im sorry this is so long!
i dont know what came over me - i just started writing and this came out.
if you want a short version:
im going back to dancing after quitting because i was never good at making money but honestly like the performance aspect - now after working a regular job i see the huge financial opportunity i passed up and want to go back and make it worth my while. i just need to unlearn my bad behavior. please help me with advice on hustling, business, and being as professional as possible.
im 22, ive been dancing on and off for the last 2 1/2 years, stopping once for about 3 months once because i got really burnt out about a year and a half ago, and now since january until hopefully next week. my situation is that i live in a small redneck town that has the only club for 100 miles and i hated working there (august 04 - december 04) the other women are troublemakers and attention seekers (but all of them were very nice to me), the owners who just bought the club in july are my age and have no idea what they are doing - the schedualing is a mess, they have no control over their employees, their is only one shift and its 10 hours long, the building itself is 82 years old and so ghetto, we dont have a dj we each just have playlists on an iMac so we have to dance to two full songs which averages for me about 10 minutes on stage a set at least once an hour on a floor with a "meat rack" (the owners term) for the men to sit at. i HATE the rack! until i moved here in august i danced only in clubs in city that had a 6 foot rule on stage. so my stage show is some pole, almost ballet influenced dancing and sexy floorwork. this new club had no stage! it was like being in a 5 x 9 pit. so you really have no choice but to "dance" on the rack - which i almost feel degraded by. at least before i could add something creative to my work by trying to perform an entertaining way, now im just sitting on a table in front of men and just showing it to them for a dollar.
BUT, for these last 3 months ive been working at a gas station and my first paycheck was the most disappointing thing ive ever seen in my life. i work almost as many hours a day and the hours are 4:30am-2pm - which my boyfriend cant take me to so i ride my bike two miles there in the cold and often rain. my bosses are mean (where before they were just incompotent) and the other employees found out i was stripper because one of the womens boyfriends got a lap dance from me and shes pissed about it so she is always complaining about me to the owner trying to get me fired. its so lame.
i only plan on living in this horrible town until the end of may.
its been a toss up between just ignoring everyone at the gas station for the next 2 months (only 3 days a week) and just collecting my checks until i have the $1,000 i was planning on using for the new apartment or going back to the club i dont like, after it burning me out and causing me to take the time off in the first place. BUT, if i really try i could have that G in no time at all and have take some leasure time to myself.
but when i think about it i almost dont know how to be a stripper anymore. i barely remember what this business is about.
being an actress - i dont know if i can fake a happy personaliy because im not really a happy person. customers never liked talking to me, they were always making jackass comments about how i should smile more. i just read a great small paragraphy recently that could have been written about me about people who are self obsorbed and i think thats been my problem all along. ive always been a quiet person and it was never because i was shy it was because i was a self centered person who thought only about herself. now that i realize this i think i can change, at least i would like to.
i also at times in the past got too involved in the "lifestyle" - going to work more for the attention than the money sometimes, going to work just to get drunk/high, only being motivated to make what i need for bills but then being lazy, watching the clock, asking to go home early, knowing men in the audience were interested in me while i was on stage and instead of being friendly and trying to make a business transaction scowling and being avoidant. whats wrong with me?! i sometimes think i have some sort of love for failure because the fact that i tended to be the lowest earner when i was always told i was the best looking, best dancer, i had this huge ego but at the same time no confidence socially.
i just wish i could start over and relearn everything about the BUSINESS of dancing and being successful, because i feel so pathetic starting at 19 and now being 22 and clueless about what makes a good hustler and how customers expect dancers to behave and what they want to talk about and how do you become really successful.



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