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Thread: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    So here's the history..my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. I am currently 2 hrs away from him attending school. I have been dancing for about a month which he loves and Im doing great!. So here's the thing....his fantasy that he tells me about all the time is me being with another man! He says he has dreams where he can see me but not the other man's face, so he's strictly only turned on by the fact that I am getting pleasure.

    So here's the deal, because I am so far away and we only see each other every other weekend or so, he basically gave me the go ahead to take on a booty call, he actually wants me to as long as there is no emotional attachment involved, strictly for the pleasure.

    Yeah it sounds great b/c I've been crazy horny lately! and I live in a dorm with 4 other girls so self pleasure is kinda outta question...yeah this sounds great and all but Im affraid of it backfiring.

    I would love input from both men and women on this...anyone have a SO with a fantasy similar to this?? I'll admit, a no strings attached booty call would be real nice...and my boyfriend claims we would both benefit but I don't want to compromise the relationship. Where basically both on the same page that there is just sex, no emotion, and making love which we do...dunno Im kinda at a lose for words...Need Advice!

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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    I dont know sounds like a trick!!! Jk....The way I feel about it is like "is she going to take the bait" thing. I hope you guys are as close as you make it sound if so thats great! But, most guys like to watch that sorta thing...so hes saying that its ok to get it on with other guys just no real love?
    If in doubt ..dont try it. Ive done the add the other guy thing but it ended nicely with the added guy and no strings attached and it all went fine....pssst we all had sex together
    Just seems odd that he invite this but w/o him there?
    Lets see what others say...
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Yes were extremely close and have a really great thing going...as you can see were very open with each other. Oh no he would love to be there, he's had threesomes in the past (that's where this all started) where he watched his girlfriend get it on with their roommate. He just knows that a threesome couldn't work right now with me being so far away, but when I come home to visit, he wants me to describe what happened or get a video tape if the other guy is willing, perferable with just me in the shot. We've been talking about this for months but since I've started dancing, it's kinda becoming more of a reality. He loves the thought of me dancing for other men.

    Yes I'd like to see what others have to say...thanks for the input TM!

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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Gotta admit that's my biggest thing.

    It's fun for me, and I don't realize lose anything from it. I see it as example of my unconditional love for my lady(along with being a kink). I realize I am only one man with one type of ya-know-what and sometimes people need a little variety. I've pretty much seen my wife do everything one can imagine and I only love her more for it.

    This fantasy is also more popular than you can imagine, ff you have the stomach for it, i'll pass along some links that deal with it and such.


    Haha he wants it taped too, sounds like your beau and I have much in common.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    I friend of mine's hubby wanted her to do the same thing. *shrug* I think for some people it works and is a huge turn on.



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    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    yes. The idea of my SO having sex with another women is a total turn on!

    Don't know why, and im not sure i would "actually" want to see it. But thinking of it is cool!

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    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    wow - i really don't think I could handle that!

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    WoW I guess this isn't as uncommon as I thought it would.

    Sh0t your hit the nail right on the head, your arguement is the exact same as his. I know that I would be able to seperate emotion from sex, heck I do it every night at work. I told him that I would need a little time to kinda mentally prepare myself and that I would have to find the exact person to do this with, someone who knows it's just sex purely for pleasure, nothing else.

    Thanks guys! everyone else I've talked to this about gave me terrified looks of disgust, but then again who's to say what's normal??

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    If he is serious,then by all means,go for it!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

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    Veteran Member Stipperella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    I agree with tampafldancer completely it turns me on but don't know if i'd do it. ON the other hand i had a friend that would do that with this gf they were both totally into it. They would even go to clubs and they would sit far away from each other but still in each others views. They would get turned on by seeing each other get hit on by other people. Sometimes they said they would leave with other people then the next day tell each other about what happend in details and that would turn them on too. I don't think i could ever do that but if your into it why not.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    ON the other hand i had a friend that would do that with this gf they were both totally into it. They would even go to clubs and they would sit far away from each other but still in each others views. They would get turned on by seeing each other get hit on by other people. Sometimes they said they would leave with other people then the next day tell each other about what happend in details and that would turn them on too.
    I, um, have this friend, see, and, um, well he would do the same thing with his GF when they were out and about. Er, he liked to watch men hit on her and was all for her extracurricular activities so long as she was forthcoming with details after the fact.

    He, ahem, was pretty pleased with that arrangement. I mean, at least that's what he told me.

    Ahem.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Senior Member dgtlfnk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Well... if yer worried about it backfiring... why not just make up a hot fuck scenario/evening and run it by him "the next day". See how he reacts. If he starts to act weird or flips out over the next few days... you now know where the 2 of you stand. If he's droolin' all over himself... you know it's something the two of you can handle and then you can crank it up for real.

    Either way he reacts, it'd be up to you whether to ever tell him that the "first time" actually happened or not. Maybe you could keep it simple and short so that you won't need many details to remember or recollect later when you guys ever talk about "the first time".

    And yeah... I know this is a little white lie... but it seems to be a VERY small price to pay to test the waters. I mean... if he flips out, and yer relationship is ruined... then what? At least then you have the choice of either walking away, now knowing his true side. Or instantly calming him down by telling him you never actually went through with it... and then having you both realize that this is not something for you guys to actually go through with.





    And this goes without saying, but....

    ... if you actually go through with this... and everything ends up cool... details posted here are a MUST for the rest of us.

  14. #14
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    I'm glad everyone seems so genial about the situation, but I'm just posting this as a word to the wise.....
    The part about "no face" on the anonymous guy (having sex with you hypothetically) reminded me of the wise Dr. Drew Pinsky from "Loveline". His piece on these situations was that people go into these things not anticipating the emotions that might be aroused. Conversely, could he handle someone he knew having sex with you? What if Mr. No Strings takes a shine to you and snatches you away?
    Good luck but don't be surprised if things turn out different than expected. I agree with the "sounds like a trick" opinion. I wish everyone could be openminded, sexually free and not jealous, but this isn't heaven.

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    oh yeah madmaxine i totally agree, like i said earlier if it happened i would be very careful who it was with because i don't want the emotional attachment happening. this is something that he's thought about for a real long time, and he's had experience with it before with the whole 3some with his previous g/f and roommate so i know that he wouldn't flip out but then he's the one that brought it up. this is by far the most sexually open relationship i've ever been in and I LOVE IT! it's amazing what trust and openness will do with a relationship!

    lol yep so now that he's got me thinking about it seriously, im startin to get really into it, it's made me SO horny for the last two days, can barely stand it...kinda tough when you have to take a chemistry test with sex on the brain!

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Breaching the clear lines of creating an open relationship.. bravo.

    I'm very concerned of the premise and motive for such an exploratory move in this relationship. It is being created for the WRONG reasons, which clearly means it can have a high chance of exploding the relationship.

    I've been in a few open relationships, and there are a couple things that are paramount within them:
    1) They need to be formed for the right reasons. This includes sexual exploration, progression of the main relationship or as a mutual settlement of fantasy/needs.

    **In this case, none of these precepts is present. It's being formed to 'take up slack' for the main relationship. As the frequency of sex is diminishing due to college, it's more of a ploy to compensate for something missing in the main relationship- not an addition to enrich the main relationship.

    Whenever a decrease (or removal) of sex in a relationship inspires an 'open relationship', this is a huge, glaring red-flag. His mentioning of this being a fantasy of his could be real or imagined. Did this come up prior when sex frequency was 'normal'? If it's something inspired by staring down a long, reduced sexual road- it's likely for the wrong reasons.

    2) Rules should have been of higher precedence then the acts themselves.
    ** You say the emotionless, faceless portion of this was mentioned. What other rules were discussed? This sounds more to me like less of a fantasy if no details are desired. The desire for a mate to have sex with others should be the primary drive- and this drive is clouded if the one requesting wants no knowledge of the individual or acts themselves.

    The open relationships I've been in have always been founded on complete disclosure (read- increased mutual eroticism) as well as maintaining the same (or greater) intimacy/sexual relations within the primary relationship. These two things are important as they help enrichen and progress the relationship rather than erode or diminish it. If it's already eroded or on the path to reduction, it's better to just end the whole thing than lengthen the break-up, which is sure to follow.

    There are MANY dysfunctional relationship elements that are often times buried by a call to an open relationship. When such a call is overshadowed by elements missing in a relationship, things WILL get worse and not better, and should be a red flag to deeper study and communicate plans/channels in the main relationship. It can be a hidden/untruthful sign of inequal feelings in a relationship- where one mate's desire or seriousness concerning the relationship is being communicated as being lesser than the others.

    Not saying any of this applies to your relationship as there is little knowledge given about you and your guy. If the sexual bond and emotional intimacy level of the two of you is strong, such a contingency plan may indeed work. But, it can also sprout a diminished set of needs for when the two of you do in fact get together, as well as a substitute for needs between. Open relationships are NOT good as a substitute, but instead should always be explored solely to strengthen/contribute to that need.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    thanks so much for the info polecat!

    honestly with me going away from school our sex life really hasn't change, in fact it's gotten better which is weird i know. before i left i really had a lack of desire, and it was creating a huge problem so when he would approach me with this fantasy i had no interest which was hard for me becuase i want to do anything and everything to please him. i just recently switch birth control and found that my sex drive is back in full force, thank goodness.

    Yes i am very intersted in the variety, im only 22 and have only been with a handful of guys but that's not the point. I truely and very deeply love my boyfriend and have no desire to be emotionally involved with anyone else, hence the reason why I would be so picky about who the other person was because i know i could control my emotions but i cant control the other person's.

    since him and i have been together, he has opened the door to my sexuality! and we have come to a point where we want to explore, but with each other included, like a swingers type deal. I want him to be included in every way and as does he. Obviously he wouldn't beable to be there physically but he said he would like me to tell him all about it. He's had this fantasy before we started dating and he told me about it pretty new into the relationship as well.

    i do feel like we would both benefit, and my reason for posting is to see other's experiences which i appreciate greatly!

    I hope that give you a little more understanding PoleCat, it's hard to explain this type of situation over a forum. I don't feel like were raising any red flags, but I'm not looking in from the outside. We have both agreed that both of us has to completely want this. Its the same with me stripping, if at anytime he doesn't agree or aprove of something then I would stop at that moment. But it turns him on sooooo much with what I'm doing, and he loves stories of lapdances.

    i could just keep typing.....

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Hiyas Schea!

    Your further inclusion does provide a lot more information than the original post might assume, and it does sound a whole lot more healthy! If he is positive to your giving of lapdances to other men, it does sound like an open relationship could indeed have a positive impact on things. This assumes you also feel the same way about him with other women.

    The key point is to remember- enchancement, not substitution! hehe. Anytime extra curricular sexual relationships incur substitution, they can quickly become unhealthy. Communication needs to become greater during that point, and it's usually the case automatically if it's a healthy bond. It can lead to a greater sense of intimacy, as well as discovery for both partners of things that can lead to greater sexuality for both.

    Be sure to communicate some extremely pointed rules on the onset- one's that a first offense by either party agrees to a complete reversal of the open relationship. Creating these agreements up-front better reduces situations later. Things like protection, rules of disclosure, as well as rules of priority. I'd also recommend you both get tested prior and establish a regular testing interval for both of your safety. Planned Parenthood is a good way to setup regular STD testing- and do so on a 'swap printouts' basis (i.e. no 'well, I called and everything is clear.").

    Disclosure is a tough one, but it sounds like it will be easy for you two. The past open relationships I've been in were also easy- full disclosure. Who and when are openly discussed beforehand, and they were completely described and feelings shared afterwards. This made them 10x more erotic and allowed us to explore what we've found sexually in others.

    Priority is a no-brainer. Extra curricular sexual relations need to be put as a total back-burner in relation to the primary relationship. The first time a planned get-together is asked to be postponed for an extra curricular encounter, the deal ends. It doesn't matter if it's a once-in-a-lifetime situation; putting your significant other as 2nd place should never be asked, insinuated, hinted or allowed.

    Good luck and DO proceed with caution!
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Featured Member showgirlschloe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Instead of making a video or telling him what happened, why not just you and him go to a bar and pick a guy up? I don't see anything wrong with what he asked you to do. My man and I have a very open relationship like that and we've been going strong for 10 years. The next day we always have explosive sex and we always resort to the memory to get things started on other occasions. If you are worried, the suggestion of making up a story and seeing his reaction might be a good thing to do.

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Thanks again, you really answered some of my questions especially what rules should be applied. This is something that we both plan to take very slow and communicate about every feeling were having.

    I especially like how you explained that if something is a SO get's put on hold, the deal should be stopped, I totally and completely agree.

    If anything happens you all will be the first ones to know! I am going to step very carefully and take all of your advice into consideration!

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    We would go to a bar now and do that but it's kinda restricted since i'm a couple hours away at school right now

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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Why dont you tape your sex adventure for him and send it to him and see what he thinks about it ! He might feel a little different after seeing a guy go till the 20th hole , ( I'm bad )

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    Senior Member Schea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    LOL yeah sure curious....he'd love it taped! that was the original idea of his

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Actually, me and my hubby are swingers.. It is a total turn on to watch him with other women and he loves to see me with other men... but, your frame of mind has to be strictly for the "fuck" of it, meaning- just fun- you either can deal with it or you can't. However, we don't play alone, we are a couple, so anything we do it is together.


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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wants me to be with other men!!?!

    Quote Originally Posted by tampadancer
    wow - i really don't think I could handle that!
    Same here.

    You all iz crazy!

    CRAZY!

    (And it does sound like a good way to fuck up a relationship. There is fantasy... and then there is reality.)

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