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Thread: How to translate personal ads

  1. #1
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Thumbs down How to translate personal ads

    Ladies, how NOT to write a personal ad

    Make me (blank)

    Please transform me! I want to be someone different.

    Can you (blank)


    See "Make me (blank)"

    Keep it real

    Does this sound like baggage to you? It sounds like baggage to me! Sounds like a future of "Where were you?" "Who were you with?" "Why are you late?" etc.

    Mention "authentic guy"

    See "Keep it real"

    Mentioning the word "Drama"

    Drama takes two people and my experience is it is mostly women who generate it. So no drama with this chick is impossible because she is the drama queen. She is saying "Take my insecurities away" but only she can find her self confidence.

    Pictures of your dog/cat (and you ain't in it)

    Um. Nice to know you have a dog, but maybe you should be in the picture with the dog?

    Head Shots Only

    Does that mean you have a big ass?

    Growling at the camera

    Man, that girl looks mean! Smile a little!

    Take me away!

    I don't want to be responsible in my life!

    Mentioning the word "Princess"

    How about "gold digger." How about "spoiled." How about "money pit." How about "You make the money and I will spend it... on me."

    Mentioning the word "Soul mate"

    Relationships should "just happen." I shouldn't have to work at them. Prepare to disappoint me.

    Mentioning "Just looking"

    and I probably won't answer your email either because I am scared shitless about meeting you and think you are probably a serial killer.

    Pictures showing you dressed exactly (or near to) your friends

    I am a follower and I will expect you to keep up with the Jones' frivolously throwing your money away on fads.

    Mention "not so crazy"

    Crazy in any kind of relationship conversation is a bad word. Don't use crazy.

    Girl doesn't have a kid - she has a litter of em!

    OK, maybe one or two kids, cuz ya know they gotta like ya before you have a chance with the woman. Its a package deal. But holy cow three or more!

    Clown make up

    OK, maybe not a clown - but heavy make up. Um. Mask?

  2. #2
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to translate personal ads

    Sounds like the 'voice of experience' talking. Some were very funny. thanks.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to translate personal ads

    To add onto what Deogol wrote...

    "Seeks monogamous relationship".

    My ex fooled around on me and if you so much as look at another woman I will scream my head off and scratch your eyes out with my fingernails.


    Photograph shows her with her kids.


    And this will be the only thing I will talk about on our date. Or in our relationship for that matter. Ever. Oh, and I'm looking for merely financial support for them and will whore myself out to anyone willing to provide it.


    A not professionally taken photograph(s).

    I really don't care about this personal ad. Be thankful I didn't just take photographs of my toilet.

    OR

    Some odd recruiter for some dating service stopped me on the street and asked if I'd like a free personal ad.


    A photograph of her in a bikini.


    It's not me, but my body you'll want. We'll do fine as long as you don't expect me to talk. By the way, I've been practicing with a long carrot for our first date.


    "Seeking a mature man."

    No sports, beer, or porn. You don't have to be a saint ... but it would probably be better for your mental health if you were.


    "Seeks financially stable man."

    Please bring your bank statement and last year's tax return to our date. Only after I've looked them over and feel you've got money will the date then begin. Oh, and, yes, what you do for a living and make will be at the top of the discussion list. I would prefer you bring an up-to-date copy of your resume to save us both time.


    "Will send you photograph upon request."

    I need to prepare you mentally for how I look. I sure hope you like freak shows.
    Have a question about boarding schools?
    Get it answered at Boarding School Forums.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to translate personal ads

    "Voluptuous" or "Big Beautiful Woman" equals...

    I get my best outfits from the tent section of the Boy Scouts of America outfitters stores.

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