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Thread: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

  1. #26
    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    I'd recommend that you tell him in person the next time you see him, this isn't something to discuss over the phone where you can't see each other, the nonverbal communication is too important. And tell him at the beginning of the visit so you have time to really talk it through. And maybe most important of all, tell him WHY you do it - is it because it's the only way you can pay your bills, or because you really enjoy the stage dancing, or or or ... Also tell him how long you plan on doing it and why. If he understands the why, it will help him understand the what. It will also help him to get to know you better and vice versa. Good luck.
    Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL)

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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    I agree, tell him in person when you have plenty of time to talk and you can answer all his questions and actually see the reaction on his face... and then talk it through.

  3. #28
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Quote Originally Posted by susan
    I'd tell him. I'd tell him IMMEDIATELY.

    However....one HUGE tip.... and I know it's gonna sound like an old-wives tale (or.... old Madam's tale....LOL), but you totally OWN a man during the hour or so after you've given him a blow job. Tell him then.
    Oh my god. Maybe that's why I paid $1,000 over the sticker price at the dealership! And that SOB salesman never called me after I drove off the lot.

  4. #29
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Tell him, but be sure to make boundry rules for him such as:

    1. No visting me at the Club ever!!!

    2. Do not tell your friends where I work and never bring them to visit.

    Your Boundry Rules:

    1. No dealing with customers when your not at work!!! This includes regulars.

    2. Your personal is your personal life, don't mix work in it or your customers will meet your BF and he will get pissed.

    You need to be firm on these rules or bad things will happen.

  5. #30
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Susan you are so funny, but true! What a good idea. I can see it all in my head now.....
    Willow---"Honey im going to give you a bj" My man----"WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!"
    Willow----"BTW, im a stripper." My man---"can i have another BJ? Wait, your a stripper? ok cool. Can i have another BJ?"
    I'll be sure to let everyone know how it goes.......

  6. #31
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    I agree telling him in person is way better than on the phone. i would want to see his facial reactions and if it goes bad he cant hang up on me...lol. but seriously, in person is way better. i may have to fly out and see him and tell him this weekend.
    Wish me luck!!!!!
    Willow

  7. #32
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor
    Oh my god. Maybe that's why I paid $1,000 over the sticker price at the dealership! And that SOB salesman never called me after I drove off the lot.


    You goofball!!

    Good luck Willow!!

  8. #33
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    ummm....YES!!! how DID you get to BF-GF status without him knowing?>???? honesty really is the best policy in this situation. if he can't handle it, then get out.

  9. #34
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    I think Willow got some good advice here. And some impulsive advice. I hope she does the right thing and it goes well for her. She seems to be sincere and not self-centered about it. Which is rare.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Agreed with the rest. You've really got to tell him. If he loves you, he'll deal. If he loves you but only finds out about your job on his own, in time (which if you guys stay together longterm, is virtually inevitable), he will not be sure what else you might have kept from him etc. Honesty is essential if there is to be real trust.

  11. #36
    Veteran Member candygrrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    do whatever your heart is telling you to do. your man obviously lives far away so chances are that you aren't going to get caught. i havent told my boyfriend who I've been dating for a year and a half and I live with him. I think he suspects it, but he just straight up doesn't want to know. I tell him nothing about work, and he asks nothing. I know he will never come in and I know that if I tell him he's going to really hate it and I'm going to have to stop working and lose money. Supposedly i'm a bartender/shotgirl, I used to do both of those. I'll tell him eventually but it is too huge of a shock right now and I think it'll be hard for him to accept.

  12. #37
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Any guys out there been dissapointed to be dating a dancer?
    Yes, but that was because they had alcohol problems...

    1st dancer: Alcoholic
    2nd dancer: Alcoholic

    Obviously, their being alcoholic had nothing to do with their dancing, but they were still negative experiences.

    3rd dancer: Unbelievably good experience

    Dancers are more fun than regular girls.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Quote Originally Posted by willow24
    Thanks so much for the advise everyone!
    I will totally tell him. I really want to. We've been honest about everything so far, and i wouldnt like it if he kept a secret from me.
    Any guys out there been dissapointed to be dating a dancer?
    I'll give you the answer I posted on the Junkie forum because it does pertain here... The short answer is no.

    I'm sure all dancers are not like my GF but there are some job perks and personality traits that I do believe many dancers have in common. Of course it's all in a what a man is looking. I personally am not looking to get married but that does not mean I'm not committed totally to the girl I'm presently with. You can love fully without the "so when are you two love birds going to make it legal?"

    My current GF of 1 1/2 years is a dancer and if it ever ends, I would be hard pressed to go back to a "normal" girl relationship. Normal to me is a woman who has a 9 - 5 job, 5 days a week -- gets up at 6 am and falls asleep at 9 pm. She is on the look out for Mr. Right and evaluates every date as a potential mate for life. She falls in love easily so a little attention, like a single trip to Paris and I might be being smothered with attention and pressured to walk down the aisle.

    I love my dancer GF for many reasons but not for the stereotypical attitudes of a stripper. She is not a partier, she does not flaunt her sexuality to every man in public, she respects her body, her health and most importantly - me. Her inherent independence keeps me on my toes and her rythms match mine perfectly. She doesn't need to get married to love completely - she thrives on the night and is pretty much open to anything I'd like to try.

    There is also the perk that she is incredibly beautiful and really takes care of herself. And when we go out - she always dresses with class, turning heads and making me proud to be with her anywhere we go.

    As respectful as she is to me in public her sensuallity boils over in private and of course it doesn't hurt that she loves and wears the sexiest longerie imaginable. And what normal woman would consider midnight the perfect time to go out? What normal woman enjoys frequenting gentleman's clubs in every country we visit and insists on getting me LDs with the most beautiful girls in the club - then wanting them to dance for her as well?

    I know some in the 'normal' world look down on dancers, considering them lower class people but I find them - or at least my GF -- to be ultimately fascinating - way above average.

    Maybe I am the odd man out but I consider myself lucky to be dating a dancer. If you're a great girl and respect your BF the way he should respect you - he too will be like me - spoiled rotten.

  14. #39
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Of course you should tell him, why is that even a question?

    You could make a fun little pundit square, the four possibilities will be

    1. He knows little/nothing about clubs, he's OK with it
    2. He knows clubs/innerworkings well, he's OK with it
    3. He knows little/nothing about clubs, he's NOT OK with it
    4. He knows clubs/innerworkings, he's NOT OK with it

    2. Is your best bet; nothing to be said there.
    1. Is fine for now, but could be trouble later on once he finds out about all the drinking, snorting, grabbing, and whataver else may be going on in your club. He may (possibly rightfully) blame lack of intimacy on your job. This one will either end up as #2, you'll quit, or he'll leave.
    3. Is where you take the time and educate him. Show him these forums. Many smart girls posting here, and save for a few exceptions, very unstereotypical. Very few threads about customers dating strippers, and since he already likes you, he's aware that not every stripper is a drug-abusing, molested-as-a-child money-above-all-else whore. Show him the ropes and then he'll either go to #4 or #2.
    4. Is the one you're afraid of. Here either he'll leave you, or you'll quit your job. If that is his mindset, and he knows all about clubs from past exp. (meybe dated a stripper?) you have a lot of work cut out for you showing him that you're different.


    Ps. I know everyone always says dont leave your work for some guy, but why the hell not? If you can get by without it, give it a shot. It's not like you have to re-apply and get on a waiting list to get back in. Besides, you're not going to strip your entire life. But a potential soulmate might be bringing you tea when you're 80 and can't move anymore. I'm sorry but I'm a hopeless romantic - I could never understand how some of you sacrifice otherwise perfect relationships just so you can keep making payments on your shiney Mercedes. To each her own i guess!

  15. #40
    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Quote Originally Posted by Alexandra19

    Ps. I know everyone always says dont leave your work for some guy, but why the hell not? If you can get by without it, give it a shot. It's not like you have to re-apply and get on a waiting list to get back in. Besides, you're not going to strip your entire life. But a potential soulmate might be bringing you tea when you're 80 and can't move anymore. I'm sorry but I'm a hopeless romantic - I could never understand how some of you sacrifice otherwise perfect relationships just so you can keep making payments on your shiney Mercedes. To each her own i guess!
    This is not a modern idea... you sound like you were raised in 1920 in the south..... women these days need to be independent and make their own decisions. Leaving your career for some guy will leave you dependent on someone else, giving control of your life to someone who you may not be able to trust for the long term, and leaving you otherwise unfulfilled. Divorce is common these days, in case you didn't know. "Hopeless romantics" end up sitting at home washing their husbands dirty socks while they are out spending their cash on us.....

  16. #41
    Veteran Member toxicgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    tell him. the relationship wont work unless you do. you wont be happy. tell him why: you get the money you need, you like to perform, you enjoy being naked, whatever. tell him EXACTLY what goes on in your club. i tell people i date. as a matter of fact, i show them how a dance is done and ask how they feel about me doing it for other men. i ask them what makes them uncomfortable and tell them why i do the moves/actions/talking i do. i make an agreement with them as to comfort levels and rules. (same skills i got from the bdsm scene).

    if he cant accept it, then forget it. at least you will know now instead of having your heart broken later down the road.
    "RIP THE SYSTEM"

  17. #42
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Quote Originally Posted by erotictonic
    This is not a modern idea... you sound like you were raised in 1920 in the south..... women these days need to be independent and make their own decisions. Leaving your career for some guy will leave you dependent on someone else, giving control of your life to someone who you may not be able to trust for the long term, and leaving you otherwise unfulfilled. Divorce is common these days, in case you didn't know......
    It seems to be a simple thing now to consider.

    But this is exactly along the same lines as the landmark Address to Congress that was written by Elizabeth Cady Stanton (may have been presented by Susan B Anthony) explaining the rationale that eventually led to women's right to vote. (I have been so inspired by those two brave women. What a tremendous PBS program on their collaboration I saw in 2000.)
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  18. #43
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    Default Re: Do I tell my new BF that I strip?????

    Quote Originally Posted by erotictonic
    This is not a modern idea... you sound like you were raised in 1920 in the south..... women these days need to be independent and make their own decisions. Leaving your career for some guy will leave you dependent on someone else, giving control of your life to someone who you may not be able to trust for the long term, and leaving you otherwise unfulfilled. Divorce is common these days, in case you didn't know. "Hopeless romantics" end up sitting at home washing their husbands dirty socks while they are out spending their cash on us.....
    Even in the 1920's life was not that certain. My grandmother's father passed away on Christmas Eve in the early 1900's, leaving his wife with a 5-year old daughter and a new baby, and a farm to run. She went to work as a nurse.

    My mom, OTOH, was a "hopeless romantic." She quit college to marry my dad and have a baby (my brother), and she worked as a secretary for some time. When I was born in 1969, she quit work all together to stay home with me. When my dad passed away in 1983, she was left with an astounding amount of medical-bill debt, a rebellious teenage daugher, and almost no marketable skills. The only job she coudl find, she hated, but she continued to work there for 15 or so years, until she could retire.

    The moral of the story is something that my Dad told me when his health started to fail. He taught me sales and told me to make sure I educated myself and had a good job, and NOT to be dependent on any man.

    Besides, Willow pointed out that she LIKES her NEW BOYFRIEND, not that they are getting married or that she is deeply in love with him or even considering marriage at the moment. Either the BF will be OK with her choice (or will learn to be), or he won't be able to handle it, or they will agree to disagree. In any case, I still suggest that she should work at what she enjoys (I personally have not found any "normal" job I enjoy more than dancing) and continue to date men who are secure enough in themselves to accept her (and her job) as is.

    My personal belief is that, if he is a person who can't cope with her choice of work, then they are fundamentally mismatched in other ways, as well.


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