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Thread: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

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    Default quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    How do you all deal with customers who are really quiet? I know that some do not have social skills, while others simply do not wish to speak with you.

    For instance, I went up to this one customer who appeared to be very interested in me while I was dancing onstage. I approached him with a smile, introduced myself, asked his name and asked if he was having fun. I might have slipped one or two more questions/comments in, but he barely had anything to say. I wanted to get up and leave right away because I felt awkward and like a boring person just sitting there. (I didn't want other customers to think that I was boring because with some people, the conversation flows great...there are just a select few with whom I can't converse.) On the other hand, I did not want to get up because I felt like that would be rude after just sitting down with him.

    Basically, my questions are
    1. How can you differentiate between a customer who has bad social skills vs. one that truly does not want to be bothered with you?
    2. Would it be rude to get up and leave the table?
    3. Do I appear to be boring if I do not speak to someone and just watch other girls dance?
    4. How do I leave the table in a "nice" way?

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    I usually stay for a few more mins anyway. I try to get everyone in a party/sexy mood anyway.

    Ah, hell I don't exactly know what I do. It's different for every guys I meet. I try to do the same general things just different.

    Kitana
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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Quote Originally Posted by fallenfaerie84
    Basically, my questions are
    1. How can you differentiate between a customer who has bad social skills vs. one that truly does not want to be bothered with you?
    In my opinion, strip clubs do attract a larger than average percentage of guys who either are extremely shy or have very poor social skills. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing. Since these guys don't get much attention from women outside the club, you can make a lot of money off of them if you can overlook some of their faults. However, some guys will just ignore you if they don't want to get a dance from you and want you to leave. Did you just plop down at his table or did you ask him if he wanted some company? I think one way to tell the difference is to ask if he would like you to join him. If you asked him, and he said he would like you to sit down, I'd stay longer. Some guys are just very shy, especially with a hot girl. Try not to feel awkward during the quiet times. Believe it or not, for some extremely shy guys, sitting there even during the silence shows that you "care" and can lead to a lot of spending. I think the very shy customer or the one with bad social skills is one of the most overlooked customers in the club, and can be one of the most profitable.
    2. Would it be rude to get up and leave the table?
    Why not just ask? "Would you prefer to be left alone right now?" "Would you rather I give you some time to chill out alone and enjoy the show?"
    3. Do I appear to be boring if I do not speak to someone and just watch other girls dance?
    I don't think you look boring. It takes two people to hold a conversation, otherwise its a monologue. Some guys are into what I call the "fantasy date" aspect. Sitting and watching the show with them feeds into that. Also, these types typically have very low self-esteem. One reason they may be quiet is that they feel they have nothing of interest to say. Now, obvisiously at some point if he's not going to spend any money on you, you have to get up and go make some. But I've met several of these types and really, sitting there in silence shows that you care and really makes an impact.
    4. How do I leave the table in a "nice" way?
    If they are purposefully ignoring you, say, "well, i hope you have a nice time tonight" get up and leave. If you are not sure if they are ignoring you or just shy, make an excuse (dressing room, DJ) and ask them if they mind if you check back with them later.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Destiny has some really good points, including "Try not to feel awkward during the quiet times." Personally, I think it's better to break the silence of the shy customer occasionally with a comment or simple question. So what if it isn't an ongoing conversation? It's still a bit of interaction that he'll probably appreciate. I might make an observation about what I like about the style of the dancer onstage, the music being played or why I love being at the club, and ask him what he thinks. Even if I get minimal response, I'm communicating by my words and demeanor that I am enjoying hanging out with him in spite of his shyness. Then I can suggest to him as much fun as it is to watch all the activity surrounding us, I'd really like to dance for him one on one. And if he doesn't go for that, I say I'll be around if he changes his mind and make my excuses to move on.

    -Ev

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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Excellent advice from e_e about asking what he thinks. That shows you value his opinion.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Thanks for all of your responses ! Yes, I do ask if people want company, but sometimes I feel as though they really don't care...so they don't want me there, nor do they NOT want me there. I think that I think too much about it all. lol. Thanks again for your responses They are very helpful!

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Great respunses, e_e and destiny. I am going to try some of these!

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Quote Originally Posted by fallenfaerie84
    Yes, I do ask if people want company, but sometimes I feel as though they really don't care...so they don't want me there, nor do they NOT want me there. I think that I think too much about it all. lol.
    Ha! I can relate to overthinking things. Obviously, there are varying degrees of responses from customers and you're the only one who's in position to make a judgment on each of yours. If it's hard to tell shyness from indifference, that's simple; it doesn't matter much when you come to the point of asking for the dance within a song or two. You either get a yes or move on without wasting much time.

    I do think the routinely introverted guys (as opposed to the freakishly abnormal or apathetic ones) tend to need a little more coaxing than normal. I sense from them that they want to say yes, but are too self-concious to come out of their shell. Like they're still in junior high and it's their first chance to dance with a girl and they want to, but they're frozen. Back in my middle school days, I once tried to literally drag one of those wallflower boys onto the dance floor because I was annoyed at how many of them were just sitting there when there were girls who wanted them to be bolder, but I didn't succeed because he responded by increasing his resistance. (Not my finest sales effort.) However, later that evening, he danced with someone else. Maybe I had bad breath or something, but I always had somebody to dance with, so I tend to think he had second thoughts and finally mustered up the courage to overcome his shyness.

    -Ev

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    First off with these guys you can't tell if they are not into you or just lack social skills. So ALWAYS go with lack of social skills.

    The most important step i have learned with these "quiet guys" is to go up to him, say hello, a hand shake is VERY important, this says you are friendly, and "normal" as this is how strangers outside clubs introduce themselves. A firm hand shake is an excellent sign!!!

    Now ask if you may have a seat with him. Do not talk about you, (at first)...Keep the conversation very simple. Ask if he has been here before, if he is enjoying watching people etc.

    You have to move slow to keep his interest. Remember shy people are actually selfish people, they are worried about themselves...Period. So talk about types of drink he may like, and if he would like for you to maybe give him a nice slow dance, private or on the floor.

    This has helped me alot over the years. Take his thoughts away from him, and help him focus on you/club=fun!

    Pamela

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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    That is a pretty negative comment on shy guys. The "quiet" guys come in a couple of different varieties: those were are not attracted to the girl in question, those who are simply intimidated and those who prefer to see how the women behave toward them before giving their money to the "wrong" ones.

    As for shy people being selfish, what are dancers working for if not themselves? Self-interest is simply necessary for survival. It is even at the root of civilized and genrous behavior such as helping other people. These things are simply the realization that everyone is better off when everyone does what they can to help everyone else.

    Even so, you are 100% correct in advising to be nice to them. Maybe he just isn't in the mood for a dance today. Maybe he is waiting for someone in particular. Mabe he stopped by for a quick visit and doesn't have a lot of time. Maybe he is a business customer who will be back later. There are a hundred different reasons that a customer may be "shy".

    The only thing that you can ever know for certain is that if you treat him badly, he will never give you any money. Yeah, there really are a lot of assholes out there, especially young guys and the guys who sit 6 inches away from the stage and never tip. But sinking to their level does nothing at all but disqualify the dancer in the eyes of everyone who sees her do it.

    I was eating lunch one day in a club and returned my tip to my pocket when the dancer started screaming on stage about not getting enough money. She had only done one song of a two-song set and had been tipped by two of three guys there. Did she make any more money? NO. Did I EVER tip her again at ANY time in the future? NO. Did she last very long in the business? No.
    Last edited by jamesd; 02-27-2005 at 12:12 PM. Reason: If I didn't make so many typos . . . .

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    Featured Member exotica17's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    When I try to distinguish between the "no social skills" guy and the "doesn't wanna talk to me" guy, I usually try to read their body language and facial expressions. If they aren't even looking at me, I'm usually outta there in seconds. No sense in wasting my time with them when someone else is sure to like me.

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    Senior Member Satara's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    yup, I agree .... learning to read body language is an excellant asset for sales of any type but especially for we dancers

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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Quote Originally Posted by jamesd
    That is a pretty negative comment on shy guys. The "quiet" guys come in a couple of different varieties: those were are not attracted to the girl in question, those who are simply intimidated and those who prefer to see how the women behave toward them before giving their money to the "wrong" ones.

    As for shy people being selfish, what are dancers working for if not themselves? Self-interest is simply necessary for survival. It is even at the root of civilized and genrous behavior such as helping other people. These things are simply the realization that everyone is better off when everyone does what they can to help everyone else.
    James, the context of our discussion is in how to identify this type of customer and make sure he has an enjoyable experience. I don't think anyone meant any of this in a negative way and I certainly didn't see anyone say that shy people were selfish. We're not talking about the guy that pops in for a quick lunch or drink, the guy that is looking for a dancer with, "it" and will know it when he sees her, or the guy that has just sat down in the club and want's to check out all the girls, looking for his type. We are talking about guys that evan_essence correctly described as "routinely introverted". I might even described them as painfully introverted. You probably know some guys like this but being a man, you don't realize it. Anyway, the whole thread is about recognizing this type of customer as opposed to the one's e_e described as, "the freakishly abnormal or apathetic" and seeing that that have a good time in the club. Yeah, we expect to get paid for that, but then that is our job.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Destiny, I think you have characterized the positive tone of the conversation correctly. However, you may have overlooked that Pamela did use the word selfish, which Jamesd apparently interpreted negatively.

    Pamela, you can clarify for yourself, of course, but by the context, I interpreted that you were using the word interchangeably with introverted, so I did not get any sense of negative connotation. It was merely a description of a shy person's lack of outward focus in a social setting. The definitions of introvert and its various forms involve turning inward to oneself, which by definition, would qualify as selfish.

    Jamesd, you yourself acknowledged that selfishness isn't always a negative act, so I'm a little puzzled why you assumed Pamela meant it negatively when she was merely noting why it was necessary to draw the person out.

    -Ev

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Well an introvert has socail skills, they just keep or hide away their feelings, movements thoughts etc. from people. Some introverts chose to be this way, i.e. a bad break-up.

    Selfish is mainly a person who is only thinking about him or her self. They fear what others are thinking, talking or laughing at.

    (Now this is just parts of what i learned in classyears ago).

    Anyone can look up the definitions. The two are NOT the same.

    I have met alot of people who are introverts, and they will open up at times and be fun.

    I have yet to meet a selfish person (and they let you know because they will often times ask about others around, and clam up) who does seem to enjoy himself without asking questions about others in the cluibs. For example: "that guy has been staring at me, does he come here alot do you know"?

    Sorry if you Jamsed thought i was too harsh, but we have to learn how to read guys.

    I simply made my statement. Gave a quick run down of each character, of course ther is much more to these 2 different types of people. Nothing bad, they are just harder to get with. We all love the easy guys!!!!

    Pamela

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela
    Anyone can look up the definitions. The two are NOT the same.
    Okay, I'm the one who misinterpreted what you meant. Sorry I misread you and sorry, Jamesd, I based a question to you on that misreading. However, one minor point in my defense: I was aware the two are not exactly the same because I tried to imply that one was a subset of the other. I said introversion would qualify as selfish. Like a square's a rectangle, but not vice versa.

    Anyway, nothing bad going on here. We're all just trying to read customers so we can tell if they're receptive to our company.

    -Ev

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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    I agree evan_essence, I think we are all talking about the same type of guy, just using different words.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Senior Member ReleaseTheBats's Avatar
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    Default Re: quiet customers...don't want to be rude

    When I first met my boyfriend I thought two things, damn this boy is fine and why the hell won't he say anything to me. I realized after a while my boy was just shy around new people, and I broke him out of his shell eventually by just gently pushing my outgoing personality on him. If you try to sell the fact that you are having fun and are a fun person, I think they'll usually latch on. Shy people tend to admire the outgoing, because they have the courage to put themselves out there. I def think its a good idea to ask the customer if he'd like your company if he is a quiet one, then you'll know for sure if he is shy or just blowing you off, and time won't be wasted.

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