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Thread: Ready For Kids?

  1. #1
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Ready For Kids?

    Heh.. Saw this while surfing.. Too cute

    MESS TEST

    Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

    TOY TEST

    Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
    Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

    GROCERY STORE TEST

    Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

    DRESSING TEST

    Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

    FEEDING TEST

    Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

    NIGHT TEST


    Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.
    Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m.
    Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

    INGENUITY TEST

    Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

    AUTOMOBILE TEST

    Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

    PHYSICAL TEST (Women)


    Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

    PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

    Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.
    Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

    FINAL ASSIGNMENT


    Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience.

    It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

  2. #2
    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    heh. so so true. i like the "toy test". you could also substitute Barbie shoes for the legos.....man those things are pointy.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

  3. #3
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    I failed a few????

    Does that mean i can,oooops,i mean HAVE to give a few of mine back???

    At least 1 right??


    Right??

  4. #4
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    LOL BigGreen!

    I actually read and posted this shortly after I finished scrubbing strawberry remnants and stains out of our living room carpet. I can say that I passed the real "mess test" with flying colors. I blame the cause on my husband, of course. He gave her the strawberries in a bowl before he left for work. She ate most of them, then fed the rest to my poor carpet. LOL

  5. #5
    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    how about pop tarts in the carpet? lol

  6. #6
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    I never had peanut butter on my couch...does hot chocolate and magic markers work?

    *grumble* had to buy that cream colored furniture 3 months before I found out I was preggo, right? *grumble*

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Mine's 14, and I'm still not ready.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  8. #8
    Member ccand7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Thanks foe posting this Rhia

    I just got back from a family dinner where my grandaughter anounced that she was preg.
    I have to get her a copy
    All that pass thru these portals bring Joy.
    Some when they arrive, others when they Depart!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    no kids for me please

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    haha the toy one was my fave too.


  11. #11
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    LOL, after reading that, I know I'm definitely not ready for kids.

  12. #12
    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Thanks for posting this Rhi !
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


  13. #13
    God/dess tiamaria's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Ha!~I found a fishstick just this afternoon!LOL Rhia~ Too Cute!

  14. #14
    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Ah lego's how I used to love them so...til I stepped on my first one, 7 yrs later I'm still finding the lil fuckers in my new house!

  15. #15
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    LOL.. THanks Rhia.. and the milk jug one.. I am still crying... good one! My car has "shovel" marks in the back... long story... another time...


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  16. #16
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    NO CHILDREN.

    Can't handle it.

    Just reading that gives me a nervous breakdown.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

  17. #17
    Veteran Member IvyLeague's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Ok she's only 2 weeks old now, but between Exploding diapers that go through the clothes and through the sleep sack and anything else near the baby. Or the 3 foot explosion of milk out of her mouth after mommy just finished feeding her hit me, the chair next to me, the floor, and the baby, daddy had the luck of being one step to the left and just missed getting hit by that one. It only gets more fun from here right?

  18. #18
    Featured Member screaminpeachez's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    my husband and i agreed the first night we met "NO KIDS"

    now if someone would have just given us the Pet Test....
    "may your work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like your being filmed and drink like a true Irishman "--anonymous
    "GOD is LOVE, but get it in writing"- Gypsy Rose Lee

    http://www.myspace.com/screaminpeachez

  19. #19
    Veteran Member Cianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    I dunno guys. I really cant wait to have a baby. I see them all the time when I'm shopping, their little arms and legs wiggling in their strollers. Just listen to me!
    Worst of all, this baby thing makes me think of my ex, and want him back (as I slap myself)

  20. #20
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ready For Kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by IvyLeague
    Ok she's only 2 weeks old now, but between Exploding diapers that go through the clothes and through the sleep sack and anything else near the baby. Or the 3 foot explosion of milk out of her mouth after mommy just finished feeding her hit me, the chair next to me, the floor, and the baby, daddy had the luck of being one step to the left and just missed getting hit by that one. It only gets more fun from here right?
    LOL...god that does bring back memories.

    Yes, it gets better. She will become more mobile and you won't sleep again until she's moved out...but, it does get better!


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