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Thread: You might be a redneck if...

  1. #1
    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Smiley You might be a redneck if...

    I was listening to Jeff Foxworthy on the XM Comedy channel while driving home from work and a few of these really made me laugh my ass off:

    You've been married three times and you have the same in-laws.

    You're state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

    You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the men's room at the Flying J Truck stop.

    You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

    Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow, but she can't touch it till she's fourteen.

    The people on "The Jerry Springer Show" remind you of of your neighbors.

    You've ever had to scratch your sister's name out of a message that begins, "For a good time call..."

    One of your kids was born on the pool table.

    Your "hunting dawg" costs more than the truck you drive him around in.

    You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

    You go to a family reunion looking for a date.

    You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

    You've been too drunk to fish.

    You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

    You ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

    "Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

  2. #2
    Featured Member sadbuttrue's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    Your mother has a spit can on the end of her ironing board.

    Your mother's hair got caught in a ceiling fan.

    You move the lawn and find at least two rusty old cars.

    Your family tree does not fork.

    >>>Sad<<<

  3. #3
    God/dess
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    Arkansas. 6 million people. 5 last names.

  4. #4
    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    You might be a redneck IF you've ever been accused of lying through your tooth. My all-time fave!
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

    *~In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

  5. #5
    Veteran Member scarlett623's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    My absolute fav. (from the page a day calander of the same name)

    The first time you ever saw your spouse in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.

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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    When you're both brother and father to a baby boy.

    When you own more vehicles up on cinder blocks than you drive.

    When your daughters fight over who sleeps with you tonight and you don't care which does.
    Have a question about boarding schools?
    Get it answered at Boarding School Forums.

  7. #7
    Featured Member screaminpeachez's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    ...If you walk your 12 year old son to school cuz you're in the same grade.

    ...If 2 or more dogs die when your front porch collapses.

    ...If your house still has the WIDE LOAD sign on the back.

    ...If you think Possum is the other white meat.

    ...If you think Quarter Horse is the ride in front of WALMART.

    ...If you think the last words to the National Athem are "Gentlemen start your engines".

    ...If you think Professional Wrestling is foreplay.

    ...If you have a rag as a gas cap.

    ...If you've been on tv more than 5 times descibing the sound of a tornado.

    ...If anyone in your family died after saying "Hey Ya'll watch this"

    ...If your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

    ...If the KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.

    ...If your toilet paper has page numbers.
    "may your work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like your being filmed and drink like a true Irishman "--anonymous
    "GOD is LOVE, but get it in writing"- Gypsy Rose Lee

    http://www.myspace.com/screaminpeachez

  8. #8
    Veteran Member Cianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    If you have a lift kit installed on your truck!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    If you dress up in your Sunday Best before shopping at Wal Mart.

    Have used Sugar, Water, and Yeast to make Moonshine because buying grain was too hard.

    Have had Macaroni and Cheese with cut up Hot Dogs as a Special Meal.

    Have lost over $5000 of fishing and hunting gear to the Game Warden for poaching but you're countinually to cheap to go out and buy a $30 fishing and Hunting licenses and avoid the situation entirely.

    Failed to Graduate Highschool but can turn Road Flares, Lithium Batteries, Sudafed, and Ammonia Fertilizer into high Quality Crystal Meth with in a few hours.

    Have left your kid back in junior high purposely for 2 years, so he'll have size to be on his highschool's Varsity team during his Freshman year.

    Have spent over $90,000 dollars getting your 2 year old daughter ready for beauty pagents, or your 11 year old daughter ready to be a Cheerleader.

    Have attacked a stranger for dating your ex GF or BF two years after breaking up with them.

    Think all men from California are Gay or Surf.

    You attend Church regulary every Sunday except for the first day of deer season.

    Buy your beer in 30 pks.

    Have fished with an explosive or electric current at one time or another.

    Gigged Frogs.

    Think 21 and 13 is a good age for a married couple.

    Think WWE wresting is completely real.

  10. #10
    Senior Member HairGuitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    If you've NEVER said "I don't think duct tape will fix that....."
    "I was there to see beautiful naked women. So was everybody else. It's a common failing."
    Robert A. Heinlein "They Do It With Mirrors"
    HairGuitar

  11. #11
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    LOL, Those were funny! I love Jeff Foxworthy-Larry the Cable Guy is very funny too. For anyone who has not seen the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, you should definitely rent it sometime.

  12. #12
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a redneck if...

    My neighbors in Mississippi may take offense to this because some of it is true,LOL!!!

    Oh well,hehe!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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