Almost pissed my pants laughing at this TUSCL review. Hope you have a nice laugh, too.

"This is a great bar. All the dancers have had their shots and several have been spaded.

The bar has an international flavor with warm beer like in Europe, fat belly women like in Russia, droopy tit pygmy grandmas like in Borneo, as well as bearded aborigine type women you find in Australia’s Outback. There is also a rude bartender like in France and no speakee engliee customers. You don't need a passport to travel here just a day pass from your psychologist.

The club is located in a rather rough part of town right in front of a fleabag motel, across the street from the 1 hr. hooker haven and around the corner from Crankville. Reserved parking spaces are available, just honk to get the local curb drunk to roll up over the curb for you. However, the parking outside is first class and the Valet parking attendant will assist you in parking on busy 29th street. Drink in comfort knowing that the Valet will protect the wino’s from sleeping on your car hood or from teen gang bangers from slashing your tires or breaking your windows or the local paint sniffer from giving you some new gold racing stripes. Just leave your keys with the Valet and relax knowing that when you return your car will be cleaned down to the metal and your fire retardant seats tested for your safety. Although sometimes when you leave you will have trouble finding the parking attendant, your car or what's left of it.

Security is first class at this great bar with Cameras inside and out. The outside cameras are strategically located to warn if someone gets gas at 7-11 or if a cow jumps over the moon. If they see a cow jump they usually will hire her on the spot and make her the featured entertainer. The inside cameras can film your lap being rooted on by one of the several USDA inspected sweat hogs but make sure she has a USDA seal of approval stamped on her flank or under one of her fat rolls. Several cases of Mad Cow Disease have been reported in this place particularly if you fail to tip the Bovine on stage. While some dancers may have small flies circling around their crotch most have been inoculated because you can see that the maggots on their G-string are dead and dying. If you can't see the G-string, just ask her to pull back some of that sexy fat that rolled over it. Don't worry too much if security looks sort of lacking just because the doorman looks like he is passed out on top of his coloring book because it's all just an act. Besides the cops drive by every 10 minutes and will pull you over as soon as you leave the place and inspect your car for fruit flies and crab lice.

Of course this bar offers a healthy menu of fine food. It must be healthy because the cockroaches are so large and plentiful. Chips, peanuts and jerky are sold behind the bar and they have a microwave too. Although I only observed the microwave being used for wagering how long it took to make a cockroach explode in a microwave.

I love this bar and every night they have some sort of different entertainment. There is always a fun crowd of customers with Gangster wannabes, crankster neverwillbes, bag ladies, midnight bridge inspectors, Tattooed Ladies and old has-beens. The entertainment changes nightly. Mondays they have Foot Fungus Fights with high heel swinging dancers pissed about who used their lipstick. Tuesdays is the always-exciting Butt Cheek Zit Popping Contest. Wednesday is Pig Hollering. Thursdays has free Jell-o Shots served in condoms, I guess it is Jell-o. Friday nights are the best because they have cockroach races and they serve free Fruit Fly Shish Kabobs smothered in a musky yet spicy fish tasting sauce. Saturday night is Hispanic appreciation night with two on one knife fights. Sundays are becoming popular with the Guess this Smell contest and the winner gets a free AIDS test, tetanus shot and a pair of 65" panties from Ms. Tattle Tails.

This is a great bar."


P.S sorry, couldn't resist posting. I didn't write this, just laughed reading it. I'm sure it's not that bad.