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Thread: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

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    Newbie Don's Avatar
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    Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Hi everyone. I just have a few questions to ask and i was hoping i could get help here. Recently my girlfriend told me that shed like to become and exotic dancer when we move in together. At first i hated the idea and really didnt want her to be a part of it at all. After numerous talks/mini arguments about it, i came to the conclusion that if its going to make her happy than ill be there for her. But i still have a lot of concerns. Im worried about a lot of things that could happen to her at the club she works at. Im worried about her saftey first and foremost, so i was wondering how good is security at most SC, and will she be taken care of. Second, im pretty insecure you know? so i was wondering the odds that she might meet a totally sweet guy that she may fall in love with or something, i know its silly but im just a worrier. And i was wondering, how grabby do some guys get? i really dont mind her dancing naked, but its the up close things i worry about, like lapdances and VIP dance thingers. what kind of things go on during these dances? ive never been to a SC so i have no idea. ive seen threads about guys trying to finger dancers and grabbing there tits and shit. and it really upset me. if something like this happend to her i would be extremely angry, you know? sorry if im babling here im just trying to get some things cleared up so that some of my worries can stop. if anyone can answer me on this id really appreciate it. Also if theres anything youd like to add please go ahead. thank you very much. take care.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    You shouldn't worry about her safety at the club.

    As for your insecurity.....well, if you are worried about her leaving you for another guy, then dancing isn't going to matter. Trust your girl. If you don't, then why are you even in a relationship with her? She could meet an awesome guy at a gas station.

    I can't say what the dances are like in your area, but generally speaking, there is one-way contact (the girl touches, light grind on his lap). This doesn't stop guys from trying to touch or touching at the bar.

    I can tell you right now that you are not going to be able to handle her dancing.

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    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    She will probably like the attention. However, it's an iron-clad guarantee that she will not be attracted to any of her customers, let alone fall for them. If she loves you, you have nothing to worry about.

    As for the disrespectful customers, all she has to do is collect the money up front, say no, and walk away. If she can do that, she's fine.

    When she begins work, please don't bug her with your insecurities. Some shifts will be very hard on her and she will need your support. Some shifts will be very good and she will want to celebrate with you.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    I don't know if I would say "iron-clad"....

    we are human, afterall

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    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    I don't know if I would say "iron-clad"....

    we are human, afterall
    True. But it's rare for me.

    I do get turned on doing dances. It usually has nothing to do with the customer. I've never danced for the kind of guy I'd like to date. It's about me feeling sexy. Boyfriends have problems with this. They should enjoy it. If I feel sexy, they get great sex.

    I must add that not all dancers get turned on.

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizette
    She will probably like the attention. However, it's an iron-clad guarantee that she will not be attracted to any of her customers, let alone fall for them.
    No doubt she'll like the attention.

    I disagree with the "iron-clad guarantee". I've dated a couple entertainers that I met in the club and have a few friends who have done the same. It's certainly not the norm, but it does happen.

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Emily has many good points. I agree that your relationship with your girl is what determines whether or not she'll find someone else. If she's in love with you and faithful, she won't be in the mindset at work to look for another man. I'm happily married and have never wanted to date a customer.

    Security is usually not an issue. The bouncers are there to take of things and (at least in my club) they always do.

    You just have to trust her. If you don't, you are going to have major problems if she dances.

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    "I came to the conclusion that if its going to make her happy than ill be there for her." ...remember this everytime you are about to argue about something related to dancing.

    "Im worried about her safety" ...She will learn quickly how to handle "out of line" guys. For you, its watching out for RIL stalkers outside the club.

    "i was wondering the odds that she might meet a totally sweet guy" ...Give it three months and she'll be complaining about club BS. She will want to be able to come home to a great guy who will listen and not argue about it. If she leaves you for someone then it was meant to be and be thankfull it happened sooner than later.

    "what kind of things go on during these dances?" ...What ever her/or club limits are. She'll set them and enforce them herself with a good right or left upper cut.

    ...I agree with Lizete. Your greatest challenge is overcoming your insecurities and it doesnt happen overnight. Two questions, why is she waiting to start dancing "when you move in together" (maybe she is already dancing)? Does she have any idea what dancing is like other than watching the movies?
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Newbie Don's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Thanks everyone for your comments. To answer those questions- she is waiting to start when we move in together because there are no clubs in her town. we both live near toronto, but we are planning a move into the city where im sure there are a few clubs for her to check out. Shes never danced before and shes never been to a strip club before, shes said that she wants to dance and feel sexy and she likes the idea of the good money.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    it is good money

    are you prepared for her to make more than you?

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    Smiley Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    these are some of what awaits you dude. i started dancing 6 months ago at a nude club. my husband of 4 years encouraged me to do it as his business was very dead. now i make WAY more than him. first you guys should go to some clubs, hang out, buy dances for each of you. i cant believe neither of you have ever been to a SC. if she starts its gonna be WEIRD. sometimes we get incredibly horny, others he gets angry over the tiniest thing, mostly that i didnt call him during shift. regular custys can be a problem. i met one last month who was nice, youngish, and blew money. i talked about him for days and finally hubby got pissed about it. also sleep time is a mess. i get off at 4, sleep by 5;30, so mornings are separate. most of the other girls here will disagree but i love for him to come watch me as does he. he feels proud seeing my goddessness on stage with a line of guys waiting, and super horny when hes sitting near while i lap dance. on the other hand when he stays at home its incredibly boring for him and he worries about me/guys/VIP/regulars, etc..so, anyway good luck with it and keep us posted here on Wisteria Lane.

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    My situation is very much along the lines of wildlands, but as issues come up that we have problems with, they almost always get worked out. I actually can't think of any that haven't been. As far as this thread is concerned, I know Don labelled himself as insecure, but I am not, and I still take issue with some of the things that happen when my lady dances, so I'm interested to know if all dancers assume that when a bf/hubby has a problem with his lady dancing it always means he is insecure. I would obviously disagree with that, so I'm wondering what the consensus is.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    I don't think a man is insecure if he doesn't like the woman he loves dancing. He is only insecure if he expressely forbids her to dance, threatening to end the relationship if she does. My Bf of almost 3 years has known from the beginning. He doesn't like it, and he doesn't want to hear about it, but he has never tried to stop me. Its just natural for a person to not want their loved one sharing their sexuality with hundreds of other people a week.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    I don't think "insecurity" is the issue either. I've stopped going to see dancers I became friendly with (not romantically) just because watching them with other guys was starting to feel weird.

    I really think you two should go to a few clubs, either together or separately, and see what really goes on. Though I don't recommend watching your girlfriend dance, I do recommend experiencing the environment, maybe meeting a few ladies who dance and seeing that what really goes on is primarily cash driven from the dancer's perspective.

    It sounds like your girlfriend is smitten with the idea of dancing without knowing what is really involved. She may end up hating it. You need to be prepared to support her, weather she sticks with it or not.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    I agree with Wildlands, grab your girl and visit a few clubs. You can both get a feel for the club and the milage allowed.

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    Newbie casper_larose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    yoda...what makes you think she has no idea what's involved? don's post doesn't really say anything about his girlfriends take on things, it's about his feelings of insecurity. she could know exactly what's involved and juss not have had the balls to go for it yet or like he said, is waiting till they move in together to start.

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    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    i agree with katrine, it's a pride thing too i am sure. it's when they say "you can't _____" there is a problem !

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Quote Originally Posted by Don
    Shes never danced before and shes never been to a strip club before, shes said that she wants to dance and feel sexy and she likes the idea of the good money.
    Casper_Larose: I humbly suggest that, if she's never danced before and, if she's never been in a club before, she doesn't have any idea of what is really involved in being a dancer. This is, of course, only my opinion. I'm not saying she shouldn't try it, or that she won't be successful at it, merely suggesting to her BF that he should be prepared for the possibilty that she may not like it and be ready to support her.
    Last edited by yoda57us; 03-09-2005 at 07:29 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    If youre insecure, its not a good idea to have a good looking dancer as an SO. You will drive yourself nuts. To her its a job but to you its a threat.

    As Emily said, youre probably already doomed.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Katrine, I have a hard time understanding the "forbid" to dance bit, since I would assume that a man who would forbid his woman to dance, and watched her do it anyway, would leave her. Now, do you see this as insecurity? I can totally understand a man who says I don't want you to dance, I'm uncomfortable with that, she does it anyway, and he says see ya. Does anyone see this as insecurity? I suppose I can see where it could be, but I don't think it would always be the case. This is of course talking about men who date their ladies BEFORE they start dancing, meeting them while they are dancers changes everything.

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Quote Originally Posted by SupportiveBF
    I still take issue with some of the things that happen when my lady dances, so I'm interested to know if all dancers assume that when a bf/hubby has a problem with his lady dancing it always means he is insecure. I
    Nope. When a customer acts like an asshole to me, my husband soes not like it because THE GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE TO ME. Same as if we were at teh mall and some idiot let a door slam in my face.

    Sometimes, that is all there is to it!


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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    hey dude, don't worry about a thing ya got to have trust in your woman my grilfreind has been in this for 9 years we be dating for 5 going on 6.my woman knows that i trust her and that it's a job that pays good (realgood!! that is .don't get me wrong but,theres times ive been in the club while shes working

    and once in a while i feel out of place because theres other guys looking at here ,talking with her that kind of stuff . good luck to ya hope it works out

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    Newbie Don's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    Thanks everyone for the info. If theres anything else that you think could help then by all means, post away.

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    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    I agree that she might end up hating it. Many, many, many women try it and run away screaming. It's an emotionally and physically demanding job. If she tries it and hates it, please don't say, "I told you so." Just be supportive no matter what. You seem nice enough already by trying to come to terms with her curiosity.

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    Default Re: Curious boyfriend-help me out please

    I think if you two have a strong relationship then you will be fine. I started dancing 6 months ago and me and my bf have definitely had some little tiffs along the way, but we always talk about them and work them out. He always voices any concerns he has right away so they don't build up, which helps us both calmly deal with problems as they arise instead of having huge explosive fights. There is only one way contact in the clubs and the only time there is two way is if the girl allows it. If your girl is trustworthy then she will not allow a guy to touch her in the wrong places. If she does allow it, then its better you find out sooner than later.

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