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Thread: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    So my bf has a friends birthday thing on tonight (dinner and then drinks after.)
    I was told about it on Tues...

    He knows how I feel about stuff like this (see post 'how often do you party), and I also told him I might need to work. He said he would like me to come but its ok if I don't.

    I am pretty tired, and feeling antisocial. I have only meet two of the other people that are going to be there, and the rest are all university buddies. I don't seem to have anything in common with his friends (the ones I have meet) and then I have to make up some bullshit about what I do when they ask the question "so what line of work are you in" that always makes me uncomfortable but my bf doesn't want them to know, I can't even say I am a waitress there!

    I feel like I should go but I don't really want to go.

    We have been seeing each other for a few months... and to be honest I am not sure where its headed...

    So the question is: if I don't go would I be a bad girlfriend?

  2. #2
    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Guess so LOL

    My trackies are too comfy and my computer too interesting, I am staying put!!

    Time to re-evaluate the relationship I think.

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by krys
    then I have to make up some bullshit about what I do when they ask the question "so what line of work are you in" that always makes me uncomfortable but my bf doesn't want them to know, I can't even say I am a waitress there!
    You are required to hide your career like it's some diseased plague or something... In some circles, I can see it being wise not to volunteer information about your career, but in casual social circles, this would give you a feeling of being something to hide/shun.

    I'd hope he'd understand that his preference with how you are expected to hide your career is directly proportional to your enthusiasm to go out and socialize with his friends.

    If there is mutual respect concerning this, he should understand.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Krys,

    It sounds like another nail in the coffin.
    Have a question about boarding schools?
    Get it answered at Boarding School Forums.

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Good points Polecat...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie
    Krys,

    It sounds like another nail in the coffin.
    Sounds like it Mr P.pie

    Right then who's up for a drink!? lol

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    Veteran Member DeepGreen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    I don't think the question is whether you would be a bad girlfriend, but rather if you don't want to go out with him now, what is going to happen in years to come? The first few months of a relationship are when you are supposed to be crazy about each other, and not wanting to spend a minute apart. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic....
    There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss... --RENT

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    No, you're not a bad girlfriend for not wanting to go. Actually, you considering this at all makes you a GOOD gf. He should count himself lucky you consider his feelings.

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by DeepGreen
    I don't think the question is whether you would be a bad girlfriend, but rather if you don't want to go out with him now, what is going to happen in years to come? The first few months of a relationship are when you are supposed to be crazy about each other, and not wanting to spend a minute apart. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic....
    Yeah we went through that phase... reality is sinking in just now, hitting me in the face rather hard! better sooner rather then later though!

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    You are not a bad girlfriend. Who would want to go hang out with a bunch of people that you are being cohersed into lieing to. If you are comfortable with your dancing, than you shouldn't have to hide it. These people are sopposed to be his friends. I wouldn't go anywhere if I didn't feel like I could be myself.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue
    You are not a bad girlfriend. Who would want to go hang out with a bunch of people that you are being cohersed into lieing to. If you are comfortable with your dancing, than you shouldn't have to hide it. These people are sopposed to be his friends. I wouldn't go anywhere if I didn't feel like I could be myself.
    When she's right, she's right.

    All things considered, it's probably possessiveness on his part, though. He doesn't want any 'special trips' made by his buddies to the SC to see his gf nekkid. Childish, but standard for men. It's better than being a trophy, however. A lot of guys would shout from the rooftops that they are dating a stripper (though i'm not really sure why it's such a big deal). But this seems like the other extreme. You should think on that. There isn't anything 'wrong' with dancing, and you shouldn't have to act like there is.

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    No, you're not a bad girlfriend for not wanting to go. Actually, you considering this at all makes you a GOOD gf. He should count himself lucky you consider his feelings.
    owww good point, thanks Madcap

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue
    You are not a bad girlfriend. Who would want to go hang out with a bunch of people that you are being cohersed into lieing to. If you are comfortable with your dancing, than you shouldn't have to hide it. These people are sopposed to be his friends. I wouldn't go anywhere if I didn't feel like I could be myself.
    You are so right bambiblue... you know the sad thing? I don't know the last time I felt I could be 'myself' round others in such a situation! I need to find me a new crowd to hang with.

    Thanks for the posts guys they are really helping to get my head straight with this whole thing

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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by krys
    Right then who's up for a drink!? lol
    Come to Chicago SW Fest ... and you're buying.

    Seriously, I know such decisions are hard to make. I've failed them too many times to count. But when you stare facts in the face and know the score, you're only hurting both of you continuing it. You're then left with the band-aid dilemma. Which hurts less: ripping the band-aid off quickly or slowly pulling it off? Answer that question and you know the answer to yours. Good luck.

    Oh, and you're still buying!
    Have a question about boarding schools?
    Get it answered at Boarding School Forums.

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie

    Oh, and you're still buying!
    You gotta catch me first......................

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Krys, I doesn't make you a bad GF. I fyou counted all the times that I had to work or didn't feel good and hubby went out instead then I would be the worst wife of the year % yrs running, LOL.

    Seriously though, I wouldn't want to go either. Tell him you want him to have fun with his guy friends and to paint the town. That way you are giving him his friends and a little freedom while still supporting him. If you look at it that way, your one of the best GF's around.

    Guys are fairly easy to understand. When you learn how they think, it's easy to get around some of those womanly feelings.

    Anyway, wish him well and tell him if he's not too drunk, to stop by later. That way you can give him his present in private.

    Kitana
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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by kitana
    Krys, I doesn't make you a bad GF. I fyou counted all the times that I had to work or didn't feel good and hubby went out instead then I would be the worst wife of the year % yrs running, LOL.

    Seriously though, I wouldn't want to go either. Tell him you want him to have fun with his guy friends and to paint the town. That way you are giving him his friends and a little freedom while still supporting him. If you look at it that way, your one of the best GF's around.

    Guys are fairly easy to understand. When you learn how they think, it's easy to get around some of those womanly feelings.

    Anyway, wish him well and tell him if he's not too drunk, to stop by later. That way you can give him his present in private.

    Kitana
    LOL! Kit, if you weren't married...

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by kitana
    Seriously though, I wouldn't want to go either. Tell him you want him to have fun with his guy friends and to paint the town. That way you are giving him his friends and a little freedom while still supporting him. If you look at it that way, your one of the best GF's around.
    He did the guy thing last week..... this do was pretty much a couples thing (most of his friends are married) which made me feel twice as bad because he would be alone amoungst the couples.

    I think if I liked him enough I would want to be there for him..... However just looking back on it, whenever it is up to me to hang out he is always late (by at least 2 hours) so I am beginning to not feel so bad.

    I guess it is all just a reflection of the other things I am really feeling.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Shiiiit...Scorp and I have been together for almost 4 years, and there are STILL nights that I turn down going out.

    I think it may have a lot to do with the fact that you would have to just be dishonest about what you really do. That, for me, would spoil my entire evening. Sitting there...not being yourself. Nah...I'd rather sit at home.

    Of course, with that killer body...you could always say that you are a full-time private Yoga instructor. Maybe pick up a few new yoga clients. heh

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    Of course, with that killer body...you could always say that you are a full-time private Yoga instructor. Maybe pick up a few new yoga clients. heh
    Hehe thanks VenusGoddess.... that is the usual slant I take, (as I do teach on occassion) but it still involves making up lies. His friends are all business grads, finance mangers and bankers etc. I feel really inadequate.

    I also have to lie about where we meet when they ask because we meet at work!!

    I think I need to find someone who is alot more comfortable with what I do and who I am?

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Does he ask that you lie about it?
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    Does he ask that you lie about it?
    He made it clear that he didn't want anyone to know what I do, where I work or where we meet.

    I do have alot of other stuff I am doing so dancing isn't my only thing.... but it is the thing that pays the bills and takes up most of my time.

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Yeah Mad, I hear ya! LOL

    If he wants you to lie, then you guys need to sort out a few things. My hubby has never asked me to lie about my job. I skirt around the issue around my family, to keep thing from turning into a s**t storm at Thanksgiving. But that's my choice not his.

    Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much. tell him the reason you won't/didn't go is that it would make you feel uncomfortable having to lie to his friends. If he really does care he will tell you something sweet, and tell you it's Ok for you not being there.

    Now, if he doesn't say anything like that, start looking for greener pastures. Best to get out of relationship that's not gunna work as early as you can. Sure it will hurt for a little while, but pain always stops and time always heals.

    Kitana
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
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    <08SM>

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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    When it comes to going out or staying home, I'd rather stay home and fuck.



    His friends are all business grads, finance mangers and bankers etc. I feel really inadequate.
    Don't. Financial success should not be equated with lifestyle satisfaction. There's plenty of people in the business sector that are miserable human beings that show up at work every day only for the money. Perspective is everything.

    I think I need to find someone who is alot more comfortable with what I do and [ho I am?
    Now there's a plan.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by krys
    He made it clear that he didn't want anyone to know what I do, where I work or where we meet.

    I do have alot of other stuff I am doing so dancing isn't my only thing.... but it is the thing that pays the bills and takes up most of my time.
    If you choose to not want people to know, that is your choice. But, in this case it is not your choice. It is his. Your level of comfort with that is entirely up to you, of course.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would I be a bad girlfriend if...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    If you choose to not want people to know, that is your choice. But, in this case it is not your choice. It is his. Your level of comfort with that is entirely up to you, of course.
    I have been struggling for 4 years to be able to be open about what I do... normally it is the family or the person I am with that makes me feel bad about it and encourages me to hide it.

    I know at times it is appropriate but in situations like this I just feel like I am being a fake and can't be the real me. Like I have to watch my step and be careful with what I say.. hhhmmm

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