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Thread: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    OK folks,my ex is coming back to the states in the middle of the year sometime for 30 days leave.He is currently in Japan serving in the Marines.The thing is we are just legally separated.I have already started seeing someone else.Should I have some type of paper work drawn up ahead of time to prevent any fiascos???My boyfriend hasn't found a house for us yet and I want to hang onto my apartment as a result.Please give me any advice you may have,folks.Thanks.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    what sort of paperwork? divorce paperwork? Is the husband expecting to stay with you in the apartment?


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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Yes,he is.Yes,divorce paper work.My boyfriend who is also going through a divorce said as soon as we stay under the same roof for one night,the whole separation process has to start all over again.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    I guess I don't understand why he's expecting to stay with you when you guys are legally separated. Tell him he has to stay somewhere else! Is that an option?


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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Yes,it is.I am one of those people that hates confrontations and would just love to avoid this altogether.Oy vey.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Im sorry your going thru this,I hope whats best for you works out.

    Is his name on the lease?
    Has he been supporting the household while on a tour of duty,rent, bills??
    Is this where he left his "stuff"?


    If yes is the answer to any of these questions,for the future sake of the relationship with you and your "ex",i would find a way for him to be there for awhile.Maybe not a full 30 days but a couple of weeks maybe.
    It is possible to be friends with your ex in some situations,maybe for the rest of your life.

    Is it possible to stay at your boyfriends or a girlfriends for a week or two,or to take a trip till he gets his shit out and can make other arrangments??

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Yes,yes,and yes to all those questions.The lease is for a year.It expires in December.I really would like to remain friends and not come out as Benedict Arnold.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    IMO
    You need a daddy hug to make it all better.

    Next to that...
    Sit down and talk to the person who you most trust in life,not connected to the situation,and follow the advice of a true friend who knows you.

    My best wishes for the least amount of bumps on the rocky road ahead.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Thank you,BigGreen.

    *MUAH*
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Check your state laws as well... some states have different laws about such things..


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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Will do.Thanks,Gyn.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    I don't know about Louisiana, but in California separation isn't necessarily tied to whether or not you sleep under the roof. It has more to do with a definable point where the relationship was over. Even having sex after that point doesn't restart the clock. So, if its not a big deal to you for him to stay in the apartment for some length of time, I wouldn't worry about it. My guess would be that it doesn't afect the separation status. Of course, you should check with someone familiar with the laws of your state.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Well, he could be right, but it would depend on the definition of "reconciliation". Staying in the same apartment may or may not qualify:
    http://www.la-legal.com/divorce.htm
    Quote Originally Posted by Louisiana Divorce Law
    In all divorce actions, there must be no reconciliation between the parties during the time that they allege they are physically separated. If there is a reconciliation in the fifth month of the separation, the parties would have to start over again with a new divorce suit. In other words, a reconciliation can restart a waiting period and it even voids a pending divorce action. It can also void a judgment of alimony, support, and other collateral matters.
    EDIT TO ADD:
    Quote Originally Posted by Louisiana Divorce Law
    In cases where the husband and wife move back in with each other and show an intent to reconcile, the courts have held that the parties have reconciled and that the separation is void.


    I think they key there is the demonstration of intent to reconcile. This might cause you problems....but it might not. You could have an easy time arguing that he was overseas and needed a place to stay for a month. Just staying together does not automatically throw it all out.

    An excellent resource for your questions is http://www.divorcesource.com. There are forums there with many many people from every state going through varying experiences. If you post a question there, you will certainly receive an answer from someone with experience in your area. Not as good as a lawyer, but a lot cheaper.
    Last edited by MojoJojo; 03-11-2005 at 03:48 AM.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
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    Veteran Member stant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Read Nolo first:
    http://www.nolopress.com/resource.cf...A0643/118/246/

    The site Mojo linked to looks good, too. From that site, the process looks very simple.

    Even so, this is an important enough matter that you should of course....

    Get a lawyer.

    Be very carefull about referrals unless from someone that did NOT personally hire the attorney. I've seen a number of instances where people create justification for hiring bad counsel in their own mind by telling other people that the representation was satisfactory.

    Louisiana's laws are based on Napoleonic code rather then the Brit model us civilized folks use. So don't listen to anyone not familiar with Louisina law.

    I just love the link at the bottom of this page "Go to adultry..." These folks sure aren't shy about drumming up business.


    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback
    ... Even having sex after that point doesn't restart the clock...
    Thank god for this because "pending divorce" sex (I hear ) can be frigin wild. Trying to screw the shit out of each other. The "pending divorce" booty call: particularly nasty. This is a whole new topic, however...

    It'll all be over soon, and then you can have one of those celebrations where you go out with your friends and do things you'd rather forget.
    Last edited by stant; 03-11-2005 at 05:42 AM.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Thanks guys,I would really hate to start the whole process all over again.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Quote Originally Posted by stant
    Thank god for this because "pending divorce" sex (I hear ) can be frigin wild. Trying to screw the shit out of each other. The "pending divorce" booty call: particularly nasty. This is a whole new topic, however....
    I think that's why it caught my attention when I served as my own attorney and had a fool for a client a couple years ago. Not so much an attractive concept as an odd one.

    It was right there in the Nolo (so yes, check Nolo) How to do your own divorce book.

    So, why I'm not actually an attorney, I have played one in surreal life.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Even so, this is an important enough matter that you should of course....

    Get a lawyer.
    Money well spent.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Consult an attorney, not doing so will be more painful, and extend the process needlessely.

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    I agree about the attorney. Of course, it typically goes without saying that most (not all) extend the process needlessly on their own
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Don't remain legally separated. Take your ex to the nearest divorce lawyer



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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    I don't necessarily think you need an attorney. I didn't use one. If you can be adult (him too) about the whole thing, you can probably do the paperwork yourselves. It's a pain in the butt, though.

    Again Nolo.com

    Here there are paralegal services that will just do the paperwork for an uncontested divorce for a fee. It's cheaper than the attorney (by a lot) and saves you the hassle of the paperwork.

    As, mentioned earlier, you'd have to translate this somehow into LA (Louisiana) Law.

    Attorneys can be good and bad and I interact with enough of them to see that, while many can be intelligent people with solutions in mind, some are little more than parasites on those they represent.

    The other thing is that in divorce (along with most other attorney things), more money is made by generating controversy and discord. So, some do that.

    So, in the end I just figured that avoiding an attorney was the best way to split my assets 2 ways rather than 3.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Featured Member scorpio's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    I hope your "ex" knows he is an "ex" and your aren't planning on giving this soldier a nasty suprise when he returns.

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    Default Re: Divorce Advice,Very Badly Needed.

    Scorpio,he knows.I told him even before he left,that our marriage wasn't going to make it.He made the decision to join the Corps without consulting me first and I tried for three years to "work through it".You can't force someone into a situation and expect them to like it.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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