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Thread: The "other" women

  1. #1
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default The "other" women

    Okay, I've been reading some posts today, and lately I've been just really fucking fed up with some people who know me etc.. and I thought I would do a post on this.

    Reading a few posts from others on this board about concerns about what they do for a living, whether to tell, not to tell etc. Of course, we all joke about things which are said about us, but THAT is OUR right to joke amongst our selves in pure fun.. we all know how hard the work is, and we all know first hand at times what comes with it.

    Has anyone ever noticed that the people or rather, WOMEN who stereo type dancers, or former dancers are not women who could actually do this type of work?

    I don't know about all of you, but I am so fucking sick and tired of the bullshit. I get so tired of being told "Oh, well you can't be serious, you were a stripper, what do you know". Its so god damn funny that most of us former "strippers" are people who have educations that are paid for, homes that are paid for, time with our kids, some hold professional licenses. When is it going to stop? When are these stupid sexless fat housewives going to realize that not all of us are dirty, not all of us are stupid and that we make great moms, great friends, and we probably give their husbands more than they do because we look at things with an open mind?

    I'm sorry, I just am pissed. pissed. pissed pissed. Who says that I am a shitty mom for what I used to do? How dare someone who doesn't have children say that I am a shitty mom for what I used to do? As a parent, and guys, this is your chance to comprehend this to, you will do ANYTHING for your child's welfare. Call it mother bear syndrome or whatever else you want to. I think that dancers and former dancers who have made the ultimate sacrafices for their children are more exceptional than those women who make their husbands work two jobs so that they can stay at home and sit on their big asses and "raise" their kids.

    Input if you want. As you can probably tell, I've had a bad fucking run in with someone who I thought was a friend.
    Last edited by Gynger; 02-23-2005 at 06:40 AM.


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  2. #2
    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    many people at least in my area are very judgemental about all sorts of things. After many years I just learned keeping things to myself. I am sorry that happened to you , one of my friends is always calling me on the slightest things, if she only knew the half of it.
    anyway, hope your day gets better.

  3. #3
    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by Gynger
    Has anyone ever noticed that the people or rather, WOMEN who stereo type dancers, or former dancers are not women who could actually do this type of work?
    that's why the little cartoonist aaron mcgruder said "that's like me saying 'I'm above the NBA'".

    yeah it's kinda sad though, it's like that's all they have to show for themselves is that criticism, because they can't find any other way to feel secure about their role.

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


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    Veteran Member kittykat1971's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Ugh. I feel for you Gynger...

    I am so sorry that you had to deal with someone so closeminded. Don't waste any time worrying about what other people think, you know you are a good mom, and more importantly, your kids know you're a good mom.

    I am not currently a dancer, but really want to open a striptease dance studio. I've told a few friends, and I could feel them looking down their noses at me. I could care less what other people think of me, but am concerned about what people think about my kids. My husband thinks it would be best if I forgo the studio idea, since he thinks other people may hold it against me or my kids. WTF, why can't other people mind their own business and not judge others?

    I would turn to dancing in a heartbeat if I needed to support my kids. It's a great way to make some serious money, while working little hours (and hours when your kids are sleeping). Sure there are some bad apples out there, but for the most part, the moms dancing are really just trying to provide good lives for their kids. It's surprising there aren't more single moms dancing...

    Btw, don't worry about your run in with your "friend", obviously she/he wasn't your friend. You deserve better friends, hopefully you have one you can call to help pick up your spirits. You're in my thoughs...

  5. #5
    Veteran Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Reading the recent thread about how useless all male posters are, one of the things that really hit home to me was how valuable SW is to dancers as a place where they can get support and positive affirmation for the choices they have made. As a customer, I doubt I can have an appreciation for how difficult it can be to have your career choices constantly questioned or impugned by people who don't even know you.

    And I certainly would stand up and applaud any mother who takes a job as a dancer to support her children (in fact, I probably do on a regular basis!). I'm not comfortable saying someone is doing a better or worse job when facing different life choices or decisions, but I completely empathize with the "mother bear syndrome" you describe. I've definitely known dancers who were dancing to make a better life for their families and admired them for it.

    You don't have to answer to anyone outside of your family for the choices you make regarding how to best make a life for your family. Best wishes.
    "All this time you were pretending
    So much for my happy ending."
    --Avril Lavigne

  6. #6
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    I'd like to add something... I"m not trying to get sympathy here. I could really give a flying fuck what ANYONE thinks of me, including my own family. I wanted to post this because I had a friend who doesn't have any children and she called me on the carpet about going back part time and said, "how can you feel good about doing that? What kind of example are you setting for (insert my daughter's name here)"

    Granted, she's not the friend I thought and shame on me for thinking of her as such, however...

    I posted to basically point out that these people who like to stereo type have their own laundry to air as well, and I just find it appalling that because of what someone does for a living, makes them less of a person to some people. I don't care if people look down at me, I'm sure if I knew half of what went on their lives, it would be much worse, I'm sure.

    I guess I'm just sick and tired of hearing about how horrible we are, how drug infected and demoralizing and how we are lesser people because of an industry that the media has scrutinized, victimized and threw up all over.

    I'd love to see something positive once in awhile. Seems like once in a while you'll hear about someone getting hurt, or what have you, or gaining an accomplishment and having it stripped from them because, "OHMIGAWD.. she used to be a SHHHHH.. STRIPPER!".. Big fucking deal. I can think of worse things.

    Just because someone makes a choice based on their wants, needs, or what have you, does not necessarily mean that that person is lowly, untrusting, etc.

    And lurker, I hope you do tell those girls you visit how much you admire them, because we all need that sometimes in this business.
    Last edited by Gynger; 02-23-2005 at 06:41 AM.


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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Part of life is weeding out false friends from your real friends. Unfortunately, it is never a pleasant experience. However, think of it this way. Now you know. Think about that. Before you thought they were a real friend and were wrong. Now you know they're not so your world view is closer to reality than before. You never lose a real friend. You only discover false ones.

    I've been lucky. I've found four real friends in my life and one of them is my younger brother.

  8. #8
    Veteran Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    G--

    I try to, within the rather awkward confines of the dancer-customer relationship...Obviously a SC isn't the best place for heartfelt compliments to be exchanged. But I don't want to hijack this thread talking about those issues!

    Don't let them get to you. Remember what's important to you and why you're doing what you're doing...And screw everyone else's opinion.
    Last edited by Lurker; 02-22-2005 at 04:32 PM. Reason: Intervening post necessitates addressee
    "All this time you were pretending
    So much for my happy ending."
    --Avril Lavigne

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    "I just wanted to say that i reallt respect and admire you."

    "Hey, that's cool, man."

    "Yeah, you really put a smile on my face. Not everyone can do that."

    "Cool, that's what it's all about y'know?"

    "Yeah... So what're you doing after work?"

  10. #10
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    G, read this very carefully! FUCK HER!!!!!

    If she was a true friend then she wouldn't give a flying f**k about what you do or don't do. She's obviously not willing to go through everything you did to raise your kids.

    NOTE* It's Lioness Syndrome not mother bear. (sorry hubby said to write that)

    Anyway, we still all love you so to hell with her and to everyone else that thinks we are drunks, druggies or all whores.

    Kitana
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by Gynger
    "OHMIGAWD.. she used to be a SHHHHH.. STRIPPER!".. Big fucking deal. I can think of worse things.
    Yup, gotta love that. Being branded a stripper is worse than being a leper sometimes.
    I was talking to a "friend" at the gym about something related to stripping and, get this, she said, "Are you sure you want to talk about this here??" in a horrified whisper.
    Ummm, yeah. I'm not ashamed of what I do. And I'm a damn good person too.
    So everyone who thinks strippers are strung-out, alcoholic whores: KISS OUR CLEAN, DISEASE-FREE, SOBER ASSES.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Well my vote is you girls are some of the smartest I have seen almost to the intimidating level . I wouldnt let someone bother you by those comments but it is probably hard not to think about it . Some of you have posts out here where ( no kidding ) I need a dictionary to find out what you are trying to say many smart people here , I envy them , and you all look good too !

  13. #13
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Has anyone ever noticed that the people or rather, WOMEN who stereo type dancers, or former dancers are not women who could actually do this type of work?
    Of course; you possess something they covet and desire, and yet cannot obtain. Envy is a right bitch.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Sorry to hear that but.... fuck her. If someone is going to judge you by what you do, not who you are, then they were never your friend in the first place.

  15. #15
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee
    Yup, gotta love that. Being branded a stripper is worse than being a leper sometimes.
    I was talking to a "friend" at the gym about something related to stripping and, get this, she said, "Are you sure you want to talk about this here??" in a horrified whisper.
    Ummm, yeah. I'm not ashamed of what I do. And I'm a damn good person too.
    So everyone who thinks strippers are strung-out, alcoholic whores: KISS OUR CLEAN, DISEASE-FREE, SOBER ASSES.

    Yep... I hear you sister... and you know what? Its amazing how embarassing some get when its YOU that is talking about what you do and they are ashamed. Small minded people suck.
    Last edited by Gynger; 02-23-2005 at 06:42 AM.


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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Fuck em all, Gynger.

    I can't stand people like that. They can take their opinions and shove them straight up the pooper.

    Seriously though, no one needs that type of trash in their lives.

  17. #17
    God/dess Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    I went through something recently where I got totally slammed by some members of my profession on a message board when I mentioned something about wearing a mini skirt to work and a guy one time that was a client of the firm I work for telling me that my zipper on my skirt was open. The guy still jokes with me sometimes about that every now and then and I thought it was funny. All these women on this message board started making comments about how it was totally in appropriate to discuss my panties in a professional setting or to wear a damn mini skirt. I'm like wtf??? I mean it's not like I'm going to wear a clubbing outfit in ap rofessional setting but I sure as hell ought to be able to wear a short skirt. And the dude was the only one decent enough to even tell me my zipper was open and I was walking aroudn like that through a crowded building. Damn. I just figured these women online that basically made it sound like I'm some kind of tramp are probably about 300 pounds and would get arrested for wearing a mini skirt in public and if they ever forgot to zip their skirt the dude seeing it would probably pass out. It really pissed me off.

  18. #18
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by Gynger
    How dare someone who doesn't have children say that I am a shitty mom for what I used to do? As a parent, and guys, this is your chance to comprehend this too, you will do ANYTHING for your child's welfare.
    Absolutely. A childless woman berating your parenting choices is like a nun critiquing your sexual techniques.

    Nobody has a clue what it's like to be a parent until they become one.

    This topic of the "other women" keeps coming up. It's really very important. GreenBeret posted a comment in another thread today about how the women he knew went ballistic when they found out his SO was a dancer (the men couldn't have cared less.) I thought we should start a thread on it. Gynger, I'm really glad you did.

    I normally don't talk about this on the boards because it is very close to home for me now and I'm not sure exactly what to do about it.

    I am seeing a dancer who I became involved with largely because of our connection as parents (we both have little girls). That bond I have to her is immeasurably more powerful and profound because of what she has done in the interest of her little girl. I admire, love and respect her tremendously.

    This opinion is unlikely to be shared by my ex (our divorce is not finalized), who has no idea who I am dating, partly because it's none of her business, and partly because once that door is opened, I suspect that we going to have WWIII. The monetary stakes in our divorce are shy of Trump's league, although I could certainly buy a substantial interest in more than one of his casinos. But the real issue is that my ex and I are going to disagree vehemently on the potential effect on our little girl, and that is going to get ugly.

    My gf is more sensitive to this than I am, and is worried that my ex is going to come after me with a paring knife the day this comes out.

    These preconceptions and prejudices from the "other women" are misplaced, inaccurate and unjust. They are based on flat out ignorance. The irony is that they have the potential to be painful and emotionally devastating to those of us who actually have a much better understanding of the reality of the biz.

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    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    I AGREE



    I feel the same way, it's always the ones who don't look good, or are overweight. plain and simple.


  20. #20
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon
    Fuck em all, Gynger.

    I can't stand people like that. They can take their opinions and shove them straight up the pooper.

    Seriously though, no one needs that type of trash in their lives.
    Yep. Now mind you, I did give this person a very big piece of my mind yesterday.. and I talked to my SO about this too, because as soon as he came home, one look and he knew I was irritated.

    And yes, guys have opinions too, and some can be real big jerks about this too, it's not just women.

    Thanks to everyone who posted, and listening to my potty mouth!


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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    your potty mouth I can understand given the circumstances.....
    Rhiannon on theotherhand has me completely shocked appalled and turned on all at the same time...if only she didn't used to be a stripper....

  22. #22
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    busy bodies and jealous people will always have something to say...........a real friend would never want to hurt you.Its better you found out she wasnt for real sooner than later...%*&%** haters

  23. #23
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    "I just wanted to say that i reallt respect and admire you."

    "Hey, that's cool, man."

    "Yeah, you really put a smile on my face. Not everyone can do that."

    "Cool, that's what it's all about y'know?"

    "Yeah... So what're you doing after work?"
    heh heh heh... I got that feeling too from some posts.

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    Default Re: The "other" women

    ....hence my redneck stripper post!! THIS was the type of woman I was dealing with,and I have basically had it up to HERE with it!! Done. Finito. Put a fork in me. (ouch...)

    I see myself receeding futher and further from the world of the "other" woman; the day-bots, the "normal" ppl; and that is pefectly ok with me. Who on earth wants to be like that? Uptight, unhappy, sexually frustrated, drinking the Kool-Aid? I'm getting too old to care what they think. "Normal" ppl never changed the world. Besides, it seems the REALLY intelligent ppl understand and do not judge such as us...and that's who I want to learn from Please keep in mind that I am not trying to generallize too much; you all know who I mean. There are always exceptions to any grouping.
    Grinding is for coffee and meat.
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  25. #25
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: The "other" women

    Quote Originally Posted by goldengrl69
    busy bodies and jealous people will always have something to say...........a real friend would never want to hurt you.Its better you found out she wasnt for real sooner than later...%*&%** haters
    A real friend doesn't lie to you about her thoughts, even if you might disagree with them.

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