After some recent posts I was inspired to write the below article. I wanted to offer it as a tribute to all you wonderful ladies in the same position as I, and also to all the wonderful customers and supporters here on SW that continue to encourage and enlighten me with their words. Thank You.
When You Can’t Hide Your Flaws
It’s eight o’clock, I probably should think about getting ready for work. Eat, shower, shave, just the usual routine. If I leave in thirty minutes I should make it in time for nine. Sound familiar? Only difference is its 8pm not 8am and I am heading to the club not the office. You see, my name is Jaime and I am an exotic dancer.
I don’t know why society makes it so hard for me to openly what I do, why is stripper such a dirty word? It seems whether I am in the club or on the street I just can’t seem to hide my flaws.
It all began after I borrowed some money off a friend for an overseas trip. On my return I realized I wasn’t going to be paying off my debt anytime soon on a $120 a week student allowance. So after a lot of thought I went down to the local club to strut my stuff.
It’s been nearly four years since I first put on a pair of stilettos and hit the stage. During that time I have been in a fluctuating love/hate relationship with the industry and myself for being in it. But finally I am learning to take the good with the bad and use it to my advantage.
In a perfect world I don’t think I would be in this line of work, but the worlds not perfect nor am I. All I can do is make the best with what I have got in the moment inside as well as outside the club.
When in the club getting naked, you become so aware of your external faults and you soon learn all the tricks to cover them up: what lights to stand in, which to avoid, which colors to wear, how to wear them and if you are one of those girls that can get away with wearing booty shorts.
You soon realize that if you smile sweetly enough or slant your head the right way nobody will notice the pimple coming up on your forehead or the bags under your eyes. If you provide a better, more enticing distraction your flaws will go unnoticed.
That is at night time, when the lights are dark and the beer is flowing. Where I know how to work things in my favor. The real world, well that is something I am still working on.
Most days I feel as if I am living two lives: one where I can control what people see in me and the other where my flaws are constantly mirrored back.
I have no problem getting naked in front of a room full of strangers. Male, female, single, married I don’t care give me the right song and my 7” heels and I can pull anything off. But as soon as you take me off that stage, my flaws become apparent like never before. I feel like the world is staring at me with its finger pointing at me accusingly.
Social gatherings are the perfect reflection of my imperfection. More often then not I am asked the question, “So what do you do?” in which I am left with two possible options: I can either be honest, own up to what I do and deal with the proceeding judgment. Or I can make up some other occupation that I have done in the past to avoid any confrontation or offence.
When I am out with my partner, he prefers that I do the latter emphasizing my fitness past with no mention of any night job. This provides a clever cover so the nature of my true work goes undiscussed. He fears that even mentioning a night job will cause suspicion.
So I smile politely and make up some story about teaching private classes to keep the peace, all the while my inner critic is screaming quite loudly, “Let me out, tell the truth!”
This may my outwardly hide flaws for him and his friends, but it only acts to emphasize my inner flaws to me.
The other alternative is to be honest, lay the clothes on the table and confess that I am, in fact, a dancer. On occasion when I have volunteered this information I feel a change of atmosphere immediately. I get a quick up and down scan with the eyes, looking at my less then perfect skin, my somewhat misplaced glamour and my short legs, “You’re a dancer?”
In such situations I feel like I have a spotlight shone on me, no matter how I stand or slant I can’t hide from judgmental eyes. But who is judging who? Would I really feel this way if I could learn to accept my occupation? Learn to accept me?
Living two lives is hard and you have to be constantly on your toes always watching what you say. Trying to remember who knows the real you and who you are hiding the truth from.
I have come to the conclusion that there is always going to be someone who has a problem with me, whether it be with the clothes I am wearing (or not wearing), the way I speak, a dislike of my favorite pastime or an offence to my occupation.
But you know what? I really don’t care anymore, gone are the days of treading carefully. I refuse to hide my flaws anymore. Why should I have to? Will it really matter in ten years if one person thinks poorly of me? Absolutely not.
The most important thing in life is that you be proud of yourself and the choices you make. The sooner I can come to terms with, and accept what I do, the sooner everyone else can. Will my flaws still be flaws if I stop trying to hide them?
I am beginning to see that in life there is only one person I need to please. That is me. I can see all my flaws and if I can learn to accept them then so can every body else. After all they are only flaws if I choose to label them so.
I am a dancer. This is who am, this is what I do. Ask questions if you wish, but please keep your opinions to yourself as I am no longer interested.
Kristi Lees
03/04



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I really hope it helps you.

lol
Celeste is the best!



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