story I think..I quit dancing back in October of 2004, because I wasnt making enough $ to pay for an hour car drive to and from work. So my close neighbor, whose husband works with mine, was wondering if I would watch her little girl Monday through Thursday, while she and hubby were working. I said sure, and she said she would pay me 150$ a week. Thats fine, I have a little girl, I know how things are, so I agreed. Well, she decided that she would let her mother in law take the baby or stay at their home during the week (mother in law lives in Penns, we are in MD). So I said thats fine, we will get by ya know? Since she already said she would, and I was counting on that $ from babysitting, and she went back on her offer. Fine fine..so then she calls me a couple months later, wondering if I would watch her little girl since she didnt want the mother in law there constantly. Again I said fine, I Can only imagine how hard it is having an inlaw live with you during the week. So she begins to bring her over a couple of times every other week, and pays me, Get this!, 3$ an hour. For child care. FOR HER CHILD. I feed this child, make sure she is clean and dry, take care of her while taking care of my own, make sure she has toys to play with since her mom doesnt pack her any, and I get 3$ friggin bucks an hour!? I continue to babysit, because hey, I need all the $ I can get, even if it is very little. She called me one saturday night and asked if I could watch her daughter while her and her husband went out drinking. You would think that since the mother is there with them and sometimes takes the baby for a solid week they would want to stay home and spend time with their daughter. She also told me her husband told her to call and ask, and told her that I wasnt doing anything, get Amber to babysit. That pissed me off. But I said sure, I will watch her, BUT I want you guys to be home earlier than 230. I had been babysitting her kid and the other one all week and wanted to get to bed early and sleep in. She said oh ok, no problem. So they drop her off at 930. Their baby falls right to sleep, poor thing, so I lay her on a boppy in the papasan chair. I have to sleep downstairs on the couch with the baby, because of course I wouldnt leave her alone like that. So 2 am rolls around. I try calling both their cell phones. They ring and the voicemail picks up. 230 I call again. Same thing. 315 I call again. Same thing! They finally roll up at 330. Her husband comes to the door to get the baby. I said very rudely that he was late. He comes in and gets the baby. Leaves. I dont call them all day next day, but then his wife calls. She has the audasity to say hey, are you mad? Im like gee no, you were only a few hours late. She says well hubby wanted to stop and eat. Well thats not my fucking issue is it?! So then I put my foot down, and Im not watching her child again because of the crap they pulled. So after I cool off, like a couple days, the wife and I are calling and speaking with each other, joking around and gossiping like we always do. Then I asked her if she wanted to come over to hang out since our hubbies were working that night. She copped an attitude all of a sudden and was like no, Im busy, I CANT. So I was like well fuck, let me let you go. So she has been a bitch ever since that night. I think I was used and paid poorly?

  2. #2
    IACali
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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    I do think that your situation sucks, and I'd be upset about it as well. But it sounds like it's a combination of things.

    First of all, since originally the plan was for $150/week, that's $30/day, so theoretically (I don't know how long neighbor couple works) if they worked for 10 hours a day, that could be $3/hour. I say that because when my aunts watch Aria (18 months old), from about 5:30p to 2:30a while I'm working, I give them $20-30 depending on how much money I made. That's 9 hours, so between $2 and $3.50 and hour.

    Of course, that's at night, and Ari's asleep from 9 until I get home (usually with a 5 minute waking around 1 a.m.). And they're my relatives, so they have to be nice. :lol

    This is no way means that it's appropriate to pay $3/hour for a short length of time, although that rate isn't unheard of, it's usually reserved for preteens and teens who watch for a couple of hour at the baby's house, you know? So yeah, I think you got paid poorly.

    On the other hand, it doesn't seem that you two had worked out a payment scale for occasional babysitting, after the weekly rate deal fell through. I think it's perfectly within your rights to, if she asks you to sit again, say that's fine, it'll be (insert amount here). I think for 3 hours in the afternoon, $15 is appropriate, for nighttime (9 to 2:30) that between $20 and 30 is okay. But that's just what's typical in my area, ymmv.

    You can't be a doormat unless you lay down, RD! Stand up for yourself and get paid.

    love
    cali

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    Check around and find out what the going rate is for daycare. If you're not certified, then find out the going rate for an adult-aged babysitter.

    Then decide how much you're going to charge for someone being late (I'd go for time and a half, or a flat $x per 10 minute chunk of time or something like that.

    Finally, decide if it's all worth it. Yes, she's taking advantage of you....and of course since the husbands work together, life is gonna suck for them regardless.

    But...don't be a doormat. Make your decision and, with kindness, let her know what the new rates are going to be. Give her a week or two to decide on the new rates.

    Hey...we all gotta make a living...and bidness is bidness
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    I wouldnt have been so irritated if it were only for a few hours, but I would watch her baby from 6 am till 5 pm. I probably wouldnt have been bothered about it, but the thing is, since she is military and so is her husband, they (we also) get something called Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH), some of you probably know this. Since she and her husband both recieve bah, only one of them is required to use it, so that means she has an extra income of $1200 coming in that is just for housing, but of course she is allowed to use it as she pleases. This pisses me off, because her husband just got promoted to E6 , more $ there, and shes getting promoted to E6. They are by no means poor, she outright payed for him to have a motorcycle, they are constantly going out partying, so why cant she pay me more than 3$ an hour? Because I believe she is being greedy on her part. I watch another family's child, who dont make nearly as much as she does, and they pay me more, and extra, to watch their baby. But of course, I will not watch her child again, simply because it was very disrespectful of her to come rolling in at 330 in the morning when I specifically told her to be back EARLY. She took advantage of me and of her situation, which I think is wrong. She knew, as anyone would who leaves their child with someone, that even if she were late I would watch the baby. I just think it was shitty of her. But now that I asked her to come over, and she bitchily blew me off, I really dont want to have anything to do with her, because its like now that Ive finished watching her kid, she doesnt want to have anything to do with me. Bleh.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    In the future, I would say that you need to have a firm agreement of how much and for how long.

    No one babysits my daughter except for a trusted neighbor and family. I don't pay any of them. BUT, for my neighbor, we keep track of (loosely) how many hours we watch the other's child. Then, it's just an even trade...no money ever changes hands.

    The neighbor, though, is being a little childish about the money, however, you do not know their financial situation. And, being that they have all of this "extra" cash around...bought a new bike and party hard a lot...I would venture to say that they are living right up to their means. Which means, in reality, she really doesn't have enough to pay you more. She may have a lot of things, etc...but I am sure that they have no savings, no real money in the bank.

    I wouldn't waste any time being angry about it, though. Just be happy that you are not having to deal with that anymore.

    BTW...since you live on base...have you considered having a little at-home daycare? Get a license for that and maybe have another stay-at-home mom help you and you could have several kids over...making more money...hmmmm...just a thought.

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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    I did think about it, but I think the ratio of children/infants to an adult is 3, at which with both the others kids and my own I had. But yea, I just didnt appreciate her attitude the other day when I called her and invited her over. I didnt piss in her cornflakes, but she was just blatantly rude with me saying she wasnt coming over. It seems she has this attitude like..yea, I was nice to you because you watched my kid, but now that its over, I dont have to be nice to you or social with you. I think it is a bitchy attitude anyway. She did suggest one day that me and hubby went out and left our daughter with them, and I was like, she must be out of her mind? I have not been away from my daughter more than a day since she was born. Sure, I left her with hubby when I used to work, but she was with him, and its so different when they are with family as opposed to others. Another thing was, on Superbowl Sunday (i actually ranted about it on here) her husband brought the baby over when he came to play poker (hubby had a poker party that day), and just plopped the kid down in my living room floor and ignored her from then on, like it was my friggin job that day to watch her. Then he suggested I give this baby a cookie and let her crawl around with it on her own? The baby is 10 months old, she could choke on it. I told him he was not giving it to her unless he held her and watched her. He was like oh, she'll be fine. At that point I got loud and said No, YOU are holding her if she has it. He didnt want to do it so he pushed it off on another guy playing poker. I donno. Some people.

  7. #7
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    Im in Cali, but that figure would be just about right (maybe even a bit on the high side to pay you $150 since your not liscensed.I agree with the other poster about a firm aggrement so that if they are late you can just charge extra.Also if its not about the money and its the time issue I would just tell em C-ya , that you cant watch the kid anymore cuz of that (you do have a family , kid(s) and a hubbie.your not some teenager babysitting.Most day cares charge a weekly rate.Why dont you charge an hrly rate.That way you dont feel cheated.I think its hard n your sit. cuz your husbands work together and yall are neighbors.

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    Default Re: Ive been used?

    It really is, and I dont want to make it harder on them because they DO work together. Like I said, I definitely will not be watching her baby anymore, especially since she acts like I am not good enough to be around now. Its just another mess of bull hockey, but hey, nothing I can do about that. If she is going to be a bitch towards me, I am not even going to put myself in the situation to give her a chance to.

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