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Thread: Potential Stalker ?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Potential Stalker ?

    I’ll make it as short as possible. . .

    I’ve had this regular for about 3 months. During the first 2 weeks he came in every two or three days. During the next few weeks he started coming in every other day. Now for the last MONTH HE COMES EVERY SINGLE DAY I AM WORKING!!!!!!

    At first I was happy (good money) then it started to creep me out..I noticed a pattern here.. Every day I worked he would be there as I stepped on the floor! Coincidence we arrive at the same time?
    THEN I found out he had been calling the club every single day to see if I’m in, the day’s I’m not I was told he would call 5 times. The girls and waitresses also told me he has been asking everyone about me, personal things like who I come with, who are my other regulars, if I have a BF!!

    So, I got really creeeeped out! The club stopped disclosing if I’m in or not.
    Then to make it worse.. he comes in, as usual takes me to the CR, we have a few dances and chat.. he mentions to me he loves the same car, model, color, and year as my car! YUK !

    So now I actually got scared, that night I was terrified he followed me home. I’m still worried..

    The next day he came in, I completely ignored him. He followed me around the club staring at my every move! I don’t want to be rude to him cuz I don’t want to piss him of.. who knows what he’s capable of! I just ignored him .. What should I say?

    BTW: THANK GOD FOR SW !!! My license plate is not registered to my home AND I never game him my #!

    Should I be worried?


  2. #2
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Check out this thread about my friend, lots of good suggestions on how to protect yourself:

    http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46458

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Veteran Member Hello~Kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Yes, I think you should be concerned and should consider some of the advice that Katrine linked to.

    Remember you can never be too safe, especially in this biz.

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    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Thanks girls,
    Shit, I know.. I posted on that thread.

    But what should I do now if I see him again? Should I confront him or continue ignoring him? I don’t want to piss him of and I don’t want to be scared every time I leave work..


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    Featured Member Muyaha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Tell the management right away your worries about this guy. Do not wait to tell management tell them as soon as you go in next. Reiterate not to give out any information regarding your start time or when you leave your shift just tell them (whoever answers the phone) to say yes or no that you'll be there, no times given, then he or the next crazy guy can't meet you out in the parking lot. I would let him know the reality of the relationship, if possible have this conversation with a third party present. If he flips out then of course you will not see him again in the club. Of course if you dance for this guy again you might want (if it's not avaliable in you club) one of the security guys close by.get someone in the club prefferably the bouncer to get his license plate, car type and model... and if possible without being too obivious his real name on his drivers license when he comes into the club. Do the basic... Never walk alone to your car after work or even to work. I have the security guy come meet me by my car I call when I get there. Best bet for now don't drive home or to work alone. This sucks but if you absolutely have to drive home alone have someone awake waiting for you at your house. When I had "troubles" I actually would drive home like I was getting lost taking as many lefts and rights as possible. Of course make sure your home is secure as possible. I know this sucks but it's better to take everything a little paranoid vs. the possiblity of something happening.

    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Before you get on yourself about this- this happens as often to non-sex-industry-related women as it does to us. My cousin had to report stalker-type behavior from male customers at her bank because cute young female bank tellers are often targeted (a pretty girl handing you money, and a possible inlet for a bank robbery.) I knew a schoolteacher who was stalked by her ex (he just couldn't let go...) and when I had a stalker incident, the officer I made the report to said, 'You must be having ex-boyfriend problems."
    Part of why some men say retarded shit like "You asked for it!" is that they understand a dangerous few men have no mental block between "Naked Chick" and "SEX". Obviously those men will try to strike out , and they know the common stereotypes that people hold about dancers- hence, the willingness to go after us- 'cause they might get away with it.
    Another part of it is that men feel an instinctual feeling of failure when a woman is harmed or killed, whether they were able to affect the situation or not. So, they feel agitated, HELPLESS and afraid if something happens to you, it makes them feel like failures in protecting you.
    Back to your problem- get a gun. Even if you hate them. Get a dog too. Even if you hate them...(thought I hope not.. ; p ) It sounds like he's already stalking you, sadly. The comment about your car reeks of him fishing for a response. Part of the thrill of stalking is the feeling of power he has over you, to inflict fear and terror, to have an effect on you. That's what any idiot on the street wants, a response from a pretty girl. But NO ONE has the right to mess with you.
    Lastly, see if you can get a male friend to move in. Men are afraid of other men.

  7. #7
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Yes, this kind of stalker behavior happens to the college girls who work in Walmart. Those kinds of guys can be found anywhere.

    Now...you are asking if you should be concerned...as if you are asking for validation of how you are already feeling. If you are concerned, then LISTEN to that. You don't need validation of that feeling. That your claxon horn going off as a warning. Never ignore that!!

    You are going to have to talk with management about this guy. Tell mgmt that you are feeling uncomfortable with this guy. Obviously mgmt already knows some of the situation if the front desk has stopped giving out info on your work schedule. They will be able to buffer between you two.

    YOU are going to have to make a decision here...are you going to say anything to this guy or not? Maybe it's time that you had a real-time chat with him...with a bouncer standing nearby just in case there's any trouble. Telling him that what he's doing is starting to creep you out and consider ending your dancing with him (don't ever say 'relationship' with these guys) may make him angry. He could also be extremely lonely and just looking for someone he has stuff in common with...and hoping that the more you guys have in common, the more likely he is to date you.

    But, you need to take care of the situation...Immediately. Be gentle but firm. Let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and (get back up from management) let him know that if he continues to do this stuff (list them down for him) mgmt will ban him from the club. Sometimes when you list all of the things that someone's doing, it becomes more clear to them. Hopefully he'll chill out on his own...but don't ever be afraid to use the police and your bouncers to help you.

    You don't necessarily have to have a male friend move in with you...you just need to be very aware of changing up your habits. Not taking the same route...telling your neighbors that you've caught some guy following you home...if you can, give them a description of his car and what he looks like (neighbors hate feeling "unsafe", so they'll be on the look-out for this guy or anyone else who looks suspicious).

    You need to be on the offensive during times like this. Don't be "nice" and not try to do anything until it's too late. Be kind/gentle, but very adamant and firm. Let him know that you will not tolerate any kind of stalkerish behavior.

    Good luck...and make sure you update us...

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    Senior Member Alexis1313's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    A couple of the other ladies here posted about the thrill that stalkers get from inflicting fear and terror. That's so true. And I DO think that the comment about your car was supposed to do just that. I think it was his way of letting you know that he knows more about you than you perhaps had thought. The frequency of his visits, the calls, the grilling for more info on you from co-workers.........yeah, total stalker.

    Here's what I would do. I would sit him down in the club and tell him that you find his behavior to be unacceptable and you will no longer be dancing for/entertaining him. Then get up and go about your business as if he wasn't there. Tell your manager and whoever else at the club you'll need to back you up. And start keeping a record of the things that he does. Anything inside the club you report to your manager, and if he happens to step over the line OUTSIDE the club then you go to the police. You file a report. File a report EVERY time he does something stalkerish. The report in and of itself isn't gonna do jack shit, BUT.....if he's crazy enough to really start escalating the stalking and harrassment to the point where the police actually can legally DO something about it then you've got a paper trail to show as evidenve against him.

    Keep ignoring him. No matter what he does. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that what he's doing is making you uncomfortable. That's what he wants. And don't ever speak to him. When guys are twisted like this it doesn't even matter what you say to them. All they care about is that you're talking and paying attention to them. It just fuels the fire.

    Good luck getting rid of the guy. It sounds like he's pretty attached, but hopefully he'll get the hint and move on.

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    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    He came in the club today and the manager sat down with him… I ignored him and left!! …
    YUKIEEE

    I really hope he never followed me home.

    My friend and I decided to only work together.. that way I will never be alone... at least for a few weeks.


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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    You need to have a serious talk with the manager who sat with him. If he defends the guy, or tells you to calm down about it in any way after you present your case and concerns, then maybe you need to seriously reconsider your employment at that club. A good manager knows that the loss of one customer is not worth losing good talent, or possibly being responsible for her injury or attack. There are many many other customers, he can afford to cut this one loose. Tell your co-workers about this nut. Maybe even tell them to spread the word to him that you've moved to a different club, or city. Don't be anywhere but the bathroom stall alone. Good luck.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

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    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

  11. #11
    Veteran Member Hello~Kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    Here is a site for anyone who is now or has been a victim of a stalker. It is also useful to learn some information on ways to protect yourself from stalkers.

    http://www.stalkingvictims.com

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    Member SI Canada's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    One more important thing to do is, Get the doorstaff or a manager to walk you to your car. Let the manager know of your fears. The Entertainers are the most important part of any club and they should be able to handle the situation. If this is a private matter like an ex or something like that it may be handled differently, but in most cases if it is a customer, the manager will talk to the customer and it will stop. In the past when a simular situation happened I followed the customer to his Car and made him see that I took a note of his license number, and when he asked what I was doing. I told him that some of the girls were complaining that you have been acting strange/fatal attraction type, so for there protection I am recording your plate number. He never came back!

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    Veteran Member Hello~Kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Potential Stalker ?

    On getting walked to your car. Absolutly. I would never, ever work in a club where I no one was willing to walk the dancers to their cars. Never. I always ask what the club policy is on how the dancers leave the club. If there isn't a saferty plan, I don't work there.

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