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Thread: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

  1. #1
    Senior Member sushidoll's Avatar
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    Default my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    she just wont accept it. she has to because its what i want to do, but everytime i speak to her about it she acts upset and says how bad it is and how worried she because its dangerous/degrading to women/could her my confidence/ not a "real job"/ etcetc ............................................
    i just dont know how to change her mind.
    what do other peoples parents think?
    shes always trying to talk me into getting a differant job.
    i dont live with her, or even in the same state so its not a huge big deal. i just vwish she'd be happy for me if im happy and accept it.

  2. #2
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    i have the same problem.

    just be happy you can tell your mum about what you do honestly, theres tonnes of dancer son here and out there who cant even admit it to their parents.


    while your mum may not like./ respect your choice of jobs, it is your life, maybe show her that its not as bad as its portrayed on tv. ie not all dancers are druggie sluts etc. take her out to a nice club,and show her its all ok.

    she is just caring for you by worrying, and remember back "in their day" this job WAS degrading, now days its not, its our choice, and we LOVE it

  3. #3
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    Yea even now that I am 20 and she knows I know I can never tell her I dance again. Its sad that I cant share things with my mom about my life but thats the way she wants it to be.
    At least your mom just talks to you about getting another job my mom says she'll sell her soul to the devil if she evern hears of me dancing again LOL.
    On your situtation at least you dont live with her so that makes it easier. You can lie (eventhough thats hard for some) to her and tell her that youve found a different job or just let it be. Is she threatning to not talk to you ever again? Just curious...others here have had parents not speak to them for years and then suddenly parents come out of the walls back in your life accepting what you do? You never know.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  4. #4
    Senior Member sushidoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    yeah i know!!! i love love loooooove it!!!!

    i proberbly would just lie to her about it if i could... but shes way too protective to the point on stalking

    she says its 'expoilting' me............. fare too feminism... if anything I"M expoling THEM.

    i kindof tried that, i took her shopping (for shoes and outfits) which maybe made her relax a little. and i showed her a video of me dancing, but she didnt like that at all!.... and she'd never go into a club, shes very conservitive/self concious..

    i guess its just because shes old (39)!! haha..
    i really hope she comes around though because i hate the way she looks at it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member sushidoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    nope she doesnt threaten at all. she still says she loves me and all she just hates me job! and if i ever tell her anything about it she makes really mean comments about everyone i work with and things.

    ive thought about telling her i have a differant type of job but i doubt very much she'd even believe me or that i'd be away with it. i guess im waiting for her to learn more and realise its actually not bad!

  6. #6
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    heh parents aye ?!


    sometimes i am glad mine jsut keep out tho, imagine if your mum was SOOOO into your dancing, she come into the clubs and yell out your name and tip, and bring in her friends, and get all pissed and have lap dances LMAO... just the mental imagine cracks me up.


    somethings are better left with no parental involvment

  7. #7
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    omg, then your mum loggs into SW as "sushi_dolls_mum" muhhahahahaha

  8. #8
    Senior Member sushidoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    haha omg both of those images petrify meeeeee! how horribly awfully embaressing!
    your right, im lucky. atleast she just sulks at home.
    i am soooooooooooooooo bored.
    waiting,waiting.

  9. #9
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    waiting for what? your plane?

  10. #10
    Senior Member sushidoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    im getting a traiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. yep, that. nothing better to do in sydney than sit here. stupid sydney.

  11. #11
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    Are you crazy - there's so much to do in Sydney!!! It's been voted the worlds No1 city to visit 9 years in a row, lol! I guess your trains come by now anyway if not pop up to Oxford street and check out The Pop Shop for stupid shit and some of the clothing / fetish shops. Some of them are upstairs, so you have to have a sharp eye! Heaps of cheap clothing stores around the city too or Newtowns always interesting if you have time (-:

  12. #12
    Senior Member sushidoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    hey, thats a good idea.... i dont havew enough time now but thats what i should have dammit!
    im so silly. still hate stupid sydney though, just not paddington, oxford st, the cross or circular quay.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    If you like what you are doing and are being true to yourself, there's no reason not to live your life exactly the way you want to. You can't please everyone, and I don't think there's anything you can do to make your mother accept it. It's not your job to make her happy with it, and it's not your fault that it makes her unhappy.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

  14. #14
    God/dess Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    I am 32 years old and if I start dancing I could NOT tell my mom! She freaked one time when I mentioned I thought it would be fun to be a nightclub dancer, like fully covered up on a podium or whatever! My mom is really uptight about stuff and I could just never tell her. She'd die if she knew I'd ever even been in a stripclub at all.

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    Senior Member DesireTime's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    My mother's been dead almost 6 yrs and still have to whisper what I do for a living or else she'd spin in her grave.

    As it was she never got over my letting it slip that I was no longer a virgin (and I was 20 when she found out. Not 20 when I lost it, but she didn't know that).
    And you hunger for the time,
    Time to heal, desire time.
    And your earth moves beneath
    your own dream landscape...

    U2, "A Sort of Homecoming"

  16. #16
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    Is your Mum a Feminist Sushi? Just wondered since i am too... She's only 5 years older than me, (and your 5 years older than my son ha!) It's only because she loves you and is worried - alot of people have oddly wrong ideas about the industry and really it's probably just her way of trying to look out for you. Stick to your guns though, your being honest with her, she should feel good about that! Hope she eases up eventually (-:

  17. #17
    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    I don't tell my mom what I do, partly because she would never approve or understand, amn mostly because she worries. The thinks I am a cocktail waitress and she worries aobut that. AS in, what if one of the customers attacked me in the parking lot? Don't worry, MOM, I say, the bouncer walks me out every night. Well, she says, what if HE attacks you?

    We were jsut talking about this the ohter night at work. We decided some peopel are jsut better off NOT knowing what their daughters do for a living!

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    Quote Originally Posted by sushidoll
    i just dont know how to change her mind.
    I'd say don't try to change her mind, just continue to be a loving daughter. I'm not suggesting lying or being ashamed about it, but given her staunch objection, I think you're going to have to put an emphasis on other things in your lives in which you can find common ground. If the subject does come up, stand firm but don't get drawn into arguments, guilt trips or other negativity. Who knows, there may be a specific incident in her past that, unbeknowst to you, is driving her reaction. Accept the fact that she's not going to be convinced by logic, but perhaps in time, her harsh feelings about it will soften because you maintained a close relationship and supported each other in other matters.

    My $0.02. Wish you luck.

    -Ev

  19. #19
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    The best part about your mom is that she says she still loves you, but doesn't get in the way about what you want to do. She loves you and supports you, even if she doesn't agree with what you are doing. It's a blessing in disguise, so maybe you should re-evaluate how you should look at that.

    I wouldn't try to change her mind. I would just keep doing what makes me happy. Life is about experience...and you cannot experience what you desire through vicarious means, so you just need to do it. The best advice I can give you is to make wise, informed decisions as much as you can. It's fun to just jump in the fray, but if you do not think about consequences, you can end up causing a lot of problems for yourself. Be informed, make decisions based on that information and have fun.

  20. #20
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    Be thankful that you have a mom who you have somewhat of a relationship with! Listen to Venus- I agree with her... If your mom still loves you regardless, than she's got unconditional love, just like a parent should have... and that's a good thing.

    As a parent myself, I will always support my child with her choices even if I don't agree with them. One thing I have learned is that everyone has a mind of their own, even children. My daughter is 9 right now, and I try to allow her to make her own choices, even when I see that its a poor choice that she's making in her nine year old world, I let her make them, see the outcome and learn. I hope that someday, my daughter will see that if she learned anything from me, it was to be free to make her own decisions without me interfering.

    As for me, yes, my mom knows what I used to do, but then again, I have really no relationship with my mom.. and when I was actively dancing, she made no bones about yelling, throwing a fit and trying to make me feel like I was cheap and dirty.. but you know what? I didn't let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do.


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  21. #21
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    Well you did have some troubles recently, and your mom is extra concerned about the dangers in this job. Fortunately, your situation is not common for dancers. She is just especially concerned for your safety. Personally, at your age, I would also recommend you have a variety of job experience plus university. But who am I, at 28 year old biddy, LOL!

    I would LOVE to go to Sydney to visit, really to all of OZ and Kiwiland....hopefully during your next spring, around October?

    Take care of yourself

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  22. #22
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    I have to say I can understand her point of view in your case--you got arrested and deported, for crying out loud! If you start working again and your life is a little more normal, she'll settle down a bit once she sees it doesn't have to involve those levels of drama.

  23. #23
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: my mother (hates me dancing!!!)

    My mother told me, "You're a bitch a slut and a whore." That was a little over 6 years ago. I didn't and still don't need anyone in my life, family or not, who will talk to me like that. We have BARELY spoken in those 6 years and not at all in 2 years, since I told her that I was moving from Idaho to San Francisco. I was 21 when I started, though, completely independent and living on my own as a single mother. Your circumstances may be different, but my mother has ALWAYS been a toxic person in my life, so I choose not to have her in my life.

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