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Thread: Start over?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Lurker_001's Avatar
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    Default Start over?

    Hi.I guess i should post this on the junkie board but it's kinda dead over there.

    This will be kind of long and i'm going to go into some drama so if you're not interested in that you should stop reading now.It involves feelings i have for a couple dancers i've been patronizing over the past year.I may have a question a entertainer could answer that reads this though but most likely hoping some of the guys could help with my problem.

    It started back in march.I found a small club in the same area that a friend i used to have lived.During the day i would visit the club then go over to my friends place.One day i saw the most beautiful woman i had ever seen in my life(lol,corny yea.But true).She was sitting at the bar with a guy in street cloths and i thought she must have been his girl.As you must have guessed by now she dances night shift there.

    I thought about her for a while then decided to go in during the night shift to see her.Long story short i became a customer.We are alot alike and never really talked much,so she said.Being as busy as they are i was happy to be able to buy private shows from her.She's alot of fun and a joy just to see up on stage.

    About the same time i met her another girl from day shift was also on my mind.Rumor from another dancer was that "She likes you".The first couple months of seeing the first dancer i would always just stage tip the girl from day shift,who now is working nights too.

    Long story shortened i became the second girls customer buying less from the first girl over time.What can i say about her... She was only the best all round entertainer i've ever met.There was also the chemical attraction.The only thing i remember when i think about her now is her body heat.She did like me,i know it now.from the way she would look at me while on stage,i know she did.Even if it was just a little.I never told her what i had heard from the other dancer.I'm wondering now if i should have...
    Here's where it gets complicated.Well,basiclly she's gone now."Quit" they tell me and now i feel like i just don't want to start over.Like i will never find another entertainer with her qualitys.As her customer i cared about her but she was just too much fun to crush over.Now that she's gone i'm heart broken.

    yeah,i know... what a buch of pathetic crap....

    It's been over a month now since i last saw her and i've been back to the club twice.Not knowing any of the other girls i'm back with the first girl.My feelings for her are still as strong as the first time i saw her.She's the sexiest most attractive girl i've known in a long time.Her VIPs are incredibly hot with loving affection thrown in on top of that.She's more open now.less shy but not the all round entertainer the second girl was.Should i ride it out with her?Should i tell her of my feelings?

    this is probably something only time can heal.I don't want to loose the second girl without saying something,ya know?

  2. #2
    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    Only time, and another dancer...


    I don't want to sound too cynical here but if I had a dollar for every time a fav's friend has told me that said fav "likes you" I'd be rich.

    I would play the field a bit, in this or another club, and try to take your mind off of the girl that left. She may be back, she may not be but it's a situation you have no control over.
    Speaking as a recovering RIL, I've experienced the letdown you are feeling often when a dancer I really liked moved on suddenly.

    You have it right, the operative word here is entertainer. This woman was doing a great job of entertaining you-but that's all it was. It may be a while before you find another dancer that measures up but it will happen.

    I don't really see any point in telling dancer number one your feelings about dancer number two. I can pretty much guarantee you she doesn't want to hear it and you will only feel worse if she either doesn't empathize with you or just gets plain pissed-off. Dance with her if you want to or stop dancing if she doesn't do it for you anymore but don't expect her to want to crawl into your head with you.

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    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    Hey Audi LTNS,

    Ouch Ouch RIL RIL...been there done that. #2 is gone, sadly. Had her feelings been the same she would have given you a means to contact her or at minimum let you know where she was heading off to. As Yoda says, #1 doesnt want to hear the drama. If shes done a good job for you in the past, Id focus on her or perhaps one of the other dancers. It takes a while to get over a dancer infatuation but you can do it.

    Good luck.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    Should i tell her of my feelings?
    No. She doesn't care. You need to start recognizing a strip club for what it is and have realistic expectations within the unrealistic environment of the club. Your unwarranted attachments are killing your ability to enjoy what the clubs are all about--uncomplicated female companionship.

    Rumor from another dancer was that "She likes you".
    Of course she likes you; you're spending money on her! If I had a nickel for every rumor that a dancer liked me...I'd have about fifteen cents.

    Untenable and unrealistic PL/RIL situations aside, the reality is that any dancer actually interested in you will say so in no uncertain terms--it's not like they don't know how to talk with men if they're at all good at their job.

    Always follow the dancer's lead and you can't go wrong. It's also a lot more economical.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Senior Member LapOfLuxury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    Sure, start over. Just don't do it again.

    I'm not disputing the notion that Dancer #2 liked you. But I guess one might say she didn't like you in a heterosexual way.

    Here is a general rule to go by: If a dancer is SELLING you dances, she's not romantically interested in you! Think about it from a dancer's point of view. Why would she continue requiring you to pay for her to sit on your lap if she thought you were possible BF material? Granted, women like to have their BFs spend money on them, but not to have them pay so directly for physical intimacy.

    I understand that it's easy to develop crushes on dancers. But my advice: Don't develop romantic feelings for any dancer who is SELLING you dances.

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    Default Re: Start over?

    Sorry to say it, but I think the answer is in your own posts. You use words and phrases like "I became a customer", "best all round entertainer", "the way she would look at me while on stage", "Her VIPs are incredibly hot", etc.

    It seems the chemistry between you was of the dancer/customer type, (and nothing wrong with that). Moreover, as Lap of Luxury says, if a dancer is interested in you personally, the nature of the relationship changes.

    Work-wise, many dancers do enjoy seeing particular customers - they know you will treat them well, not step outside their personal limits, etc. It can be a genuinely friendly working relationship, but the key words are working relationship.

    I've always found that dancers tend not to want to dance for you if they want to relate to you more personally. They also show an increasing reluctance to take your money. That's because dancers often adopt a "persona" when working; the reluctance to dance/take money is the dancer's real personality coming through - she no longer sees you purely as a source of income.

    Dancers have lives outside of work, and most keep them distinctly separated. The change in their behaviour tends to come when they are thinking of letting you move from one part of their life, (work), to another, (personal). It's a mental shift of gears on her part. Even if a dancer won't ask you directly, she'll generally drop enough of a hint if she does want to see you outside of work.

    Unfortunately, it's a catch 22 for you. If any dancer wants to keep things purely "professional", then any request to see her OTC tends to alter the chemistry between you - you've stepped a little outside her comfort zone, and she'll always be a little wary of your intentions in the future. Telling dancer #2 of your feelings, (if they are not reciprocated), may have the reverse effect to what you intend.

    Phil W.

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    Default Re: Start over?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us
    I don't really see any point in telling dancer number one your feelings about dancer number two. I can pretty much guarantee you she doesn't want to hear it and you will only feel worse if she either doesn't empathize with you or just gets plain pissed-off. Dance with her if you want to or stop dancing if she doesn't do it for you anymore but don't expect her to want to crawl into your head with you.
    Yoda's right as usual, but you can tell D1 what you liked about D2 as an ENTERTAINER (and even little things you didn't like). She's in the business of creating fantasies, so it might as well be YOURS.

    When my D2 got pregnant, I taught my D1 to imitate her (right down to saying "yeah-ha" and "nuh-ah" in conversation). D2 gave D1 my favorite outfit when she left. The next time I saw D1, she was better than D2.

    If you can't be with the one you love, create a better clone.

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    Veteran Member Lurker_001's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    Thanks for all the nice replies.Guess i just needed someone to talk to about it...BTW the rumor i heard was before i even met the girl.FBR would she have fronted the info or do you have to ask?

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    Default Re: Start over?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lurker_001
    Thanks for all the nice replies.Guess i just needed someone to talk to about it...BTW the rumor i heard was before i even met the girl.FBR would she have fronted the info or do you have to ask?
    L1, think of it as a money version of High School Cafeteria. Then rent "Mean Girls" on DVD. Fronting is part of the game.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    I don't agree with the part about the money. She could really like you and still want to get paid, just like you could really like her and still want to have sex--but it becomes based on the other person's willingness more than your personal agenda. So the difference is, if she likes you she won't just get up and leave all the time if you seem broke.

    There's no point in opening up too much. She'll think you're running game to get a free show. People can tell when you just start to seem real around them, especially through your actions, like if you don't just get up and leave if she says she's on her period.

    But some things I don't get about this. Why was D1 such a last resort if she's so hot?

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


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    Default Re: Start over?

    Theres "like" as a customer and "like" as romantic material. As lots of us have said many times, if money changes hands its business. Occasionally, theres some bleed over which can be great fun but dont expect the "relationship" to continue if the money stops.

    My #2 son is going thru some of this drama right now. He met this dancer at the club who he really likes. Shes very cute and fun to hang out with so I can understand why he is attracted to her. I think she kind of "likes" him as well but mostly as a customer IMO. He's dropped some money on her but nothing real exorbitant. Anyway, last weekend he took her out for a bite to eat and drinks on one of her work nights. He was all excited when he told me but as we talked about it, I learned that he bought out her shift (ie: gave her enough money to make it worth her while to leave early). I winced when I heard that but didnt throw in my 2 cents, tempting as it was. I'm hoping hes not setting himself up for heartbreak. Some lessons have to be learned unfortunately....I know that was the case with me

    Quote Originally Posted by Lurker_001
    FBR would she have fronted the info or do you have to ask?
    Audi, are you asking about the fact she was leaving the club?

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Member daveinsa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    As a former and current RIL I would have to disagree to some extent that if money changes hands its business. My feelings have always been if they are going to set with me and keep me company you should at least give them something for there time. I always feel like I am keeping them from making money if they keep me company. I do have to say I vary rarely get dances and the money that exchanges hands is to make up for what they would get hustling the floor, I don’t always do this so it can be a surprise when I do but I fine they do appreciate the thought. But I find I am a very good judge of character and have made some of the best friendships from dancers. I currently have two former dancers that I keep very close relationships with long after they have stopped dancing. You have to trust your feelings on whether or not someone really cares for you or only sees you as a customer. I too have taken out several of my dancer friends and have a time or two bought them a night off, why not they deserve it, it’s a very hard job in my opinion but I have to say that all of them that I have done that for have gone out with me without me giving them any money.

    FBR, funny but I have a #1 and #2 son that go to the clubs with me and #1 has dated several dancers, #2 sticks with the waitresses. We all found out several years ago that we all have the same “problem” with SC’s now they blame me, “now we know where we got it from” LOL

    Dave

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Start over?

    Quote Originally Posted by merely_lurking
    When it's over, you really have nothing to show for the times you spent with your dancer of choice.
    It depends on what you expect. When I go to see my ATF I expect nothing more than a relaxing, sexy time with a dancer who gets along really well with my wife and me. We have a great time, and I leave relaxed and happy--and for a small amount of time forgetting the stress of the world. That, for me, is plenty to show for the time and money I have spent. IMHO, if you are expecting much more, you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment in one way or another.
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

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