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Thread: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

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    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    So, anyway, I've had this rollercoaster relationship with my girlfriend of nine months. She is a former drug addict, but has been clean for 5 years. We have a great time and are really compatible much of the time, but every so often, she turns into a crazy, disgruntled, no-way-to-please mega-beeeiiooottch and we have big fights, in which she used to throw shit at me, break my personal belongings, and hit me. I don't do any of this stuff back to her. Anyway, I had just about given up on the relationship in January, and had moved out and staying with my parents temporarily, when she informed me she was pregnant. We have tried to reconciliate a few times, but she still has such drastic mood swings, it's very difficult, and I am living out of a laundry basket, unsure of whether I should just give up and get a new apartment and move on with things. Being as she is pregnant, it makes it really complicated. I want to do the best for my baby, and am not sure whether that should include me and her mother being together. She says she is still in love with some guy who is still addicted to meth and used to treat her like a punching bag, and that makes it hard for her to commit to me, and all other kinds of stuff. But whenever I leave, she takes all that back and tells me she can't lose me and I'm the best thing that ever happened to her and blah, blah, blah..... I really think she needs psychiatric help, but she thinks that because she is involved in Narcotics Anonymous and works with a sponsor that she has that covered. I feel like I can't escape, that there is no way out, and every option is doomed to failure. I'm really in limbo.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    At the risk of being a prick and after reading your short history with this woman, I have but two words:

    Paternity Test
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Veteran Member Stipperella's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    Yeap Paternity Test. If it does end up being yours and you want it and dont' want to be with her. By the looks of her past you can win custody of the child. And if u don't want it well you can sign a Father’s Affidavit for Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights.(this is Permanent though).

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    Oh hell yeah.. Get a paternity test. And DO NOT allow your name to be put on the birth certificate until you have the results in your hand. My husband is learning this the hard way, 8 years later.

    If the baby turns out to be yours, you can still be an active and present father but that does not mean that you are obligated to his or her mother in any way. Your obligation would be to the child, and the child alone. You don't have to be with the child's mother to be in its life. Staying together for children almost never works out, and all it does is create more tension and eventually those relationships end in very hateful and messy manners. So, please, don't even consider that. You can be there for your child without having anything to do with his or her mother.

    She sounds like she needs help, the kind that only a professional can give her. Whatever is wrong with her can be amplified drastically during a pregnancy, with all the normal pregnancy feelings playing out.

    Good luck to you, ML. This definitely can't be easy for you. I don't think enough attention gets paid to men when their women are pregnant. They go through a hell of a lot as well.

    ((Hugs))

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    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    Sorry to hear about your predicament! What a tangled web we weave........

    The paternity test is obviously your first matter of business, but in the meantime you need to get away from this woman! She is mentally unstable. Do you really want to be with someone who abuses you mentally and physically and who has stated that she loves someone else? I know you want what's best for your unborn child, but that shouldn't mean compromising your own integrity by settling with someone who isn't in love with you, which unfortunately sounds like the case in question. You can still be a great father and not be with the mother. Keep your head up honey. God has a strange way of working these things out. No, you won't solve your problems overnight, and yes, things may get worse before they get better, but every storm has an end and sunshine will soon follow!

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    I went back over there today, there were some personal belongings I wanted to pick up. She ended up hitting me in the head with a telephone, and then threw a vase and some potted plants that hit my car as I was leaving. I think I'll stay away for awhile. Do you have to wait until the baby is delivered to get a paternity test? I'm pretty sure it's mine, we were fucking several times a day at around the point of conception, and she says she hasn't been with anyone else but me since we met, whatever that's worth.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

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    Featured Member devilkitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    I hope that everything turns out for the best merely_lurking.
    Aut Pax Aut Bellum
    Either Peace Or War

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    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    I appreciate the words of support. It makes it difficult because I really think I love her and I have visions of a great life and loving family together. As soon as I think we have crossed a turning point and things seem to go smoothly, it's almost as if she is programmed to malfunction. She is also putting on a lot of weight and worried that I'm going to leave her because of it, but I have been devoted to her since we started dating and don't have an interest in that. We have not been having sex recently, because she had a heavy bleeding incident a couple of weeks ago during intercourse which required an emergency room visit, and we are scared that having sex might cause a miscarriage. I feel anxious to be around her now because of her drastic mood swings, but I miss her really bad when I haven't seen her for a week or so. I think I need to finally give up on the relationship, but it is a very difficult thing to do. It seems like all we've been doing is breaking up and getting back together since we met.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    Quote Originally Posted by merely_lurking
    I went back over there today, there were some personal belongings I wanted to pick up. She ended up hitting me in the head with a telephone, and then threw a vase and some potted plants that hit my car as I was leaving. I think I'll stay away for awhile. Do you have to wait until the baby is delivered to get a paternity test? I'm pretty sure it's mine, we were fucking several times a day at around the point of conception, and she says she hasn't been with anyone else but me since we met, whatever that's worth.
    PLEASE stay away from her, ML. She's definitely not a safe person to be around. I'd also be lying if I said I'm not worried for this child that she's carrying. Even though you're pretty confident that the baby's yours, you should still get a test. She's expressed feelings for her ex, and there's always a possiblility that she visited him during the time of conception as well.

    I hope you're alright, physically and emotionally. It sounds like a really really tough situation.

    In some cases, you can get a test before the baby's born. I think they do it if she's having another procedure done (like an Amnio, or something invasive like that). I'm not sure what the requirements/laws are, but I know it can be done. You can always check around your area to see what's involved, and what you need to do.

    I know what the bleeding's like too. Before we got pregnant with Delia, we had an ectopic pregnancy that termed itself out at 2 1/2 months. So, we played it extra extra safe when we conceived Delia. We were ultra superstitious, and didn't even say a word to anyone until we'd hit the three month mark. We also didn't have sex until we passed 3 months, just to be safe.

    Take care hon.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    They CAN do paternity tests on the baby before it's born. I would personally advise you to think about what you are willing to do and what your boundaries will be when the baby is born. I would also suggest that you start filing some police reports regarding her abuse. It'll help in custody cases (shows inability to control anger). Her past drug use and her refusal to deal with her problems (in the psych world a person who doesn't do drugs but maintains anger, etc is considered a dry alcoholic or druggie). Start getting everything together for welcoming a baby home...and be prepared.

    The most important part of all of this is: You must take care of yourself first. Nothing else matters if you are not taking care of yourself and your needs first. You need to make a decision as to HOW this woman is going to fit into your life. You do NOT have to be best friends with her...you do NOT have to be on "good terms" with her...in a relationship with her. The only thing that matters is that you are the best father you can be to your child. People who stay in relationships for "the children" are using that as a cop-out because it's only hurting the children.

    I strongly suggest that you really sit down and decide what is best for YOU...and then go from there. Everything will work out.

    Good luck and lots of s

    --VG

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    Quote Originally Posted by merely_lurking
    I appreciate the words of support. It makes it difficult because I really think I love her and I have visions of a great life and loving family together.
    I must stress that you should make decisions based on reality and not "what could be". There is no such thing as happily ever after. It takes work and if she is not willing to work on her issues...it's not going to work out. Sometimes the "happily ever after" you are looking for involves you loving her and accepting that you do not want to be with her. How would you like to come home from work one day to a bruised and battered child because she "lost her temper"? Would you ever forgive yourself? Please, please...what you are experiencing (IMH&HO) is not love, but co-dependancy. Co-dependancy never ends happily and does not create a life of bliss with days of wine and roses. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see the situation for what it really is.

    As soon as I think we have crossed a turning point and things seem to go smoothly, it's almost as if she is programmed to malfunction. She is also putting on a lot of weight and worried that I'm going to leave her because of it, but I have been devoted to her since we started dating and don't have an interest in that.
    Dude, this chick has got MAJOR emotional issues and baggage. They do not drop off when someone gets married. The point that you crossed was the "honeymoon" phase when everyone true colors and emotions come to surface. If you really want to be with this woman, then by all means...stand by her side and keep your arms open to her. But, love does not hurt...you need to learn boundaries and how to say "No...this is not acceptable to me." Until you begin to stand up for yourself and not allow her to treat you like her personal punching bag and rage doll, you will see this situation in a whole new light...the light of reality. You can also stand by someone and love someone from a distance. You can love someone and not live with them. Maybe you should do this...and while you are by yourself...maybe it would be a good time to take a good look at yourself. Why are you attracted to this abusive woman? Who cares about her "good times"...why are you so willing to put yourself aside and in the direct path of someone who takes their rage out on you??


    I think I need to finally give up on the relationship, but it is a very difficult thing to do. It seems like all we've been doing is breaking up and getting back together since we met.
    No one ever said that the best path for you to take would be the easiest. But, it will always be the best.

    May you learn to love yourself as much as you believe you love another.

    Many hugs...and good luck.

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: AAaarggghhh!!!! Erratic pregnant girlfriend alert!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stipperella
    And if u don't want it well you can sign a Father’s Affidavit for Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights.(this is Permanent though).
    This might be true in some states, but not in all of them. Kentucky's outlook on this is VERY clear. You are the father/mother for life, or until someone else (step parent) wants to be the childs parent. Then and only then can you sing over rights.

    Anyway, I thought I had to add that.

    Back to topic, ML I would worry that she might be continuing to be on drugs again if I were you. All the mood swings and behavior sounds like it to me. I would stay away from her if at all possible, and notify the police about her anger and abusive tendancies. If you have to go over there again bring a friend with you, so they can witness the abuse and then call the cops. If she's on drugs they can help with that. Obviously she needs some form of mental help and they can help with that too.

    Good luck, sounds like you gunna need all you can get.

    Kitana
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