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Thread: Something To Offend Everyone.

  1. #1
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Something To Offend Everyone.

    SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag.


    Why is divorce so expensive?

    Because it's worth it.


    What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

    One US leader.



    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?


    Doughnuts.



    Why is air a lot like sex?


    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.




    Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?


    Because Janet Reno is her real father.




    What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?


    100 people who don't do dick..



    What do you call a smart blonde?


    A golden retriever.




    What do attorneys use for birth control?


    Their personalities.




    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?


    45 lbs.



    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?


    45 minutes.



    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?


    Through his chest with a sharp knife.




    Why do men want to marry virgins?


    They can't stand criticism.



    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?


    Because those men already have boyfriends.




    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?


    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
    Who has the biggest boobs?


    The blonde, because she's 18.



    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?


    Because they have cotton balls.



    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?


    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.



    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?


    "
    Are you sure it's mine?"
    !


    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?


    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.


    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

    Mace will do that to you.


    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    Breasts don't have eyes.


    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

    He walks around saying "Yo."





    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?


    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.





    What's the Cuban National Anthem?


    "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"





    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?


    A different bar.





    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?


    A speech impediment.





    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?


    They're hiring.




    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?


    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."


    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?

    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!





    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?


    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."


    Why is there no Disneyland in China?

    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides




    PROCRASTINATE NOW!


    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  2. #2
    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    AH I am Offended! There was only 1 Irish Joke dammit!

  3. #3
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    LOL,Blade!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  4. #4
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    LOL those were funny I really liked the southern zoo one.


  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    Funny! Eye contact....How true.

    Pamela

  6. #6
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?

    Because Janet Reno is her real father.
    That is some cold, cold shit, OTB.

    <S> OTB
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  7. #7
    Featured Member devilkitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    LOL I like the Post office one. That was funny.
    Aut Pax Aut Bellum
    Either Peace Or War

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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    woooooooooo:o

  9. #9
    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    Lmao Otb!!!!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    Some good ones in there.

  11. #11
    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    A bit dated, but still funny.
    Have a question about boarding schools?
    Get it answered at Boarding School Forums.

  12. #12
    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    Y'all ain't goin believe this, but, back home in Louisiana, my favorite exhibit at the zoo is the alligators. Yummy!! Tastes like chicken. LOL, those were pretty hilarious. I'll have to tell my teammate the Yankee joke since she loves them. I'm a Boston fan myself.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Something To Offend Everyone.

    I liked them very good . otb

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