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Thread: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

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    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    ok so my bf knows i am a very jealous. I was at his house tonight and i have been feeling wierd lately about our relationship, we've been together for a long time,well, i grabbed his wallet in front of him tonight and was going to go thru it (i do it a lot) and he told me no, then got defensive when i asked why. well i went through it anyway, and found a phone # that is out of the area and the name gina on it. i asked him who it was and he said some 40 yr old lady that works at ymca- theres a skate/bike place where he freestyles his bike at. well i said to him let me call the # and he was like not from my phone, and i said y? and he said of long distance shit, and i said you have a pre pay and it wont matter, he said that i could call it after saying that. well then he said that i shouldn't call becuz he doesnt want her to think that i'm some physco girlfriend. then he said that he would bring me 2 the y and let me see who she is. should i believe him? what the fuck? i'm so pissed.

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    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    the fact your even going thru his wallet is a bad sign alone.. not healthy for you or him.. you either trust him or you dont, you decide. he is willing to take you there so unless the girl is a player to then it's cool. i dunno, doesnt sound good to me though.


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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    If my wife started going through my wallet in order to "find" something when there was no reason to, I'd be more than defensive. I'd be pissed.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
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    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    If you need to go through his wallet, and regularly, i think it's about time to find another bf (warranted or not). Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me.

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    If my wife started going through my wallet in order to "find" something when there was no reason to, I'd be more than defensive. I'd be pissed.
    ditto, except replace wife with girlfriend

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    If my wife started going through my wallet in order to "find" something when there was no reason to, I'd be more than defensive. I'd be pissed.
    I second that.

    If it were me, I would go through her stuff too and ask about every phone number.

    Nah, I would probably kick her butt out the door.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    I agree with the guys (and Yea). If you don't have trust (even the slightest bit of it), you don't have a relationship. Going through his things without a reason is wrong, intrusive, and just asking for trouble. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want him accusing you, or invading your personal space looking for a reason to validate his insecurity.

    In the past, I've known guys who were faithful as hell, yet behavior like this pushed them to cheat. They'd say "Well, I'm getting accused of it 24/7, I might as well." They all get tired of the bullshit eventually.

    Either start trusting in him and your relationship, or cut him loose.

    I don't care how long I'm with a person.. The second they start going through my stuff for no VALID reason (their own paranoia or insecurity is NOT a valid reason), they'd be kicked straight to the curb.

  8. #8
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    I think I am going to get squashed here.. but wtf...


    First I am going to apologize because it is not my intent to offend or hurt anyone here, but I read this Tootsie and I want to say a couple of things.

    You admit you are jealous. You admit you don't trust him. You admit that you are upset and you are feeling weird about your current relationship.

    You need some alone time to figure out your issues. I know that sounds harsh and I'm sure you're reading this going, "WTF?" but, if you are a jealous person, the problem resides with you- not your BF.

    You don't trust him. Why? Have you given him a reason not to trust you and he doesn't know it yet?

    You are basically going to push him in the exact opposite direction that you want for him to go by acting like this and behaving like this.

    Your BF has every right to be pissed at you. Look at your actions. Think about how you'd feel if he demanded to know every person you spoke to in a days time, how you'd feel if he went through your things.

    What makes a relationship work, is allowing the person you are with the freedom to have friends, be trusted and not be controlled or dealing with someone who can't handle them having a life without them.

    If he's given you reason not to trust him,then by all means, cut him loose.. but if you are simply going through his stuff because you are jealous of who he has in his life other than you, than chances are, it isn't going to matter who you have in your life, you're always going to be miserable with your jealous behavior.

    Just my two cents.
    You can yell at me all you want now.


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  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Tootsie you said in you're message you had a feeling. Well you folowed it. But going through a mans personal items? I agree with all above, a big NO-NO. It's like a bf or husband grabbing our purse and going through it, we know he would be looking for something. You just don't do it.

    But being human, and having you're "feeling" now you must have him take you to see this woman. He said he would. But, don't go through his personal items again.

    That could break a relationship up. And...If you go looking for signs of another woman, you WILL find them, because anything that is normal, will be blown way out of proportion by you. Actually when it is very harmless.

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member Stipperella's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Another question..... is this something you do to him only? or would you do that to any of your bfs??? i ask cause maybe the fact that you are so jealous made him get another females number and i'm not blaming you i'm saying this out of experience. I USED to be that way a long time ago. But you live and learn and I learned that is not the way to go. I lost someone i really loved cause of my jealousness. I am still jealous but i control my actions and think before doing or saying anything.

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    Veteran Member curvygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    HOW DARE YOU GO THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE'S PERSONAL THINGS. Who do you think you are? You are not committed to this person by marriage!! He should just get rid of you. That is not a sane thing to do and sounds more like a psychotic behavior than anything.

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    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    the reason being is that i take care of this guy, and if he's playin around i want to cut him loose with a sense that i did it for a good reason, not always wondering, hmm did he or didnt he, we've been together for 8 years, and i just want to know.

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    Veteran Member curvygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    This is just my 2 cents, but if you have been with this guy for 8 years and you ARE NOT MARRIED TO HIM ... leave, kick him out, move on, change your address.

    What the hell is wrong with his manhood that he cannot take care of himself. I don't care if the guy is disabled and is getting a disability check, he could do something else to bring in a small income to supplement it. Unless of course, he is totally laid up and cannot walk and is on life support, but if he is getting phone numbers, than he sure as hell can get a job or bring in some extra money!!!

    wake up!

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    Veteran Member Stipperella's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    well if he is cheating or something is going on then yea get rid of him. I can never understand women when they go to the extremes of checking up on their bfs/husbands and then they forgive. so what was the point in checking up on him and making a big deal when you are gonna forgive. If he's a cheater and you know it and you say you love him then oh well thats just the way he is take him or leave him, but dont' make a scene. (not necessary talking about you.)

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    I don't think we should be chewing her out about this. She's asking for our advice.... Come on, guys, she's feeling pretty bad as it is.
    Like you said, you go through his wallet all the time... I play around with my Bf's also, not looking for anything in particular, just when I am bored, he does the same to me because we don't really think of them as personal items, they're where we put our money and random cards we pick up (but then we have cells to put numbers in.)
    I don't think it started out as a trust issue, but when someone says they don't want you to do something that they normally would have allowed, and in this case it is going through his wallet) that puts up red flags.
    He knows you are jealous and after all these years he's probably used to it. But that's no excuse.
    I think before you kick him out, or he you, you need to talk about it. See if he can convince you that he isn't going to cheat. You need trust in the relationship. Jeolousy is not always a bad thing, but when it hurts the people you care about, it will also hurt the relationship.
    If he hasn't given you cause to distrust him in the past, I think you are going to have to realize that you can trust this guy. But, you need to discuss the relationship with him first.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    we've been together for 8 years, and i just want to know.
    If you can't figure out where you stand with him after eight years, you need to reassess your own situation and expectations.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Severe reactions aside, I think it is clear that there are trust issues here...and they may be fully warranted. When you reach the point that you're willing to break through a loved one's privacy, then you should step back and reassess.

    I have phone numbers in my wallet, too....as well as phone numbers for guys. I'm not scrogging any of 'em. If I was...I wouldn't keep them in my wallet.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    LOL Mojo, you would keep them at work right?

    Anyway, I would be a little upset at you too if you went through my stuff.

    But to be fair for the people who said that you guys aren't even married; well where I live after 7yrs living together you are legally married. Common law and all...

    But I would be more concerned with why he hasen't put the ring on the finger so to speak. I mean if I were with a guy for that long without a single marraige preposal, I would be pissed.

    But if you are that suspicious, then I say confront him, find out what's up and if you still fell leery, LEAVE or tell him to get the F out.

    Kitana
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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    If you have to ask.......

    I mean, eh.....I don't think searching through your partner's wallet is healthy. He could be telling the truth, and he could be a lying sack of shit.

    Why are you taking care of him? I don't know the full detail of that, so I can't comment much on it.

    I say trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

    If you're a 'jealous person' in general.......You should stay single. I honestly couldn't see myself worrying about if someone is cheating on me or not. No one is worth that headache.

    Eh, Too many penises out there.


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  20. #20
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    If you have to ask.......


    If you're a 'jealous person' in general.......You should stay single. I honestly couldn't see myself worrying about if someone is cheating on me or not. No one is worth that headache.

    Eh, Too many penises out there.

    What she said!


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  21. #21
    kymchoon
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    Severe reactions aside, I think it is clear that there are trust issues here...and they may be fully warranted. When you reach the point that you're willing to break through a loved one's privacy, then you should step back and reassess.

    I have phone numbers in my wallet, too....as well as phone numbers for guys. I'm not scrogging any of 'em. If I was...I wouldn't keep them in my wallet.
    Agreed. I think you should take a good, hard look at where these issues stem from. Has he done anything to warrant this mistrust? If so, then maybe...I dunno...talking the issue through with him would be a good idea? You've been in a relationship for 8 years, surely by now you've learned how to communicate like adults?

    Or is it a transference thing? If so, then maybe you need to have a look at where that stems from?

    Oh, and Mojo's right. Many guys store numbers in their wallets - it doesn't mean anything. Particularly if he knows you're jealous, he'd be more careful than that with any incriminating evidence. Did it occur to you that perhaps the reason he hid it from you is because he was afraid of exactly this reaction? He's offered to introduce you to the chick. No guy would do that with someone he's considering cheating with - too many things can go wrong.

    But for your own peace of mind, go meet her anyway.

  22. #22
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseDelight
    If you have to ask.......

    I mean, eh.....I don't think searching through your partner's wallet is healthy. He could be telling the truth, and he could be a lying sack of shit.

    Why are you taking care of him? I don't know the full detail of that, so I can't comment much on it.

    I say trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

    If you're a 'jealous person' in general.......You should stay single. I honestly couldn't see myself worrying about if someone is cheating on me or not. No one is worth that headache.

    Eh, Too many penises out there.
    Yes, ditto to what Rose said.......



  23. #23
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    hmm... If you are going through his wallet LOOKING for something, then you are wrong.
    If you are doing it for the hell of it, or playing around, i wouldnt consider that to be wrong?


    How would you feel if he went through your purse?

    I dont know, i would think if some guy got mad at me for looking through his wallet(something i would never do) I would think that he had something to hide...

    But then again, if i ever did something like that i would know the relationship is a flop.


    Some people are more private then others. If someone went through my wallet, i could care less... no matter who they were.. (just as long as they didnt take anything)

  24. #24
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    oh yea, and rose is so right!!!!

    I wouldnt waste my time worrying if someone is cheating or not... I have better things to do!

  25. #25
    Veteran Member HoneyHITZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: I found a phone # in bf's wallet...

    i totally used to be like that... always checking up on my husband, but when he was just my boyfriend, lol... it was totally insecurity on my part.. i found out later he did cheat on me, but i had cheated on him as well, and it was in the first year of out relationship, when we were both really young... im NOT saying your boy is cheating, im just offering my opinion... i actually opened my hubbys wallet yesterday, and he yelled at me... he knows im not checking up on him, now, its just me being silly, lol.. talk to your boyfriend... if things seem fishy, then it may very well be time to move on...

    (i realize this makes me sound like a real nutcase, lol, i promise im not, but i definitely used to be!)


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