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Thread: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

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    Newbie casper_larose's Avatar
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    boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    okay. i have a real problem. i REALLY want to be an exotic dancer. juss thinking about it gives me butterflies. i've thought about it since i was like 14-15, although it only really started occurring to me as a REAL possibility in the past few days. buh it's something i would absolutely love to do and think i'd be really good at. i've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and i've told him in the past that i want to do this and he obviously said no flat out. buh the other day i brought it up seriously because i'm thinking about it waaaay more seriously than i ever have. and the very thought of it is driving him crazy. he says that say someday i dress up for him and dance or something that it's second hand because everyone has seen it already and that it's like our bodies aren't for each other anymore and that when i've when i've spent all night giving lap dances to other guys even though i'm coming home to him, i'm still coming home from being naked with other men and that REALLY bothers him. he's said repeatedly that he hates the idea. i just don't know what to do because i love him and don't want to lose him, buh i don't see dancing as the disgusting job he thinks it is. i'm faithful to him, i wouldn't ever cheat on him. to me, dancing is just a great, fun way to make money and have a good time. if you can do something that makes you happy and makes you wanna go to work because its' fun and you enjoi it then what's the problem? i don't think i would have a hard time separating work from my relationship because to me, the men i'd be dancing for would just be clients...nothing more. i'd have to act as they were more than just money i realize buh that's all it is, acting. right? i don't know. i really need some advice because i don't have anybody else to talk to and i would LOVE to hear alla ur opinions!!! please help me, i really am in quite a predicament! lol. thanks soooo much in advance!
    Last edited by Susan Wayward; 03-02-2005 at 07:50 PM. Reason: increased font size for readability

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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    From a male perspective, I think you've got two mutually exclusive options - career choice or boyfriend. Knowing that your girlfriend is naked in from of, and trying to titillate other men is something many men can't handle. It looks like your bf is in the "can't handle" category, so if you want to dance, you'll almost certainly end up breaking up with your bf.

    Sorry, but that's the way it is.

    Phil W.

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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    You know what? i have a similar problem...

    But i have been doing pole lessons and strip courses and we go to strip clubs sometimes together... so he knows what its all about. The other night my dance teacher suggested to me that i go along to amatuer night...

    Which i am definately going to do....

    I think you should try something like that. Get into the amatuer night and see how he reacts to that. My BF is warming to the idea, he sees it as me hanging out with the girls (from my dance studio) getting to get dressed up in cute little outfits and sexy shoes and dance around for a few hours...

    I dont know how he would handle it if i didnt as a real job, but atleast he doesnt mind the amatuer thing so much...

    Maybe you could try doing that to test the water...

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    Newbie casper_larose's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    thanks so much for ur replies so far. i think amateur night would be a good idea. i'mma be 19 at the end of this month and am definitely going to go and check out the dancers and whatnot at some local clubs and i plan on bringing him with me so he can get a better picture of what it's like and stuff. hopefully it'll have a positive effect. *fingers crossed* lol
    Last edited by Susan Wayward; 03-02-2005 at 07:50 PM. Reason: readability again

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    Member Ohio_Dancer_Paige's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    Oh dear...from hearing many MANY similar stories, I can tell you any man that wants to control what you do is not worth staying with.

    Forget him.

    JMHO

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    Member NuttinbutLegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    OK, I was in the exact same situation, but I KNEW that my relationship was way more important than any job. I had brought it up to him in the past and he also flat out said no, he didn't want me doing it. I moved back to Vegas and I started cocktailing at the Palms. Well, I got fired and needed a job right away. I ended up cocktailing at a stripclub and I would always come home with the stories about what I saw and how the dancers are actually real people and not girls that just want the attention of other males (that would make any man feel like shit). After doind that for about two months (which I never brought up my dancing during that time), HE actually suggested that I try it since I'd make so much more money and since it actually sounded like a job. Well, I've been dancing for like 5 months now and there are definitely issues that come up, including the ones you said your man is worries about. I guess you just have to think about what if he was dancing and how would you be able to handle it. It's definitely not easy. If you're in a serious relationship and you really love your man, then you know no job is worth your relationship. My man wants to be a cop, but I think its too dangerous... so he's trying to find something else he's interested in. Whoa, long post, but I know how both of you feel. You'll just have to decide what's more important, him or dancing. PLUS, I think the amateur night is a great idea. You might also want to have him read some posts on this website. It's hard for men to visualize, but it really is just a job, unless you're just trying to seek out other male attention. I do it because I feel sexy and because of the money- NOT because I need to flirt and be hit on by other men. Think about why you want to do it.

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    Senior Member Fathom7's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    I would say to him ". . who am I coming home to?". I mean really, if he is so insecure about himself (yes you have been with him for a year) then you both need to have a sit down and sort out feelings and priorities. One of my best best girlfriends is a dancer and her now recently fiancee is a Sheriff. He wants her to be happy and knows who gets the goodies. But I guess it is a little different because he understands that she is doing this to help pay off college debt and that it is not a lifetime deal. Is it different with you? I don't know, if it were me I'd take him to a club to show him how fun and beneficial it can be. OK Hope that helps.

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Fathom7
    He wants her to be happy and knows who gets the goodies.
    I love the way she put this. I have been dancing on and off for 18 years. I started wehn I was not quite 19, and my fiance at the time couldn't take it. Well, too bad for him. I still know him, and knowing the way our lives turned out and who each of us eventually married, I can now look back and say it wouldn;t ahve worked out anyway. Husband #1 also couldn't take it, but that was also just one symptom of a doomed realationship. I have also had 2 incredibley GOOD relationships while dancing, one of which is my marriage now. These two guys understood that dancing is part of me, and regardless of what I do at work, I was still coming home to them.

    I am tired, having just come home from work, but what I am trying to say is, if your BF wants to control this aspect of your life, if he is too immature or insecure to allow you to stretch your wings, then this is probably not a good realtionship for you anyway. You deserve a man who wants you to be happy and who trusts you. Your BF seems so hung up on who gets to see your body, he has forgotten that your MIND and your SOUL are your own, unique and individual and much more personal than your flesh. HE should be grateful that you choose to share these parts of yourself with him, rahter than worry about who sees your skin.

    Also please remember that at 18, you have a whole life ahead of you. YOu do not have to worry about hanging on to this one man. it is sad to think about, but should you two chooe to go your separate ways, there WILL be other men for you to choose from, many many others.

    Good luck to you.
    Last edited by colleen; 03-03-2005 at 04:08 AM. Reason: wanted to add something


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    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

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    Member NuttinbutLegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    I think that the two of you should definitely respect one another and the things that you really want, but it can't always be a one way street. I'm sure that at some point in your relationship something has come up that he really wanted to do but you didn't want him to do. It doeesn't necessarily mean you are controlling for not wanting him to do it, but when you are in a committed relationship, you have to respect one anothers feelings and if something hurts the other, then you should take that into account. A relationship is not a one way street- its not just about what you want, but what's best for the BOTH of you. No offense to anyone, but I never liked the saying "but I'm coming home to you". It leaves too many things open. It's like maybe your boyfriend going out with other women and then saying its OK because at least he's coming home to you. Just be careful about why you really want to dance. Make sure it's not because you're seeking other attention from men, because that would really make your bf insecure and for good reason. If your bf needed attention from other women and not just you that would probably make you feel a little inadequate too.

  10. #10
    bostondancer
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    I don't think that there is anything wrong with your BF not wanting you to dance at all . I mean can you blame him ?? From his point of view there is something wrong with what we do on some level enough so anyways that he doesn't want the women he loves to participate in it . Whats wrong with that ? What do you want him to say " go get'em honey " ?? I would also really like to point out that it is NOT controlling of him either , controlling would be if he was giving you an ultimatum which from you said it doesn't seem that way .

    Although I know it seems like I am on his side I am NOT . I think that you should try it because it is clearly in your heart and if you don't you will never forgive him or yourself . Also at 19 you shouldn't be worrying about the guy your dating to this degree , your young have fun . What did you think the guy you started dating in HS would be the man you marry ?? I am sure you know better than that besides if you two are already heading down this different path of lifestyles than who knows what else may come up in the future . Someday there may be something else that you want and then ... here we go again . Would he give up on a dream or passion for you ??

    I was wondering if he goes to strip clubs himself ? If he doesn't go at all then maybe the both of you should explore our world and get a genuine opinion BUT if he does go to strip clubs than I have got to say forget the little hypocryte altogether .

    GOOD LUCK !!

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    Well spokem, bostondancer.


    My MySpace Page:


    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    From a much older and only slightly wiser perspective:

    I'm happily married and my husband despises my job. He has many of the same opinions you originally stated, especially the "sharing what's mine" thing. The only difference was I danced before I met him. He married me in spite of the fact that I was a dancer. Out of respect for him, I quit after we got married but missed it (and the money) too much and went back soon after.

    It's a sticky situation that you're in and everybody here has been right on target.

    But also be prepared for a lot of questions. Phil-W said your guy sounds like he couldn't handle it and he's probably right. If this is the case, your guy might start accusing you of cheating and lose any kind of trust he has in you. It took awhile for my husband (who doesn't frequent SCs) to realize that not all dancers are cheating sluts. There were a lot of issues to work through but we had that binding commitment to try and I had the understanding needed to see his point of view.

    Bostondancer made some excellent points. In my own selfish little world, there is no way in hell I'd let my husband do what I do! Hypocritical but very true. And I respect the hell out of him for putting up with my job.

    My best advice is to give it a certain time period. Tell him you want to try for a few months. Every girl I've known has known within a month's period whether they can (or want to) do this or not. Tell your boyfriend that you really want to try and at the end of this set time limit, you guys will sit down again and discuss what's going to happen.

    Who knows, you may find that your fantasy is better in your head (most are LOL). Or you may find that you enjoy the work and your boyfriend at that time will either prove his faith to you by sticking by you or not.

    I think that time limit definitely helps out the man here... my husband knows that I will quit when my daughter starts Kindergarten. He looks forward to that day! Me... not so much, but I will be having another little talk with him at that time.

    Slight thread hijack to Fathom 7:
    My ex-husband is a cop. Yes, it's dangerous but he will have the training and weapons necessary to combat the dangers out there. And being a Taxicab Driver is statistically a far more dangerous job than being a police officer. My ex is the dumbest man I know but he's made it through almost ten years on the job.

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    Senior Member amber88's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    Casper- First off, You might want to change your font color from blue to black. Its much easier on the eyes for the readers.

    Anyway..I'll I have to say is that I'm sick of insecure guys. You're young. Don't let anyone hold you back from what you want to do. Guys need to understand that they may be turned on by going to the clubs...but we for the most part are NOT turned on by the guys we dance for. You're body is yours...you're fricken having sex with your customers. I'm sure guys do have a hard time thinking about their girl dancing because they know how crazy some guys can get at the club. But if you pick a good club, one where theres good security and a no touching policy..maybe you're guy will start to feel more secure.

    Good Luck!

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    Senior Member amber88's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    I meant to say that you're NOT having sex with your customers!

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    Newbie casper_larose's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    sorry bout the blue. lol. my bad. thanks soooo much for all ur advice and comments. i really appreciate hearing alla ur points of view. me and my boyfriend have been talking it over A LOT. he says that if i REALLY wanna dance and it's going to make me happy and whatnot then he'll support me, he wont' like it, buh he'll be there for me. i sent him this link so he can read this thread and other posts about other topics and on my birthday i'mma take him to a local club so he can see what it's like because he's never been. so yea we'll see how that goes.

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    Member NuttinbutLegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    Good for him and good for the both of you!

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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    I too have been considering Exotic Dancing for a LONG TIME! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. His friends have told him from the start I should be a stripper. He however is a very jealous person and even got upset when I took men's orders at my waitressing job! So recently him and I went to check out a strip club. I let him watch the girls dance and give them tips. While I talked with the dancers, bartenders and DJ's. The club was having a "Tiny Wennie Bikini Contest" so I entered to get used to the stage and see if he could handle it. He saw it wasn't bad like most people make strip clubs out to be! I am now a dancer at Baby Dolls and making really good money. He knows it is just a job and I am ONLY selling "fantasies". He is proud to have an Exotic Dancer as a girlfriend! I suggest telling him how much you want to dance and check out clubs together. I mean there is clubs with stages behind the bar where you wear thongs, pasties, and heels with 100% NO TOUCH POLICIES! No only will he worry less with a club like that, it is a real good place to start! Good Luck!

  18. #18
    bostondancer
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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    Wow Casper I am so happy for you ! It is always great when couples can support each other . Good luck to you both and please save your money because you will never make money like you do the first year or so that you are newly dancing , new dancer glow or something . Keep us updated on your new career because we do care here and we need to stick together .

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    Default Re: boyfriend & stripping dilemma

    To add my opinion to this post...

    if you were w/your boyfriend for over a year and are now trying to broach the subject of dancing in a bar.... that's a hard pill for any man to swallow. It was even hard for me to put up w/my ex dancing and I WORKED in bars for several years (but then again, I know some of things that go on in this business that most normal guys don't).

    Granted, there are a few "strong" couples who can deal with the situation but let's bring it real - those are few and far between.

    Funny thing is now, I might even start going out w/this girl I know is an escort. Then again when I met her, I already knew what she was doing (and hey, I don't ever plan on marrying her!)

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