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Thread: A serious problem with my Finace'

  1. #26
    Member poisonous101's Avatar
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    I appreciate all the posts from everyone... and I have re evaluated what I had written in the first place... like I said a lot of story in a very small space. And with that said, I set my alarm last night and got up to speak with my fiance', when he got home.

    And Colleen your post was the most accurate. When my fiance' was forced out of the military after 5 years for an injury sustained in Iraq, it was worse than failure. He was made Sargeant after only 2 1/2 years and within 3 months looked after 21 of "his soldiers" {as he called them}. He told me that he didn't realize it, but I was taking the place of his soldiers {and god did he feel like a ton of bricks had hit him in the face at that realization}.
    I told him I was upset and that he needed to loosen up because he was going to put me in early labor with just the stress alone.

    I told him that I was tired of being told exactly what to do and when to do it. And I told him that if he made an effort to think about what might put a strain on me {ie: carrying baskets up and downstairs all day to wash and dry, watching a very active 4 year old, cook, clean, carry groceries up stairs, take garbage downstairs} and help to lessen it a little that it would be benficial for us both. The less exhaustion, the easier it might be to wake up a day or two more to let us snuggle and etc. and etc...

    We have both agreed to compromise for each other and I believe he will hold to it.

    Now, we also discussed when I was dancing, and he was staying home with our son. And I asked him if it was rough? The answer: yes. I asked one last question and it completely took care of the situation with that problem... Why would it be different when you were watching him, then when I'm watching him? He is still the same if not more vocal and active.
    We have worked out {for both of our benefits} a plan to make everyone happy... even our 4 year old.

    We discussed the hours he has been working. What I hadn't been told was that they had fired 2 workers at the store and that he is basically taking over their shifts to compensate. If I would have known, I wouldn't have been so upset. He has also told me that within a month he should be going back to regular shifts, and I almost cried. I won't know what to do if I have him around during awake hours!

    I didn't give him an ultimatum, because I felt that just us talking was making enough of an impact.

    Now, the money situation hasn't been completely resolved {we were both falling over out of exhaustion by then} but that will be taken care of today. And about the expenses... he believes that $200 for a whole month for groceries is fair. But he was spending that when he was living alone and had very few bills. Everything else goes in the jar. Thats what is so hard... there isn't enough left for everything we actually need for the month. And about the expenses for the baby... we bet on the superbowl and won $5,000. And we have bought everything for the baby already... and I mean EVERYTHING {ie: industrial size boxes of diapers and wipes, clothes, bottles, formula, etc. etc. etc.} So once we get through this about the money, I believe everything will be settled and both he and I will be happy with the outcome.

    Thank you all again!

  2. #27
    Member sexyangel's Avatar
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    I'm glad you got it all worked out. When he goes back to normal hours your relationship will improve. Make sure you make him realize that $200 isn't enough for groceries. Go shopping together a few times and find out your budget from there. Also when he was in the military he probably shopped at the commisary, which is much much cheaper than grocery stores. My grocery budget went up by about $100 when I got out of the military. Maybe get another jar to put emergency money in for things you run out of and need. Bread, milk, ect. Best wishes.

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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    I agree with the comissary thing. Im not sure if they are all the same, but the two that I have shopped in do not have tax, so thats another thing you have to figure in when you get out into the civilian world.

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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    They don't have tax, they are cheaper over all, and sometimes they let you cheat with the coupons. If he got a mecial discharge, you might still be eligible for comissary privilag4s once a month or so. I had that wehn I was in the National Guard after I finished active duty.

    I guessed the militarty attitude b/c I did that to my husband when we first moved in together. Sort of makes everything fall into place, huh?

    I'm glad you are getting it worked out. Hope things are better for you now. When are you due?


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  5. #30
    Member poisonous101's Avatar
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    Yeah you both are right... the commissary was a blessing in disguise. But now that I have to do all the shopping at Walmart and such, it is more expensive and there are definitely taxes in Florida {ON EVERYTHING!}. And more good news... $500 is designated for groceries and other things during the month.

    Although if I have to use any money out of the jar I have to check to make sure he doesn't possibly need it for something else. Fair enough and simple. He didn't want to hear it at first but I told him to listen or he would be sorry he's at work and I'm at home with the money. LOL He atleast laughed and we got it figured out.

    Well, atleast we will see how it holds up for now.

    Thanks again!

  6. #31
    Member poisonous101's Avatar
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    Well, I'm due July 13th by my last period, but the doctors keep pushing my date up... they say that the baby is measuring very big. Possibility of delivering sooner than mid-July. Hope she doesn't get too big and I have to get a C-section. I've heard C-sections are pretty unpleasant...

  7. #32
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    At the military hospital in Alaska where I had my daughter, if you had to have a c section and needed a tummy tuck, they did a tummy tuck. I donno whether or not that is routine with c sections though. I sure wouldnt want to have to go through one, Id be too scared.

  8. #33
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    Yay! I am so glad you guys talked it out! And from what you are writing he did seem to listen to what you had to say so that is the makings of a great relationship. Godd luck with your relationship and the new kiddo!
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  9. #34
    Member poisonous101's Avatar
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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    Well, thank god he isn't in the military anymore {no offense to them} but I'm glad I am not having her in a military hospital whether I needed a c-section or not... I loved the benefits, but hated the service and attitude of the doctors on post. Plus, {although it was hear say from girlfriends that delivered there} I have been told that the nurses that help deliver are extremely impatient and rude while you are in labor, and that was with 3 girls I'd heard from. But I couldn't be happier where we are living and with the hospital I am going to deliver at. I've taken the tour and its like a hotel room for each mother. And best of all {which I drool over} they have whirlpool bathtubs in every room for the mothers. Almost makes me want to say I can't wait to deliver! Nah I can wait! LOL

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    Default Re: A serious problem with my Finace'

    lol. Thankfully I had two great doctors, that got their degrees before they were in the military. I had the whole L&D floor to myself, along with all the nurses. The one nurse I had was very sweet and nice, she was from Florida too. There was one in particular I didnt like, I would have slapped her if I hadnt been so doped up from the epidural. But for the most part they made it a good experience.

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